The Kids Who Are Also Spies Special

Good morning, and welcome to episode 25 of Drycast. Today is May 24th, 2015. Happy Wednesday. We are live from Studio Eat with a very big episode. This is a sort of special. This is the welcome to the kids who are s- That's not- that's not correct. That is not correct. This is the kids who are spies special. I, um, I read my own text wrong because I was trying to be a radio. Um, so, before I begin, I need to mention that we are an explicit podcast. We say things that are not friendly. Always, sometimes, we say bad things. I'm here with Phone Eating Bear and James Wilson, who have just come from an extravaganza that they- that only they can describe. Um, so yeah, I'm just gonna- I'm just gonna turn it over to them because- because this is truly- this is truly a, uh, an event that they've just witnessed, that they've just created, hosted. Hello! I don't think the word extravaganza is bad. Extravagant. It's a T. I think, like, torture would work. Pain. Also, uh, shoutout to Dave- I wanna give a special shoutout to my friend David. Uh, he messed up, uh- I wanna give two special shoutouts. One to my friend David, who, uh, messed up the name. The name is, uh, The Kids Who Are Also Spies Marathon. Fuck! Um, and I also wanna give a shoutout to, uh, Corbin David Blue. Go Corbin David Blue. Corbin David Blue. Corbin David Blue. We all are David Blue. We all remember, uh, Corbin Blue, right? He used to be on the Disney Channel. And he was in other things, I guess. But now... But now you wonder, what's the connection with him and David Blue? Oh, wow. We'll get into more of this in this episode, so don't you worry. So... We decided that we were gonna watch as many movies about children who are also spies as possible. And... In one day. It was exactly what- how you would expect it to be. Um... It was not good. So to give us some clarity, we did, uh, decide it would be best to record our reactions before and after the film. Uh, because... If we just came in talking about it now, it wouldn't be as good. Um, it wouldn't be as fresh. We wouldn't remember as many golden moments. There are a lot of moments. And, um, we're gonna be playing the clips throughout this episode. And throughout this episode, you're gonna just kinda hear our heart, like, break down into insanity. Uh, throughout the day. Um... So, we decided, uh... We made a little intro video that we're gonna start with right now. Wow, that was great. Thank you. Yeah, that was really great. And well-timed. This is a- this- this is not the first time we've done this. So, um... We were entering... Uh, so the movies we decided to watch for this were... Spy Kids. Spy Kids 2. Spy Kids 3D. Game Over. Spy Kids 4. All the Time in the World. Catch That Child. Catch That Kid! Catch That Child. Agent Cuckold Banks. And Agent Cody Banks 2. And then, today, we watched a, uh... A finale, you might say? About a- a more grown-up way of, uh, a kid who becomes a spy. He was technically legal, but in our hearts, he was a child. It was Kingsman, and it was really- The Secret Service. Was it last year? No, it's this year. Really? Wow. Yeah, just- like, that's why I was really surprised that there's a, uh... A kid's- Legal DVD copy of it. Yeah, a kid's children that are- So, in this episode, we're also gonna talk about our reactions to that. Because I think it's a good way to end it. Yeah. Um... So, uh... The first movie we watched was, uh... We decided to start on a high note. We knew that, out of all these, uh... And, David, if you have any questions to ask... Which I hope you really do... Please fucking do this. Okay. We started with Spy Kids. We started with Spy Kids, which, uh, you're gonna... Which was pretty interesting, and you're gonna hear right now. Wait, I thought we were doing all this at the end. I- I don't know. It doesn't really matter how we format this. What if we just do it at the end? No. And we leave all this in? What- say what? This is all good. We're just gonna- So- So, we just decided now, you're not gonna hear any of the clips. Oh my god. And you're just gonna hear this awkward silence. And you're gonna hear all of our reactions at the end. Because I think it's funnier if it just goes one by one. Okay. Um... So, David, please keep all of this. Okay. Um... This is very fucking, like, momentary. So, our rules for this was... Uh, this all happened on accident, I'd say. You know, we joked about watching... Agent Cody Banks Forever. And also, like, Spy Kids. And then one day, I was hanging out with James, and I realized, there's a theme to a lot of these movies. Which is, these movies feature kids who are also spies. Wow. It's a whole mini-genre from the mid-2000s that no one really acknowledged. Um... There are movies we were gonna watch that got cut out, such as, uh, Sharkboy and Lavagirl. Baby Geniuses. Which was a