riverside_erica__ jul 30, 2024 001_erica's_studio

The host of the podcast "You're Not a Bad Person" discusses the importance of embracing one's past in order to grow into the best version of oneself. She reveals that she was a sex worker for seven years and shares her journey of self-discovery and acceptance. She acknowledges the stigma surrounding sex work but believes it was a necessary part of her life that helped her learn and grow. She encourages listeners to have an open mind and challenges societal beliefs. The host also discusses the impact of a difficult breakup on her self-esteem and how it led her to explore sex work. She shares some of her experiences and the reasons why she initially felt compelled to engage in this line of work. How can I stop feeling shame and guilt? How can I learn to love and accept myself? How can I grow into the best version of myself? If you've ever asked yourself any of those questions, you're in the right place. Welcome to You're Not a Bad Person. I'm your host, Erica, and I'm here to guide you and support you on your self-growth journey. You can find show notes as well as submit a question or story on my website, you'renotabadperson.com. You can also DM me on Instagram, acceptingerica. And let's get into the first official episode, which I am a little scared to do, I'll be honest. Halfway through the week, I actually messaged my, I guess he's my life coach slash business coach, and we normally have our calls next week on Mondays, but I really needed him yesterday. And he gave me a really good piece of advice, and that was to talk to the camera as if I'm talking to the younger Erica, the younger version of myself. And that's exactly what I'm gonna do today. So today, we are diving into how to embrace your past, and I'm gonna spill some tea on something I have never actually said before out loud on the internet. And embracing your past is so important, because if you're not able to face it and process it and accept it, you're gonna feel exhausted, and you're not gonna be able to grow into the best version of yourself. It's like carrying a backpack full of bricks up a mountain. And at first, you know, the incline isn't too bad, and you're climbing, and you're climbing, and it's easy. But trust me, that shit gets steep, and that bag gets really fucking heavy. And I got to a point where it got so heavy, my shoulders and back were aching, and I had to put it down. And that's what this year has been for me. I have hidden a part of myself for the past almost 10 years, I wanna say. This is something that my parents don't know. By the time this episode comes out, they are gonna know. So I guess I'll keep you posted on that and how that goes. My friends didn't know until just recently, and nobody really knows that follows me on social media, and it's time that I spilled a tea. So what is it? For seven years, I was a sex worker. Before I got into business, I was a call girl, essentially. And I wanna walk you through the process of how I got into it, and how it helped me grow into the person I am today, and how I was able to face it, and accept it, and own it. Because it feels so good to finally come out with this information, and just feel like I'm accepted. So for the longest time, I kept this a secret because of the meaning I attached to this fact about me. Society tells us we should do things a certain way, we should live life a certain way. There's things that are bad, there's things that are quote-unquote good. And sex work is one of the things that is not accepted by society. It is highly stigmatized, and it has a very dirty stereotype. However, I wanna be a voice for a small minority that are painted with the same brush, and I wanna say that if I could go back in time and change anything, I don't think I would. I think I would leave everything exactly as it was because I was meant to go through all of that to find myself, and to now be a voice for those people, and to hopefully inspire you with my story. And I want you to have an open mind. I don't want you to come into this and be very judgmental, and if you are, then you can leave. Or you can stay if you wanna listen to the conversation, which I hope you do, because I hope to challenge your beliefs, and maybe leave you with some different thoughts and perspective because that's what the show is all about. I'm gonna talk about things that are highly stigmatized, and I'm gonna talk about things that are highly controversial, one of them being sex work. And the first episode is sex work, which I'm going all in, baby, and this is gonna be setting the scene for the show, and it's not gonna be all serious. There's gonna be a lot of fun stories that come out of it, but I want there to be a solid takeaway from everything that I share with you regarding this part of my life. So I kept this a secret for a really long time because I was afraid of what people would think of me, which is a solid reason. We're all wanting to be loved and accepted. That's just a part of being human. It's okay. We all have secrets. We all do things we're not proud of. We all make mistakes. We all fuck up, okay? So if you think that you're perfect, you're not. If you are, which is really highly unlikely, you're pretty boring, and you don't really have a lot of experiences to share with other people. Going through hardships, fucking up, it allows you to learn, and every time you learn, you grow into a new version of yourself, and then you can help others, and that's the