park day / J money

The speaker starts by talking about their confusion about what day it is and their realization that they need to post a video. They then describe their morning routine, including making tea, doing laundry, and watching a documentary. They mention their struggle with deciding whether to wear crew socks or ankle socks and their desire to buy crew socks. They talk about going to the park and feeling scared while walking on a nature trail. They call their mom for support and eventually make it back to civilization. They sit on a bench and then on the ground, practicing handstands and stretching. They talk about feeling like a weirdo but ultimately enjoying their time at the park. They end by putting their shoes back on and continuing their walk. okay we are back again surprise surprise and i don't know what the fuck i'm talking about today but i do want to start by what i've been doing um it's current oh fuck it's fucking wednesday i'm supposed to post an episode today i gotta do after this wow okay well i'm back um i love you i yeah i'm off today oh my god i thought it was sunday wow it's already time to post again i'm so excited i think i have a video that i'm posting but now i'm kind of like shit maybe it's this one i don't know um anyway but i woke up this morning and i decided that i was gonna start my morning off super slow and just kind of calm and then i didn't do that i woke up i made tea i went to the bathroom i brushed my teeth and then i did some laundry and then i took everything out of the dryer i went to my room i turned on the documentary and folded it was just towels so it wasn't too bad and then watched my movie and drank my tea and it was so good then i woke up like got up and i don't know i feel like there's a gap in there that i'm like i don't really know what i was doing probably just laying there scrolling or something but i got ready and then decided that i was gonna leave oh and then i'm trying to pick out an outfit and the long white socks like the crew socks i don't i have a weird relationship with them because in high school for cheer like i wore them all the time i loved them i preferred them and yeah 10 out of 10 and then no it's just ankle socks and that's what i've worn forever and i have a tattoo on my ankle that's super cute and so i'm like i don't want to wear a crew sock that's going to cover my tattoo and now everyone else is just wearing crew socks and i'm like that feels weird like i feel like i look weird with crew socks immediately i'm trying to talk about this all the time and i was like bitch shut up wear the crew socks and i'm like okay but i was like you know what the other day i accepted it i was like i just need to buy some like now i'm starting to feel weird if i'm not wearing crew socks because i bought a little pack of them but they're all different colors they're like neutrals but i pretty much only wear the white ones so i was like finally decided i was going to get some the other day and then today i'm trying to fucking pick out my outfit and i'm like i need white crew socks i literally need them for this outfit and it was just i was wearing leggings and tennis shoes so yeah i needed long crew socks and yeah whenever i graduated i was like i thought i was done with crew socks so i threw them all away so i didn't have any so i had to go to the dollar store and get crew socks and then i also had to get fabric softener because we were almost out and then i come home and picking out my little outfit all of a sudden it's so cute except for my shoes i just have these grungy ass shoes that i used to wear that i would wear to my old job in the kitchen so they were like worse than your fucking like bar beaters like no they were really bad and yeah then i just put them on they're supposed to be white too so you know they're looking really fucking gross but yeah and then i decided i was going to the park and i really took advantage of my free will today because i was just going to go walk because that's what people do when they go to park they walk so i went and i started out walking and i walked a little bit and then i was like i don't want to walk like i want to freaking sit by the paint the pond because all the old people in the movies sit in the bench by the pond and just stare at the pond and you know what i want to do that so i was like i'm gonna look like a fucking freak oh i'm a liar whatever i first got there i start i go to the bathroom and like behind it there's like there was still some sidewalk and so i was walking on that for a while and then it was like nature trails and so i was like okay like i love nature and so i start going and then i stopped going off like this main path and i just went on another little path but this one was just like dirt and yeah like i don't know it was fine at first until i didn't really know where i was and it was like kind of muddy and so i kept slipping and so i was like if someone comes to kill me right now like i literally can't run i'm gonna slip and fall and fucking die and no one's gonna see me like no one can fucking see me and i've just been watching a lot of documentaries and like true crime shit and i'm just like motherfucker no like so many just random people random girls on their little run i was on a run i was just like i don't know what i was doing i was fucking walking and yeah that doesn't matter they were ready to kill me somebody was i'm telling you and so i'm like climbing a level like mom like you have to stay on the phone with me until i get the fuck out of here i don't know where i am and i'm scared like i'm completely convinced that i'm about to get fucking like i don't even know i think just murdered i think that's what i'm scared of i don't think i'm scared of getting kidnapped like we're gonna do a fucking well but yeah i think i'm more scared of just getting murdered like like someone come fucking save me before i just get stabbed to death in five seconds because no one's here and if he doesn't kill me now he's not gonna get another chance so yeah i'm on the phone with my mom until i get out and i'm like okay bye and then and i only saw one person the whole time i was back there and it was this one like it was a man i mean so it's kind of scary already but i don't know like yeah but luckily i was on the phone with my mom but we weren't talking we were just sitting there and i had her on speaker and then i was like oh i'm gonna take you off speaker like i'm walking