Unfollow Me Ep 2 post_version 1

The podcast hosts discuss their friendship and how they have cultivated it over time. They talk about how they connected through mutual acquaintances and work, and how they have supported each other throughout various life events. They also discuss the challenges of balancing career, family, and friendships in adulthood. They emphasize the importance of being present and available for their friends and supporting them through difficult times. Overall, they value selflessness and being there for each other. Give me my theme music! They don't want you to follow me anywhere. You got too much drama. Say that drama for your mama. You play with my ass all the time. You and everybody here are cohesive. You cannot follow me. You follow us. We hear you. On all of them, okay? All social media. Follow me! Well, hello, everyone. Hi! Hi! Welcome back to the Unfollow Me podcast. This is Brittany. It's Kalundra. Shakita. Yeah, and these are your, what, podcast hosts here for Unfollow Me. And today's topic is cultivating friendships in adulthood. Heavy on the adulthood. So, I know, right? I'm very heavy on the breadth. But I have some questions for y'all. But before we kind of kick it off, like, I'd like to at least kind of give everyone a high-level overview of, like, our friendship and how we've kind of grown and kind of cultivated our adult friendship. That's a great idea. I know, right? I love that. Who's going to tell the story? Yeah. Well, Kalundra is a, she's the connecting, she's the connector, right? Finesse. Yes. Kalundra, a.k.a. Finesse. So, yeah. So, Brittany and I are actually somewhat related. Yes. In a roundabout way. Family, yeah. Cousins, actually. And so, I actually connected Brittany and Shakita because Brittany said, man, you know, I have this property. I need some guidance. And she saw my, you know, my shares from Shakita. She saw Shakita's post on how she's mogul marzette. Big money. And she was flipping these houses. Like, her name is Flippa. But, so, you know, they started working together and basically, you know, Brittany was, like, Shakita's protege. And then they cultivated a friendship from that. It's a little step further than that, though. Me and Brittany went to the same church. I knew Brittany's mom. Her mom and my mom, you know, were cool and, like, things like that. Amber, like, Brittany was at the church the same time I was there. I would see her here and there. Like, not all the time. I think you were off at school. Yeah. But, yeah, like, the circle was, like, there, you know? And it's just crazy how it was all just intertwined. Look at that. It was destiny. Manifest. Man, weird, because it's, like, number one, Colentia knows everybody. In the Metroplex, Colentia knows everybody. So it's mad crazy when people be, like, you know Colentia? I'm, like, yeah. Yeah, I do. And then, like, after meeting Shakita and knowing that, like, oh, we have these connections. And then, obviously, because she knew my mom and she's my heart. So it's crazy how we've all kind of come and now at this point, like, really kind of built a quality friendship. And now we have a podcast. Now we have a podcast. Yeah. And, I mean, it's crazy. We've come a long way. It's fire by faith. Yes. In the name of the Lord. Right? That's right. Yeah. But what you didn't answer, I don't think you did, was how did y'all connect? Oh. I mean, how did you guys connect? Because now the audience knows how all three of us had to wonderfully come together and make these powerpuff girls. But now. Are you black and buttercup or bubbles? Whichever one was the green one, girl. I knew it. Yeah. Whichever one is the green one. Buttercup. Buttercup. Because you're a little Sour Patch kid. I loved her. Yeah. I knew it. I didn't have to ask. Yeah. But, yeah, how did Khalidra and Shakita connect? How did we come to be? It was the workforce. It was the year 2014. We were working at Macy's. Macy's. Among the crazies. But, yeah, Shakita was kind of, like, standoffish. Yeah. Nothing has changed. Nothing has changed. We don't even know how we started talking. We were talking about it the other day. I was, like, how did we even become friends? Because you didn't talk to anybody. Yeah. Maybe one or two people. Yeah. But I would see her just prancing around. I sold cologne in the cologne department, and she was in women's. Sometimes she would pick up a shift in the men's department or be switched there by force. The latter, mostly. Yeah. Because I was, like, did she ever pick up shifts? I don't think so. No. Yeah. But I seen her over there. I was, like, oh, okay, natural hair. I love it. But she would just prance around and just kind of walk around. You know, I'd usually be, like, hi. And she'd just walk on by. Walk on by. Yeah. But I guess I think we may have connected in the break room. Yeah. I think it was the break room. I may have had a grievance or something against somebody. You were a listening ear or I don't know what it was. I think that's what it was. I think I know who that somebody is. Yeah. That's funny. Yeah. And that's somebody I happen to be friends with. