Parents Who Exist, but NOT Active full clip

This is a podcast episode where the speaker, Darion Jones, talks about the difference between parents who exist in their children's lives but are not active, and parents who are active in their children's lives. He shares his own experience of having parents who existed but were not active in his life. He explains that existing parents meet their children's basic needs but do not provide guidance or wisdom. He also mentions that some parents may be unable to be active due to circumstances like incarceration or deportation. However, he emphasizes the importance of being an active parent and encourages listeners to think about what they can release to their children to help them unlock their purpose and destiny. Ladies and gentlemen, we are here, 2023, and it's none other than myself, Darion Jones, owner and founder, Honor Kings and Sons TV. It is January 7th, 2023, I'm so glad that I made it over to the new year with my family. I thank God so much for this platform, for this vision, and I know things are going to be so awesome, powerful, and impactful this year, so I'm so glad to be here. Thank you for all of those who've been believing in me, who've been following me. There are so many ways that you can be able to pour in, donate, give to this podcast so that it can expand. I'm just so excited. It's been a long journey, and let me tell you, this year, I'm taking what's mine. It's a year to win, it's a year of ownership, it's a year to take things to another level. That's what I'm here to do, you know, as a personal goal, but I'm always here for the people. I am a man of the people, and I'm excited to kick off what's happening this year. So you know, today, I have a topic I want to talk about. I want to be able to inspire any listener that's tuning in. I want to be able to inspire all of those who are mentioned, who can relate, who are implicated in this episode. My aim is always to inspire. You know, we're about to kick it off. Let's go. Today's topic is talking about parents who exist and parents who are active. I believe it is very possible for you, as a parent, to exist in your kids' lives but not be active. How am I able to say that? Well, I am a living witness, and I'm a product of a household that had parents who existed but were not necessarily active, and I'm going to get very detailed into this because I know that people tend to look at things from, you know, a certain side, mainly the emotional side, but I'm bringing everything, the factual, everything in because I know that I'm not the only person. And one thing I learned about life, if one person has experienced one thing, there's more likely thousands of others who've all experienced the same thing. You know, the Bible says there's nothing new under the face of the sun. So if there's something that I experienced, there's somebody else who experienced it. How you handle it, how you deal with it, that's different. Everybody's going to deal with it differently, but it doesn't exclude the fact that it can happen to you. So that's what we're going to talk about on today's podcast. So parents who exist in their kids' lives, but they're not active. First off, I am 32 years old. I'm a father. My daughter is three, and I thank God for the opportunity to be active in her life. People may say, oh, it's easier to be active when they're younger. As they get older, it's harder to be active because they want to be independent. And there's a lot of factors that go into it. But I believe everything starts in the home. I believe that everything does start in the home. It doesn't necessarily finish in the home, though it can continue from the home. So parents who exist, let's create that definition first. So I'm going to give you my definition of a parent who just exists. They merely exist. A parent who just merely exists in their child's life is a parent who they meet the basic needs, you know, like providing transportation, food, light, water, shelter. They just make sure that you have the bare essentials. There's not much of an impartation. There's not much wisdom being exchanged. There is not even a breaking down of their lifestyle so that their children can understand. A lot of parents, they just live. They wake up, go to work, they come home, they cook, they go to bed. If you annoy them, you get a beating, and then they send you to bed. And of course, we have those unfortunate households. There might be drugs, alcohol, and, you know, other type of lifestyles happening that open up doors for, you know, heinous and unfortunate acts to take place. I definitely don't want to ignore that. So most parents are existing because they themselves don't have a grip on life. They don't have a grasp on life. They probably fumbled into parenthood. Their lack of mature choices and executive decision making led them to be in a predicament where now they are responsible for a child or multiple children, and it is difficult for them to translate what's going on in their head to their children or even translate it to themselves. It's like a run-on sentence, and there's nothing in them that they have to stop what is going on. They don't have any sense of strength. They don't have any energy. They don't have anything that is inside of them or even around them that is strong enough to help them stop going down the road they're going, and it's like they're taking everybody with them. They're taking their entire household with them. So what is happening is when it comes to the child, because there's nothing being invested into the child that is going to make an impact, then it comes as if they're just merely existing. You now become just a part of that kid's life, but there's nothing you're doing to affect change. Now, on the flip side, by you being in that child's life, yeah, you could actively be a pillar of destruction. You can actively being negative. You can negatively be agent of rage and a catalyst explosion in your child's life because they look at you. There's nothing you're