Health is Wealth programme-18 3sept2024

ParentLine is a helpline that supports parents with various issues. They receive many calls from parents concerned about their children's anxiety and school-related difficulties. ParentLine offers information, support, and guidance for parents of children of all ages, including those with additional needs or who have experienced bullying. They have programs to help parents with school refusal and anxiety. ParentLine is anonymous and non-judgmental, providing a safe space for parents to discuss their concerns. They have seen a significant increase in calls from fathers and are also receiving many calls about vaping. ParentLine is a valuable resource for parents dealing with teenage issues, as they can feel isolated and lack support networks. The Health Sloth on Connemara Community Radio. A weekly program supported by funding from Commission Amon with a television license fee. Oh Doctor, I'm in trouble. Well, goodness gracious me. For every time a certain man is standing next to me, a flash comes to my face and my pulse begins to race. It goes boom, boody, boom, boody, boom, boody, boom, boody, boom, boody, boom, boody, boom, boom, boom. Boom, boody, boom, boody, boom, boody, boom. Well, goodness gracious me. Okay, so it's that time of the year again where all the kids are heading back to school and we're all getting into our routines. And I think for most parents, they're kind of welcoming the return to routines as well. But for many more, it can be anxious times for a multitude of reasons. And on the phone with me now is Aileen Hickey, CEO of ParentLine. So Aileen, this is probably a very busy time of the year for you. It's a very busy time. Well, the end of August and heading into September, it's an exceptionally busy time for ParentLine because we get a lot of calls from parents who are discussing what you've mentioned there, which is parents who are concerned that their children are maybe anxious about school return. That in turn can make a parent anxious about school return and other school-related difficulties. So, you know, back to school is great. And most kids are very happy to go back to school. And most parents are very happy for their kids to go back to school. But not everyone welcomes the return to school. And I suppose, you know, particularly children maybe who have additional needs or children who maybe have, you know, been bullied in the past or who have difficulties with a teacher or friends or a friend group or any element of education. So, yeah, we're very busy this time of year. I mean, I suppose about a third of our calls at the moment would be in relation to a school-based difficulty. And I guess the problem with any of these concerns, there'd probably be an element of, you know, people might feel that this is just something that they have to deal with and something that they have to get through. And, you know, it is good to know that there is help available and that you can provide that help. Yeah, so I suppose, first of all, I mean, for those who don't know what we mean, ParentLine, we are what it says on the tin. I mean, we, ParentLine is a helpline for parents. We offer information and support and guidance to parents of children of all ages and any and all issues because, you know, anyone who's a parent knows that, you know, all ages bring their own challenges and their own issues. So, you know, we deal with everything from postnatal depression right through to parents who have concerns with adult children, you know, living in the family home and continuing to live in the family home for longer because, obviously, of, you know, accommodation shortage and expenses and all the rest. But, you know, a huge cohort of our calls would come from parents of teenagers. And I suppose the biggest concern there would be anxiety. You know, children who are explaining signs of anger and aggression, which is generally covered by the term child-to-parent violence, and that can be anything from verbal abuse right up to physical abuse. But it's a huge issue for parents. I suppose it's kind of one of those issues that parents are not willing to talk about generally and certainly not to, you know, siblings or to down at the school gates or anything like that because I think it's an issue that brings with it a bit of a stigma and, you know, parents don't understand how this is happening in their own homes. But I suppose what I want to say is ParentLine is a fantastic organization. We have 60 volunteers who, you know, ParentLine has been in existence for 42 years. There isn't an issue that they haven't heard before or a story that they haven't heard or can't respond to. We have 60 volunteers. We're on the line from 10 in the morning until 9 in the evening. And I'll show the helpline number, if you don't mind, at the end. We've got a very good, we have a very good website, which is parentline.ie. On the website, we have, you know, the sections on anxiety and on child-to-parent violence. There's also sections on returning to school, actually, for parents who are concerned about that because I suppose all ages and the return to school and transitioning from, you know, maybe