Holiday Stress ~ Part One

In this episode of the podcast "Soaring Over Stress," the host, Amy Rice, discusses ways to reduce holiday stress. She mentions tips from an article by UC Davis Health, such as not overscheduling yourself, simplifying travel, managing gift-giving, and respecting family differences. Amy also emphasizes the importance of taking time for oneself and honoring losses during the holiday season. She promotes the idea of holding space for oneself and finding joy in the present moment. Amy shares personal experiences and invites listeners to check out her writings on Substack. Hello, hello, and welcome back to another episode of Soaring Over Stress, an SOS for dealing with stress and anxiety in the workplace and beyond. I'm your host, Amy Rice, and today, in the next few weeks, we're going to be talking about the subject of holiday stress. Ah, that's right, friends, the holiday to the promise, to the promise. If you start to search or Google how to reduce holiday stress, you're going to get a million different sites that basically tell you the overall same thing. In today's episode, we're going to be talking about different ways to reduce stress, ways that I personally use in my teachings with Eagle Exercises, and we're going to deal with ways in which we can help reduce the stress and, of course, share thoughts and stories from yours truly. Is it just me, or does this year's tasks of dealing with holiday stress seem a bit more daunting? Does it perhaps have something to do with the current political climate of this nation? I don't know. I would think it might. In the following article, written by UC Davis Health, titled, Ten Tips to Reduce Stress and Anxiety and Take Care of Yourself During the Holidays, they mention many of the things that most of us go through, things such as don't overschedule yourself, simplify your travel, manage gift-giving, be responsible with your food and alcohol consumption, enjoy family on your own terms, big one for me. That's what I'm focusing on in this episode. Respect each other's differences. Ah, here comes the political part. Take time for yourself. Honor the losses of the year, which I think is an interesting point. Don't forget routine maintenance for yourself, and reach out if you need help. The article goes on to say, not overscheduling yourself is a very good point to make. I think sometimes we get involved in things, parties, and things that we need to make, and possibly even hosting year after year. The amount of stress that the holidays can induce is not acceptable, in my opinion. It shouldn't be that stressful. It should be a time of gathering with friends and loved ones, a time of just reflecting on what we already have, rather than over-consuming and over-eating and over-indulging and over-taxing ourselves. It's a time to kind of chill and be thankful and enjoy the holiday season slash magic. I know from personal experience, the more I pull away from commercialism and even obligations of family, which we'll get into more, I have found more peace and more joy in the holiday season. The article goes on to list, to simplify your travel. Travel can be especially stressful during the holiday season, it says. If you must travel, do what you can to make it as easy as possible on yourself. Try to get a direct flight or at least minimize the number of stops along the way. You'll avoid the stress of having to rush from one plane to the next or having to wait around for long periods of time. Many people complain about spending too much time in the car during the holiday season, driving from one gathering to the next. It can be exhausting. If possible, limit your drive to one or two events that you truly want to attend. It's part of setting a healthy boundary and keeping a reasonable schedule. I am all for boundaries. As a matter of fact, I've decided to couple this podcast with my business with another endeavor, one that's very near and dear to my heart, which is the act of writing. I'm going to be opening my own account on Substack, A underscore D-O-E-R-W-A-N-G, at substack.com, where you'll be able to receive, for a little while, my writings for free. They're deep dives into my personal story and ways in which I incorporate my story with things that you can do to deal with your own stressors in life and things that bring you anxiety. Again, that's A underscore D-O-E-R-W-A-N-G at substack.com. Now back to the show. Another thing you can do is manage gifts. For many, as the article goes on to say, the holidays are a time of gift-giving. It can be a lot of fun, but it also can be financially stressful. Do your best to make a budget. Stay within your spending limits and have them set. You're not obligated to spend beyond your means, and you will very likely regret it when you do. Even a small gift lets people know that you cherish them. Bigger is not always better. Consider making gifts instead of buying. Thoughtful, handmade gifts and homemade goodies are often appreciated, and the process of preparing them can become a fun holiday tradition for you. It's so sweet. At this particular time in my life, I'm still on disability. Actually, I'm not even on disability. I'm out on medical leave. I have yet to receive any disability, dealing with heart issues, chronic Lyme, Barsonella, and more. My son and I are trying to find ways to make gifts for his sisters that aren't too expensive, and it's really sweet watching him kind of go through the Internet and find ways to make different food or gifts that's inexpensive and also shows a lot of love and care. I'm really proud of him for that. Another thing that we could do is, like I mentioned earlier, respecting family on our own terms. This is a big deal for me. I actually ended up being ostracized, cut off from my immediate family several years ago. This is because I spoke my truth, and they would prefer not to have heard it. As the saying goes, if you wanted me to speak better of you, you should have behaved better. So I no longer attend family events. Once in a while, I will be graciously invited to an aunt and uncle or a cousin's house, which I really appreciate. But the article goes on to say, While it can be enjoyable to see family during the holidays, some people find extended family to be stressful. Gee, do you