Brandon Held - Life Is Crazy - Episode 10

In this episode, Brandon recalls a significant moment during his relationship with Angie. He overhears his friends talking about how attractive she is, which makes him see her differently. He also reflects on his time at Wright State University, where he made friends and worked as a bartender. He struggled with learning Spanish and faced discouragement about pursuing a career in broadcasting. Despite these challenges, he graduates with a bachelor's degree and interns at a local TV station. However, the negative outlook on his dream career leads him to doubt his path. He takes a break from school to work as a server at Applebee's. Welcome back to Brandon Held's Life is Crazy, Episode 10. And so I went through my second significant relationship and brief marriage on the last episode. And I was re-listening to the episode, and I realized I left out a significant part of the story. And the reason it's significant is because, you know, when you're young, you're mid-20s, and you're still trying to find your way in life, both as a man and, you know, being respected by your peers and all those things, you know, a lot of things happen along the way that influence that feeling and those decisions. And so one part of the story that I left out that I needed to tell, because it impacted how I felt about my relationship with Angie, is, you know, at the gym where we worked out at Wright State, when you want to come into the gym, you've got to walk down this hall to come into the gym, which passes everyone that's working out. And that hall had windows up, so you could see right into the workout area, and obviously the workout people working out could see you as well. And, you know, I was there, and I was working shoulders, and I knew Angie was coming in to work out because we were newly dating at this point. And she was walking by the windows to come in to the gym. And, you know, a group of my buddies were huddled up that, you know, I wouldn't say we were like great friends that hung out outside of school and stuff, but, you know, I talked to all of them, almost all of them pretty significantly. And they were huddled up over there by the window, and I was walking their direction to just talk with them, you know, just say, hey, guys, what's going on? There was about eight to ten of them. And then as I'm walking in their direction, Angie comes walking by the window to work her way into the gym. And one of the guys go, oh, my God, here she is, here she comes. And then I just hear, like, everyone else chiming in, like, oh, yeah, she's so hot, this girl is so hot, you know. And they're all saying all these things about her, right, and I'm still standing kind of on the outside because I had never quite made it to the circle, but I overheard all of them. So I didn't, you know, go over and say anything to them. I don't know why. I don't know what it was. So I just turned around and I went back to the bench that I was sitting on. And when I did that, you know, she walked into the gym, and she made her way towards me, and then she sat down behind me on the bench that I was sitting on and kissed me on the back of my neck. And when she did that, I just heard this collective groan of, oh, you know, like, all my friends and people that I worked out with at the gym knew me, like, this was kind of their introduction to the fact that they were dating. And I could feel the jealousy coming from them. I could feel that they were so upset that she was taken and I was the one that had taken her. And that was a significant moment because, you know, that weighed heavily on how I looked at her and saw her because I realized just how everyone else saw her too, you know. And when you have that in your mind, it changes the way you see someone. So that was also part of what was hard to break away from her, you know, is I knew she would never have any problem finding someone else and rebounding and being with someone else. I knew that wouldn't be an issue. And so that was just, you know, a part of that journey that I wanted to share with you. So and I now want to backtrack into just my time at Wright State because it was important, right. At Minot State, I knew some people and I went to school and I kind of saw people at school and that was it. I didn't connect with anyone. I didn't make any male friends, you know, nothing. I just felt like I didn't belong there. I didn't belong in North Dakota. I didn't feel like I belonged. And I went there three years. But when I went to Wright State, totally different story, you know. I just made a bunch of good friends, hung out with all them, you know. I would eventually, for part-time work, become a bartender at Red Lobster with my roommate Jeff. And, you know, not only did we live together, we would be bartending together. So that was fun. That was a good time. You know, we would go out to the club together on Thursday night at a place called Wallabies. And, you know, it was just a really good time in my life. It was fun. It was great. You know, outside