past people like i don't want to be annoying but we weren't talking and i was like yeah i know like i was just doing that like just to let him know i'm on the phone like just in case just in case he was thinking about killing me like i'm literally on the phone i don't know that would necessarily save me but like at least someone would know right away like i don't know but anyway so i do that and then i finally get back to some civilization and i'm like okay gotta go and so yeah then i walk around and then i'm thinking about sitting on the bench and worried about looking like a freaking weirdo because i've never i never see anyone sitting on a bench and if i do it's the old people in movies like why don't people sit on benches a why have i never just stopped and sat on a bench okay so yeah that's what i do i stop and i sit on the bench for a while and then i'm like this is fine but like i really just want to sit on the fucking ground like i don't want to sit on the ground i'm like i'm gonna look even more like a fucking weirdo like not only am i just like some random bitch sitting oh and i took my shoes off because duh i don't want to fucking wear shoes but i kept my socks on if it was my choice if we were in my world i would have taken my socks off and been fucking barefoot at the park but i was like yeah maybe not that so i'm just sitting there and taking my shoes off and then yeah i sit on the ground and i'm sitting there for a while and people are like kind of walking by me and i'm just kind of like hey like hi how's your walk whatever and i don't know i'm just like nobody's really like really gives a fuck they might be like oh what the fuck are you doing but a they're like the same as me and b like they're gonna think that for two seconds and then probably never think of me again so so then i start stretching and i'm just like fucking around like i don't know what i'm doing i'm just like yeah i stretched for a while and then um i did some squats and then i did some split squats and then i practiced doing handstands because like i don't know sometimes i'm like it would be so fucking cool like imagine like my party trick i'm just like oh yeah i'm just gonna stand on my hand for like a whole minute or something that's a long ass time i don't know i know obviously actually i don't know i don't know what it's like a long time i feel like even 30 seconds because yeah even 30 seconds is like a long time so i mean enough for me i don't know anyone who can stand on their hands for more than 30 seconds like maybe one like when i cheered but i could because whenever i could kind of like walk on my hands for a second i'm gonna get really far like probably like five steps or something but yeah that was fun like it was so cool i can just walk on my fucking hands like that's awesome so sometimes i practice doing handstands and so i'm like practicing and then i'm but like i am doing a few where i'm like just doing handstands and like trying to hold it but then i'm also just doing like i'm like doing downward dog except incline like i have my legs up on the bench and i'm just kind of like pointing my toes like i'm trying to go off my toes just kind of like starting to transfer the weight like i'm just trying to like downward dog except incline like i have my legs up on the bench and i'm just kind of like pointing my toes like i'm trying to go off my toes just kind of like starting to transfer the weight like more on to my hands so i'm sure i look like a fucking idiot still doing that like what i don't know what i was i don't know i was just like doing what i was trying to do is kind of be like okay what now like okay what now and i think i had so much fun because i was like i don't know like i definitely felt like an idiot but yeah literally who cares literally who the fuck cares so yeah it was fun and i talked to a lot of people because everyone was just walking past me because like whenever i'm walking you know you're just walking past people a lot of people aren't even looking at you but everyone's looking at me because they're like what are you even sitting on the ground by a bench but it was fun and i loved it and so i did that for a while and then i put my shoes on and walked some more and then i went and got my water out of my car because i was like i'm not like on like a walk like i'm not official like i can bring my cup i don't mind just carrying my cup around and so i got my cup and i got um i bought girl scout cookies yesterday because there was these little girls outside my work and it was freezing but i guess they get like a little extra badge um for being out in cold weather so i'm like oh shit like okay man but anyway so i got some thin mints and then i took some of those with me and i walked all the way back around the trail because there's two ponds but i like the further one because the first one like people kind of fish in that um which i like it that's fun but i don't know the second one no one's really like sitting over there people are just walking around it so yeah i walked all the way back over there and then i just started walking in the grass because i was like i mean fuck it like why not and so i literally just walked through the grass like all the way close up to the pond kind of and then i sat on a rock and ate my cookies and then i was like fucking around i was kind of stretching again and then i took my shoes off again and yeah i just drank my water and um oh i bought something on amazon i bought one of those little like blow up um um couch thingies that you like put the like you get the air in it and then you close it and it's just like a whole little situation right there yeah i know i love amazon because it's like i love my hammock but carrying that thing around is a lot of work like the hammock stand is hefty so um yeah i bought a little one that it just goes in a little bag and then you just need air and that like there's no like any like heavy metal or anything it's just this little like parachute material and um yeah and i hung out and then i walked around the pond a little bit and then i went back to the little trail the sidewalk and kept on walking and then oh my god i like started to dance a little bit like i did a little something but it was still like i'm too embarrassed to just be out in public dancing because i'm like oh my god people are gonna think that i'm like losing my mind or something because i don't know everyone's just a fucking pussy and doesn't want to