beautiful part of life. So with sex work, because I thought it wasn't accepted by society, I felt dirty, I felt gross, and the biggest part of it all was I thought that it would discredit everything I've worked so hard to build in the past almost five years. I built a business that it did fail, and it did file for bankruptcy. That'll be the next episode, so stay tuned for that, but I want to share with you how I got in it and what I learned from it, and yeah, so let's get into it. So I was 19 when I got my foot in the door with sex work, and I guess you could say it was a segue. I didn't go all in. It was just kind of a little dip in my toes in the water, and I went through one of the hardest breakups of my life. It was my first breakup with my first boyfriend, and as you can imagine, you're a teenager who was in love, and someone is deceitful, and they break your heart, and when you're already struggling with self-love and someone betrays you, it makes you look inward, and you ask yourself, what's wrong with me? What did I do to make this happen? I loved this person so hard. I didn't do anything wrong. What's wrong with me? Is it my body? Is it the way I look? Is it the way I talk? Is it, you know, am I not good enough? And I struggled with self-love for so long. Actually, up until the past year, I hated myself. I hated my body. I wanted to change everything about myself. I didn't have a lot of friends. I really struggled with this, and that breakup just kind of sparked a adventure that led me down a crazy path that lasted seven years on and off. So I started going on this website. I'm not gonna say what it was, but it was like a sugar daddy website, and you know, as a broke student, and you're getting taken out to dinner in really expensive restaurants, you know, a couple times a week with different men, and you're not obligated to do anything. I didn't really do anything at that time. It was very platonic, but I was getting a lot of attention from different men, and it felt really good. It felt really validating, and it was filling a void that I so deeply needed at that point in my life, and from there, you know, again, I have lots of stories from this time in my life, and I'm so excited to share them with you, but I wanna dive into that in another episode. I got sued. I got a car. Someone gifted me some very expensive things that I ended up giving back, but it was so exciting for someone who is in university, and I thought I was thriving at the time, but looking back, I was hurting, and I have a lot of compassion for that version of myself, but that was the segue. Fast forward to 2017. I start working a nine-to-five at a job that I needed a degree for, and it was the most discouraging thing because I was making minimum wage, and I was actually making less than a lot of my friends that worked at grocery stores, and I also had no benefits, and I was driving 45 minutes each way into work, so I was really struggling, and I found myself on Craigslist one night. I don't know why. This isn't an ad for Craigslist, and I don't advise that anyone uses that website because there's some sketchy-ass shit on there, but I saw this ad, and this ad said, accompany successful men to events, be arm candy or something like that, and then it ended with make up to $2,000 a day, and I thought, holy shit, $2,000? Like, I don't even make that in a month. I could do a lot with $2,000, and that's easy. I can go to events. I can do this, so I lived in a very small town of 25,000 people, and I was actually living at home with my parents at the time, and so I was working my nine to five during the day, and then in the evenings, I was a call girl, and the first time I ever met this person who put up the ad, he was the owner of this escort agency in Toronto, and I took the train in. I went. I got coffee with this man, and he explained everything to me and how it worked, and if you're curious and you want more details on this, please DM me or ask on my website because I'm happy to dive deeper into it, but this will be a very long episode if I go into the details, but essentially, I got a new name. I got a new persona, and we ended up taking pictures, and I worked out of a condo downtown, and I remember my first shift, and I didn't know what to expect, and I actually wasn't scared. That is the saddest part of all of this. Throughout all of these years where I was doing this, I wasn't scared because I was in such a place where I didn't like myself. I didn't like my life. I didn't know what my purpose was, and I really just didn't know how to love myself, so I wasn't scared. There were strangers coming up to this door, and I didn't know who was on the other side until the door was opened, and you're probably thinking, how are you not scared? How is that possible? Trust me when I say I was numb to it all, but I opened that door, and I was met with some very interesting characters, some of which just wanted a friend and an ear, and I remember the first night I did my shift, I had a professor at a university in the city come in with a bottle of wine, and he booked two hours, and all he did was vent to me about the challenges he was facing as a professor with students and how he wasn't fulfilled, and we kind of worked through his problems together, and it was interesting because I was a psych major, so I was applying a lot of the things that I was learning with a lot of the clients I was meeting, so I was working in that agency for a few years, and then I decided, okay, so