contributing to help them. What you do affects them more in a catastrophic way than it does in a enthusiastic, optimistic way, and therefore, your personal activities or how you get inactive in your own life in your own way that has a lot of selfishness involved in it definitely can be something that, like I say, becomes the agent or the catalyst to your kid's destruction. So I don't want to negate the tit for tat, the tomato, tomato factor. And when we talk about existing versus being active, I don't want to negate that. But there are parents out there who they think because they're doing what the law says they're supposed to do. Just because they fulfilled the law says they're supposed to do that they're active in their child's life. No, that's what you're supposed to do. There's a huge difference from doing what you're supposed to do and then doing something impactful. Right? Some people may say, well, doing what you're supposed to do, that's impactful. Why? Because it opens some doors. Yeah, it does. I mean, if you are a good person in society, you contribute to the crime rates being low. If you're a person that pay your taxes, you contribute to the state having funds to do projects and stuff in the community to make the community nicer. So yeah, I'll give you that. But that's not what we're talking about. Because everybody knows that life was not meant to be mundane. Life was not meant to be monotonous. Life was not meant to just be this one straight line. Life itself is not even like that. Life throws hurricanes, curveballs, everything. So for you to think that you don't have to do anything else outside of what you're supposed to do, then you yourself are cheating yourself out of an amazing life. You're definitely treating your child out of an amazing life. So I believe that we have to get past this part parents of just merely existing. Now, I have been around children and families since I was 14 years old. I've worked with children and families. I used to counsel people in the 30s and 40s. When I was 16 and 17, I was a school teacher for seven years. I currently work at a library where I deal with the community on a wider scale. And let me tell you something, age has nothing to do with wisdom. Age has nothing to do with experience. Age has nothing to do with any of the things that most parents would try to say that, you know, or used to discredit me, like, you don't know what you're talking about. You're a young parent. I'm X amount of years old. You know, I've been around, da, da, da, da, da. Listen, I'm a humble person. When it comes to dealing with those older than me and those more experienced than me, I never discredit anybody. But your age is not what we're talking about. Your experience is not what we're talking about. We're talking about your ability to affect change. And there's some parents that they're content with just existing in their child's life. There's some parents due to choices that they've made in the midst of them redeeming themselves or finding redemption, they cannot do much. So it's almost like they exist in their kid's life, but because of limitations, because of bad choices, and now they've cleaned up their act, they want to change, but all they can just do is merely exist, like for those who are unjustly incarcerated, you know, that type of group, or maybe a kid, his parents were deported, you know, so there's different factors where your parents exist, there's not much they can do for you for a season of time or at all, and you just have to make the best out of it. And those I understand. But we're talking about finding a way to be an impact in your kid's life. We want you, or I want you, I want you to think about what do you have in your hands that you have not released? What do you have in your heart that you have not released? That might just be what your child or the person that you are the guardian over because you do have guardians and things of that nature. What is it that you have that you've yet to release to your child that might just be what they need to unlock their purpose and their destiny and parenthood, I believe, is spiritual as it is natural, what you release, everything that comes out of your mouth is developing your child and you never stop developing a child. If I was, there's parents out there in their 60s and 70s, everything that comes out of their mouth up until they pass away is developing their grown children. And guess what? When they die, the life that they left, the legacy that they left, the inheritance that they left is the final message or the final handout or passing down or inheritance they're giving those children or that child. So we have to make sure that we have the mindset to always, you know, impact in some way, shape or form. And I'm a firm believer that there are parents out there who merely just exist. They're out there trying to figure their self out. And when it comes to their kid, they just do the bare minimum. And what I want for you for 2023 is to stop, find some way somehow to stop what you're doing. Look at your life, where it's going, look at your kid's life and find something inside of you that is of value and make it your decision to box it up, pretty it up, make it the best gift present possible and pass that down to your children. It might be the only inheritance you will ever be able to give, but it might just be the defining factor in their life. So to wrap up talking about parents who exist, I would chalk it up to a person. They just, you know, they provide the basics, they provide transportation, food, water, shelter. They make no contribution to the emotional, spiritual, social development of their children. It doesn't move them if they are in a situation and it looks like, you know, they can't do anything more than they've already done. They're indifferent. You know, they probably are content with the fact that, you know, that you are their child and they are your parent and they don't want anything further. These are parents who simply exist. There's no