think? Do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. If necessary, take a break from the gathering. Go for a walk. Call someone you enjoy. Takes them a long time, if you need it. I remember going to different family events where I was invited, but I don't think I was wanted. Those are two different things. And I'd often find myself with my kids hauled up in a separate room, kind of avoiding everybody else, because when we hung out with everybody else, it was as if we weren't even there. It got to the point where it just wasn't worth it to me to go to these events. It wasn't worth it. So I started pulling myself away from them more and more, and then they cut me off altogether, which honestly was a blessing in disguise. The next item brought us to respect one another's differences. We all have different perspectives on a variety of different things. There's quite a lot that can divide us and bring tension to social gatherings, especially this year with the political climate. I don't know about you, but there's a clear divide between our nation, almost 50-50. So it's a matter of just being wise with your words and with what you say to those that you love. This is a very sensitive topic and one where we need to be able to love those who think differently than us. I know what you're going to say. If your difference is rooted in my oppression, then it's more than a difference. There's a quote, something like that, and I hear you 100%. I'm going to stop babbling and go back to what this says. There's quite a lot that can divide us and bring tension to social gatherings. Do your best to find and focus on our common ground. We are all better off when we seek peace and understanding with one another. If your efforts to maintain harmony are not as effective as you would like in minimizing conflict, setting a clear boundary or taking a break from the interaction can be an effective way to reduce negativity. The article goes on to speak about taking time for yourself, about honoring the losses of the year. I thought that one was interesting. It says, the holidays can be especially challenging for those of us who've lost a loved one. Be sure to make space for your grief. Yes. Consider changing up your tradition to make your feelings of loss more manageable. Yes. You can also find a new way to weave the memory of your loved one into your existing holiday tradition. I think it's really important to honor not only those we have lost, but the ways that perhaps we're struggling more this year than last year. Maybe we need to honor the fact that we're going through some seasonal depression. Maybe we're in a place kind of like I am right now where financially the burden is so great and we don't know what's going to happen. It's okay to make space for those feelings and to honor them. I think sometimes we push ourselves to be more positive than we're honestly even able. It's okay to give yourself space. That's the number one thing that I wanted to talk about in this episode and in my writings that will be featured on Substack. Holding space for ourselves during the holidays is one of the best things that we can do. Many of you will say to me, Amy, what's holding space? What does that mean? Holding space means you're 100% present, putting your focus on support alone. Holding space allows us to simply be no fixing, no correction, no advice. An author on the subject, Rieke Pearl, says it this way, holding space for yourself allows you to have a place devoid of judgment but overflowing with empathy, compassion, and grace. Practicing this type of loving kindness is the reverent present moment cultivation of compassion and love for oneself. I think we need to offer ourselves a holding space, a place where we can just simply be, a place where we can ask ourselves, is this what I really want? Is this how I really want to live my life? In my article on Substack, I mention the fact that we only get one life, only one shot at this thing. Do we really want to live it in a way where we are frantic and never actually stop and enjoy what this season is supposed to be about? We're supposed to be reflecting on how thankful we are for what we already have. I know the holiday is riddled with a dark history, but if we take the premise of what it means, it can be quite an impactful holiday to sit back and reflect on what we already have, be thankful for who we have, and work in such a way that echoes that. I want to challenge each of you to allow yourself to have more space. The things that are important to you, whether that's relaxing more or spending time with friends and pulling out of being the host of the holidays, whatever it might be, I encourage you to pursue that. One of the last things on this list says reach out for help if you need it. The article goes on to say, if you know that this time of year is typically hard for you, lean on your friends and family. Talk to them about how you're feeling and let them help you set boundaries and practice self-care. While the holiday blues are common for many this time of year, extreme anxiety or depression should not be ignored. If you're experiencing severe emotional, mental, or psychological struggle, it's time to talk to your provider. Therapy, counseling, and medication are all useful tools to help manage mental health challenges. If you're experiencing a mental health crisis, you can call 988 or you can text the crisis line 741-777. Guys, let's make this a holiday that we want to participate in or not. Let's make it a holiday where we put ourselves first, that we honor the things that we're going through, that we honor what we want and our desires and our wishes. If you don't want to host Thanksgiving, don't host Thanksgiving. If you don't want to go to the family outing, don't go to the family outing. If you need time to just kind of cocoon yourself in your own holding space where you can feel safe and known, I encourage you to do that. I look forward to continuing this conversation with you in the next several weeks about how to deal with holiday stress. I hope you guys also stay safe. If there's anything you need or you want to have a discussion, feel free to leave a comment here or on my Facebook page, Eagle Exercises, or on my upcoming Substack account. This is Amy Rae saying, I see you. You matter, and I'm sorry. Take care.