very close call. I was not sure if we were gonna watch it. I did bring it up, but after a Wikipedia article, I safely decided it was not a movie about spies. Yes. Thank God. Thank fucking God. Um... I don't think I would have been able to make it. No, like, it's... It's bad. It stars babies. It's not even that. By the time we had Spy Kids 2, like, I was starting to lose it. So, our main rule for this was... We had two main rules. No drinking until Cody Banks... Catch That Kid. Picked... Well, it became Catch That Kid because we just couldn't. Yeah. We got through the four Spy Kids movies, and then we're like... Completely sober. And we hit, uh, Catch That Kid, we're just like, I can't, I can't do this anymore. The hardest one was, we couldn't look at our phones. Mm-hmm. Until Cody Banks. And... There's a good reason for that, as... With Cody Banks, it's... An hour and... Each movie's an hour and forty. And... By this point, it's like, midnight, slash, like, 2 a.m., when we watch these. So, it was just impossible... I would have probably committed suicide. And I often thought about committing suicide throughout this. Because... That's very violent. These movies mainly feel that way. We've watched our share of bad movies in our time, but... This was something else. Back-to-back. Back-to-back is a whole different, and... The only time we've done that is, like, once, but that was a different... I don't think it was back... It wasn't a marathon. Yeah, it wasn't... This is our first actual, like, full-blown... Back-to-back... Marathon... Kill. And the only time we stopped was for dinner. Um... Which was nice, by the way. Shout-out to my mom. Shout-out to James' mom. Uh... I forgot which movie it was. I think it was the fourth Spy Kids movie. You'll hear it where I mention this, that... I just couldn't take it anymore, and I just started screaming. I just couldn't... I just started screaming at the top of my lungs. Holy hell. Yep. Because it got... It got that bad. Like, I just couldn't... I couldn't... And... And you'll hear, like, just kinda how insane we kinda get. Um... Just for reference... I want everyone to know... Agent Cody Banks killed Lord Voldemort. Yeah. Why the fuck would he just, like... I don't know why he would do such a sin. My God. You just don't... Don't fucking kill Voldemort. He fucking killed Voldemort. Horrible piece of shit. Um... But let's talk about something positive. So, there's one movie that I was... I found out was failable. Legally on DVD. Called Kingsman The Secret Service. Which I knew was about a kid becoming a secret agent. But I wasn't sure if he was an adult or not. It doesn't matter. He's a kid. He's a teen. If he's... If he's not, like, uh... He's 17 and he's 19. And that's still a teen. That's still a child in my eyes. Yeah. He's like 19 or 20 or 21. I'm a large man who has graduated college. And I have my business suit. And my wife. And my God. Everyone who is younger than me is a child. Same. Yeah. So... If you haven't seen Kingsman... Watch it. It's fun. The action scenes are very kinetic. Obama dies. Obama dies. 10 out of 10 dead Obamas. That's incredible. More like 1 out of 1 dead Obamas. Still 100%. Ayyy. What was that? I was just, uh, saying wow. Uh, also... You're just saying wow and not asking us fucking questions. Okay. You know? He... Give me a... Give me a second. I've got to make a shout-out to Shithead. Ooh. Mr. Atmeltons on Twitter. Who, um... Insists that my Rapture isn't all that great. So... Raptures aren't usually that great. Fuck. Um... I mean, I don't really have any... Any questions necessarily. Um... I know the nature of this thing that is self-abusive to the extreme. Oh yeah. I don't think it was self-abusive as it was suicidal. Masochistic is the term. Yeah. Yeah. It was, uh... I, I just... It was a fetish. You know? I got several boners throughout it. Yeah. Especially when the children are in this thing. I got several boners throughout Spy Kids 3D. Why do you wanna fuck Spy Kids 3D? Because... I wanna fuck that grandpa who is completely useless. And... Sylvester Stallone. There's too many fucking Sylvester Stallones. Not enough Sylvester Stallones in my opinion. If there's a Sylvester Stallone in a movie, too many Sylvester Stallones. I feel like Spy Kids 3 could have had just everyone played by Sylvester Stallone. Yeah. And you know what? Would people notice? No, not really. I'm Junie Cortez. I'm... I'm Garvin Cortez. Junie, what are you doing here? I'm Uncle Cortez. Wait, wait. Grandpa. I'm Uncle Cortez. I'm not really your uncle, but... And I'm gonna do the bad thing. But I'm, I'm not gonna get in trouble anyway because no one gets arrested. Spy Kids movies do this thing where they constantly reference earlier Spy Kids plot points, even if they're the most, like, small and insignificant. You mean they're all the most small and insignificant? Yeah. They're... Like, to be fair, Spy Kids was the best series of movies we watched that day. Yeah, wow. But it's still not very good. That is astounding. Yeah, I know. Just for a reference, Spy Kids 2's main villain is, like, a random character they save in Spy Kids 1. Yeah, it's odd we mention this in the... Yeah, we do. Of course we do, but we're just reiterating that. We're preparing the people. What I want to say is that if you look at the Rotten Tomatoes for these things, like, Spy Kids 1 has, like, a 90%... 