Let's Get Ready to Bumble!

Two friends, Brandy and Taylor, introduce themselves on their podcast. Brandy is from Texas, loves traveling, and is a PhD candidate in sociology. Taylor is from Pennsylvania, loves teaching and researching, and is also a PhD candidate in sports management. They met on Bumble and share a funny story about mistaking each other at a bar. They also talk about their mutual crush at the gym and Brandy's awkward encounter with him. Brandy also mentions a funny incident at a local coffee shop. to the gym and I'm gonna get swole and then here you are getting mistaken for the local barista Welcome to our very first episode of Branded and Tailored. Listen in as we bumble through life, friendships, dating, and everything in between. Your co-hosts for this podcast are Brandy and myself, Taylor, and today we'll provide you a brief background about us individually and then we'll go ahead and talk about our topic for today. So without further ado, Brandy, why don't you go ahead and give us your background about who you are and what you bring to this podcast. So about me, I'm a born and raised Texan living in the Northeast, so I'm not gonna lie, I miss the sunshine a lot. My background is interesting. I was raised in the suburbs and moved to the middle of nowhere for high school, so I went from classes of thousands to a graduating class of 14 people. Yikes. And that 14 includes me. My mom's family is Greek and my dad's side of the family is small-town Texas country and they can't pronounce my mom's name. I had the privilege of traveling to many different countries growing up and these experiences led me to be appreciative of other cultures and curious about how the world works and why people do and think the things they do. I am a first-generation PhD candidate in sociology with specializations in criminology and quantitative methods. It means I do the math. I'm a nerd at heart and view research as a way to tap into life's puzzles. I love working on self-improvement and helping others achieve their goals and I take a critical view of many things but I'm always down to have a good laugh and that's what I want to bring to this podcast. There you go, there's my girl Brandy. So my name is Taylor. I am from Erie, Pennsylvania and I graduated from an institution in Western Pennsylvania as well. If I had to describe myself, I would say I'm an educator, researcher, and explorer. I graduated with middle school math and science education and right after college I became a math and science teacher at the middle school level for about four years. Love teaching, love seeing growth of students and their learning and from that experience I looked into other areas and that's when I discovered the collegiate space and doing what I currently do now. So right now I am an assistant director and academic counselor at an institution in the northeastern part of the U.S. and I would also describe myself as a researcher because I, just like Brandy, am a first-generation PhD candidate in sports management. I love learning new things, understanding how systems and processes work, and just in general I'm a nerd at heart. I love nonfiction and side note I love psychology and neuroscience and I love seeing how the brain and learning how the brain and how people operate and how it works. So it's entertaining to me. I know it's not everybody's cup of tea but it's mine. And lastly I would say I'm an explorer because I love to travel. I lived in a bunch of different areas and seen many different places and just I enjoy learning the different cultures there, what people do there, and just really embrace it all. Embrace the different areas. So without us, why don't we talk about how we first met. Yeah so we met on Bumble and I told my friends, I was like, I'm so excited. I'm going on a Bumble BFF date. She's super cute and so we're supposed to meet at a local bar restaurant and of course Taylor's like five minutes early and I'm on time. So I'm like, oh man, I'm late on our first date. And I walk in and I don't see her anywhere. So I talk to her, hey you know I'm here, I don't see you, where are you? She's like, I'm in the middle of the restaurant. Yeah and granted this was me maybe like six months in. I just moved back to Pennsylvania living here and it's very hard when you're living in a college town to really meet adult friends. We agreed to meet at this bar and for some reason I went to a different bar thinking it was that bar and yeah I'm like girl I'm here. Yeah so Taylor's over there like girl I'm in the bar and I'm like girl where? No you're not. And meanwhile there's another woman in the bar with blonde hair. Taylor does not have blonde hair. But every time I text Taylor, this chick's phone goes off and then she texts somebody and my phone goes off and I'm sitting there like, I done got captured from Bumble BFF. So officially I call Taylor and I'm like yo dude, I don't see you, where are you? She's at the wrong restaurant. So I walk across, I walk in and I'm like, there she is. Haha, here I be. And I'm like oh I'm sorry I thought it was the other place but I guess I'm here. Yep, yeah. And here we are. What, gosh, we exchanged so many stories of course like at the very beginning like our conversation we were just talking about