impartation of knowledge. There's no hands-on coaching. There's nothing that is contributing the positive development and wellbeing of the child. It's just simply, it's almost like labeling. You walk inside the house. Oh, that's a mirror. Oh, that's a parent. Oh, that's a child. Oh, that's a chair. That's all it is. It's almost like it boils down to labeling. That's my kid. That's it, whatever. So that's what I'm going to use for now to label parents who simply exist. But now let's talk about parents who are active, right? Or let's talk about what defines an active parent. First thing I want to say when it comes to being an active parent is that you don't have to be present to be an active parent. You do not have to be physically present, but the level of impact that you have in your child's life, your spirit is as thick as the cold winter outside. Wherever they go, they feel your presence. That's an active parent where what you portray, what you stand for, that makes your child think critically. A good parent, I believe a good parent, an impactful parent, isn't a parent that strikes fear into a child. I believe that a good parent, an active parent, an impactful parent is a parent that gives the child the ability to see clearly what's going to happen to them or what could happen if they make the right or wrong decision. And if they are a person who mismanages the power that they have, I think that's an impactful parent. I think that that is a good parent. How you impart what you say, you're paying attention to your lifestyle because you want your child to follow you, that is an impactful parent. An active parent doesn't have to have money. Listen, my mother was a hardworking woman. I loved her dearly. We did not have the best relationship. It's been a year since she has gone on to glory, but my mother, one of her ways of showing that she loved me and my other three brothers, I'm the youngest of four, was my mom bust her behind working. Every Christmas, we may not have gotten what we wanted, but the Christmas tree had a bunch of stuff under it. I remember one Christmas, my mom worked so hard, she told us straight up, I couldn't get you guys what you wanted, but she says, when you go under the tree, there's a box. She says, sort out the clothes that you want, the ones that you don't want, I'll bless somebody else with. And that's what we got on Christmas. So remember that. I think I walked away with like three basketball shorts, two tank tops, and I think some flip flops. Not every Christmas was like that, but that was my mom's way of showing that she loved her kids and she wanted to do for her kids. But at the same time, my mom wasn't as active in my life because up until my mother passed away, my mother really didn't know much about me. My mother, she knew my medical history to the T. Maybe it's because she was a nurse. So I thank God for that. My mother knew my medical history to the T. She knew a few things that I didn't like to eat and she didn't cook them. Or if she did cook it, she made variations and I honor her and thank her for that. But the part of my life that I really needed impact in, my mother was not involved in, my mother couldn't be involved in, and towards the latter end of her life, she had no strength or she had no time to focus on knowing about what I liked. And I used to get mad. I used to get mad. I used to get mad. I used to get mad and say, God, why is my family like this? The truth of the matter is, is at that time, I just didn't understand, you know, parenthood and I understood how I felt, but I didn't understand parenthood. And I realized that my mother, the cards that she was dealt, you know, a combination of her choices, life and things like that, my mother couldn't be active in my life. She only could merely give me what I needed. You know, there wasn't a lot of time that my mother imparted to me. I grew up in a Christian household. Well, my mother was saved. My dad wasn't. I grew up in a Christian household, you would say, but my mother, the way she used the Bible, it was like fear. It was like, that's the only thing she had to keep us in line was just the fear of God, just always using stories in the Bible to scare us, almost like threatening us. And I'm like, Mom, that's not what I need. She didn't ask me how my day was, you know, what I want to do. And if I didn't want to do it, I didn't, you know, there was no conversation. My mother worked so much. My mother never went to an event that I ever hosted. You know, I've done music, dance, I've been a teacher, I've done stuff with churches. My mother was at none of those events except for an event we did at our church. And if she was there, sometimes she was asleep because, you know, she was tired from work. And I know now, at 32 years old and her gone, that if that's the type of parenting that I grew up under, I know it's out there. And not a lot of people have the ability to overcome that made them feel. They don't even know how to go about making sure that that doesn't happen to their children when they decide to have kids. You know so much to dig in on this topic. I want to say this, that if you are listening to me and you are a parent, yes, I understand that in your position or whatever your circumstances is, you may have to work, but carve out five minutes to first pray to God and say, God, give me a word of wisdom to give my kids. You will be doing more for that child than buying them a pair of Jordans, breaking the bank, co-signing to buy them their first car, even cooking dinner for them. I know what I'm talking about. You will do more for that child by asking the Lord to give you wisdom so that you can give it to them than actually taking care of them, meaning providing the basic care. You will do more for that child, I'm telling you, because what you put inside that child will grow and it will manifest into tools, resources, and abilities that can even empower that child to redeem the family. It is more than what you give physically, naturally. It is what you