dance in public what that's a lie i don't believe that i think everyone always wants to dance so yeah i just did like a little like it was pretty subtle it was still like my walking it was pretty smooth like it wasn't like and i'm like buzzed to move or anything but it was funny i thought it was really funny i was like oh my god you're such a freak that's what i was thinking but in a good way and so yeah that was a lot of fun and then after that i oh sorry i'm sleepy but after that i went to go eat some tacos i went to ruskies and i got their taco of the month which is a truffle chicken and i got a regular just fried chicken so good and then um yeah i love trying the tacos of the month but my favorite they had a fried avocado taco of the month oh my god my favorite fucking thing in the entire universe it was so good to mom and torchy's has a fried avocado and that one is good but honestly ruskies was way better but they don't have it it was just the taco of the month so fuck them they fucking better bring it back but yeah and then but anyway the truffle chicken that one was really good because truffle like real truffle we used to sell real truffle at my old job and we would make truffle pasta and we would have truffle chips and truffle truffle truffle um and so i did not like that especially not like the strong like i hate the smell of truffle like actual truffles um but i liked it subtly like the truffle pasta that was fine like i liked that okay and the truffle chips those were good so i was like you know i think truffle chicken as long as the truffle isn't like super strong will be good and i asked the guy i was like have you had that like and he's like oh my god i just tried it today and like it was really good like i really liked it and i was like okay like is the truffle super strong and he was like no like i don't think so like it was really good and so i was like fuck yeah give me one of those and yeah i really liked it i had like potatoes on it too yeah it was good and then i sat there for a while and then i peed i left oh and i had this boutique that i wanted to go to because i went there one time like um i don't know when that was like maybe like november or something but they had such fucking cute stuff and they had a lot of pink stuff like it was so fucking cute in there and but it was so expensive and so then i was like you know what i want to go back like i want to find something super cute for valentine's day like i don't give a fuck i go back and like no mid as fuck like it was way more pink than i was last time i was there and now they have like a little like valentine's section and all these other little like not really sections just different colors or something i guess and yeah no it was not cute it was giving like grandma or something yeah i don't know it was not as cute as it was the first time because the first time they had this like um like fur or no not fur it was like i don't know it wasn't real fur maybe like fake fur but it was this little hot pink coat and oh my god it was so cute and i'm like that would be so fucking cute a for the day but like that'll be so fucking cute going out and wearing that oh my god such a so and i like jackets and i've been wanting a new pink one so i was hoping that i was going to get that today but yeah nothing so i left i came home and then i was like i'm not gonna lay down because then i'm gonna be too tired and not want to like go out to the shop and record thank god i fucking did it's fucking wednesday god sue me you would have to sue me if i did not post on a wednesday so i scrolled on my phone for a minute and then i was like no i have to get up and so i flipped my laundry and then yeah now i'm fucking here that's really it but i feel like i was busy at the park like it was so much fun i had so much fun because last time i went to the park like i only walked when i ran a little bit like a fucking weirdo god i don't know the last time i ran but i used to love running so i was like let me just hit a little like let me check it out you know and i did and it was kind of fun but i'm not a runner like i'm not gonna be like that's not the goal i'm not even really doing this for exercise like i'm really just like i want to be outside i want to get some direct sunlight on my skin and i want to be like around people and if there's water hell fucking yeah like i just want to i'm there for the vibes um but i do like walking so sometimes like i do go fucking hard because i like to walk fast so like sometimes i do go and just walk but today was so much fun because i didn't know what i was gonna do i was like oh now this like now like now i'm gonna fucking do this and yeah it was a lot of fun but i'm so tired but and it's literally 7 p.m but um my airpods i think they're dying which i decided i think i've had them for like five or six years so i guess that is fine but i'm annoyed because i literally wear them at work all day every day and then yeah whenever i go to park or something like i use them in my life so i'm really sad about that because i don't know like they've kind of been fucking up recently like sometimes they won't want to connect or like whenever i open up a case pull it out put it in my ear like sometimes it's like super slow and like doesn't pick up all that and so then i have to like do it again and do it again and it's so fucking annoying but i feel like it's been doing that more lately and then today they just kept dying like one would die every like five minutes and so i just kept switching them back and forth and it just kept dying and i kept having to switch it and i was like they're both saying they're at 100 and then they're going to zero and they're going to 100 like they're not i don't know what the fuck is going on so i ended up just putting them up and i played my music out loud and i was kind of like am i the asshole because i'm like what like okay so i was thinking i was like do i need to apologize like whenever i walk past people they need to be like oh sorry like my headphones died like that's why i'm playing music out loud but it's like i don't really think people give a fuck and at the same time like i'm just taking up space that's all that i'm just doing by that like it's gonna be for like five seconds that's probably how much of my music that you're gonna hear and if i'm gonna have this last thing i just have it out of like not barely enough to where i can hear it i want to like hear it good i want to be