93. 93% on Rotten Tomatoes. And it's, like, I'm not sure if it deserves that. It has not aged that well. Yeah, it hasn't aged well, but at the time, I kind of agree with her. I wouldn't say 93, but I'd give it a little less. But I think those movies do deserve... The first two do deserve their high praises. Okay. Um... Disconnected! Thank you, Nori. No problem. Um... Because they're fun. They're really fun kids' movies with... I think the plot is super solid. What if your parents were spies, but your entire life you thought they were, like, lame as shit? Well, that's every child thinks their parents are lame. And that's why the movie is great. Because it's like, what if your parents aren't? Aren't what they seem. Um... Uh... Let's just move on to Catch That Kid and... Catch That Kid... No, I didn't finish the Rotten Tomatoes feel. Uh, they just get worse and worse reviews. But they're all kind of, like, equally as... They have the same tone. And, like... Family. There's not much of a difference between them. Family. Family. Time Lord. Family. I am the Time Lord. Time Lord. Time Lord. Time Lord. Time Lord. Okay, whatever. Um... I talked briefly about Catch That Kid. Capture the Child. They did not catch that kid. Uh, James, this pen I'm holding, this is a kid. Uh-huh. Uh, here. What? What? James did not catch that kid. Oh, man. I did not capture the child. Um, Catch That Kid stars Kristen Stewart. Catch That Kid is a movie I want to pull out and rub my dick all over. Um... Just the DVD, the poster, the DVD itself. Blu-ray. The idea of it. The 8-track version of it. Wait, what is that even supposed to mean? Fuck you, that's what it's supposed to mean. Oh, my God. There's no need to be fucking rude, okay? Like, like, I don't... Hey, you know what? You know what? Look at this. I... You can't just, like, do things like this, you know? This is my room, my rules. Please do not move things. Hey, guys, it's me, David Blue, asking questions. So... What? What was the worst movie that you guys experienced? What are you... what are you saying? It's me, David Corbin Blue. Oh, no, no. David Corbin Blue Sandwich. Get out of here, David Corbin Blue. Sandwich. Sandwich. Don't call yourself a sandwich. That's weird. You're a person. I don't know what you're trying to do, but... I'll just kind of go with it. Cat's Eye Kid. Video game. How do you... that is... Well, I can't. There's been games about worse shit. Cat's Eye Kid is a movie where they rob a bank, but the bank has a vault that's a hundred feet in the air. Yes. Why? They don't ever fucking explain it. There's a lot of things that aren't explained. No, I don't get... It is a hundred feet in the air. There's no reason. It's so extra protective. You have to protect the money even more so. But why are all the safety deposit boxes, like, surrounding it on ground floor? Because you have to protect the money. But money goes into safety security deposit boxes. Safety security... You have to protect it. You have to protect the money by putting it... I'm just trying to find out who killed Chris and Stuart's dad. Uh, Chris... Actually, the two guys did. They did. The two friends. Uh, Chris and Stuart's dad were in a mountain climbing accident. And this is the plot, what motivates the plot here. Twenty years later. Yeah. Or it's like... Some amount of years later after falling and having an accident, uh, the two, uh, friends who Chris and Stuart, teenage Chris and Stuart friend zones, they double friend zones as, uh, they touch his back and... Later that day, he can't feel his legs. Coincidence? I don't think so. Yeah. It's like, wow, you crippled my dad, you little assholes. Cody Banks makes me want to chop off my dick. Oh, man, why would you do that? Because you hate Cody Banks so much? Because I don't ever want to produce a kid that likes Cody Banks. Hmm. Okay, that's valid, but here's the thing. Here's the thing. Children all like bad things. Do they? Yes. Not dead children. Hmm, well, that's true. But they can't like anything, so there's a... Hilary Duff is a murderer. Yes, Hilary Duff killed a man. We, we talked about that, definitely. Oh, we have to have. That was, like, the funniest part of the movie. That... Yeah, I remember that. I remember that. David finally contributes something. Hello. I've been working on the, the stream. You