Ep8 In The Shadow Of The Mountain C.L.Knox stories

The speaker discusses episode 8 of a podcast and mentions the topic of inappropriate sexual behaviors. They express their belief that sexual abuse of children has always been prevalent in society. The speaker then recounts a personal experience from when they were 10 years old, staying with college-aged friends in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. They mention a woman named LaDonna who was part of this group and worked at a diner. They describe attending a party where people were engaging in an orgy, but they did not participate and were not abused. The speaker reflects on the disturbing nature of the experience and the perversion of sex by some individuals. They also touch on the topic of how sex can be both a gift and a source of harm. So, episode 8, doing it in my house, home alone, instead of in the truck. I like to get a piece of paper if I have an opportunity and I make notes to myself. Episode 8, my goodness. The sex, now I got your attention, heard that one before, so. I made a mention of inappropriate sexual behaviors in the last podcast. It's not a subject I like to talk about. It is inevitably stories of abuse and I don't want to be explicit in any way. And the thing is, I know I'm just one person and I lived in a different kind of a life as a child than many, but I think sexual abuse of children is rampant now. It was rampant in the 60s and 70s. It's always been rampant. There's always been a segment of society that would abuse children, boys and girls. Whether that was sexual or physical, whatever. Children haven't been really nurtured in the history of humanity in the way that they should have been. That's my opinion. So I want to, I mean, it's such a big, big subject. I want to talk about, again, when I was 10 years old. A lot of stuff happened to me when I was 10 years old, happened to me, happened in my life. But I also mentioned the college-age students, having a lot of them around. I don't know how that was initiated, that we ended up being immersed into that culture, that age group. But it was a pretty deep immersion. When I was 10, we had friends that were college-age and maybe some a little older, you know, maybe recently graduated from university. We had a group of people in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, which is where the University of Alabama is. There's also a University of Alabama, Birmingham. That one was in the city. My mom used to work there as a researcher after the divorce. The college-age people that we were involved with had a big representation there in Tuscaloosa. Many of them had gone to UAB. Some, actually, I was going to wear my Bear Bryant hat. I wanted to talk about UAB. A little joke, a little, you know, my inner Bear Bryant. Anyway, there was one woman in particular that I think she was older. She was like the den mother for this group of college-age students we had that were friends. Her name was LaDonna. She was a big, big woman. I mean, she was probably in her late 20s as opposed to her early and mid-20s. She was still 20, maybe 25 or 26. You know, I don't know, 27. I don't know, something like that. She was still quite into the culture, the university lifestyle culture. She worked at a diner, donut shop. Donut shop slash diner. I, on a few occasions, went and spent extended periods of time with her. I don't know how that came to be. I'm not, I cannot remember how that happened, but I have very vivid memories of two specific times where I was at her, staying at her house. So, she was my guardian, I guess, you know. I don't have any idea how my parents, my mom and stepfather met her or trusted her. Or maybe they, I mean, I've already commented on, there wasn't a lot of concern from my mom or my dad in one way. But anyway, the story, I was staying at LaDonna's for a couple of weeks. For a few days. And I can remember, we went to the park. Well, I remember it as a park, but you know, it may have well been the campus, UAB campus. Because it was, it had some nice public areas on the campus there. On the campus there. And we met up with some other friends and we smoked a couple of joints. And they were talking about the party, they were going to have a party. And I wasn't, I feel like that was already arranged before I came there, before I was involved. And you know, had a good time. And then later that night, as I remember it, we had dinner. She made dinner. There was me and her and another guy, like probably in his 20s. And they were getting ready for the party. They had like cans of whipped cream and, you know, lots of food and stuff. And anyway, she, later that night, like I would say probably around 7, 7.30, she sent me off to my room. Like, you know, it's time for you to go to bed. And I'm like, what? I'm 10 years old, I don't go to bed at 7, 7.30. It might have been later, 8. I mean, who knows? That was when I was 10 and that was 55 years ago. Anyway, as it happened, the party began. I was back in the back in a bedroom. I think I was probably watching TV or something. And at some point I came out to see what was going on at the party. And it turned out that everybody was in different or differing stages, varying stages of undress. There was a lot of white sheets. People were spraying whipped cream on other people's private parts and it turns out it was an orgy. And I was like, I never experienced anything like that. I, um, I retreated back to my room. And, uh, you know, it's been fricking decades since I even thought about this story. Anyway, so, uh, I've, I, um, did go back and into the party and I, I smoked some pot. I never got naked. I never was touched. I was never abused. In fact, LaDonna was apparently trying to spare me from the experience. Um, it was, um, at that time, it was disturbing for a 10-year-old mind and I wasn't innocent at 10 years old already. I had experienced a lot of bizarre, unnatural, not normal sexual behavior. Um, so, experience of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of, of to push away those who deeply love us. I'm not saying everybody does that. I'm just saying it's example of a human heart, humanity. And we, you know, anyway, those, when you start talking about sex, it goes into these other things, husbandry, what it is to what sex about sex is a great, great gift from God. And at the same time, it's, it's been perverted by the mind of or by the actions by the hearts of wicked men and women. I mean, I say men, I mean, mankind, how we pervert the good things of God. I mean, and the earth is an example. If you look at the earth, and there's a scripture in Romans, Romans eight, where it says the whole all of creation groans, all of creation groans for the return of Christ. So Christ being the creator, where they all all of creation seeks God, they see they seek the return of things being put right. And here we fight, you know, among ourselves, like we think we're going to fix climate change, or we're going to fix child slavery or any of those things, without actually realizing we don't we don't have the capacity because of our greed, our evil, dark, our dark hearts. I mean, this isn't this isn't I got the timer on here. This isn't my they're going longer than 15 minutes. The statement isn't I can't even remember what I was going to say now. That there's so much so much to talk about. I mean, because sex is a beautiful thing. When when it's when it's according to God's purposes. And it's a horrible thing when it's perverted. And I know, at some point, I'm going to get deeper into to this stuff. It's a hard subject. Anyway, I don't know what song I'm going to do. Yet, I'm gonna I'll find something. Thanks for joining me for this episode eight, and I'll see you in episode nine. So do the burden that way heavy on a man while they were heavy on a man like me. And even in the quiet of the night, I know a battle that no I can see. Like living with a tired and weary heart in the jungle that a man can see. And bury the weight of one man so even though that one man believe only natural. It's not like I've lost all hope. I haven't lost any at all. Oh, it's not a fear about my destiny. It's not a fear that I might fall. I have a goal that I still press on to go through trials I must go. The things I've done, no punishment to suffer the things that he did save my soul. Everything he did save my soul. Sometimes when I'm crying, I wish the tears would flow. That someone might see me and understand, you know. So when my heart is weary and my strength is fading oh so low. My faith is seeming cloudy and the world is growing oh so cold. Seems only natural. Oh, there's just something that I have to live for and that's more precious than gold. Runs like a river right through the center of everything that I know. Truth is my ally and my sword is in the spirit and faith is a shield all around me. The things I've done, I know that I will die for the things that he did to set me free. Everything he did to make me free. I don't want it to look like desperation. It's not. I just need some clarity. Because in my heart I need that deep relation and won't be found in his love. Can't you tell when you look upon me, I feel pain like every man. And in my heart there is this mighty fortress and that my friend is God. Yes, my God.