who we are, what we do, but then like what we really connected was getting down to the people that we know and you know we're both fitness freaks I guess like we both just really value our health and our wellness and talked about gym boyfriends. And yes, we connected on this one guy, oh my gosh, so he works at this one local gym, well I guess he owns it, right? Maybe he still does, I don't know, works it, owns it, I think so. Haha. What are we talking about? We're talking the situation. Oh, he's just a manager. There we go. Well yeah, here I am thinking he's the manager, or the owner. But anyway, so I nicknamed him my gym boyfriend just because every time I would enter the gym he would get me everything I needed, always greeted me, it was just like such a pleasant like smile to see in the morning and just know like oh my presence is genuine. It's valued and here I am. So I like told Brandy like oh it's so nice going to the gym and seeing my gym boyfriend, da da da, whatever, and she goes oh yeah, like I know that guy. Go ahead and share your situation. He would always say hi, be really friendly, be really nice. This is a smaller town. So everybody when they walk in, staff knows your name, they'll greet you. And so I am the person that doesn't pay attention and thought that he was just being nice to me because they're nice to everybody. But apparently not. Because one day I was walking through the gym and he stopped me and said, I don't know what you're doing. And I was like, I don't know what you're doing. And he was like, I don't know what you're doing. And I was like, I don't know what you're doing. And he was like, I don't know what you're doing. And I was like, I don't know what you're doing. And he was like, I don't know what you're doing. And I was like, I don't know what you're doing. And he was like, I don't know what you're doing. And I was like, I don't know what you're doing. And he was like, I don't know what you're doing. And I was like, I don't know what you're doing. And he was like, I don't know what you're doing. And I was like, I don't know what you're doing. And he was like, I don't know what you're doing. And I was like, I don't know what you're doing. And he was like, I don't know what you're doing. And I was like, I don't know what you're doing. And he was like, I don't know what you're doing. And I was like, I don't know what you're doing. And he was like, I don't know what you're doing. And I was like, I don't know what you're doing. And he was like, I don't know what you're doing. And I was like, I don't know what you're doing. And he was like, I don't know what you're doing. And I was like, I don't know what you're doing. You could have said anything. You could have said, I have a boyfriend. Or I'm talking to somebody. You're just like, I have a situation. You're just like, I have a situation. You're just like, I have a situation. You're just like, I have a situation. You're just like, I have a situation. You're just like, I have a situation. You're just like, I have a situation. You're just like, I have a situation. You're just like, I have a situation. You're just like, I have a situation. You're just like, I have a situation. I told Taylor and she thought it was hilarious. I told Taylor and she thought it was hilarious. It was so funny. We're BFFs. She just literally told a guy, I have a situation. That's it. That solidified it. I panicked. I panicked. I saved this story for this podcast. I saved this story for this podcast. This is my strikeout and fail at a gym. This is my strikeout and fail at a gym. This is my strikeout and fail at a gym. Side note, this happened at the gym. Side note, this happened at the gym. Alluding to the gym moment, I go to this local coffee shop. Alluding to the gym moment, I go to this local coffee shop. Alluding to the gym moment, I go to this local coffee shop. I go to this local coffee shop. I go to this local coffee shop. I go to this local coffee shop. I go to this local coffee shop. I go to this local coffee shop. I go to this local coffee shop. I go to this local coffee shop. I go to this local coffee shop. I go to this local coffee shop. I go to this local coffee shop. I go to this local coffee shop. I go to this local coffee shop. I go to this local coffee shop. I go to this local coffee shop. I go to this local coffee shop. I go to this local coffee shop. I go to this local coffee shop. I go to this local coffee shop. I go to this local coffee shop. I go to this local coffee shop. I go to this local coffee shop. I go to this local coffee shop. I go to this local coffee shop. I thought he was there. I thought he was there. I thought he was there. I thought he was there. I thought he was there. I thought he was there. I thought he was there. I thought he was there. I thought he was there. I thought he was there. I thought he was there. I thought he was there. I thought he was there. I thought he was there. I thought he was there. I thought he was there. I thought he was there. I thought he was there. I thought he was there. I thought he was there. I thought he was there. I thought he was there. I thought he was there. I thought he was there. I thought he was there. I thought he was there. I thought he was there. I thought he was there. I thought he