guys need to check it out. It's looking pretty, uh, pretty tight. I hope you're just jerking off. I hope it's an infinite echo chamber in which, uh, the entire drycast will be overwhelmed by, uh... Pictures of Hilary Duff murdering a man. Ooh, that's... I wish Hilary Duff would murder me. I want Hilary Duff to shove her nanodick... What? Her nanobot dick into my mouth. What? That doesn't make any sense. The nanobot dick is made out of ice, and it'll melt in my mouth. Oh, oh, okay. It's a strap-on. All right, um, I'll, I'll just, I'll just, like... I'm going to kick you in the vagina, James. Wait, you, you're... Don't, don't missex me. What, what are you doing? James, you better get your coin collection, because after I'm done with you, you're gonna be counting your change. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Is that, like, a joke? Did you just make, like, some kind of joker pun? Yeah. Was that a reference to something? Yeah, that was a pun. Yeah, but... I'm just gonna wait here for you to get it. I don't get it. You have to explain it to me. I'm not gonna explain it to you. Then I'm just gonna, just gonna move on. Fine. I'm just gonna move on. Okay, while you're waiting, check out how the stream, the stream is pimped right now. We're gonna turn off the noise, however. Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! I wanna fuck you over, Tess. Yeah. Remember how he looked at the end? He looked super dorky in the fourth one. Well, yes, because he grew up to be a, like... And I love that, because... ...a small man. ...Carmen looked exactly the same, just, like, a little bit taller and less, like... A bit more mature. Yeah. She was, like, a nerd I wanted to punch in the face. I just, like... The Cortez family? All bad. Wait, so... Have you seen Machete? No, I have not seen Machete. I feel like... We're gonna watch Machete tonight. We have tonight. Well, actually, I'm sure it's a piece of crap. No, it's good money. It's, like, 60%. I worked... I watched it last night, actually. Oh, wow. And it's... And it's canon in the Spy Kids universe, so... That's my main appeal for it, you know? Like, the Machete universe and the universe of Spy Kids is the same. And it's funny, because Machete, like... What was the one where he did with Quentin Tarantino? There's, like, a death car and... I mean, fucking any movie. Robert Rodriguez and... Tarantino? And Tarantino, like, do shit together. Grindhouse! Grindhouse. Oh, yeah. Grindhouse also. Dusk at... The vampire... Death at Dusk. Dusk at Dawn. Dead by Dawn. There's a vampire, like, movie that took place in, like, the West in Mexico. Do not eat Junie. No! Do not. No! Oh, my... Oh, my God. How could you fucking just, like, eat him, you know? Oh. Woo! Oh, God. Just for a reference, if you didn't know, if you want a psychological-disturbing movie, put on Spy Kids 1 and just mute it. You won't know what's going on, but when the disturbing... This is a streamer-only joke? If you viewers want this experience, get Junie and... Oh, there's more! I know that trailer. That's the poster for Spy Kids 1. What? Yeah, it's right under Junie's face. I named... I forgot what Junie's name was, so I named it Stanley, not JPG. My name is Stanley. Stanley Cortez. That might as well be the grandpa's name. What the fuck is the grandpa's name? Answer. Who gives a shit? Nothing in this movie matters except machete. Machete in the movies is, like, a nice little... I can't believe you haven't seen Machete. I can't believe we're doing this shit and you haven't seen, like, one of the most important... Tagline. Real spies, only small. I can't believe you haven't seen, like, the most important, like, of the Spy Kids movies, Machete. Dude, I've never seen a fucking movie in my life. I don't know what you expect. Wait, is that island a boot? Yeah. What? Look! Look at the island! I know! On the Spy Kids poster. That's Luke's island. It's a boot. No, wait, the fucking... Stop moving it and fucking... I've been doing this in the past. Dude... Okay, okay, hang on, hang on. Okay, alright, I... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I really don't know. Oh my. Weird. Beans on toast. Weird. Yes. Beans on toast. Weird. Beans on toast. Weird. I'm not participating. Beans on toast. I'm not pink. I'm always uncomfortable. Didn't you know that? You gotta get some better pants, bro. My pants are okay, okay? I bought them at Walmart for $3, and my mom got them for me, and I think they're great. Um, I was really thinking about something earlier today. I was thinking about beans on toast. Weird. And how weird it was. Yeah. Do you wanna... Do you wanna go to Kingsman now? Yeah, let's just jump to Kingsman. Kingsman fucking rules. I didn't understand half of anything that someone was saying. I don't even know if it's British. I mean, everyone in it is British, but... That