the junior school to senior school, that can bring difficulties, as can transitioning from the junior cycle to the senior cycle or just children who are, you know, maybe moving from second class to third class in primary school. That's one of the trigger points as well because children are moving into a different cycle. But we have a lot of articles written by our own volunteers on the website on parents being supported in helping children to return to school and to deal with school difficulties. We also, and I might mention this, we also have some very good one-to-one programs that we offer parents over the phone. Again, parentline.ie being a phone-based helpline service. So we have one-to-one programs that help parents to, again, to be supported in the areas of school refusal, in the areas of anxiety. We have a program called Supporting Parents with Anxious Childhood Emotions with volunteers trained in that. And it's a one-to-one program that we offer over the phone. Again, just, I suppose, giving parents as much information and support and guidance in terms of how to deal with those issues and how to get through them. So for anyone who is having those difficulties, even if they're in parentline and they talk to any of our volunteers, we will make a call back to them and put them on the waiting list for these specific one-to-one programs. But for anyone who's got any kind of, any parent who's got any concerns, the volunteers are on the lines anyway and they're more than happy to talk to people. A lot of the time when parents are with us, they just want to be listened to. They want to feel heard and they want to feel understood. Last year we took about 6,000 calls. So we've kind of doubled our number of calls in the last three or four years from where we were at. Again, I think maybe because more parents are aware of parentline and also more parents are reaching out for support. I suppose another interesting fact is we used to be primarily there for mothers. It was mainly mothers who rang. But about a quarter of our calls now come from dads, which is fantastic, Mary, because, again, it just shows that dads are more aware that they may need support and they may need information and they may need a bit of help. And also I suppose it shows that they are more willing to ask for it, but also that they're more involved in family life and they're not just leaving it to the mother of the children. So that's fantastic. The other call area that I want to mention is, again, I think it's a concern for many parents, is vaping. We're taking a huge amount of calls at the moment on parents who are concerned about vaping. And actually if you pass any school dates over the next month, you'll see children coming out of school and immediately putting their hands into their pockets for their vapes. And parents are extremely concerned about both the long-term effects of vaping, the short-term effects of vaping, the unknown consequences of vaping, and the easy availability of vapes with their various flavours and packaging and all the rest of it. So, just again, we're very aware of the issue and we can support parents who are concerned on that area. Yeah, because I think with an awful lot of these issues, if there's issues in national school, you have an awful lot of contact with other parents, i.e. at the school gate and clubs, etc. But when they move into secondary, somehow that's very different, isn't it? You know, all of a sudden everybody's just, you know, either the majority of kids may well travel by bus, or parents are just coming up in their car and collecting the kids and going again. There doesn't seem to be the same network support. No, no, there definitely isn't. And again, that's why we would get a huge bunch of calls from parents of teenagers because they're the ones who are in secondary school, obviously. And it's because they're not having these discussions that they used to have with the parents of primary school children. And again, I suppose it's because the issues for them are bigger issues because, again, teenage issues can be very concerning and they can be quite significant. But a lot of parents, as you just said there, they don't go to the school because children travel independently to the school. So they're not collecting their child from the school immediately. Are they going to somebody's house to collect their child after a play date? They often don't know their children's friends, and they certainly don't know their children's friends' parents. So they're certainly more isolated. So again, I think that's why ringing an organization like ParentLine... The great thing about ParentLine is, first of all, we're non-judgmental, but also we're anonymous. So I think the huge benefit is that parents can ring confidentially and they can tell stories that they wouldn't want to tell to somebody face-to-face or certainly they wouldn't want to tell, as I said, their neighbor or even a member of their family. Because I think parents, when they're dealing with teenage issues or when they're dealing with any parenting issue, sometimes they feel that they're protecting their child by not discussing whatever their child