was there. I thought he was there. I thought he was there. I thought he was there. I thought he was there. I thought he was there. I thought he was there. I thought he was there. I thought he was there. I thought he was there. I thought he was there. I thought he was there. I thought he was there. I thought he was there. You could have said, no, but I can grind your beams. I mean, hey. That's so inappropriate. Not too smooth. Two things in that story. One, I'm not hitting on anybody in the gym anymore. Two, clearly I need my eyes checked because that is not the same person as the coffee shop guy. Here we are. I guess this is turned into moments at the gym. Here's another one. There's a guy that goes to the gym I currently work out at. This man is very awkward. He will stare and has tried to talk to me a couple times but always does very strange things. I am the little gremlin that's usually in the lollipop basket because I need my intro workout cards. One day he just follows me to the lollipop basket and says, you should just take the whole basket. Don't talk to me. He did not know my name. Somehow found me on social media. Tried adding me on Instagram. I ignored it. He unsent the file request. Resent it. I continue to see him at the gym. He continues to be a weird man. He realizes Instagram's not working so he starts trying to do the same thing on Facebook. If you are listening, don't be like that guy. I've discussed this with other men who go to the gym and they say, that guy does this with everybody. He's just kind of weird. I've just asked him. Everybody knows. Nobody's told him to stop. What would you do in this situation? That is some situation. Red flags. I would walk away. I would just walk away. This is the same guy I told you about. Block him maybe if he keeps repeating friend requesting. Nah. This is the same guy I told you about where I was on the cables and then he got on the cables in front of me on purpose and started doing kickbacks right in front of me. I would have to look at his butt. I mean, what a move. He's trying to show off. This is how you flirt. Sir, I realize you're on steroids. You can act like you're natty all day long. It's fine. Don't lie. He's flexing on you. He's literally butt flexing. I get the ladies that follow the friend requests don't work. Look at my butt. He's trying to show you what he's working with. I don't know. The friend requesting back and forth the friend request, stop, friend request, that's a little much. I can't blame a guy for trying to show off his asses. He's doing too much. I got to the point I would screenshot when he would resend the follow request or the friend request so I could be like, he's at it again. There you go. I guess that brings us to our main topic for today is finding partners that bring you peace. Simply put that just when you're out dating, when you're out looking for people, even for your inner circle, they should all be centered around what brings you peace. Clearly when you're meeting people that give you these red flags that are easily identified or just that gut feeling in your stomach like, yeah, I just don't know about this person. I don't know about their true intentions. It's all centered around just coming around and what is it that this person brings you. It should bring you peace. It should bring you happiness. Along those lines. Yeah, I can't tell you how many conversations I've had with friends about like, hey, you need to learn how to be single. If you want to hang out with people and you want to have fun, that's fine. But you can't constantly be looking to date people. You have to learn to be okay with being single so that whenever you are open to dating or aren't and meet somebody that you can see something with, you can realize what that person actually brings to your life instead of just trying to find somebody to fill space and time. Those are not the same thing. Yeah, you're right. You bring up a really good point that initially you need to do the inner work and figure out yourself what brings you happiness, what brings you joy, what fills your purpose, your cup, and move forward from there. Because you can't just, like you said, add people into your life and cause this circle of chaos. You've got to first start with your inner self, figure out what are your motivations, what's going to help you grow, and then figure out your intentions from there to build your network or to find that lifelong partner or maybe you're just dating and meeting people just to meet people and learn through their perspectives and experiences and kind of go from there. Yeah, so this is how to find a partner from choosing a woman in their 30s. Be experts, right? To be fair, we have both had long-term relationships that didn't work out for very different reasons. I am still on terms with my ex which it didn't work out, but I think that this is a really important point in talking about finding people that give you peace because I thought that I had worked through some of my childhood trauma and being in that long-term relationship is what made me really realize that I hadn't. And I was pretty young when I met him and didn't date him for a while, but we were together about five and a half years. So in that process, because I hadn't found that