Brandon Held - Life Is Crazy - Episode 21

The speaker talks about their podcast episode and the coincidence of meeting someone online with the same name as a person from a TV show they watched. They discuss their communication with this person and their doubts about the relationship. The speaker then talks about their work and a colleague named Mindy who helps them through a project. They discuss their dissatisfaction with their current job and desire to work from home. Mindy recommends them for a job at her new company, which allows remote work. The speaker goes through the interview process and gets the job. They also talk about their developing relationship with Juliana and their plans to meet in Brazil. The speaker expresses excitement and nervousness about the trip and their hopes for the relationship. Welcome back to Brandon Howe's Life is Crazy. This is episode 21. Sounds crazy, speaking of crazy, that I'm on my 21st episode already. But here we are and I'll just get right back into it, pick up where I left off last episode. I was now, you know, speaking with someone that I had met online from Brazil. Her name also happens to be Juliana, which is funny enough because watching 90 Day Fiance, it was the Juliana from Brazil that really made me you know, wanted to try to meet a Brazilian. And then, you know, I was speaking to a girl from Colombia and her name was Juliana and then it just so happens the woman that I meet in Brazil, her name ends up being Juliana. So it's almost like full circle there with the name Juliana. So her and I were communicating and we were, you know, trying to see if we had something going and she was a little bit more hesitant than I was. Just as far as like, you know, just not really talking so much, taking it slow. You know, she was busy, like I said, so I didn't get much of her time in the beginning. And so now I'm back at work and I'm focusing on something called Go Alive, which was basically, you know, a flip of a switch from the old DoD electronic health care records program switching to the new electronic health care records program. And we were about to do that there at Davis-Monthan. And, you know, they did a really great thing by sending me someone experienced to provide me from some support for the Go Alive. I didn't, you know, I wasn't 100% confident going into it. But, you know, they give you some guidance conceptually, you know, what it'll look like and what you're going to go through. But it's intimidating and, you know, you're not 100% sure that you're going to be equipped and you're going to know how to do it. So they look for volunteers of people who have gone through it and who would be willing to help and travel and all that. And so I had someone, you know, named Mindy, who was coming to my Go Alive to assist me for a week. I had never met her before, never talked to her before. And she was going to be there with me side by side for a week helping me through this Go Alive. And the reason that I bring that up is because she actually turns out to be someone significant in my life, right? Just this, probably nothing she ever thought, nothing I ever thought, you know, just this woman who's doing this job and going to help someone during a Go Alive. But, you know, Mindy came and she's older than me by, I don't know, about 20 years and she was just great from the beginning, you know. She just was super helpful in expanding my knowledge and helping me get through the Go Alive. And, you know, just on a personal level, she's just a good person. I enjoyed talking to her. And, you know, we were sharing life stories and life details and stuff like that. And, you know, she knew that I was talking to this new woman from Brazil and her name is Juliana. And I was telling her how, you know, I really want to see if this can go somewhere and see if it's going to work out because, you know, she seems really great. But I just can't get a lot of her time because she's so busy right now. So I'm not sure how to take that. I'm not sure how to take it as if she's, like, genuinely busy or, you know, it's a way to brush me off. So I had some doubts. I had some skepticism. And, you know, I was sharing all that with Mindy and, you know, we became close and we made a friendship. And so we made a friendship that will last, you know, the rest of our lives. And so that's why I bring Mindy up. And so we get through the Go Live. She helps me through it. And I was so thankful for that. And, you know, she left and we maintained a friendship. And, you know, after Go Live, after the first, I don't know, week or so of Go Live and trying to keep things going and during the switch of the record system, things kind of died down a lot. There just wasn't a lot going on there. And so, you know, it was starting to bother me that I had to drive so far to show up to an office where there just wasn't much for me to do. And everything that I did do, you know, I did through email, you know. People didn't come see me face-to-face for interactions and things that needed to be done, they emailed me and I responded to them via email. And that was how I did the job. So I was pushing my bosses to let me work from home and remotely and I was explaining how, you know, this would allow me to have my kids and so therefore I could take my kids to school and pick them up and I'm missing out on this. You know, I'm an every other weekend dad now because of this