satisfied so it's like 75% up but i was like i don't need to apologize like i'm not doing anything like maybe they're gonna be like well i roll or something but it's not gonna be like they're gonna walk away and just be like oh my god i can't believe she was saying that music so loud and like actually pissed off or anything so i don't know i didn't end up saying sorry i just like had it on but sometimes like some song that's like not super like mainstream or something or like calm i would feel weird i'm like oh yeah this is what i'm listening to like so i don't know because i was thinking i was like i wonder what all these people are listening to like you know it's like they all look like nice like happy little people but it's like some of them are probably listening to like some crazy ass shit so yeah i think that would be really cool i should just give you one of those podcasts where i just go and interview people and i'm just like hey um what song are you listening to right now or what are you listening to right now and yeah then we can just find all this like new music or new podcasts or new books or whatever but that would be freaking like people would probably get annoyed by that if like you know they're there they're on a walk they're not just doing whatever so but i guess someone would fucking stop bro i would have stopped if someone put their hand up to me like stop i would be like yeah okay but and also something i was thinking about is like whenever you walk past people i don't like people that don't look at me and they just keep their head down like i don't know i just i'm like hi hello like look at me is that like much of a freaking pain but yeah i always look at people but then if i see them not looking at me i try not to look but then i'm like but what if they look and then i'm not looking and i like seem like i didn't look at them so i would just like kind of but i have my sunglasses on i just can tell my head a little bit hey and smile but i feel like waving is a little bit harsh because it's like if you're really like if someone smiles at you you can pretend you didn't see it but if someone waves at you like when they're walking right up to you you can't really pretend that you don't see it so i feel like i don't want to put that much pressure on you like i don't need you to wave at me or like really acknowledge me like you can't even like smile you can't even just hey hey like nothing you want nothing you want no human interaction i guess i mean i don't get it but like whatever i know that's what some people want but i just don't show why i just want to hi how's it going you know no literally we don't even have to say hi just a smile literally just smile cheese and walk past each other just like just a little but yeah so i was like i waved at some people if they waved at me or like if they were like just seemed like they were kind of cruising because the people that are running you know you don't have to no one has to interact like i'm not really pissed off about it but i feel like you know if you're running like you're in business you're in your fucking zone you don't have time to fucking look up and wave maybe that's how all people feel because they're all kind of in their zone but i don't know i just want to say hi i just want to i don't even just want to say hi literally just smile i just want to acknowledge you check in but i would say like everyone smiled or said hi or waved like everyone was very friendly i have one girl say hi how are you and i was like oh i'm good how are you and she was like good like the weather's great or something i'm like oh my god yeah like it really is and then oh and i had another girl say that she was riding a scooter and threw the grass i'm like i think it was an electric one it was pink and she had her little dog on a leash and oh my god that's so cute i was like you're a fucking icon like let me have that scooter and your dog but and she was like hi how are you and i was like i'm good how are you she was like good and then her dog was peeing um and then they left or like kept going and yeah it was a lot of fun but i would say that there was probably like two people two or three people that like didn't even look at me but i don't know there was this one guy who first he walked past me and like i don't know like weirdly looked at me like he waited till he was past me to look at me and i just looked at him and then um he like just walked a little bit more down and then was just standing there he just stopped and was like just standing on the sidewalk and i mean i don't know i'm like i guess it's not that weird but like i guess it's not beside me go away i'm being such a hypocrite i'm like talk to me go away no but i don't know and so then he just stood there for a while and then i just yeah because whenever people walk by i would try to stop stretching and just sit there like crisscross so i wasn't like on the sidewalk at all that's a big sidewalk like probably like four people could walk past three comfortably but so having my legs out wouldn't have been that big of a deal but i don't know just being extra cautious and so um yeah but then whenever he was standing there i was like well i guess i'm gonna go back to stretching like you know it's weird that you're just standing like right over there next to me but whatever and then i started walking again because i was just like okay like whatever i want to be in in my own zone and so then he starts walking away too and i'm like what the fuck and then yeah i don't know i i don't know i'm trying to think i'm like i feel like there was another like i saw him again at some point and i was like okay but whatever i don't remember it it was fine i had a good time that was the only thing that i'm just like oh heebie jeebies that and my nature walk my detour but i want to do that again because i love nature but i just don't want to do that by myself i'm a little bit scared of that so yeah but it was so much fun and then yeah i'm back here and i think that i'm gonna try to go to bed i like i want to be in bed by 10 30 that is my goal because i feel like my sleeping schedule is definitely something that i can improve on and i don't know i'm not trying to like do anything major in my life i just like to think like am i doing what i can like am i doing everything that i can and that doesn't mean literally just like do i feel like i'm doing what i can and so i don't know i just have things that yeah like my sleep