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, it's coming back to me. Yeah. Okay. That's funny. But, yeah, 2014. And ever since then, we were running the streets. We were running the streets. We were running the streets. We were in the streets. We were in the city. We were in the city. Y'all all over the city. Yeah. We had, like, ten years of friendship at this point. And now here we are. Yeah. She's my maid of honor. And, you know, and three children later. That's my girl right there. You know? She's beautiful. All of them. They're beautiful. Like, life-changing events. Married. Yeah. Yeah. Kids. Wow. That's a perfect segue into the program. I know. Like, speaking of, like, now that we're talking about cultivating friendships and what that looks like in adulthood, so I guess we'll just jump right into it. Let's do it. So, for, I guess, our first question is, like, how have you kind of balanced the time between, like, your career and family and friendships? Because now we're at this big age. Like, we're grown. Big age. And, obviously, you have your number one priority, which is your home, right? And then you have your career. And then, like, where do you have the space for your friendships? But... Today I'm going to quit this job. But, anyways, that's a great question. Honestly, with me, my energy and my recharges comes from really good quality time with people. So, I'm a person who doesn't require much sleep. I can be great off of five hours of sleep. So, I think that really helps me in dividing my time. Like, I can be on a weekday. I'm going to say somehow. Like I said, I get recharged from good quality time. So, usually I'm tired by 10, 10.30. But if I'm out having a great time, then I'm not tired anymore. Like, I'm literally... What is that on Dragon Ball Z? What they say? Like, Super Saiyan. Like, I get Super Saiyan charged up. There's another term. I can't remember what it is. Anime fans, I'm going to need y'all to send me the word. But, yeah. Like, I'm able to divide that time and not be too tired because I'm already recharged from great people around me. Yeah. That's good. That's good. For me, I'll be honest. At the tender age of 32, I'm still figuring it out. I'm still figuring it out. I know that, you know, I'm balancing all of these things. But right now, for me, it's trial and error. I'm trying to figure out what works. It's like, okay, I'm trying to carve out space. You know, like, hey, I put my phone on D&D. This time is for me, my husband, my kids. Okay. Off D&D. Now it's time for me to work. I'm still balancing it out. So, I can't say that I have it fully figured out. I'm just going to be transparent. I'm still learning. I'm still learning. The Bible says we are ever learning. Ever learning. So, yeah, it's a learning process. Yeah. Well, I absolutely commend you both because now you both have, you know, husbands. And Takita has her kiddos. A whole bunch of them. Right? And just as sweet as they want to be, although. Let Jay tell it. It's a different story. But, again, trying to find moments to invest in your friends and making sure that you are present and available for them. And I'll absolutely kind of commend Kalundra because she is present. Yeah. She is a present friend. Right? Hey, just checking in. Like, I know you had a huge milestone moment. Are you okay? Very. Or do you need a moment? And I ain't even going to hold you. Like, I don't want to commandeer. But, like, when I was, yeah, when I was coming off of or kind of experiencing grief and pain after losing my mother, she was like, do you need a break? And literally took a quick little vacation and had some Palomas. And I was like, you know what? I had a minute to recharge. I had literally a brief moment with not only, like, my cousin, but a true friend that I'm building a relationship with. And I was able to come back and put myself together so I can keep pushing. And I'm always going to be grateful. So not to get all super sappy, but, you know, that's a lesson. That's not a learned trait. That's like who you are. Yeah. You got to remember. That's who you are. You got to find those moments to really be present with your friends. And, like, if you notice that their behavior has changed, like, step in. And ask that question. I think that's kind of what's valuable and what's important in retaining those relationships. But, again, those are my two cents. I got two more cents to add real quick. Add them, add