Audition for How to Do the Inner Work: A Guide to Self-Discovery, Empowerment, and Emotional Healing

The speaker had a realization during a coaching session that their own thinking and beliefs were holding them back. They had been prioritizing work over rest and felt drained. They learned to suppress their emotions and used work as an escape. Childhood experiences and emotional scars affected them into adulthood. They eventually pursued coaching and found fulfillment in helping others. However, they still struggled with emotional well-being and reacting to external events. They used therapy, mindfulness, and other techniques to change their thought patterns. They emphasize that true happiness comes from within and that we have control over our internal world. The goal of the book is to help readers live a fulfilling and peaceful life. Peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart. Unknown I experienced one of the biggest light bulb moments of my life during my first session with a leadership coach. A switch was flicked inside me, giving me access to a greater level of awareness and empowerment. That day changed my life forever. I came to the coaching session thinking, Help! I'm exhausted. I work too much and I'm always stressed. What should I do? Within an hour, I clearly saw how it was my own level of thinking that was holding me back. I realized that no one was putting pressure on me and no one was stopping me from leaving the office at 6pm. The key to my happiness was in my own hands. My compulsion to work hard was a result of my internal thoughts and beliefs, and I had the power to change them. I had been chasing ever larger and more prestigious business projects for over a decade, and I was exhausted. After several years of putting my work ahead of my need for rest, recovery, and purpose, I felt drained and unfulfilled. I had been working way too much, and my habits and thinking patterns caused me to feel intense pressure on a daily basis. I wanted to be the perfect manager who didn't let anyone else down no matter what. But when I was so busy trying not to let anyone else down, I let myself down. I suffered from IBS, had difficulty sleeping, and my foot was inflamed so badly I could barely walk. Pouring my energy into my professional career seemed like the perfect escape from the discomfort of my emotions. In my job, I got to be strong, make decisions, have fun, and receive validation. When I was busy with work, there was little need for introspection and feeling my emotions. My career had become my protective shield that I could use to avoid feeling sad, restless, sensitive, and vulnerable. Growing up, I never learned how to observe and accept my emotions. As it turned out, no one else in my family knew how to understand and manage their emotions either, or how to truly understand the emotions of others. When I expressed my intense feelings of anger, sadness, doubt, or frustration, my emotions were often minimalized and dismissed. I remember being told that I was much prettier with a smile on my face. And the day I came back from school overdue because I got all A's, I was told to calm down, don't think you're so special. I was hurting from these scars for decades, but I couldn't see them until I did the deep work of healing. Many of us experience everyday situations as children where we don't feel safe or free to express our emotions. For some, these experiences create scars in our hearts and minds. Even if we haven't experienced a major traumatic event, we can still become wounded and distressed as a result of not feeling seen, accepted, and understood. In fact, most of us have emotional scars from our formative years that affect us well into adult life. I went on to develop an eating disorder as a teenager, which stayed with me for years. My mom realized what was happening, but none of us knew how to talk about it, so we didn't. I was silently screaming inside, but instead of getting the help I needed, I got better at hiding the problem. What should have been a reason to band together and get help instead of reinforce how much we were unable to process and talk about our emotions? I learned that it was safer if I ignored my emotions, put a positive spin on things, and didn't let people see how I really felt. My suppressed emotions were bubbling over, and I was unsure what to do with the pent-up energy. Eventually, I concluded that I needed to channel my emotions into something constructive. That's when I began my decades-long attempt to prove my worth to the world through my career. Eighteen years later, I could no longer ignore the stress signals I was getting from my body. I realized I had to slow down and get back in touch with deeper and more authentic parts of myself. I longed for my life to have more meaning, and I desperately wanted to feel calmer and less stressed. That lightbulb moment in my first coaching session gave me the clarity I needed. I had woken up and felt deeply touched and inspired by the experience. I clearly saw that we have the power within us to radically transform our lives, and that life isn't about being a victim of what happens to us. It's about how we think, feel, and respond to what happens. My passion was sparked, and I soon enrolled in a year-long program to become a coach myself. I wasn't sure where it would lead me or how coaching would fit into my life. I just knew I had to explore it and experience more of it for myself. I had felt stuck for so long, and coaching got me unstuck. I dove headfirst into this new world of self-discovery and empowerment, a world of exploring and questioning the many beliefs that I had, and a world of service and helping others find their path. I was fascinated by what I learned, and I was frequently moved to tears by the effect it had on the people with whom I practiced. I saw how it's possible to transform lives when we get clear on what's important to us, why it's important, and what's holding us back. When we bring to light the darkness inside that has been sabotaging us, we can, with great care and compassion, begin to heal. Applying the coaching techniques to my own life, I began to carve out a new path for myself as an author, speaker, and leadership coach. I had followed my passion and injected new meaning into my life. Everything fell into place. I was making a difference, and I loved what I did. I was traveling the world, running workshops, and published two business books. But even though I had created a deeply fulfilling career and woke up most mornings feeling inspired and full of energy, I still had more work to do at an emotional level. My state of mind and emotional well-being were too dependent on what was going on in my external environment. I overreacted in certain situations where others might just shrug their shoulders, and I often felt like my internal world was still out of control. I noticed that when things worked out as planned, I would feel happy and content. When they didn't, I would feel stressed and angry, and sometimes I'd feel embarrassed about my reactions because I thought I shouldn't be that obsessed about such small things. There I was again, resisting my feelings. I wanted to change the way I reacted to external events so I could experience more peace, joy, and meaning. More so, I knew it was possible. Slowly but surely, by using the tools and methods I will share with you in this book, I made incredible progress. Therapy, breath work, mindfulness, coaching, and several mind-body modalities helped me change my thought patterns and strengthen my ability to accept difficult emotions within myself. As a result, I became more centered and was better able to navigate the emotions, thoughts, and experiences that used to ruin my day. Happiness is an inside job. When I realized that my soul was calling for more meaningful work, and when I finally listened to and acted on my inner messages, my body and mind began to heal. You might think the solution was for me to just change my career, but I know through experience that changing external circumstances isn't enough. Joy, fulfillment, and inner peace isn't determined by what happens outside of us. What happens on the inside and how our brain processes our external reality determines our inner experiences. Yes, we do have to change our behavior in the outer world to get different results. But if all we do is focus on changing the outer world without addressing what's going on inside, we'll continue to feel anxious, stuck, and unfulfilled. We have to learn to manage our internal world by figuring out how best to respond to our external circumstances. It's easy to get fooled into thinking that the answer to our problems lie outside of us. If only I could land my dream job and get the recognition that I long for, then I'd be happy. If only my partner would change and stop arguing with me, then my problems would melt away. If only the right politician would get elected, then I'd feel confident about the future. But looking for the answer on the outside doesn't address the root of our problems. In fact, it often leaves us wanting more. We become addicted to the wanting and yearning and controlling. When we focus too much on the outer world while ignoring our inner world, we stay stuck no matter how much the outer world changes. True happiness is an inside job. The external circumstances of our life do matter, but we cannot control circumstances. No matter how hard we work, life will confront us with challenging thoughts and situations, or even illnesses that make us feel worried, angry, sad, or hopeless. The only thing we have any real control over is our internal world, how we relate to our emotions, how we use our mind and body, and the actions we decide to take. My goal in this book is to help you live a fulfilling and purposeful life and find peace within yourself in every way possible.