of the stress of actual school, which was stressful for me because, you know, I wanted to be a broadcaster. I wanted to have a broadcasting career. And, you know, at Wright State, their closest option to that was mass communications. And in that mass communications program, you had to have five quarters of a foreign language. So I was deeply intimidated by this. And so I asked everyone around, and, you know, everyone collectively said Spanish was the easiest language to learn. And I took Spanish. And I was not good at a foreign language, not at all. I threw all the studying and hard work. I mean, I'm telling you, I put more hours and work into Spanish than I did collectively with all the other courses that I took. So even doing that, I still, you know, was barely able to squeak through Spanish. And when I say squeak through, I mean the last two semesters of Spanish, 201 and 202, I got Ds. They're the only Ds I got at the undergraduate level. But I was happy with a D, as sad as that was, because it was that hard to me. You know, when I got to the 200-level series, and I had only taken three Spanish classes prior to that, the instructor was basically, day one was like, well, I'm only going to talk to you in Spanish. At this point in your education, you should know how to fluently speak Spanish, and so I'm just going to talk in Spanish. I wasn't even close to that, right? I was at the point where I could barely understand some words and translate those words. But there's no way in heck I was going to turn around and talk back and speak in Spanish. And I made that clear to my professors embarrassingly, you know, and they kind of drug me along the classes, and I struggled to get through, but I did get through. And I guess it was that difficulty and that turmoil that was one of the reasons that when I finally did graduate, I was just so happy to graduate. Like, don't get me wrong, I was loving college life, loving it. I mean, it was great. I would get up and I would go to school. I would work out in between, you know, my morning classes and go back to classes, and then in the afternoon classes I would work out again. And, you know, on the weekdays, that was my life. But on the weekends I would also throw in, you know, bartending at Red Lobster. And it was just a great time. It was a carefree, relaxing, great time outside of the stress of studying and trying to get through school. And so when I did graduate with my bachelor's degree from Wright State, I was so excited that I had done it because, A, I told you my initial where I came from on school and how school was really difficult for me, and I barely got out of high school with a 1.5 GPA, and I didn't think I was anything close to ever being in college material. And here I am, now graduating college, which is something I never thought would happen, with a 2.6 GPA and a bachelor's degree, which also still not a good GPA. But improvement for me, improvement for this 1.5 GPA high school guy. And so another part of this is I was spending my time at the local Fox and NBC station interning. That's a word I couldn't come up with right now, interning. And they were really just having me sit behind an operator's switchboard and just flip switches. And some of the guys there were telling me that we're doing this, that they had degrees and they wanted to be on-air talent and they couldn't get on the air. And so I started asking around and learning more about how to pursue my dream of being a sportscaster. And everyone was just really, I don't know if negative is the right word or realistic, but it was really off-putting. It really steered me away from everything that I thought I was working for. And, you know, so I was basically being told I had the same odds of becoming a play-by-play man in college basketball or the NBA or the NFL or college football as an actor has to make it in Hollywood. Like you either need to be amazingly lucky and talented or you need to know someone who can get you a job that you can do that. And I was like, well, shoot, you know, how can I even? I haven't even had a chance to be on air yet, so I don't know that I'm going to be amazingly talented. And I certainly don't know anyone that can get me on air. And, you know, then they were talking about the kind of hours you have to work and travel and all this stuff that made me realize, you know, if I wanted to be a family man, it didn't sound realistic with that kind of lifestyle. And so everything that happened just totally scared me away from wanting to be a broadcaster anymore, from wanting to do sports play-by-play. It felt like this impossible dream that was now out of reach, even though I had gone to school for this very thing. And here I was in my last year of school trying to complete school to work towards this, and I had felt like I had just done all this for nothing. You know, I had just gone to school for this degree to work towards this career, and it just wasn't going to pan out. And so that was really disheartening, and that's what led me to a lot of the struggle that