I'm gonna switch agencies and move to a new agency, so I did that as well, and it was the same thing, and after that, I decided to downgrade or take a step down. Usually, there's a hierarchy or a ladder that you climb when you're in the sex work industry. Typically, women start as strippers or massage parlors, and then the top is escorting, but I went backwards because I didn't seek out this industry. I didn't even know this industry was a thing, but it is the oldest industry, and it is an industry that is never going to die. AI will take over many things, but I promise you it will not take over sex work. Sex work is always gonna be around, and there's always gonna be people that need to fill those roles, not robots, so I decided to go to massage parlors, so I did that for a little bit, and that was a whole nother experience as well, and again, I was addicted to the money, and it gave me some sort of validation and feeling, especially when exchanged from a man, and again, I was just lacking a lot of self-love throughout this time in my life. Now that I look back on things, rather than feeling guilty and shameful of who I was, I am sending so much love to that Erica because she so deeply needed it. I wanna share with you something that one of my favorite people says, and it's Ed Milet, and he says, it's not the events of our lives that define us, it's the meaning we take away from those events, so I want you to think about whatever thing you've done in your life that you're so ashamed of, or you're embarrassed of, or you haven't been able to face, and you've suppressed. It's buried in your subconscious somewhere. I want you to change the meaning of that because you're attaching shame to that. You're feeling shame because you're telling yourself that that's not right, that's not good, I shouldn't have done that. You need to flip the script, and you're fully in control of that. You can change the meaning of anything at any time. You're in control of your thoughts. Your thoughts are just thoughts. And this is the first year that I was able to do that for myself, and it feels so good. I was able to put the backpack down, and I want you to know what that feels like. It feels so freeing, and you can make space, you can move faster, you can climb quicker, it's just the most amazing feeling. And the other thing that really helped me process a lot of the things that I did at that time in my life is having conversations with people. If you are really struggling to face some parts of you, you need to talk to people about it. And I know everyone says this, you don't have to go to a therapist, you can if you want, but I really recommend that you go to someone in your inner circle. If you're really close with your siblings or your parents, go to them. If you have a couple friends that you're really close to, go to them. Open up the conversation and talk about the things that you're struggling with. And you would be very surprised at what is gonna happen. Something really beautiful is gonna come of it. I did this a few weeks ago with some people in my life, and I was incredibly scared of their reactions because I have built this thing up in my head for so long as being something so bad. And if anyone knew I was over, I would be canceled. The only way you can get canceled is if you don't own your truth, and I fully own it. And if someone doesn't like it, then they can fuck right off. I don't need them in my life. And I hope that you can understand and take the same perspective. So what happened when I told my friends was they thanked me because it showed that I trust them. When you are vulnerable with someone, it is showing that person that you trust that they're gonna keep that information confidential and you're comfortable enough to share it with them, which is pretty incredible. And that only further builds the connection between you two. So if you wanna get closer to your friends, share something really vulnerable with them. And the other thing that'll come out of it is they're gonna reciprocate. They're gonna share it back with you. They'll open up and you'll learn something new about your friend that you've never known before. And that's pretty cool. The other thing is to hug or help. Do you want them to hug you or do you want them to help you and support you? Because they can do either or. And they're gonna love and accept you no matter what. And if they don't, again, they can suck right off. You don't need them in your life. Someone judging you is not a reflection of you, it's a reflection of them. Change the meaning of the event or the thought or whatever you did and start having vulnerable conversations with people because you'd be surprised what comes of it. The other thing that you need to do is own it, like I touched on earlier. Own who you are and be so unapologetic for it because we have one life. Life is so fucking short. And if you can't be the most authentic version of yourself, it's exhausting. It's exhausting putting on a filter and being someone you're not simply because you feel like you can't be. And we don't want the watered-down version of you. We need you to bloom and be the beautiful garden. Do you know how beautiful the world would be if everyone was just authentically themselves? Stop trying to fit into a box that you're not meant to fit in. And when you're yourself, you're gonna pull in the perfect people for you. People are gonna match your energy. And if you're putting out energy that is you and truly