Mishandled Mistakes 2

The speaker discusses the importance of men and women having unique roles in raising children and building healthy relationships. He emphasizes the need for men to prioritize their partner's needs and not be self-focused. He also identifies four stages of development for men: infancy, adolescence, teen years, and maturity. He highlights the negative impact of underdeveloped men entering relationships and the importance of going through all four stages before starting a family. He warns against getting involved with women who are impatient or hold on to past issues for too long, as this can lead to toxic relationships. The speaker encourages slowing down the process of getting to know someone to ensure compatibility and equal maturity. Overall, he believes that mishandled mistakes can be avoided through proper development and understanding of one's role in a relationship. Welcome back. Welcome back from this musical break that's feeding your soul with the best gospel music here on Salt Radio. I'm excited about what God is doing even on this morning. I want to jump back into this mishandled mistakes that men make, mishandled mistakes. And we were talking about the development of men by men and development of women by women even. I often tell people using some of my teachings from the Father Factor that women bring something unique to the table that men cannot bring. Men bring something unique to the table that women cannot bring. It doesn't mean better. It just means that we have unique abilities to do things differently that are helpful for the child to become the best that they can. And even in relationships, become the best that they can because we bring something to the table that is so uniquely based on who we are. For example, with mothers, what they bring to the table is mothers teach their daughters how to be women. Men can't do that. Mothers teach their sons how to be gentlemen. Men generally won't do that. Likewise, men teach their sons how to be men. Mama can't do that. And they also teach their daughters how to be ladies because men know what men like. And Dad has been given the ability to come alongside and help us to understand that. So sometimes we make mistakes and some people call them failures, but I want to say that most of them are mishandled mistakes. As I was saying, you go through these stages, four stages I've identified, infancy, which is survival, adolescence, which is growing. And now I want to jump into what I would call the teen years, which is more self-focused. Black men, they experience difficulties in their relationships whenever they are self-focused or when the external pressures that impact their ability challenges the ability to prioritize their partner's needs. I don't want men to think that I'm bashing them or telling women that, hey, it's all your fault. But one of the things that I've noticed, even through my own life and development of those around me, is that in these stages of life, if I'm focused on me, I cannot properly focus on my significant other. And so that creates a problem that we could probably do better at because if I knew how to prioritize needs, then I would understand that some things are priority and then other things are just important. It doesn't mean that all of it isn't important. It just means I need to learn and be taught a strategy by which I can prioritize what's important versus what can be put off to the side until a later time. And then finally you get to a place called maturity where reproduction actually should take place. And in a proper setting, all of these stages should have gone through these stages before leaving home and even getting involved in relationships. If all four of these stages were done prior to walking out of your door as a young man and going into an environment where now you're meeting someone that you want to be in relationship with, had all four of these stages in this process been developed, there wouldn't be as many mistakes. Because what I found out is that issues around reproduction and relationships could include difficulties in building and maintaining healthy family structures because they've never seen it. And so then they're learning on the job. And oftentimes learning on the job, they are underdeveloped in this particular area. They may have all the muscles in the biceps. They may be in the best shape. They may make great money. They may have a career that is phenomenal. They may be all of those external things, but if they don't have the development of the process of becoming a man, then they're going into a situation where they're ill-equipped to do all the things that they should be able to do, what they're expected to do, but they have not been trained to do. And a lot of times I think we find ourselves in these moments, and if we're not careful, we can make some terrible mistakes because we will end up hurting people that we actually love. We'll end up not being able to create these priorities that should be in place already. And so when we find someone who is underdeveloped, we now have to create a safe space for that to be identified and for that to be changed. But now the problem happens oftentimes, and I kind of want to turn the corner right here a little bit, because you've got to be careful of who you expose to that information because handled wrong, this can lead to some very toxic and volatile situations. We've all seen it. There are two types of partners that I would suggest any man who is not fully matured should never be with because it's not going to work out great for either one of them. And these two stages are real simple. You'll identify them pretty clear. The first stage I call women who are in a stage where they're still babes or babies, which means they want everything instantly. They want it too fast. I'm watching now relationships saying that, hey, you've got to do for me before I even get to know you in order to validate whether or not we can have a relationship. And anybody who has that mindset, I'm going to just suggest that maybe they haven't reached the level of maturity, especially to be with some man who is still maybe underdeveloped himself. So you put those two together. Man, this is going to be challenges because they're not prepared for it. They can't put that level of commitment together in a relationship. And so sometimes women say, well, men don't want to commit, and it may be that you're moving too fast and they have not matured to the place where they could. And if we challenge ourselves to slow down a bit, just slow the process down so that people can develop and you can connect with someone who is where you are developmentally, now you're going to have a better chance to be equally yoked in your relationship. I could get into that. But y'all Bible people, y'all can handle that. And then finally, I want to jump into this one that I call the seniors. And I don't mean those that are over 65. I'm talking about seniors are people who hold on to things far too long. And men, as a result, struggle with partners who hold on to their prior issues or grudges for too long. And it hinders the process of the relationship. You should have been able to let Larry go. My name is Bob. So I don't want to hear about what happened, and you don't need to prevent me from being Bob because I'm Larry. And so as a result of that, I need to be able to maintain a healthy situation based on what we're dealing with and not what happened to you in your past. And so if you get these two kinds of people, either one that we call a baby or one that I call a senior, if either one of those two meets an immature man, you're going to find yourself in a very toxic situation. And so now you're going to make all kinds of mistakes. And generally speaking, if both of you are underdeveloped, you're going to mishandle those mistakes that you're making. So, hey, y'all, I'm really ready to hear a little more gospel music. I'm coming back in a few. I think this is going to be great. I want to hear your input. So, you know, put your hat on, e-mail me, type it out, your questions, and so we can jump into it in the weeks to come. I'm just excited about it. So hold on. Let's get some more good gospel music, and I'll be right back.