is up to or whatever issue is concerning them. And as I say, that can be particularly, I suppose, in relation to child suffering and violence. Again, child suffering and violence isn't necessarily a 15-year-old young fellow throwing his mother up against the fridge door every night of the week, but it can be that. We've taken a lot of very significant calls from parents who have been bruised or have had a broken limb by a child. But a lot of the time it can be emotional abuse or verbal abuse. But again, parents find it a very difficult area to think about and to discuss, and they're protective of their child, so they don't want to necessarily tell people what their child is doing. But ParentLine has a very good program for parents who are dealing with issues in relation to any of those things that I just mentioned there, the whole umbrella of child suffering and violence. There's a program called that. Again, it can be looked up on our website. It's called the Nonviolent Resistance Program. And it's a one-to-one program, again, that we put in place over the phone to help parents. Ultimately, what it does is it changes the parent's reaction, the behaviors that are being displayed, and that in turn brings about a behavioral reaction in the child. I couldn't go into the full explanation of it now, but any parent who's concerned will find it on the website. And if any parent wants to go on the Nonviolent Resistance Program, they can certainly ring into ParentLine. Again, I suppose the most important thing is for any parent who has concerns and who would like to talk to anybody is to pick up the phone and ring ParentLine and express your concerns because it's okay to ask for help. And, you know, as we're always saying, you know, there's no such thing as the perfect parent. You know, it's okay to be a good enough parent, but to reach out and look for the bit of help and look for a bit of guidance or just even to express what's going on to somebody confidentially and who would be entirely nonjudgmental. And as I say, obviously, it's anonymous. It's the most difficult job in child parenting. The most rewarding, but definitely the most difficult for sure. So when you're saying about these programs, is it a series of phone calls? It is. So, I mean, with the program that I mentioned earlier, Mary, the program that deals with anxiety and school refusal, that's a two-session program that we put in place for parents. So it's kind of an hour and a half each week for two weeks. So it's about three hours in total. And the nonviolent resistance program is longer. It takes about eight to ten weeks. So it's once a week for eight to ten weeks. So the parent is speaking to the same person each week at the same time each week, and they're being brought through the steps of the program. I cannot tell you how amazing the program is and how well it works. What we've got back from parents in terms of testimonials for parents who've been through the program is phenomenal because these parents were extremely distressed when they rang us, and there was, you know, a lot of, as I say, when they ring us, they're in huge difficulty. And for a lot of them, they don't see a way out, and they don't see how they can, you know, bring their family back together. But they do. And, you know, if they commit to the program, obviously, like everything else, it's not a magic bean, and, you know, we don't wave a magic wand and sort it all out. But for parents who commit to taking that phone call once a week and going through the steps of the program and following what's being suggested by the volunteer on the phone, they will have the most fantastic outcomes, and they get their child back, and they get their family back. Because, again, what we'll always say is, it's not the child that's the problem. It's the behavior that's the problem. But you just need to resolve the behavior. And we don't deal with children. We only deal with parents. So we work with the parent to change the parent's reaction. And that, in turn, as I say, brings about a behavioral reaction in the child. Now, obviously, it's not as simple as what I just said, because if it was, it wouldn't be a program that would be put in place for an hour over a week over 10 weeks. But it's a fantastic program. So for any parent who's looking for that, again, they can ring Parentline. What we try and do is we try and make sure that the parent is facilitated and that they can take the phone call at a specific time each week that suits them. So that could be 11 o'clock on a Wednesday morning or 7 o'clock on a Tuesday evening, but a time where they can listen to somebody over the phone and follow the steps of the program at a time that they can actually give to do that. So, again, like I say, it's just a matter of picking up the phone and ringing Parentline and seeing if it's something that would help and support them, something that they can commit to. And if they can, we'll certainly put it in place. The only commitment we have is that they will pick up the phone once a week when they're called by Parentline to follow the steps of the program. It's a free program, and it's all our services. So you're