inner peace first, a lot of that trauma and my reactions to it ended up getting put on him and that's really not fair. So you really need to be at peace with being single. Be good by yourself first. It's nothing new, but it is really important that you really work on that first, otherwise you're going to end up putting whatever issues you have onto somebody else and that's not fair. Not fair at all. Great points. I was in a five and a half year relationship too. This was years and years ago. Definitely took some time to process it and recover from it. My situation is totally different and that's for another future episode we'll get into. Just figuring out what with your dating and maybe you're the kind of person that wants to date and find a partner. That's kind of where my stage of life is right now. Dating for fun is initially fun, but I also want somebody to be my lifelong partner and that's kind of like my journey as of right now. To start that journey, when you go out and meet people, like I said, simply put, what are these people doing in your life? How are they bringing you peace? It should bring you peace and it shouldn't be an inconvenience. That's true. Even with the smallest things. Like I said, I'm in a little dating journey and this past fall, here's the story, I went on a couple dates with this guy. He is a high school football coach. I went on a couple dates with him already and he texted me on a Thursday and said, hey Taylor, what are you doing? At this time when I'm finishing up the work day, I said in my text that I'm probably going to go work out. I'm not really sure yet. It's Thursday. Nothing special. Why? He goes, you should come to my football game. Okay, that sounds fun. Maybe. I don't really know anybody in this area other than Brandy and him and a couple others that I work with. Then he sends me a link. This link is to go ahead and purchase high school football tickets. I just sat there on my phone like, really, what? I work at an institution where D1 athletes can go professional at any moment. Where D1 athletes are performing and competing and they are going to participate in the next upcoming Olympics. I can do that and watch and witness greatness at my own free will. For free. This man wants me to watch him coach high school football which is not even that great of high school football near here. He wants me to pay for that experience. You want me to drive 20 minutes out of the way to purchase my own tickets that are $7.00. I don't know, whatever high school football game tickets are these days. I don't know. Regardless. Sit by myself to watch you coach. That's how this man framed it. Is it bringing me peace? No, it's a huge inconvenience. Framing matters, right? You're trying to find a partner. If a partner wants you to do something and experience what makes them happy, they should make it easy for you to do that. He was willing to go the entire step to send the link but not to get a ticket or make sure that a ticket was accessible or even pay for the ticket himself so Taylor could go sit in the stands by herself and watch high school football. Right, right. If I were him, if I were the guy, I would send the text Hey, you should come, da-da-da, whatever. But I would spin it, I would purchase the ticket and say, hey, you know, Taylor, I'd love for you to come. I bought a ticket for you. It's at Will Call. Just go up and grab it. Hopefully I see you at the game and maybe after the game we can grab drinks or grab food or something. Here you go. Love to see you. The ticket is there for you if you want it. Don't feel obligated. I would love for you to see what I do. There you go! That would be perfect. That moves the needle for me to be like, you know what, okay. He wants me to witness him and his, you know, his moment is this coaching realm. This is important to him. Partner energy. Right, exactly. We love that kind of energy. Here's another story because I'm full of stories. We love this one. Super Bowl, you know, Brandi and I are sitting here getting ready for Rihanna, watching TV and I had a guy text me and just ask, hey, what am I doing for the Super Bowl? And I just told him, you know, I'm just not really doing too much just at home watching. And he goes, oh, well, you can come over and watch the Super Bowl here at my place. And I texted back and said, you know, maybe. At that point I didn't tell him I was already with Brandi or just, you know, chilling. And he goes, oh, by the way, I don't have snacks so you're going to have to bring your own snacks. What? Exactly. Like, what? Like, why even throw that in the text? That's not pulling me to have me come to your place. Like, again, an inconvenience. I have to drive to your place. That's one inconvenience. And then two, oh, by the way, I don't have snacks. So you want me to feed you now? Drive to your place and feed you. Okay. You want to initiate That's all. That's all. That is, yeah, just blew my mind. Like, you could, okay, Brandi, reframe that. Your turn. How would you do it? If you were him, how would you reframe that to get me to come over? Hey, the Super Bowl's on. Do you like football? Do you want to come watch the Super Bowl with me? Like, I'd love to see you. We can hang out. I don't have any snacks here, but we can order