situation and they, you know, were just essentially like, sorry, can't help you. The contract says you have to be on site. There's nothing we can do for you. So I know there were other teams that, you know, got to work from home and got to work remotely. As a matter of fact, Mindy was on one of those. She was one of those people working from home and remotely. And so I was pushing to be moved and put on a different team and they were just saying, no, we can't help you. And I genuinely ended up feeling like it wasn't because they couldn't help me. It was because they didn't want to help me. They wanted me to be on site because A, I was very good at it and the client was happy with me and B, they just didn't want to try to have to replace me. They didn't want to try to find someone to replace me. And so, you know, I was voicing all this concern with Mindy and Mindy at the same time was a little dissatisfied with the company and wanted to make a change as well. And so she had made a connection and she got a role under a new company for the VA and that role was allowing her to work from home 100%. So she said, you know, hey, I got this new job with this new company, the owners are great. It's a small consultant company. They're just kind of starting out, but they have positions open for the VA that are remote, work from home. And I'd love to recommend you for a role if you want to work there. And I was just ecstatic. Yes, of course, you know, hook me up. Like, let me talk to them. Let me see what's going on. Let me see what that's about. And, you know, she did. True to her word, she got me connected with the owners of my new company and I was able to, you know, talk to them and hit it off great with them and they're great guys. And so they gave me some position ideas and, you know, it took a few months. I was ready for this to happen quickly, but it took a few months for this process to play out. But eventually I did get an interview with the leads and leadership of the company they were subcontracted under and it went great, you know, everything went well. I got an invitation to get a job with them the same day that I got the interview. So that was great news. So now I was getting out of this role that I was happy to be employed and get back on my feet. But now I could get into something that A, was moving on and B, was more suited for me because I needed something where I could be at home so I could take my kids to and from school and not be in every other weekend dad, but be a 50-50 custody dad. So that was set, that was worked out and I was super excited about that. And kind of in conjunction at the same time, Juliana and I had made a decision, you know, that we were going to meet in Brazil. We were getting closer, we were having more video calls and, you know, that relationship was picking up a little bit so it was time for me to come out to Brazil and meet her. And so that, too, was set up and so after a few months of knowing her and talking to her, both in video call and via text, I was finally going to Brazil to meet up with her and so we did a destination meet up, you know, I didn't go to where she lives, she didn't want me to, I didn't want to, that's too awkward when you're just meeting someone for the first time. So we, you know, decided to meet up in, you know, a beautiful place called Maragogi and, you know, the whole way I'm flying there, I'm thinking, you know, it's been tough to get her time, it's been tough to get her attention and so I don't know how this is going to go, you know, I genuinely was concerned that this might be a fail and I had booked this eight-day trip together in Brazil and so she was going to meet me there as well and the whole time flying there, you know, I'm excited but also worried, right? Excited because of the potential possibility but worried because, you know, it could be a complete disaster and, you know, just another failed situation that didn't work out. But I knew the potential was great and that's why it was all worth it. So I take the long flights to Brazil and it's especially long because you have to fly over Maragogi, Recife, which is in the northeast part of Brazil and you have to go down to Sao Paulo and then back up to Recife again and it was just a really, really long trip. I don't remember how many hours it was total, somewhere around 20 or more of travel and that's just, you know, being at the airport flying. That doesn't include, you know, arriving to my Tucson airport an hour and a half, two hours early, you know, so that doesn't even go into effect. So it's probably like 24 hours or something by the time I actually get to the airport. And so, you know, I get off the airplane and I go get my luggage and she was scheduled to arrive later than I was. But when I get off the airport, you know, she texts me, she's like, hey, or when I get off the airplane, no hablo ingles apparently, when I get off the airplane, she texts me and she says, hey, I too have landed. I'm here, I landed. All I have to do is get my luggage and we can meet. And I was like, great. You know, now the excitement slash nerves were really kicking in. And so I was excited to get my luggage, I'm texting her, you know, where do I meet you? How do I find you? And, you know, we're not really, I'm not familiar with this airport in Recife and, you know, obviously neither she, I don't think she'd ever been there before, but it was