them. You know, me and Brittany have known each other for a long time because of, you know, our families. But I can honestly say that when we took a trip to Jamaica, the summer that a lot of the cousins and her stepsister turned 30, and Brittany actually said to us, I'm paying for the venue that we're staying in or Airbnb, real nice mansion, actually. And y'all just worry about your flights and your food. So I said, I'm forever indebted. I'm forever indebted to Brittany. Like, how nice was that? Like, to go to Jamaica and only have to worry about your flight and your food. So ever since then I was like, now this is the person that I know that I want to be a great friend to because she's so selfless. And it just made me, like, want to be like that. You know, like some people inspire you, you know. So that's very much just something that always stuck with me. Like, I love selfless people, and I want to be able to be the same for them. To tie it back into that first question, that's how you balance. You make time for, you know, the things that are important to you, the things you want to pour in and water, you know. You're watering this relationship. So you're going to find time to balance that. Right, because they're worth it. Yeah. We're worth it, too. Who are you? When you find those quality friendships that you really want to keep, you'll make sure you make the time to really pour into those people and have them around. But moving on, so what are the signs that a friendship is worth investing in? Even if it creates extra effort. Like, you know, when I just said the word worth, because she's worth it. It's just like, for example, I really love people, and I'm especially partial to people who exhibit, you know, traits that I feel like are very rare. Now, people with traits like that, they go through a lot, you know, because people don't appreciate that. So to answer that question, you invest in what is valuable to you. And I'm all about, like, for example, my love language is quality time. So I try to maximize that for people who are a reciprocal pourer. So, yeah, I mean, that's my answer. Extra effort is nothing for me. Yeah. Because I'm going to make sure that they know that they appreciate it. To break it down into almost like real estate terms, return on investment. Oh, okay. ROI? ROI. I mean, if you show up to the fix and flip, you know, she talks about the ROI. Fix and flip, fix and flip. Yeah, fix and flip, fix and flip. But, you know, you kind of already, you know, touched on it, but basically what you're saying is just a return on investment. People that invest into you, you want to invest into them. That's how you know that they're worth it. It's like, you know, you pay your bill. You pay your electricity bill because you want your electricity to stay on. You want your AC. You want to be able to charge your phone. You know, so you're going to keep paying that bill. You're getting a return on that, you know, investment. It's the same thing with friendship or any relationship. You're getting a return. You know, somebody's pouring into me. I'm pouring into you. That's worth the extra effort. You know, it's worth it. You know, one month your bill might be like $500. You know, but, hey, you still got to pay it, right? One month your friendship, you know, things may be tumultuous or they may be going through something or you may be going through something, but you're still putting in that extra effort because of that return on investment. Right. That's it for me. Good. Good. And, I mean, I love what Kalindra said about just it's all about what you value. Right. So you have to take inventory of what's important to you. And then once you notice those values, those morals in your friendship that you want to retain, those people that you want to keep around you, you have to do the work to make sure that you make time and make space for them. I mean, any relationship is hard, but you want to make sure. I mean, like we talked about it before, but your friends are your chosen family. Those are the people that you choose to keep around. You've identified. Yeah, you've identified. So you've got to make sure that you, you know, you invest in those relationships. It's chosen. It's chosen. Yes. Some of you let me know to give me high goals. Good. I'm trying to get chosen. Choose them friends. Choose wisely. Choose wisely, yes. Choose wisely. Otherwise, choose responsibly, unfollow me. Otherwise, unfollow me. It's going to be a mutual unfollowing. Yes. Yeah. But I guess on the inverse, though, like how do you know or what are the signs that a friendship is not worth investing in? Like, you know what? I've given all that I've got. And this is not working, so I'm going to exit stage left. For me, I'm huge on trust. Mm-hmm. And there's only – there's not very many situations where I was just like excommunicado, you know, like John Wick. Oh, they're like, you excommunicado? Yeah. Like, it takes a lot for me to get there. Yeah. But when I feel like I can't trust the person. This has always, like, been my number one thing for friendships, relationships, any kind of ships. Like, if I don't feel like you're – Cruise ships. Cruise ships. If I don't feel like I don't make it to that destination, we got to cut it. Yeah. So, what would cause me to see that somebody's not worth it is me not being able to trust that they are going to do their part or trust them being around me. Like, there have been people I've been really good friends – been a good, really friend. That's all right. Gather your thoughts. It's okay, baby. Gather your thoughts. It's all right, baby. Yeah. Thank you. Take your time. Take your time. Take your time, baby. There have been people I've been a really good friend to, all to find out they didn't like me. They didn't like you. You know? And, like, there was a situation I had where I was doing a lot for these girls who were the sisters, and they even, quote, unquote, planned my birthday party. And guess what, y'all? They didn't show up to the birthday party. Nobody showed up to the birthday party. Yeah, I've never told this story. And you know they had Britney presents. I am appalled. Yeah. I had one friend that showed up who was my best friend. And then another one of my friends came after I let them know, like, what happened. So we just did something else. But, yeah, like, they planned me a party. And I was usually always their ride. So I go to their house to pick them up. You got to go get to your party. You stay right. Okay. I go to their house to pick them up, and they're feeling like, oh, no, we're not going. And they had supposedly told, like, all these people that they planned my party at Main Event. So I was like, all right. I didn't think nothing of it because, you know, I'm always trying to think the best of people. So then I go. They want to party, y'all. So me and my homegirl, we just played pool, and then we went to dinner, and then my homeboy pulled up. So we just all ate dinner. All three of us. But, yeah, that's a true story. That's one story. But I've had, like I said, I've had situations I don't speak publicly on because I don't want to, you know, I don't want to victimize myself, and I don't want to appear like, oh, I just had such dreadful situations because I've had great situations, many more good ones than bad. But, like I said, trust is really big to me. So if I can't trust you to be who I thought you were. Brittany ready to throw hands over there. Hold on. Was the old boy in Alabama who threw that hat up? Yep. Because that's mine. Because what do you mean you're throwing me a party and you're not going to. Yeah, it is that. Quality over quantity because what you're not going to do is be out here playing with me. But go ahead. And, like I said, I did a lot for them. I didn't even ask for gas money when I transported them. But that was in my 20s, early 20s, and, you know, people just, they see that fire in you. You know, they see that a lot of people gravitate toward you and it bothers their little demons. She's got that dog in her. Hey, hey. She's got that dog in her. She's got that dog in me. I'm telling you all. But, yeah, so that's funny that we are talking about this because, like I said, I've never told that story. It's quite embarrassing. I mean. A little bit. But that's vulnerability. And the fact that you feel comfortable enough to share it. I feel like we are quality friends. Are we not? Yeah. In the world. Yes. In the world. Forget about them. Yes. But we have evolved to a point where it's okay. Like I'm sure there are plenty of people. Woman evolved. Sarah. Pastor Sarah. Come talk to us. Come and talk to me. I really want to meet you. Can I talk to you? Okay. We did it. We did it. Wow. But, yes. But, yeah, so that's my little take. Yeah, girl. You've got to be 38 hot. Okay. Over there. Yeah, I don't know. Look on her. Y'all can see the look on her. She's bracing herself. She's hugging herself over there. Girl. My colludra. Rocking back and forth. My finesse. Y'all don't play with her. I was finessed. Don't play with her. That's why I am who I am today. That's Vanessa. Yes, exactly. Exactly. Get the dog in me now. Try me. You don't. Try me. Try me. So, what are you thinking? What are you thinking, J? So, for me, my energy gets drained really fast. My energy. My physical energy. My mental energy. My physical energy. My mental energy. My physical energy. My mental energy. My physical energy. My mental energy. My physical energy. My mental energy. My physical energy. 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