give socially, mentally, spiritually, that makes the difference in your child's life. You don't have to be at every football game, soccer game, I understand, but when I'm talking about get active, I'm talking about looking, paying attention to where your child is going. Remember allowing yourself to get so lost in work, so lost in getting that check so you can pay your bills, that your child can walk right past you and you don't say a word to them and y'all just keep going and the wheel just keep turning. It's dangerous. Generations before me, before I was not even thought of, I know from my research now and from people I've talked to, because I talked to a lot of people in between doing these episodes and I hear from the old timers, back in the day, there was a lot of family oriented things going on. You didn't have much, but you sat down, you have family dinner, you prayed, you saved as a family to go to big events, you made the family barbecue, you made the family reunion, you made something that had to do with family priority, but not everybody had that and it's not just in America, in the hoods, in the ghettos, third world countries, there's some people that just don't have that. There's people who have more than those in the ghetto and don't have that. They don't have an element of their family dynamic where there's an impartation. There is a moment where you say, sit down, I want to impart knowledge. I want to show you this skill. I want to handing over like, hey, I prepared this for you because I know you're going to need it in the long run. It is now yours. Those moments, those time periods in our family are gone. People can say, oh, social media, people can say, oh, millennialism, people can say, oh, alternative lifestyle, all these different things. Those probably can be elements, factors that are contributing to that, very much could be. I'm pretty sure there's research done somewhere where it is, but for those of us who still I'm talking about in our hearts. We have a heart cry for communication from our parents. We have a heart cry to gain wisdom, knowledge, and understanding, and parents, even you, you have a desire. Your kids are running up and down. They might just be well off, but they're in schools, they're traveling the world. They haven't called you in three years. You may have that heart desire. We need to find a way, parents, moms, dads, families, we need to find a way, grandparents too. We need to find a way to call that back into existence and make that a thing that we do. Make that a thing that we do, because if not, everybody's going to continue to exist. And it's going to get to the point where it's like, what's the use of me saying I'm your son? You don't even say anything to me. You don't even look at me. What is the use of me saying I'm your mom? You behave as if I didn't birth you. You let somebody else raise you. These are the comments that we make under our breath or we make them in our heart, and we never say them out loud. We never address the elephant in the room. Ladies and gentlemen, please, let's make this a priority for 2023 to be active parents. Let's be active. It is better for you to sit down and pray with your kid, teach your kid how to pray. It is better for you when you are, when you're telling that kid about manners that teach him something more than just basic manners. You know, you got killers that say, hello, listen, you have people who do evil that have manners. So manners is not, we have to go past that. We have to go past that. Manners with wisdom, manners with discipline. Okay. So we have to go past that. It's not just, oh, I taught my kid to have manners. I don't know why they misbehaving in school. No, no, no, no, no. Somebody once told me it's better to be kind than clever. And that took me years to understand up until I became a parent. And not only did I become a parent, but I became an overseer of more people, more families. When I became a school teacher, when I worked in the library, I had to understand it's better to be kind and clever. Most people, the clever thing to do is to run out on a situation or to be impulsive and act out on anger just because you don't want to deal with the details of a situation that you're not particularly fond of. But I'm sorry, we have to stop that. We've lost too many lives. The world has gone down a darker road because of lack of activity of parents. Like I said earlier, parents, I believe are spiritual, the spiritual position more than it's a natural position because guess what? If a kid loses his biological parents, I thank God that he's put people out here like teachers, police officers, firefighters, mentors, counselors, leaders. He's put people in the world that can take up these children and put them in the right way. Shout out to the step-parents. My apologies. There are lots of great step-parents in the world and grandparents who take on not just the children's kids, but they take on kids from the neighborhood, those who adopt, and they take the time to impart. They don't just do the basic care, make sure they teach you manners, and then that's it, you on your own. We need to do more because parenthood will be one of the things that will be one of the agents of salvation in 2023. My time is up, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of Honor Kings and Sons TV. I want you to be able to comment. You will see this episode on different platforms. I'm going to do YouTube short pretty soon, so you'll be able to comment. Let me know what you think. I want you to be able to bless this podcast so it can go to a platform unlike never before. Thank you guys so much. My name is Darion Jones, owner and founder of Honor Kings and Sons TV podcast network Global. Yes, that's right. I'm trying to go global this year. All right. I thank you guys so much for tuning in. Love you all. If you want a part two, let me know. We can continue on this. I want to hear the comments. I want to hear all the comments. Let's keep it going. God bless you guys. Take care.