you, you're gonna bring in people that love it and accept it. You're not gonna attract people who are matching your current energy of the filtered version of yourself because they're also not themselves. And you don't want that. You wanna live an authentic life. People are really afraid to be vulnerable and they hide. And remember we talked about shame earlier? Shame leads to secrets. Secrets are bricks. Secrets are those bricks in your bag that you're carrying up that hill. And I just throw them off the mountain. Just throw them off. You don't need them. You have to make space for new things in your life. And I want you to remember that you and your experiences, everything you go through, every hardship is giving you tools, it's giving you armor. And every time you go through something, you're getting stronger and stronger. And the most beautiful part of it all is that you can help others get through the same stuff or similar stuff. And something else to keep in mind is you're most capable of helping the person you used to be. And that's why I'm here sharing this story because I remember 19, 20 year old me being so sad and confused and alone. And I felt like I had no one and I was turning everywhere. I wish that I had someone to listen to and look up to and relate to because the internet is fake. A lot of people are portraying personas of them that are very filtered and not authentically them. And we don't need that anymore. You are so capable of being yourself and embracing it because it's gonna feel so good when you do. And honestly, making this podcast episode, I don't know, you can't probably see it, but I'm sweating a lot because this is very scary. Truthfully, I made a pinky promise to myself that no one would ever hear this and know this of me and I would take it to the grave. I had a fear that if I put this out into the world that no brands would wanna work with me. No one would wanna work with me if they knew that I was a sex worker because of those stereotypes and all the things that people say about sex workers. But I will tell you that I met some really incredible, intelligent woman in that field and I became one. I learned a lot about myself and there are people who do it for the wrong reasons, but I also believe that there are women who enjoy doing the line of work and I support that. You deserve to live a life that you wanna live. And if that's doing sex work, then by all means, that's your path. For me, I was not in it for the right reasons and it took me a long time to realize that. I'm here and I'm out on the other side and if a brand doesn't wanna work with me because of this information, then okay, that's fine. Someone's gonna want to. We're mature here. We can have these conversations. They're uncomfortable and a lot of people don't have an open mind and don't wanna hear it. But just because we ignore it doesn't mean it's not there. We need to have these conversations and I wanna leave you with one really cool fact. So in Japanese culture, there is this practice they do. It's called kintsugi, kintsugi. I think I'm pronouncing that right. And if I'm not, please let me know and I'm sorry. But when ceramics break or pottery breaks, rather than gluing it together with clear glue and hiding the cracks, they use colored glue. So they use gold typically, glue or bonding to piece it back together to show the imperfections of the pottery to highlight them because that's what makes it beautiful. That's what makes it unique. And this just goes to show that all of our flaws make us who we are and we need to just lean into them and really hold them close and embrace them because they're beautiful. I love that fact so much. I wanted to share it with you. When I first found it out, I got really emotional and I cried because it just felt like I needed to hear it at that time in my life. So I hope that it resonated with you. And I want you to leave today feeling a little bit lighter and maybe writing down one thing, that one thing that I told you to think of earlier. Write it down, really think about it and change the meaning of it. What does it mean to you? What are the feelings that this thing has given you and how can you change that? How can you come at it from a different angle? How can you be empowered by this thing and share it? Pick a friend to just have a conversation with. Send them a text or call them after this episode and be like, hey, listen, wanna go for coffee? I got some tea I gotta tell you, and it's gonna be heavy, so buckle up. Yeah, because I think a lot of us get so busy with our lives and we forget to take care of ourselves and we don't really know what we've swept under the carpet. And you can do it again. You can sweep stuff under the carpet, but you're gonna start to realize there is a lot of stuff under there and it's a lot harder to address it all at once than chipping away at it bit by bit. It's a lifelong process and no one's perfect and it takes time, but it is so worth it once you start going and you start chipping away at it. So I love you. I hope this was helpful. And if you could, we have a five-star review only if you enjoyed this episode. And if you really enjoyed it and you wanna share it with a friend, I would so appreciate you doing that because I'm trying to get this message out there to as many people as I can. And yeah, you can submit a question or a story. You can DM me on Instagram, acceptingerica. Always remember, you're not a bad person, you're human. I'll see you next Wednesday.