something. Let me know what you want. I'll get it. It's not even like the chivalry thing. It's just partner piece. Like, put in a little effort, man. Exactly. Exactly. Make it easy. Make it fun. I don't know. We are adults. Don't tell me to bring snacks to your home. You can get snacks. Right. It's simple. Like, Taylor and I went to the grocery store together before the game to get snacks. We made it an activity. We took each other on a date. It was a fun date. It was a fun date. We made chocolate-covered strawberries. It didn't go so great, but we eventually got there. We had shrimp. We had pretzels. We had all kinds of stuff. We had hummus. I mean, it was a 10 out of 10 date. We had the bubbly, too. Yeah. It costed less than $30. It was easy. This man wants to slide through, like, you got to bring yourself and the snacks. It's not partner energy. No, not partner energy one bit. That's why I just said, yeah, it's company. Sorry. Didn't hear from him again. My turn. Obviously, these are two stories where people aren't really putting in the effort, not making it peaceful, not making it a nice transition into hanging out, or even putting out partner energy. Keep saying that. It's a give and take. It's not giving enough. I'll talk about a situation where somebody is giving, and it's just not the right just not feeling it. That's fine, too, because the whole point is to find peace. Yes, because you potentially have a great time with somebody, and there'd be nothing explicitly wrong, but there's the intangible things, too. He's a really great guy. I don't know why I'm not into him. Can become stressful as well, which is not a great thing. Not what you want. It should be easy, especially in the beginning. A while back, I don't even know, what, two years ago now, I met a guy. He was very nice. He was always doing the most. He would've got the football ticket and picked me up, put me on the bus, would've done everything. He would've also had snacks. He did have the snacks. He took me to all these different nice dinners. I had told him very early on, I just want to be friends. I'm not really in a place where I'm super interested in dating. If something really feels right, then maybe I'm open to it, but I'm not looking for that right now. I've got other stuff I've got to do. So, yeah, tons of nice dinners. He would ask me all the time if there were things that I would've wanted to do. Always would be down to do whatever I want. I mentioned that I liked fires. He built a freaking lawn fire. Twice. But it got to this point where I was, you know, there's nothing wrong with him. He's very nice. I'm just not feeling it. This was early on COVID. We love this story. He was very confused as to why I would not do anything. He went and got COVID tested and sent me the results. That's how much this man was doing the most. I just didn't feel it. Eventually, he got the picture. It's just to say somebody doesn't have to do anything wrong for things to not feel right. Does that make sense? You need that chemistry. It's tangible. Right, right. You need to have a connection there. You brought up a lot of good points about how this man brought you peace. He brought you a lot of things. You know, experience wise, all that's good, too, but there's got to be a connecting factor, as well. You've got to connect and have a conversation and have growth there. You can't just like, oh, well, here I am. I can buy you all the things that you want and make your life happy. For some people, that can simply make them happy, and that's great. That's all for you. I think for Brandy and I, for our case, we want something on a deeper level, like, I don't know, just connecting with interest, connecting with, I don't know, yeah, just more things than just tangible and materialistic kind of things, for sure. We've been single for a long time, waited for a long time. Might as well make sure that we find it. Whatever that is for me, I don't know. I'll talk about it when I find it, but we'll see. There's just some people, like, friendships. There are people that you just feel good being around, and people that it's okay to have comfortable silence with. They just make you feel good. Not to say that people don't get on your nerves sometimes. Even the people that I love the most in the world and bring me the most peace, they do get on my nerves sometimes. Not to say that. But, like, there's just something different, and if anybody has a good best friend or they're really close with their family, like, this is what we're talking about. Your partner should be one of those people. The person you do that with and you're romantic with. Absolutely. There's a whole package. They're all of it. Yeah. They should be encouraging. They should be supporting. I don't advise that your partner is your fixer-upper. Definitely go to the areas of specialization that you need. Your partner should not be your therapist. You definitely need people that are specialized in those areas to help you with. As far as, like, I don't know, just the supporting, the motivating, the comfort, the romantic side, the intimacy, all of that, yeah, one big package. Somebody who will call you on your bullshit when you need it. There's that, too. Ooh, yeah, I need that a lot. Yeah, me too. Yeah, and I think