still her, her culture, her world. And so she was basically finally like, you know, just kind of wait where you are and I'll come find you. But I was too excited to do that. So I was kind of walking around pacing, staying in the general area, but still looking. And then finally, like she rounds the corner, you know, and it's during COVID time still, not, not COVID like the rest of the world COVID, but more like the airlines are still requiring us to wear face masks on the plane, which really sucked by the way, you know, having that thing pull on my ears for 24 hours. And, uh, and you had to wear face masks in the airport still. And so she rounded the corner and as soon as I saw her, you know, she was just beautiful. Like immediately I could tell, you know, Oh my God, this girl is amazing. And I, you know, went to her and I hugged her and I picked her up off the ground and I gave her a big hug and, you know, we remove our masks and, um, I, I kissed her. And, um, you know, that's kind of how it all started, you know, I said, I said in my head, like, it just felt, it just felt right. It just felt perfect. You know, I don't, I don't know how to explain it. Like you can't, you can't explain how you can go from having so many doubts and fears and worries to, I don't have anything to worry about. This is great. Right. And so just from the moment we met, there was, you know, nervous anticipation. I could tell she was nervous and excited. I was nervous and excited, but we were super happy to be together and finally meet each other. And so, you know, we get our, we get, we go do the basic stuff you gotta do, right? Find our way out of the airport, go get ourselves a, a taxi that's going to take us to our hotel because, you know, Maragogi is, I don't remember, 45 minutes an hour away from the Recife airport. And so the first thing we had to do was drive in a car together, but there was just no awkwardness. It was immediate comfort. We're sitting next to each other. I'm hugging her. I got my arm around her. She's got her hand on my leg. We're talking, the conversations are smooth. You know, she has a nice thick accent, you know, cause her, she was still learning English basically. And I'm just learning all these things about her just on the drive there, as I had been doing for months previous. And the reason all that's significant is because, you know, in past relationships, they almost always got physical pretty quick. Even if, even if you say in a week or even longer, it took to get physical with someone, like you still really don't know someone that well in a week or so. And then once the physical gets into it, you know, it also changes the way a relationship looks and feels. But I had spent months just getting to know her just as a person, asking her questions, how, you know, what makes her tick, how she thinks, just all those things and her the same for me. And, you know, and now we were in this car on our rides, getting to know each other even better, and it just was such a smooth transition from, I had never met you in person before to, Oh my God, I feel like I've known you forever. And that's what it felt like. And it went amazing. You know, we spent our first couple of days in Brazil at one smaller hotel. I let her pick the hotels that we stayed at. And then we, after those couple of days, we went to a different hotel and resort that was more all-inclusive and we stayed there. And, you know, I think we were together four or five days, I'm not sure, and everything was so dang perfect that I asked her to marry me and it flew in the face of everything that I thought I wanted to accomplish, right? I thought I wanted something distance to slow it down. I thought I wanted something distance to be able to live my daily life, but yet still have someone in it without us being right on top of each other. And as soon as I met her and we were together, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and I knew that also not really understanding just how incredibly hard it was going to be to actually be together and I wasn't really thinking about that or worrying about that at that time, but, you know, I asked her to marry me, she said, yes, like I could tell she was stunned, but she felt same way and she said, yes, and so now we had a couple of days left and we were engaged now, so we went from being these two people that met online to we were meeting for the first time to now we were engaged to be married and it sounds crazy. And if you ask her or you ask me, we would never recommend for anyone to follow in our footsteps. I would never tell someone, yeah, go meet someone from another country and get engaged immediately and, you know, get married quickly. Like it doesn't make any sense. I get that. She gets that. Nothing about it makes sense, but it just felt right. You know, after someone who'd been married three times, took his time, you know, two years and five years in those relationships to actually get married, now I'm asking someone within five days of meeting her in person to get married and she, as crazy as I was to ask, she was equally as crazy to agree and I say that jokingly because if you knew her, like I know her, like everyone else in her life knows her, she's not someone that's quick to make a decision. She's not someone that makes rash decisions. She takes her time before she makes decisions. She's very practical and pragmatic about her