means it's British. Does it? Basically, it stars like an underclass British male, and that implies that it's like... He becomes a spy at the end, and he's a good spy. But more importantly, Samuel L. Jackson has a lisp. He has a fucking British accent, and you can't understand him. And there's a lady who has swords for legs, and she cuts people up with it. But more importantly, it's like one of the first movies... It felt like a foreign film, because I didn't really understand anything they were saying. But I still kinda knew what was going on. Yeah, well, that's because it's like a well-made film. What was your favorite scene in it? Uh, Westboro Baptist scene, for sure. Oh yeah, when he kills all the... There's a scene where a bunch of Baptists die. Yeah, a bunch of American fundies get slaughtered in a church, and it's a great scene. My favorite scene is when the Kingsman, he's eating breakfast, right? And he has some beans. And he has some toast. And he says, beans on toast. Weird. Yes, it is. It is very strange, but people think that's alright elsewhere, so we should not judge them. I'm looking at you, Cody Banks. I know you're judging that... I know you think that putting beans on toast is weird. But you could put anything on a... What's weird? Shut the fuck up. You could put anything on a sandwich, and it's okay. As long as it's not, like, a person. If it's a person sandwich, that's weird, but, like... Spaghettis takes place in Texas. Yes, you probably said that. I did. Okay. I remember it because I have it all in, like, giant font of Texas. That is some truly disturbed-looking writing. Oh, just for reference, throughout the movies, James and I wrote things down of our opinions and things we wanted to remember. And a lot of times it got really crazy towards the end. Such as, Nanobots equal income. Well, it's true. I mean, like... Yeah, it is. Hillary Duff comes into that man's mouth on camera, rated PG. What the fuck? Why did he pick up on that, NPAA? And then he melts. Like, I'm all for freedom of speech and all, but, like, there's a point when Hillary Duff masturbates her penis into someone's mouth on camera, and they put that in a movie for children? That's where I draw the line, you know? That's James Beckingsman, let's say. It was fun. It's definitely a fun surprise movie. Also, in the end... It's not a surprise movie. In case if you're wondering... Don't make any spoilings. Iggy Azalea is referenced in the movie, but don't worry, she lives. Oh, thank God, wow. You know, I don't think there's, like, anything that really points to just how, like, corporate and forced Iggy Azalea is as, like, a pop artist. And, like, her random appearances in blockbusters, acting like she matters, you know? I think she wants to be an actress as well. I mean, like, I just feel like it's forced on the director's part. Like, some musician... The music lobby came in, Hey, reference Iggy Azalea, you know, we'll give you $100K, and then I'll get some more money. Okay. It's kind of like how Jessie J was just, like, kind of launched into American... Psycho. I wish. I wish. I wish someone murdered Jessie J. How, like, they just started putting her songs on the radio. American History X. That's... What movie was Jessie J in? She wasn't in the movie. American Beauty? I don't trust you anymore. You've let me down. What? She was in that one movie. I'm trying to think of it. Just keep going. Keep going. Talk. Oh. Hello. Hi. Yeah. Jessie J was just kind of, like, put into radio. And it was a completely corporate move because no one cared about her or bought her records. And then they just... The industry just decided to, like, make her a hit. And it didn't work because she didn't sell any records because there was no, like, grassroots marketing for her in any way. They just plaqued her on to our ears. And I don't appreciate people plaquing random crap into my eardrums, you know? That's a choice. It's America, you know? I get to choose what I get to listen to, you know? Goddamn country and rap are my only goddamn things. Well, you know Jessie J is a famous songwriter. Yeah, but she's still in the... I mean, she's like Sia, essentially, where it's like, oh, who wrote the song? And it's fucking Jessie J, and you're like, uh... Yeah, but Sia got big. But, um... Her songs are big. She's fucking great. My favorite... Jessie J's... Who the hell is you? My favorite Jessie J song is when she wrote the theme to Birth of a Nation, which she also starred in. Yeah, that was a good movie. I've watched it three whole times. And each time, I'm just like, wow, this movie's right. I actually have a small role in it. In the background, when all the KKK members are riding on horses, you see a guy in the background fucking a horse. That horse is me. If you watch The Wizard of Oz, I'm in it. There's a munchkin who hung himself in the