Grace, Mirrors, and the 22

The speaker had an idea about how problematic people can be mirrors for our own unresolved issues. They mentioned their own experience at an immersion and how certain individuals challenged their ability to show grace and compassion. They also discussed a previous experience where they realized that difficult people can be our deepest teachers. The speaker emphasized that grace is not about being charming or pretty, but about loving and accepting the hard and uncomfortable aspects of ourselves and others. They talked about their struggle to understand and embody grace, and how they learned to extend grace to some people while retracting it from others. The speaker expressed gratitude for the opportunity to share their perspective on grace and acknowledged that they still have much to learn. good morning so just waking up and this idea popped in my head so i know it's not mine and it lends to my experience at each immersion that i went to um it also correlates with one particular immersion that i experienced last year and i wanted to talk about this idea of the problematic person being the mirror for the things that we don't sit with within ourselves and i'm not going to like name names or talk too much specifically because i hope i won't but i think it's a testament to the ways in which people in our lives are mirrors they're mirrors for what we can't see in ourselves they're mirrors for our inability for compassion at times this lack of grace i had a conversation recently there's one particular person that i'm really close with and he loves to inform me that i am not a very graceful person and i mean i don't have the 22 i'm not graceful um i'm not somebody who orients towards platitudes i don't fluff and i also i'm not the best at offering compassion where i where i don't see it um i think my inability to see grace is a big pain point when i find it i live in it i will acknowledge that so speaking of the immersions with marianne i think what little integration i'm getting now is there were some situations and this happens in every immersion there's usually at least one person and that particular person has a really hard time maybe sitting with themselves maybe speaking out of turn um maybe knowing it all maybe taking up i'm going to put this in air quotes too much space space and it can be deeply aggravating as somebody who actually like is desiring to do what's being asked of them and there were moments in the first and second version where i could feel myself getting mad my body would get so angry physically leave the space if you were there you know it wasn't even my mind sometimes it was just my body was just like whoa this is not an alignment and i would get mad and i would walk out or if one particular person if one particular person usually was the same person would do that thing that that inability to to wait that inability to sit still in themselves that inability to assert their knowingness or ask a question without letting another person finish it was so hard in that moment to offer grace and compassion and i wasn't the only one you know there are plenty of us who are maybe oscillating between irritation frustration or just exhaustion at it exhaustion at it and i was laying here trying to sleep and my mind brought up this person from last year and this person and i were born in the same year we were born two days apart and if you look at our chart maybe the exception of the lines it looks pretty identical and the only difference between my real significant difference between this individual and i is they had the full 35 36 and they had obviously a defined solar plexus and i did not and and beyond that this person was perceived as the problematic one in space they had a tendency to just want to be the biggest person in the room to interrupt speak to to really process their emotions in real time and need an answer and i could see specific people get deeply aggravated by this human and towards the end of the experience um there was a moment where we were how we did a plant ceremony and i had some realizations about mirrors i had some realizations about mirrors i had some realizations about fractals and i had this deep which i don't know if i can even articulate in the 3d this this way of seeing how the people that tend to be the most challenging in our lives are our deepest teachers our mirrors are showing us the ways in which we can't sit with ourselves and i remember towards the end of the journey for me i pulled them aside and i informed them how deep medicine they were for the space how deep medicine they were for me and i mean i didn't have the same problems with this human that other people did but i could see them look at this human and just see them as the problem like you are the reason we're not having this harmonious experience you are the reason you're the reason i'm irritated you're the reason you're the reason you're the reason you're the reason not this like actual grace you know we're in the 22 right now it's transing and when i read it i'm like that's not grace every time i look at the 22 i'm like that's not grace being gracious and charming is not grace i need to reread it again that's all i'm going to say about that and also i also know a lot of 12-22s i'm going to say grace for me is different grace for me is seeing the thing that can appear in lots of ways the most disconcerting the most uncomfortable the ugliest in lots of ways the most disconcerting the most uncomfortable the ugliest i'm not talking about physicality i'm talking about energetically the things that are hard to sit with the things that are hard to stomach things that it would feel easier to run away from instead of that moving towards it moving towards it leaning into it taking it into oneself and loving it having a deep immense amount of compassion despite whatever feelings we might be feeling in a moment using that as the mirror to say whatever i am seeing i will love that in you because in loving that in you i will love that in myself and repeating that over and over and over and over again that is fucking grace to me it isn't charming it isn't pretty it's redemption do you know how long it's taken me to understand for myself the definition of grace i think i just figured it out right now but yeah is looking at hard things and loving it despite whatever our mind might want us to do that's grace and so in the immersion with marianne there was a particular there were a couple of people that um it was hard to be i don't want to say gracious to extend grace to and as the week progressed i could see myself extend but also too interesting the people that i extended grace towards there were other people i started to like retract grace from and be like oh you think you have it and you don't and that is a that is a gift to discern that but not judge it just be aware of it you know and just like honor honor my awareness honor my discernment give myself space to give myself space to to love the hard moments to love my response that doesn't always feel like i don't want to say perfect but like correct for me and like lean into those sticky points lean into those people who are so mind-centered lean into the people that were resentful of me and probably still are lean into this idea of like not being liked despite where everybody else is doing my best to move in integrity and continuously lean into love in and forgive myself over and over and over again so thanks mind for waking me up at i don't even know like nine in the morning after i went to bed super fucking late thanks for anybody who actually desired to listen to me and my perspective on grace like you know i mean it like i have no orientation around it i have no orientation around it around the word grace i honestly uh don't know a lot of people who have it um every time i look look towards the 22 or i look at people who have the 22 this is no shade i'm like huh i wonder what that means there's graciousness there's charm there's feelings there's things where's the grace but there are people in my life who inform me of what it is and there are moments where i'm called out and informed of mine and it brings me to my knees because it's almost like in the not knowing and the not having of it or the lack of awareness of it like i see it everywhere it's almost like in not having it i have more of it it's like so within so without anyway i hope this was meaningful for you i really need these transits to chill the fuck out you you