schedule could be better and i want to be more consistent because i feel like it's kind of like right now i probably go to sleep between like 10 and like 12 i would say but i wake up at 7 30 so i don't know i'm like i don't know if i need a full nine hours but i feel like somewhere more than seven and a half like i want like at least eight yeah between eight and nine i feel like it's good so yeah so i don't know i just want to yeah be doing what i can because right now it's really hard for me if i watch something because i get so tied in with it i might have mentioned this in another podcast but if i didn't like i'm horrible at watching movies and shows because my relationship with them is like either i'm not watching and i'm falling asleep every single time or i'm invested and then i'm staying up late and i'm watching that and then i'm like just waking up and i need to watch it i need to watch it like i'm all fucking in or all fucking out like i'm not very good at like watching one episode before going to bed or like i don't know staying super focused like sometimes i just get so distracted and so then i'm just re-watching and re-watching and re-watching but anyway i've been watching documentaries whenever i'm at work or like listening to them i guess but they're fine and i like them but it is freaking me the fuck out like i don't know i feel like you know what if i ever get kidnapped or something like murdered i think that everyone should go watch true crime documentaries and like videos because the shit that they find out is really interesting i'm like oh like that's smart i wouldn't have thought of that so yeah i feel like that would be beneficial i feel like yeah i'm like ready to like solve some murders and solve some problems so i don't know but i don't know i feel like i'm scared of everything because since i have like my biggest fear video like or recording episode i don't know i'm just like but like i feel scared of everything if i really think about it but oh my goodness i'm sleepy eepy but yeah i don't know it's just scary to be alone like i just hate that like we're just in a fucking world where shit like this just fucking happens like i hate that like why do random people get murdered why does anyone get murdered but and then in this one documentary i was watching this morning they're like oh my god god they get through this woman's house her whole house is on fire and then they're like oh yeah like thank god there wasn't a murder um all of her pets fucking died there were murders and she fucking killed them it was crazy because she blamed it on this other girl and like literally created this entire story about like this woman was stalking and harassing her and it was literally her and she literally went to the length of a shooting herself she literally shot herself and shot herself in the leg oh my god in the leg no bitch in the leg it's with the e anyway she shot herself in the leg and she lit her house on fire and killed murdered murdered her animals okay she's a fucking murderer and yeah and of course they're just like thank god no one got murdered fucking liar them pets were all murdered i don't care what you say i don't think i think people should be charged for killing pets or animals at all like why is that why is it different why is it fucking different because we can talk mm-hmm so yeah god but it was just fucking crazy like i don't know you just never fucking know and it's like a lot of these are crazy um like relationship things but some of them are just fucking random like just literally fucking random random strangers and that is so scary because i'm like if i get fucking killed by a murderer what the fuck if i get killed at all what the fuck but i don't know it is interesting but it is fucking heavy so i'm definitely not gonna be watching that to go to bed i'm definitely gonna watch new girl or maybe a movie yeah because after i get done with this i'm gonna go shower put on my pjs and oh maybe i have a little snack because let's see i ate those tacos like i was five or something but i think i want a little something extra like a little snacky oh oh my god my mom made these beans like i don't even fucking know there's all kinds of beans and there's jalapenos and it's just like this fucking mosh pit and yeah i was just sitting there dipping chips in it last night oh my god it was so fucking good and the jalapenos were fucking hot and they were so good oh my god which i'm kind of weird with beans like i don't know i pretty much most of my life i just hated the texture and how it's like a gusher and like pops like in your mouth kind of like or not pops but like you it's like bursts when you bite it so i don't know but now i'm better about them like i don't just want to eat mouthfuls of beans like that is still kind of crazy to me but if i can have a little chip with yes so yeah i'm gonna fucking eat some of that and then yeah i got new pajamas the other day i got a little set from target and it's so cute it's pink and it's like this long sleeve crop top and it's like off the shoulder and then these pants but i wanted to get a large i was gonna get a large and both because i don't know medium pants fit me so sometimes i get medium but sometimes i get large so it really didn't matter but all i had was medium so i was like okay cool and then for the top i was gonna get a large but all i had was an extra large that was literally the only top that they had left nothing else so i was debating getting it because i'm like it's not even the size i want like it's gonna be big but i bought it and like i mean it's fine it's a lounge shirt like it's kind of oversized already and like i got fucking milkers so like an extra large really isn't like too big or uncomfortable so yeah but it's really cute and comfy and i really like it because other pajama pants i have i don't really like i don't like sleeping in pants at all so if i do i'm a crazy sleeper so they'll be like wrapped around my leg and like i don't know it's just i get like wrapped around in them or something crazy all the time but these ones they literally just split up my legs like they just went right up so it's like i was wearing shorts and i wasn't getting like caught all over them so i yeah i really like them they're just like super soft and like light so i love that and they're fucking pink so yeah it's so much fun but yeah i'm gonna put them on again and i need to oh fuck and then i have to do my stupid fucking