ep1

The transcription is a conversation between a mother and her daughter about their experiences with family planning and having children. The mother is a mother of five and a grandmother of five, while the daughter is a mother to three boys. They discuss their pregnancies and how they planned and adjusted their plans along the way. They both emphasize the importance of flexibility and not beating oneself up if the plan doesn't go as expected. The daughter also mentions that they are currently considering whether to have more children or not. Overall, they share their positive experiences of being mothers and the joy it has brought to their lives. All right, so we are starting y'all, it's episode one. Hello, hello, hello. Shane, you got anything you want to say to the people? Good evening. Or hello. Or morning or afternoon, whenever you're listening to this. As you can probably tell, based on my voice and her saying good evening, we were going to Subway at 10.30 p.m. because that's the life of a mom. Oh, yeah. Hello. Let's start by introducing ourselves. I missed what you said. That was actually really good. Let's start by introducing ourselves. Mom, I'll let you go first. What do people need to know about you in the context of being a mom, being a person, being a chancellor? So, yes, I am a mother of five. Wonderful. Mother of five. Wonderful. And a proud grandmother of five grandchildren as well. Four boys and one girl. So, I'm going to be discussing, you know, what experiences I can share as being a mother and now into my new life as a grandmother. Cool. All of that. And I am Janae. That's a Jamaica without the Puh. I am a mom to three under three. I've got three boys. I was on a month breakdown, even though I'm not one of those moms who's like, oh, she's 31 months. I promise I'm not. But my oldest is 31 months. My middle child is 16 months and my baby boy is three months. So, I'm busy over here momming. I'm trying to stay at home, momma. I had a major career transition while being on leave. It's not an appropriate time to mess with moms, but things happen. So, my days are spent with my boys. And we do time, seven to seven, every day. Okay? So, a little bit about us. Cool. So, episode one, y'all, is about family planning, specifically staircase children. So, a bit of context. I am the oldest of all of my siblings. I'm Shannie's eldest child. Way to start out with a girl, sis, especially me. You did it right. Yeah. I think I asked for that one. Right, right. So, I was born in 92, y'all. Oh, actually, mom, do you want to tell? Because, you know, they're your kids. They're like my kids, but they're your kids. Yes. So, yes, you were staircase, if that's what we're calling you. 92, 93, 94. So, however old you are right now, that's your age. Yeah. And then I took a little break and had a five-year break and then had twins, twin boys, which I always wanted twins. I mean, I dreamt of twins since I was like in kindergarten. So, I was obsessed with them. So, when I had my own set, I was like, yay, hello, I'm a mother of multiples, which is mom. Right? So, yeah, okay, there you go. Boom, a mother, okay. And then you got me over here. I had my first boy in 22, second boy in 23, and my third boy in 24. It's literally like a repeat, kind of, of my mom experience. What's that, 20, 30 years later? 30 years later, right? Yeah, exactly. I'm running it back over here. So, it's really cool, and that's a big part of why my mom and I wanted to do this. So, with that, mom, did you plan your pregnancies? Like, how does one have three kids back-to-back like that? Yeah, I planned to have children, yes. I definitely had plans of having children. So, that was the plan. Did I plan to have you in 92, 93, and my second in 93 and 94? Nope, just had you. You know, when I found out I was pregnant, I was like, okay, well, I guess I'm having a baby. Yeah. Second time, oh, yeah, I guess I'm having a baby. Third time, I guess I'm having a baby. So, definitely was planning on becoming a mother. Didn't really sit down and say, okay, once I get this done, yeah, I'm going to have a baby. I mean, one time I did say that, you know, once I finish this, that, and I'll have a child. And I at least finished college. So, I was fair game after that, you know. Well, okay. So, a little bit of planning, but not too much is what I'm hearing. Hey, I got real, listen, the plan went into full effect when you got here, for real. There it is. So, for me, in 22, I'm having a baby in 22. I was pregnant all of 21, and we knew we wanted to have a baby, try again. We didn't necessarily know that timeline, and not to start off super somber, but I had a miscarriage in early 2021. So, we knew that, again, we wanted to try again. Not sure how soon, but we were like, look, if we get pregnant again, cool, it's up. And sure enough, the universe said, okay, here you go, boop. And, you know, I was able to welcome a Capricorn baby boy, and that was super dope. And then we knew we wanted our second boy, or second child, who ended up being a boy, to come really soon after. Like, I love being a staircase child. Me and my sister, again, are born back to back like that. My husband is a twin. Like, we're like, no, man's need to vest the ASAP. So, knew we wanted our second boy immediately. Then we were like, okay, after the second, we're going to take a break. Universe said, who? Where? What break? And sure enough, I blinked and was pregnant even sooner with my third boy than I was with my second. So, some planning in there, but we rocking with it. We rocking. You know what? You did have some planning, you know, because you wanted to have a