we're both, like, this is what's hard for us, too. We're both alpha females that sometimes I think it's hard for guys to call us on our BS just because we're dominant, like, out there. Yeah. Sometimes I get real petty. I'm not proud of it, but we're working on it. No, I think you're good. Identifying where it comes from and, you know, why do it so that I can get better about not doing it. Because there are times when I'm doing it, I'm like, I should probably stop now, but I don't. And so, you know, that's one of those things where it's like, I should probably figure that out before I invite somebody to, uh, you know, be in my life in that capacity. Yeah. See, for me, like I mentioned, the alpha energy. Like, I'm the one that tells other people what to do, and I'm the fixer-upper. Like, I, you know, I love puzzles and that's fine, like solving things and whatever. Like, I'm the manager in a lot of different scenarios between work life, personal life, like, whatever. But when it comes to finding a partner, like, I'm really looking for that masculine energy that is going to put me back into my feminine energy. Like, I don't want to fix my partner. And what we mentioned about our five-year relationships, you know, a little bit back ago, that's how I fell in that kind of relationship. I felt like I had to fix him and I had to tell him what to do and X, Y, Z. And that's just like, it didn't make me happy at all, being like his mom, basically. Yeah. And I'm sure it didn't make him happy either, being told what to do, what to, you know, how to do it, whatever. Like, it's putting him, like, demasculating him. And I've learned that from a young age and now, being where I am now, it's like, okay, like, here's where I stand. Here is my standard. Here is me, like, holistically, authenticity, and I need that masculine man to, like, handle his business and we'll be like, like, again, hey, I already bought you the ticket. Love to see you. Come, you know, come if you can. Like, I need that kind of energy to put me back in my feminine and bring me comfort, bring me peace. Do you know what's really funny? I've never told you this, but one of the comments that I got all the time from my ex was I was momming him. And so, I think, like, what you're saying in my way that I would communicate this to somebody would be to say, I know that I can handle the things that I need to do on my own, but I want to be with somebody where when I don't feel like it, I can step back and I know that it's going to get done. Absolutely. I know it's going to be handled because you can do it too. So, in summary, I think when we're talking about peace, one, the very initial step when you're single is identifying who you are, identifying the person that you want to become. And I know this sounds cheesy, but it really is true of figuring out what kind of person you want to become first, what's going to bring you peace, what is making you happy, what brings you joy, kind of map, you know, road mapping out all those different areas and how you're going to grow and what you want to do from there. And then from that step, then you can go ahead and okay, in order for me to go from step one to step two, you know, building my network, meeting people, you know, I want to find a partner, okay, how am I going to make myself a better person to then be a good complement for that partner? And then once you're on to step two, okay, now we're talking to people, now we're ready to find that partner. Okay, in communication with all these different people, it's mapping out your intentions and mapping out, okay, during these conversations, are these individuals having, like, are you about to have a peaceful experience with them or is it an inconvenience? Are they texting you at midnight saying hey, yo, what you doing? Like, no, that's not bringing you peace. Like, sir, I'm in bed. Hey, girl, you want to come bring some snacks? Yeah, hey, girl, I got no snacks, but I got a TV and the Super Bowl is free. Yeah, you want to come over. Those are silly stories, and like I said, we bring these up again just to let you know that, hey, we're going through this journey, too. And, again, it's just finding those people that bring you peace that you want to, like, oh, great, like, I had this experience with this person. Maybe we had a nice dinner and we had a great experience on going on a hike or whatever. Like, I really enjoy the things that we talked about. I enjoy their presence. And I want to continue moving that forward. Yeah. I think the big point here is that once you figure out who you are, who you want to be, what brings you your inner peace, you can then know the expectations that you have from your partner. And you have to know yourself first before you can even find somebody who can meet the expectations. Because if you don't even know what they are, it's not going to be a fun process for anybody that you date. 100%. Or for you. It's a great recipe to get your feelings hurt or hurt somebody else's feelings. We don't want to do that. It's not fun. So let's be good. Thank you for listening to our very first episode of Branded and Tailored. Tune in on Wednesdays to listen to up and coming episodes. See you on Wednesdays. Bye! ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...