First Episode Values Guy

Rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio' iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gwe ceisio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn, ond rwy'n gobeithio y byddwn ni'n gweithio'n fawr iawn ry'n ni'n gweithio, ac maen nhw wedi'u breichio, ond pan ry'n ni'n gwybod ein gwerthfawr ry'n ni'n cael penderfyniad i ymateb. Dyma ffordd newydd. Rydych chi wedi dod ymlaen at gwerthfawr, rwy'n siŵr, o'r blaen, mewn gweithgareddau lle byddan nhw'n rhoi eich llwybr gwerthfawr, rydych chi'n penderfynu o gwerthfawr Smaugans a beth sy'n digwydd os nad yw eich gwerthfawr ar y llwybr honno? Pa ffordd rydych chi'n gwybod, ac pa ffordd y gallwch chi ddatblygu eich gwerthfawr? I've come to the conclusion over a decade and a half, since 2007, that our values could be our ultimate love language. When I first shared this with people, I was a little hesitant. That's a bold statement. Values? These personal values? Could they be the way that we interpret love? Could they be the way that we interpret not being loved? I'll let you decide. But if our values are at the centre of our thoughts, our feelings, our behaviours, our choices, then they are very, very important to us. Welcome to the Values Guide podcast. I'm David Nancarrow, and let me take you on a journey of discovering your values. Now, values come from many places. They can come from our family when we grew up, from our parents or caregivers. They can come from society and the culture that we live in. They can be instilled by our schools and education. Workplaces have many values. But where do values ultimately come from, from a personal perspective? When I ask my clients, what are your values? Some say, that's a very challenging question, Dave. I haven't really thought of that. Some are convinced that they know their values, but when they start to write them down, they do not. Some may have values that they can identify. Usually they come externally. They've been taught these values. But the values that I want to embark on, a journey for you, is a value-discovering exercise that's personal. So as we go through a series of podcasts, I want you to think of, what are my personal values? You may have attended a values workshop in your workplace, and the standard way is that you're handed a sheet of values, sort of like a smorgasbord of values, and you select the ones that you fancy, or you may like. But I would challenge the fact that they're probably not your personal values. Over the last decade and a half, I've heard thousands of values, uniquely to each person, that I have to conclude, very easily, that on that sheet of values that you may have been part of, I definitely have been part of, those values that I've heard people say that are important to them, are definitely not on that sheet. So over a series, we are going to discover, and I'm going to show you, how do you discover your own personal values? Back in 2007, I met a client that changed my life. This was the beginning of core value work. I wrote a book called Core Value Therapy. We're on a second book. We're thinking of changing the word therapy out of things. We don't want to scare people, and it's not just for therapists, but more of a core value approach, or maybe even a values approach that can be applied to personal lives, companies, and the like. This client, in 2007, he came into my counselling rooms for anger management counselling. I was the anger management guy. He said, people press my buttons, Dave. People have always pressed my buttons. I'd heard this statement hundreds of times, and I'm not too sure why, but I was getting sick of it. I did not know what that button was called. All my training, all my education of helping people understand what makes them angry, didn't really identify what that button was. I got out of my chair. I drew a button on the whiteboard. I said to the guy, we're not leaving this room until we discover what that button is. Because I knew that it couldn't be the circumstance, because circumstances change. Could it be people? Some people have changed in this guy's life. There are some constants in his life, but I didn't think it was the people. Is it what the people do? Possibly. What they say, how they make him feel. What really was it, though? So over a series of questions that I was discovering as he was discovering, what was unlocked was his value. When people unlock their value, they say that it's like a spiritual experience. Some people have a faith, some people don't, but they all say something happened to them. They feel like they discovered something about themselves that they had not known before. The best way I could describe this is that they've been operating in this value all their life. When they discover it, they look back and they say, oh yeah, I can see that this has been in my life where I've done well in this value and when I've not done so well. Later on I'll explain what that means when someone breaches their own value that others had breached it and that had upset them. But before they understood the value, they didn't really know what was upsetting them. And this is what is outstanding, is to discover what really made that man upset, what really makes you upset, what makes me upset. It's not really the environment or the circumstance. That definitely delivers something that we don't like, but something inside us is what really gets upset. You may be familiar with CBT, which is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It looks at our thoughts, looks at our feelings, looks at our behaviour. But I like to consider that CBT, although very good and I do use it, is like a spin cycle. Is it my thoughts that control my feelings or my feelings that control my thoughts? Is it my behaviour that controls my feelings or my thoughts? I don't really know. It just spins around and it's all a bit of a mess sometimes. But when you add a value to the centre of that, then suddenly we find the core reason that someone is upset. Or can choose to respond rather than react. You may be thinking, well values are not new Dave. They're in our schools, they're in society, they're in workplaces, companies have them. I learnt them through my culture or religion, through my family. That is true. And some people can't actually identify their values, but they are very conscious of them. What I hope to embark for you is a journey of discovering your unconscious or your subconscious values. The ones that you don't know, but you do actually operate in them. The values that you live and think and feel, you operate quite automatically. Now most counsellors, if you're listening to this, would say, I reflect back the values that I hear someone say. Let's name a few. Truth and honesty, respect. Being appreciated, approval. However when you repeat back a value to a person, they don't seem to hear it, they seem to just move on. Like sort of drive-thru takeaways. But when you ask them what did they say, what value did they mention, this is where the mystery happens. They cannot identify it. And I'll take you on a journey of how to help people unlock this. But could values be deeper than our emotions? Could they influence our thoughts? Could they influence our behaviour? Could they actually be our centre? I'll let you decide. Some of you may know the iceberg model for anger management, if I go back to that. And underneath the iceberg is the driving factors of what makes us upset, offended or angry. And you will see on any iceberg picture, values. When I've asked people who are other counsellors who may help people with anger, have you taken your client through values? No, no, no Dave, that's too personal, we don't go to values. However, it's been there all along, but we've just not addressed it, we've missed it. So my conclusion over the last decade and a half of values is that it is our ultimate love language. Values, once identified, are our ultimate love language. You may be aware of the five love languages, but this is the deeper version of a love language. But this is the deeper version of a love language. And it can be how people do not feel loved. So what do we do with this? It began in 2007. And in that time, I have helped hundreds, if not now thousands of people discover their values. Identify this button, this cool thing that they've been unaware of until they've discovered what that button is. There are some sub-values around the call, and sometimes they come in clusters. A cluster would be, for instance, truth, honesty and integrity. You can have another cluster that's approval, acceptance and recognition. You can have another cluster of justice, fairness, possibly back to integrity. They are very interesting that they come in clusters. It appears that we are only scratching the surface on values before now. How do we find these out? This is the journey I wish you to join me with. We are going to unlock the values vault. We are going to look inside and see what amazing journey we discover. Some people have described discovering their values as very spiritual. Some people who have a faith, and some people who don't have a faith, describe a spiritual encounter. Which I leave up to each personal person to experience this themselves.