laundry god i don't wanna but i needed to that was the fullest that my laundry basket has been in like a minute like yeah she overflowed a little bit but i didn't realize and now i'm fucking after and then my dumb ass i fucking put my shit in the washer or i take the shot of water okay i empty the dryer take the shit from the washer put it in the dryer put my shit in the washer start the washer and i fucking forgot to start the dryer so then like an hour later i come back and the washer's done all those clothes are ready to go the dryer and so i open the dryer door and everything is still fucking soaked and i'm like oh my god like i did not fucking start the dryer and yeah so then i fucking had to do that and so laundry's like i haven't even done one fucking load of my shit and so that's annoying but all my favorite towels we have we did like two loads of laundry and so of towels and so one of them is like i would say mostly my towels go in there and my favorite towels and they're not mine but i love them and so that's pretty much all i folded today and put in there so i'm excited for that because that means i'll have good towels for the next like week or so hopefully but yeah they're just big they're bashi they're the giant ones because i have a towel warmer and so i put them in there and so whenever i get them out i can just wrap it up like a little blanket and it's super warm and i love it and then and my fucking toothbrush broke oh my god guys it's a fucking crisis i don't know what i have an electric toothbrush and like literally probably like a week ago just stopped fucking working and so i was like maybe it's dead because i only charged it one time since i've had it so i was like maybe it's just dead so i plug it in and then just the red light comes on showing that's dead so i'm like okay cool like she's gonna charge no no i have plugged in for like three days and it was still red so i don't know what happened but i'm really sad about it because i'm like i don't know how much it was i need to look it up because i'm like if it was more than like fucking like like 25 dollars i don't want another one just give me a fucking regular toothbrush that's annoying because i only had it for like less than a year i don't know i feel like more than six months but less than a year but i don't fucking know but whatever so that's annoying and i still have all the like changing like top pieces for it so i think i'm gonna have to buy the exact same one i want to because it's cute it's pink but yeah then i'm gonna have so many tops forever and then if that one fucking breaks again boom but i don't know i like it it's a good toothbrush and then i don't know i feel like this is a kind of it's boring now because all i've done is talk about my day and the park was fun like that was good i was excited to tell you about that now i'm just fucking talking about my toothbrush so there's that but it's getting better you know the audio is better i'm coming in here and i'm yapping away so yeah i don't know i'm a little frustrated because i feel like i'm kind of stuck like i'm like yeah like i kind of just wanted to hop on and talk about anything but now i feel like okay i've been talking about nothing like now i kind of want to like start talking about something so i'm like i guess i could give you like my whole life story and go into like my trauma or something so like that would be fun so but then i'm like how do i start that like do i just be like oh so there was this one time like blah blah blah blah happened to me and like just dive right fucking in or do i kind of like ease into it like get to kind of ready and then drop a bomb like i don't know i don't know what to do but if any of you ever listen to this and have an idea and you're like oh you should talk about this then i will because you know i want to talk about everything but i feel like my mind is usually like rolling better on a day that i have work because i've been listening to podcasts and stuff where today like i've kind of just been in my own head so and i was like doing shit so i wasn't really like on adventures in my own brain for having any like crazy new ideas but yeah i don't know what boo boo boo oh my friend's calling me jaylen's calling me okay well i'm back now i just got off the phone with jaylen we were on the phone for kind of a minute like she was driving we've been trying let's see try let's see like 30 minutes so yeah i don't know where we left off but that's okay because now i can talk about jaylen i'm literally just i love that bitch so fucking much it's almost her birthday five days happy birthday i just i dedicate this um episode to jaylen i love you miss girl but i just fucking love her and yeah we've been because before she was in this relationship we were kind of spending like 100% of our time together and yeah like i guess she was kind of like took advantage of the time that we had and so now that she has like someone else to spend time with like obviously like that's kind of changed the time that we've been together and so i don't know we just like have been like calling it out to each other we're just like you know like just checking in and like you know just feeling like a little bit distant and just expressing how we both want to just spend a little bit more like quality time together instead of just like yeah before it was like we saw each other like pretty much every fucking day so we were just like talking about any and everything and it wasn't as valuable where now it's like now that i'm not getting that i like know what i'm missing out on and so yeah we just have been doing phone calls that works for us like we both drive like 45 minutes um at a time because her boyfriend was 45 minutes away and i work like 45 minutes away so it's nice like sometimes i'll call her whenever i'm leaving work or like she just called me she's on her way to her boyfriend's house and so yeah we just get to yelp a little bit and like i don't know it's just a lot more like quality like you know we're having better conversations and like i don't know just like really kind of connecting and yeah valuing our time so i love that i think that's going really good and you know what i do want to say like genuinely i'm so amazed by the woman because i feel like i don't know something that really scares me about relationships is just like not being able to like i don't want the whole relationship to come through my life because i feel like in other