approach in life and how she decides to do things and hell, I really didn't even know that about her yet, but if I would have known, I probably would have been even more afraid, too afraid to even ask her because that's not who she was, but I blindly was feeling this thing that I just acted on and luckily it worked out and she said yes. And so that was what I affectionately consider the eight greatest days of my life, you know, it was a perfect, as close to perfect eight days as I've ever had in my life, you know, there was one small incident there where, um, she was getting food from the buffet thing at the restaurant and a cook there had stuck his hand out to touch her ass and I saw the whole thing happen. Um, and you know, he was just a pervert, a creepy pervert. Um, and I saw it, but I was helpless. You know, I was in another country. I couldn't just go tackle the guy and beat the shit out of him. Like I probably would have if it would have happened in America. Uh, and I just felt helpless. I saw it coming. I saw, you know, I saw him behaving creepily the way he was looking at other women and the way he was carrying himself and I was trying to get her attention to get out of the situation, to get her to come to me and she saw me, but you know, she just kept, and I was like waving that motion with my hand to come here and she would put up her finger like one second cause you know, like she was almost done. She didn't know what I wanted. And you know, it ended up happening. The guy ended up sticking his hand out and touching her butt, you know? And of course she thought like, Oh, excuse me. You know, she turned around, thinks she just bumped into someone. She had no idea that it was a pervert being a pervert. So that was really the only hiccup we had in the entire, uh, meeting, first meeting slash vacation together. Otherwise it was absolutely perfect. It was perfect. She's beautiful. Uh, we get along great. She's intelligent. Um, you know, it was just, just the best eight days of my life and still is to this day, you know, maybe someday that will get toppled, but until then, that's it now. And so now we were, we were, our eight days were over and we were going to the airport and, um, you know, we were about to depart and you know, just taking that practically, right? Like, okay, we're, we spent eight days together. Now we got to turn around and go home until we can be together again. And just not putting a lot of thought into it. Right? So we're at the airport and I know I'm dreading leaving because it was eight amazing days. Brazil is absolutely beautiful. Um, and you know, by and large, the Brazilians were good to me and good people outside of that one guy. And I just really loved it there. And I wasn't ready to leave her and I wasn't ready to go back to work, but I knew it's what had to happen. And I'm a pretty logical person. And so, you know, we were getting our last food in at the airport and we were saying our last goodbyes. And, and when we got to my airplane, when I was about to board, to leave from nowhere, and I'm not ashamed to admit this, I realized how much I was going to miss this woman. And I broke down and started crying. Like, like as if someone just had flipped a switch that I went from feeling semi-normal to, Oh my God, I'm going to miss this girl so much. And just started crying. And as soon as I started crying, she started crying and it really sunk in like, holy crap, you know, we have this love, this relationship, and we're going to be continents apart, not really, but you know what I mean? Countries apart. And it's just hitting us that we don't know when we're going to see each other again, exactly, but we know that we're in love and we know that we love being together and we know that being together is amazing. And now we have to separate and go back to our lives without each other. And it sucked, right? It really sucked. And so, you know, I get on the airplane and I depart and, you know, it goes from the eight most magical days in my life to, Oh, now I got to go back and live a life without this woman that I want to see every day and I can't, right? She's, I can't just move to Brazil. I have kids. I have a job. I have a life in America and, you know, it takes a visa to get into America and that takes time and it was COVID time and, you know, like, well, the only thing I can do is what I can do, which is take the steps to get her to America. So as soon as I get back to America, I immediately apply for a fiance visa, you know, which for those of you that don't know is the premise behind the show, 90 day fiance, because if you come to America on a fiance visa, you have to get married within 90 days. And if you don't, the person not from America has to go back to their country. And, or if they leave the country, say she came to visit me and left for any reason within that 90 days and we didn't get married, she still couldn't reenter the country. The visa then becomes null and void. So, um, yeah, we had all that going on and now the only thing I could do was miss this new love in my life and, you know, focus on, uh, work and, uh, working out, trying to get, you know, still trying to get better fit and better shape and, and spending time with my kids when I could, but really just focus on trying to get my new fiance into the country and that's where I will stop this episode. Thanks for joining me. I'll talk to you next time.