I had. And so, you know, towards the end of my college, I had taken a break from Red Lobster because I was interning and I didn't have the same kind of time I had before, so I left there. And then when I got done interning but hadn't quite graduated yet, I decided to go be a server at Applebee's, which I had done before in Minot, when I was in college at Minot State. And then in like a month's time, really super fast, of being there at Applebee's, the bar manager approaches me and says, Hey, Brandon, we need a bartender. Would you like to become a bartender? I said, Yeah, absolutely. Everyone knew being a bartender was better than being a server. And holy crap, did that cause so many problems. I guess there were three waitresses there. One of them, she had been there three years. They'd been asking continuously and constantly, can they be a bartender? They wanted to be a bartender, right? And here I come in one month and I get promoted to bartender without even asking. They approached me. And it created all kinds of drama, including some hatred towards me. And I tried to smooth that over as much as I could and say, Hey, I didn't ask for this. This was given to me, but it didn't really matter. Some people were angry with me. But also, you know, life goes on. I got to do what I got to do. So I learned to become a bartender. I became a bartender at Applebee's. And, you know, it was good for what it was at the time, right? It was this thing that I would do to make some money to get by before, you know, I tried to get a real, a quote, unquote, real career and, you know, make my life go on a different path, a different journey. And, you know, one day the bar manager approached me after I had been there several months or more, and she knew I was getting ready to graduate from college. And she was like, Hey, we want to invite you to be a manager. And at the Applebee's, we want you to be one of our managers. And, like, just instinctively, immediately, I was like, No, no, I don't want to do that. I don't want to be in the restaurant business, you know. And there were reasons for that, right? I saw my general manager, he worked insane hours, like 80 hours a week, you know, making like $50,000 a year. And, you know, A, $50,000 a year wasn't enough money for me. It wasn't the kind of career aspirations I had. And, B, I believe in work-life balance. I don't believe in this working your life away situation. So I just instinctively right away said, No, you know, I don't want to do that. And it changed my relationship there a little bit with the managers. I could tell they were courting me, if you will, which was the whole reason behind the quick promotion from server to bartender and then bartender to potentially manager. So, you know, going to work wasn't quite as fun. I didn't have quite the golden boy, you know, feeling that I had before because I was treated really well and I just enjoyed being there and I had a good time. But one of the best stories of my young life comes out of me being a bartender. So I was working at Applebee's, and at this point in my life, at I believe I was about 27 at this point, maybe 28, somewhere around there, I had been shaving my head. I had started going bald in college, and I was wearing just baseball caps, you know, all the time, all the time, because I had a really high hairline on my forehead and I was losing my hair on my forehead. And I was in my mid-20s, and it was devastating to me, and I was embarrassed by it. And, you know, I'm always wearing hats all the time, and I was smart. I wore a light purple Nike hat, which really made my blue eyes pop out, and, you know, it really worked for me. I would get compliments on my eyes all the time, and I knew it was this hat that was making that happen. And so I, at one point, realized I can't always wear a hat, right? Everywhere I go, I can't wear a hat. And sometimes I had to take my hat off and just be, like, incredibly embarrassed about this balding head that I had at such an early age. And so I decided to just shave it all off. I just shaved my head and, you know, got rid of my hair. And I was like, well, let's just do it. You know, hair grows back. Let's see how it goes. And it went overwhelmingly well. Like when I went back to college and showed my friends and college, you know, peers and stuff, and they were seeing me, this white guy with this bald head, which was incredibly unique in the late 90s, early 2000s. It went overwhelmingly well with great reception. You know, people, oh, you look so good. You got such a great head for that. You know, and so it just went so great. I was like, well, I'm shaving my head for the rest of my life. And so that was the start of me shaving my head, and I've been shaving my head ever since. But the reason I tell you that is because, you know, when I was a bartender, I had this one night, bald head, goatee, go to this table with these, you know, four or five redneckish hillbilly type dudes. They were cool, but that's what they were. You know, they were wearing baseball caps, and