background, and that's me. I'm also in that movie. I'm the rope. You know what? I wish there was an abortion of the nation. Are you trying to make a movie right now? Yo, let's just write this up and send it to the fucking Internet of Spartans. I was the yellow brick road. Whoa, wow. You did a really good job. I'm honestly like... Well, I mean, David's really good at roles like that because he likes people walking all over him. Yeah. Oh, that was way too psychological of a joke. That was way too psychological of a joke. I don't think anybody here is laughing. Do you hear laughter? No. You're laughing. That doesn't count. That doesn't count if you're laughing. Okay, fine. Aim of the James Show. Well, gentlemen, it looks like we've got some questions coming in. Really? Yes. Who the hell is asking questions at us? There's a man. Oh, jeez. And here are some questions. His first question was, I have a few questions. His second question was, can I provide questions? His third question was, piss, I have questions. His fourth question was, let me provide questions for the audience. Yes. His fifth question was, do aliens crap? Okay. His sixth question is, when will AI exist in life? Okay, wait. Let's talk that by first. Do aliens crap? No. Yes, they do. There's no way to crap. Do you guys want to actually give the right answer to this? I've seen a lot of suspect files. One of my favorite episodes is the one where Mulder and Scully sneak onto a UFO, and they spend a majority of the episode hiding in the bathroom. Filming comedic crap. No, no, it's not like first person or anything. It's just comedic. And this alien walks in, and it's like, man, I shouldn't have eaten that Mexican food. And he goes on a toilet and goes, I'm so glad I didn't watch the X-Files that far. And then, as it turns out, the poop is actually radioactive, and Mulder and Scully die instantly of cancer. Yeah, because they were trying to eat it. I'm so glad that I didn't watch this far in the X-Files. I'm glad I didn't get to this. That's the episode that made it get canceled. Yeah, that's about the season finale of seventh season. It's really weird, because they just picked it up on season eight, and they just act like it never happened. Okay, what was question six? When will AI exist in life? The answer is that the traditional form of AI does exist and has existed for a very long time, but actual artificial intelligence, that is, is a human-created entity that does stuff that it wasn't programmed to do. It takes input from the surrounding environment and forms its own ideas that will exist within your lifetime. Will artificial intelligence eat humans alive? The answer is no. Do you fuck cowboys? Okay, I want to talk about this AI question. Do you? Yes. AI does exist. It was a movie directed by Steven Spielberg. I knew this was going to happen. In the 90s, I fucking hated it. I knew you were going to. Well, fucking why didn't you stop me? That's a good question. I can't stop the AIMN. The AIMN train is just barreling towards me, and I'm tied up, and I'm screaming for help, but, you know, it just keeps chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga- chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga- chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga- chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga- chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga- chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga- chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga- chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga- chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga- chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga- chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga- chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga- chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga- chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga- chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga- chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga- chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga- chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga- chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga- chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga- chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga- chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga- chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga- chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga- chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga- chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga- chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga- chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga- chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga- chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-