relationships and even like friendships that i've been in before it's just hard for me like i just kind of like give like everything to the relationship and so i don't really have much of a self like it's very codependent and very like um definitely unhealthy like i don't know like they kind of control like my sense of self a little bit too so yeah i really yeah have worked on that a lot and so all my relationships right now are super healthy and but being in like a romantic relationship like having a primary person like that just scares me because i just want to keep a balance like my friends are important to me i need to spend time with my friends my family is important to me i need to spend time with my family and even myself like i need to be alone sometimes so yeah that just really scares me but big giant in the world shout out to jaylen because i feel like she's navigating it so well like we're me and her have pretty open communication about it like she's like you know tell me if you ever feel like i'm like being shitty or like just like not really prioritizing our friendship at all like if you feel like i'm like neglecting it or something and yeah i don't know i'm like you know same and we just yeah have been trying to navigate that and so we talk about it and it's like yeah at this check-in we were just like you know like i feel like we're just getting a little too distant like yeah like it's not horrible but if we just both prioritize it a little more like yeah because we don't always have to be going out like that's the thing is like before when we would see each other like we were always on the go we were always doing something and it's like at this point like both of us are like we're like in our like chill girl era so we just both hang out at home a lot and so it's like if we could just hang out at home together instead of like just going out to eat or like going out to drink or whatever the fuck so yeah we've been figuring that out but definitely the car is like 10 out of 10 because yeah we're both making these 45 minute drives and it's like we can just pop in on each other and so yeah i like that and then we'll be like i'm here like we're done talking now but no it's fun it works out and i love her so much i feel like she's so inspiring shout out jaylearn if you're listening you are fucking inspiring you literally like we just got off the phone and it's so cool because it's like obviously i'm not in a romantic relationship so hearing about hers like it's making me think about things like it's having i'm telling her like my perspective and what like i think and then she can tell me what she thinks and like then i'm like oh my god like i didn't have a thought like that and so we can just yeah like i don't know just have these conversations with like two completely different perspectives of it and because i'm just kind of guessing you know i don't know what the fuck i would do i'm just saying what i think i would do or what i want to do but i'm not in the heat of the moment like she's in the heat of the moment girl so but yeah it's so much fun i love talking to that bitch and i'm loving our phone calls because yeah that was so much fun like we're really like connecting instead of just sitting there like waiting to go out like or scrolling on our phone or something like yeah our time was just kind of endless so yeah i think it's i like it i think it's healthy i think it's helped our relationship i think our relationship we've grown closer with this because yeah we're spending less time together but now we're spending more quality time together so i'm calling it a fucking man i'm satisfied and yeah jalen is so good like i don't know her whole relationship is cool it's fun seeing her in this atmosphere but anyway yeah love you bitch i've missed you and yeah her birthday is coming up and so yeah we don't know we were we talked about that a little bit and yeah it's still a little bit up in the air but we'll figure it out it'll be fun and then we still need to get piercings i'm so scared because all my clients on monday and tuesday are going to be like where's your piercings because i told them a month ago that me and my friend were getting piercings that day and we went to get piercings and then they were like oh actually like the piercer just had to leave and so we're like okay and so then the next tuesday we forgot about it and then the next tuesday because on tuesdays they do buy one get one half off and it's our studio um like we all go there for our tattoos and everything and so like that is like that is the fucking place to go and anyway so and buy one get one half off like that's a fucking bargain so like that was like our christmas present to each other fucking christmas time and so anyway then we tried to go last tuesday and then they were booked for the whole rest of the night so i'm like okay great so um we need to book an appointment yeah because we said we were just going to do that so it was like guaranteed but yeah and i see clients every two weeks and so every time after they were like oh like where's your piercing at and i'm like oh my fuck like we tried to go and couldn't get it and then we forgot and then she's like oh no and i'm like okay but we're gonna go today like i'm gonna have it the next time you see me and now it's gonna be the next time you see me i had two of my clients ask me like one of them and then she's like so let's see it and i was like i had no idea what she was like and i was like what and she's like your new piercing like didn't even offend her and i was like ah bitch and yeah i was yeah we were sad about it she was sad with me and then my other client comes in and she's like did you get your new piercing with your friend and i'm like no i didn't sheila i'm sorry so yeah it was really sad and now we forgot yesterday or wait yeah it's wednesday yeah we fucking forgot it yesterday so hopefully we go next tuesday but who fucking knows we gotta wait and see but i'm excited i'm gonna get another um i think i'm gonna get a stud in my nose i have a hoop in my nose and i know some people do like the hoop on one side and the stud on one side but i'm gonna do a stud and hoop on the same side like right next to each other because i've seen people where they have two little hoops and that looks so cute and yeah so i want to have a hoop instead because sometimes i miss my stud nose ring but not more than my fucking hoop i love the hoop so i'm like why not have both