volunteers, and they must receive quite a bit of training and counselling and listening skills, et cetera. Absolutely so. And I'm so glad you mentioned that, actually, Mary, because we train volunteers once a year. Our new batch of volunteers are trained usually in September. So we're actually looking for new volunteers at the moment. We're looking to recruit new volunteers. But they're put through a fantastic training program, and there's two full days of face-to-face training, and then there's some Zoom training sessions, and then they have to listen to other volunteers who are making it, experienced volunteers who are making and taking calls. So we wouldn't let anybody go on the phones until we know that they're happy and comfortable to make and take the calls. But also we have to know that the parent who is ringing Parentline gets the service that they should get, so we don't let any volunteer go on the phones until we're 100% comfortable that whatever call they get they can respond to in the Parentline way and appropriately and that they have the knowledge and the experience to deal with the parents. Because not every call is a difficult call, but you don't know what a parent is going through when they ring us. So we have to make sure that our volunteers are very highly trained. We have volunteers who have been with us for 30 years plus, and then we've obviously got volunteers who were trained with us last year and the year before and the year before that. So as I say, we only train maybe 8 to 10 volunteers a year, and obviously we pick and choose those who we think will suit Parentline, but we are recruiting at the moment, so anyone who is interested in volunteering with Parentline, there is currently an ad on the website and they can read more about how to volunteer with Parentline, and the application form is also on the website and can be downloaded from the website or if they are in Parentline we post them out in the application form. But like I say, our volunteers are fantastic because obviously Parentline is nothing without its volunteers, but they are a really high calibre of people. I mean I know all my volunteers so well and they are just the most fantastic bunch of people that you are ever going to meet. Well I think it's a fabulous service really because when you think of the multitude of issues, and God knows I have three teenagers myself, and it can be very, very difficult and you can come up against so many issues, and to think that there is just a phone number there that you can dial, it's completely anonymous, completely free, and you've got experts on the other side of the line that can guide you in one way or the other, and I just think it's fantastic and fair play to you. It is Mary, and thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to speak about Parentline because again I suppose the message that I am constantly trying to get across is there is no point in having a service as good as Parentline, and volunteers are fantastic as the Parentline volunteers if people don't know about it. So I am constantly trying to grow the awareness of Parentline so that for parents who are struggling with any issue in relation to a child of any and all ages, that they know that they can ring Parentline and that somebody will pick up the phone on the other end and they will listen to them and they will make them feel heard, they will ensure that they are understood, and then they can take it from there if they need to go on to a further programme, or they can be signposted maybe to an organisation that is more directional and that can help them better if it's a specific area. But one way or the other, the first step is to pick up the phone and look for the bit of help and ring Parentline. And to that end, Darlene, do you mind giving out the Parentline phone number? The Parentline number, it's a Dublin number, but these days all numbers are national numbers, so it's 0187 33500. So that's 0187 33500. And as I say, also the website is a great resource for anyone who is wondering if Parentline is something that could help them. Maybe they have a look through the website and they will see what we do, who we are, all the areas that we support parents in, which is all areas anyway. But they could have a look through the website or just ring us, whichever suits. As I said, we have volunteers on the phone right now, and we will have volunteers on until 9 o'clock this evening. And we don't have a weekend service, unfortunately, because we don't have enough volunteers to cover a weekend service. But we are there from 10 in the morning until 9 in the evening on Mondays and Thursdays, 10 in the morning until 7 in the evening on Fridays. That's brilliant. Aileen, thank you so much for taking the time out to come on and talk to us. We really appreciate it. Thank you very much, Mary. Thank you very much, Mary. Thank you for having me and for letting me explain what Parentline is. Thanks so much, Aileen. Thank you. And my pulse begins to race. It goes boom, boody, boom, boody, boom, boody, boom, boody, boom, boody, boom, boody, boom, boom, boom. Boom, boody, boom, boody, boom, boody, boom. Well, goodness gracious me.