they had long hair, you know, maybe some mullets, who knows. Their hair was covered, but they all had hair, you know. And they were just like, oh, my God, dude, you're bald, right? And they were like, they were trying to shit on me because I didn't have hair. And I was kind of yucking it up, playing along, right, A, because they're the customer, B, I needed a tip, and C, like, I wasn't sensitive about it, you know. I knew that it was working for me, and why would I care if five dudes, you know, want to make fun? I don't care. I'm not trying to hook up with dudes. I don't like dudes, so let them think whatever they want to think. So I was telling them, like, straight up, like, no, you guys have no idea. This shit's working. Like, you all have hair. Nothing makes you unique. I'm bald, and this shit's working. And they just kind of laughed at me, like, yeah, right, you know. Like, I was talking out my ass. And then I went and got them their drinks, and right as I did that, immediately next to them, these two cute, young, 21-year-old girls sit down next to them. And so I go up to greet these girls and ask them for their drink order, and immediately, within five seconds of meeting these girls, oh, my God, I love your bald head. It's so sexy. This one girl doesn't even ask me. She just reaches up and starts rubbing my head, right. And they're, like, both openly flirting with me within seconds. And they see all this that's going on. And, you know, so they're flirting with me, and one girl's like, hey, it's my 21st birthday. We're going out dancing after this. What do I got to get you to go out dancing with me? And her friend is like, no, no, no. I want him to come with me. I don't want him to come with you. And he's, you know, and they're, like, going back and forth, kind of arguing over me on who gets to take me out dancing with them, whatever. And it was crazy because it was within, you know, right away. They don't know anything about me. I don't even know if they knew my name at this point. I had introduced myself. And these, you know, guys next to the table, they see all this happening, right. They hear it. They see it. And I was feeling ballsy. I was feeling brave, like they were both feeling me. And, you know, and I felt like I had something to prove. So they were both hitting on me, and I said, hey, hey, hey, you know, there's enough of me to go around for both of you. And they kind of laughed and chuckled or whatever. And I said, I'll tell you what. I said, I'll leave with you if I can leave with the both of you and be with both of you. And they just kind of looked at each other, looked at me, and laughed. And they said, all right, well, you go get our drinks, and we'll let you know, you know, what we think when you get back. So I laughed, and I went back, and I made their drinks. And when I got back, they said, okay, we agreed. We decided, you know, we both want you, so we're just going to share you. So we actually happen to be roommates, and this is our address, and this is our phone number, and you come to our place when you get off work, and we'll be there waiting for you. And they saw all this happening, right? And so I took that information, I left, and then I went back to the other table to help the guys, you know, and say, all right, guys, you know, I didn't even address what had just happened. I said, all right, guys, what can I get you to eat? What do you need to eat? And they just looked at me, and they were like, I'm going home, and I'm shaving my head tonight. And it was just – it was hilarious. And then, you know, it was fun. I had a good night, a good time. And then, you know, when I left work that night, I took them up on that offer. I showed up at their apartment, and I had my first threesome. So you heard that right, my first threesome. This is the story. That was the first time I ever had a threesome. I didn't know their names. I never saw them again, you know. I had a threesome with them left, and that was the end of that night, and that was the end of me ever talking to or seeing both of those girls. And so, yeah, those are some wild college stories, situations that I dealt with. But, man, what a confidence booster, right? What a confidence booster to be able to just boldly say something like that to two women you don't even know at all and just have them be like, okay, you know, we're down. So it might sound like me bragging, and I am proud of it. Don't get me wrong. But all these things are significant. They significantly change who you are, right? They change your pride in yourself. They change your belief in yourself. They change the way you see the world a little bit because you realize that maybe you can get away with some things some other people can't get away with. So I ended up going on and graduating from Wright State, and then I eventually would leave Applebee's because I knew that wasn't a career for me. And I got my first quote-unquote career job as a salesman. And I will lean into that and tell you more about that on the next episode. So thanks for joining.