bitch i guess and then it's like nose piercings close up super easy that's a lot of my friends have had their nose pierced multiple times natalie shout out natalie cheyenne shout out i think cheyenne i'm pretty sure and somebody else so yeah luckily i've only had my nose pierced once i just leave my hoop in all the time and then yeah so i'm like if i get this stud and i end up not liking it like whatever because i'm way more of a tattoo person over a piercing person so that's why i'm like i'm a little nervous to get another one on my nose but i mean fuck it i'll just take it off i don't like it but i think i'll like it i think it'll be cute and i want more on my ears i just hate the healing process of piercings like you gotta clean it like three times a day you gotta fucking worry about getting a fucking bump on it like i don't know i feel like i would still be cleaning mine and i would still get bumps like i just feel like my skin i don't know i don't want to say it doesn't handle piercings well because my belly button piercing and yeah my belly button piercing so smooth so perfect no issues at all i got my little lobes pierced whenever i was a baby so i don't know i think they were probably fine and then my cartilage yeah that was a fucking bitch to heal and then my nose yeah same they both got little bumps on them and on my fucking nose like that no that is not gonna fucking work for me so yeah i'm just gonna make sure i'm cleaning the fucking shit out of it and also like for the other piercings i want on my ears because i want to get my seconds and my thirds and then like some other little like random ones but i don't know the names for them and then um but then you have to like be cautious whenever you're sleeping and like oh it's just such a fucking pain in the ass honestly it's choking me out just thinking about it but i'm gonna really try to do really good with my nose um when i get it because in the past it's like i do really good for a minute but then i kind of start sucking because you have to do it for fucking ever like piercings take my piercings take like i don't know my belly button was perfect it healed in like two weeks it was great but my nose and my cartilage both took like probably like two months to fully heal and even then like my cartilage will still be sensitive sometimes if i like it happens whenever i like hug someone if they like bump it at all like that will hurt it and sometimes if i sleep weird on it that will hurt but i don't know but my nose ring she's fine she's great i just changed my nose ring the other day i went to a smaller one and it's pink i had a medium-sized gold one in and they're like circles and you have to like pull one end of it one way like forward and the other end backward to like when you put it on but then you like that's how you open it and close it but then once you get it back and it's not touching you just want to pinch it to get it to close all the way so i did that and then it like fucked up the circle so it wasn't round and it was like a like fucked up like i had like a weird bend in it but i literally wore it like that for months and months and it didn't fucking matter like i don't think anyone was really paying attention and if they were like i don't know it probably wasn't that crazy but yeah and i actually did the pink i like the pink i think it's cute but honestly my favorite one is like the green one or the teal one or the blue one because those make my eyes pop and like i don't know i just feel like it's so much fucking fun i think it's so cute so that's annoying because obviously i like the pink and i wish that the pink was fucking pussy popping but it's not i mean it's popping but it's not making my eyes pop it's not really doing anything for me um like to bring out my natural beauty but i don't care i think it's fucking cute i'm enjoying it because i don't care about my eyes popping like i don't see my fucking eyes bitch you do that's your problem so yeah i like the pink um yeah but once the color starts peeling off then i'll just change it again because i don't know i also use pliers whenever i put them on the first time and so that kind of already started chipping the color on it but i don't know maybe because i think that's what i don't i'm not going to reuse any of them like i throw them away when i take them out because they're like do not look good they've been through it and so yeah i switched to the smaller one i don't know how i think i like it whenever i first got my nose pierced and put the smaller one in i was like oh my god like that just makes me that makes my nose look fucking huge because the ring barely goes on it but i don't know now i see a lot of people with just like the baby one i'm like that's actually cute like i don't think that like i don't know i used to be super insecure about like having a big nose but i don't know i don't really feel like i have a huge nose anymore like uh i don't know i don't really feel like my nose is the main character at all so i have the baby one in and i love it i think it's so cute and i changed my cartilage earring and my belly button ring which i don't really change my piercings like my belly button ring is really the only one that i change that much but yeah i put in a little baby stud um cartilage earring because before i had like a little vine this was really cute but it was tarnished to suck and so yeah now i have a little stud in there and then i have you know my pink nose ring and then my belly button ring is pink and sparkly because the one i had before it was so cute but i've had it in since july but it was just like a regular little um like silver one but then on the bottom i had a little dangly heart and it was just so cute because if they're too dangly i don't like them because most of my pants go over my belly button they're like they're right on it um so yeah the dangly is not my friend but that one it was just like had a little charm on it like it wasn't dangly dangly like it wasn't bitten or anything so yeah i love that one but that one was just like dirty i don't think it's tarnished it was just fucking nasty looking um yeah and i cleaned my fucking belly button so make sure you're all cleaning your fucking belly buttons shout out to belly button cleaning um yeah i don't know that's all i got if you got nothing else out of this it's just a reminder to clean your belly button remember last time that you cleaned your belly button okay gotta go i love you bye