Lets Talk About Death

The speaker shares a personal experience of a neighbor's sudden death and reflects on the grief felt for the life she could have had. They also discuss their own fear of their parents dying and the impact of realizing the reality of death at a young age. The speaker contemplates the sadness of aging and losing loved ones, especially as they witness their grandmother losing her siblings and friends. They express frustration with the common consolation of seeing loved ones again, as it doesn't diminish the pain of loss. The speaker also discusses the aftermath of their grandmother's death, including family conflicts and the importance of coming together during difficult times. Well, that's what hits me about like different, this wasn't like a family member, but like I had a neighbor that died that was like, she was like 32, and she had like five kids. She had cancer, but then it was just, they thought she was in remission. But then one night, her like, her neck just started bleeding. And she died within like three minutes. And I was driving by at the same time that happened. And like saw all the paramedics, everything. And later that night, we found out she died. I cried for like hours. I was like, this is real. And like, she's only like, what, 32 or whatever. And so it was more like a grief for like the life I knew she could have had, and she had before she died. And then like all the people who are going to miss her so much and like, be impacted by this, like for the rest of their lives. Like, so it was crazy because of that. But I don't know, I think about my parents dying at least once a week. Like, it's kind of bad. Yeah, no, but it's real. And like, I still remember the first time, like when you're a kid, and you don't know death is real. And then you figure it out. I don't remember when that happened for me. But I remember my sister coming home one night, she was probably like, six, maybe. And she like, just like brushing her teeth. And she was like, Natalie, like, like, I don't want you to die. Like, what's gonna happen? It's like, why? Like, what's gonna happen when you die? And she started bawling her eyes out. And I was like, I started crying so hard. Because I was like, she's figuring it out right now. This is her like realization. She's eight years younger than me. So she was like, 12. I was probably like, 14. She was tiny youngster. Um, but it was just like, yeah, like the people who you love aren't going to be here forever. And that changes how you interact with them or should I guess, or make it more special? No, yeah, like, fragile, man. You don't go to bed. Absolutely. So depressed. No, yeah, I think about that, too. Because like, kind of going back to my grandpa, like, like, my grandpa, like, he only has one sister left. Like, she's like, she is the last one of their entire family, like extended and everything. Like, she is the last of that generation, Parkinson of that generation. Like, that's gotta be so sad to see, like, you're the last one left. Yeah, I Loki never want to be old ever. Because like, because my knees won't work. Yeah, like, first of all, you hurt everywhere. You just have to like, slowly watch everyone you know, die. Like my grandma, um, on my dad's side. So the one of the ones who's not dead. Um, she is in her like, mid 70s right now. And she is like one of the younger siblings in her family. And we'll just hear occasionally, my dad will be like, yeah, my aunt or my uncle died. And it's not a huge deal, because they weren't really a huge part of my dad's life. So he's not really super sad about it. But it's like, my grandma, being like a younger sibling, is watching all of her older siblings die, and her parents have died. Her parents died years ago, like 20 years ago or something. But um, like a bunch of her friends from college are dying, like all this stuff is happening. And like, maybe aging is not fun. And maybe it sucks a lot because then everyone in your life dies. Yeah, that's fair. I feel like I was skewed with perception of death anyway, because we've been taught for so long. It's like, Oh, look, it doesn't matter. Like, you're just gonna like, see them again. And you'll see them again. But it's like, that doesn't eliminate the grief. Like, no, yeah, make it better. Like when people are like their version of consoling other people are like, Oh, don't worry, you'll see them again. I'm like, that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. Honestly, I feel like that's a lot worse. Because then it's like, Oh, you'll see them again. So why are you sad? It's almost like it doesn't count. Yeah, it's like, Oh, it doesn't like it doesn't matter. Why are you being so upset about this thing when it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things? I'm like, No, because like, you miss them. Like my grandma, like she was like, when we went at the viewing. So many people I heard told her that and like, I just the look on her face. I was like, she doesn't deserve that. I mean, granted, like, she's also like, pretty old. So like, it's only a matter of time. But it's like, still, like, she's living at home alone. She was in the middle of nowhere, Idaho. Like, she's got her dog. That's good. And that's it. I mean, granted, the dog isn't super helpful. But like, it does matter. Like, yeah, she'll see him again. But like, how long will that take? You know, I feel like another weird part of the grieving process is like, having to deal with the side effects of it. Because it's not just like, Oh, this person is gone from your life. There's like, all this could just be my family being dysfunctional. But weird stuff has been going down. But, um, like when my grandma died a couple like a month ago, it kind of caused a lot of like, there's been trauma in my family for the last month, not month, sorry, last year. Um, and it all centers around like my grandpa and how he's like, a horrible person. Um, because he's abusive. But it kind of caused like a huge rift in my family. And that only really deepened at the funeral. And it made me really sad, because basically, what ended up happening is we have like, my mom and her 10 siblings, one of them, one of the siblings is dead. One of the siblings died when she was a baby. So we don't know her. But the 10 surviving siblings were all there. And like, half of them would not talk to the other half, which was, I think so dumb. Because it was so petty. I was like, this is freaking this is your mom's funeral. Can you not like put your differences aside for the funeral? And then just like get along, like hug and cry, cry with each other. And then they weren't even going to take a family photo at the funeral. Really? Yeah. And it was like the first time all of the siblings have been together since my uncle Abel's wedding in 2014. Oh my gosh. Yeah. And we're like, it's been nine years since all the siblings were together. And you're all fighting so much that you won't even post your photo together. Because like my uncle, my uncle, not Ammon, oh my gosh, which uncle is it? My uncle Aaron, he has Crohn's disease, which means that he has a very high risk of getting colon cancer within the next few years, which means he could die. Like, he will die of this eventually, basically. And I'm like, you don't know how much longer it's going to take for you all to get together again. So like, why are you not taking a family photo? But anyway, my mom's cousins had to be little masterminds and like force everyone to do it because they're like, you guys are going to regret this in the future if you don't do it. But I don't know, I just thought it was kind of interesting how someone's death can kind of cause like a different sort of follow up other than just being sad that they're gone. And how it can kind of result in the whole, like rift in the family kind of thing. And kind of exacerbate the whole issue more than it already was.