Capricorn. So, boom, Capricorn. You wanted to have an Aries like your husband. Who's an Aries? So, your second child was an Aries. And then I asked. I said, well, excuse me, since we are planning, since you were planning these children at these particular zodiac signs, hello, can I put in my bid? My request, right. I wanted to, you know, for you to have a child that was a Taurus in May. And your third one was born in May, however, not a Taurus, but he definitely was born in May. So, he's cool. Yeah. You're right. So, again, there was some planning, but we, you know, things happen. Babies are here and we love it. And how it turned out, it's a beautiful thing. True, it is. So, with that, do you think planning is necessary? And what happens if you don't necessarily follow the plan? Well, you know, the saying goes, if plan A doesn't work, go to plan B, C, D, E. I think I went all the way to Z and then back around the alphabet again. So, I think for people who are planners, perhaps planning would be good for you just so that you do have a plan. I think when you fail to plan, you plan to fail, right? So, like I said, I had always planned to have children. I was so glad when I, you know, became pregnant the first time, the second time, third time, and then my fourth and fifth. I absolutely loved being pregnant for a lot of reasons. So, the plan was definitely there. I was definitely planning on being a great mother, which I can attest to that I am. And then, you know, but do you actually really ever have enough money for children? I can't say, you know, because when I had you and I was pregnant with you, I was a substitute teacher. So, definitely I wasn't making enough money to really, you know, fully financially take care of a child by myself, you know, on a substitute salary. However, it all worked out well, you know. It all worked out well. I definitely put my plan into motion and everyone, you know, stepped up and helped and supported and it worked out well. Good, good, and that's what's most important. Is planning necessary? I think it helps to have an idea of obviously what you want your life to look like, right? Like that's in any aspect of life. But in the context of parenthood, it's helpful to know do you even want children and then at what point in your life and your career, even though I don't know if all the stars will ever align completely in the ways you need them to, right? Like your pockets are fat, you haven't traveled as much as you need to, you're ready to lose some sleep. I don't think all of those things will ever happen at the same time, right? Right. But having a general life, I know I would like to have children. At this point in my life, I think it's good. But again, even so there's, you know, planning to have a kid and then when the children or child gets here, you do need to be able to adjust your plan. You just never know. Okay. Every day looks different over here. Right. Oh, yes. You've got to be able to pivot quickly. So I think keeping that in mind, planning to an extent, kind of just being ready if and when you need to adjust your plan. Right. And don't beat yourself up if the plan is not working that you plan to plan. You know, don't beat yourself up. Like you said, being able to pivot, being flexible because every day is going to look different. Every day. I mean, it's great to have a schedule and to try to stay on that schedule. And then as your children get older, they will develop a schedule for themselves. You know, but definitely don't beat yourself up. You know, really, really just, you know, go with the plan but don't beat yourself up if the plan doesn't work. You know, just be like, okay, it didn't work today. Well, let's put it into effect tomorrow, the next day, the next day. So just use that. Yes, I agree to it. The last thing I'll say about planning is we are definitely planning now. Three kids back to back. I am on a minimum 20-month pregnancy hiatus, okay? Listen, I can get pregnant again until at least 2026. I've made that very clear. And that's if we decide to have more children. We're really trying to decide right now. And, you know, look, we go back and forth. Some days we're like, yeah, we can handle a fourth or maybe even a fifth if we have twins. You know, in my head, I think twins are definitely likely just based on me having twin brothers and my husband being a twin. But at the same time, our family dynamic feels really good with three children, three boys right now. So we'll see. But definitely planning, like I said, to not be pregnant through the remainder of this year in 2035. So 2035, y'all, catch me outside, period. I like that. All right. So back to the back-to-back babies. I want to ask you, and we'll start to close out with this question, but how did it feel physically, mentally, financially? Back-to-back babies. Well, I was young, 26, well, 27, 28, so I was ready, ready to rock and roll. Body-wise, I, you know, walked and worked up until the very day, almost to the very day of giving birth to each and every one of you. So I would say physically, mentally, I was there. It was a challenge at times because I think I was driving far for work with the three of you. But it was okay, you know. At least I had a job. I was able to attend, go to work every day. Financially, that financial was a struggle. So, you know, and that's probably where my poor planning came in with the finance piece. But everything else felt right. Everything else was right. So with that in mind, you know, y'all were cared for, healthy and loved, you know. Yeah, absolutely. And that's what's most important at the end of the day. Okay. So for me physically, I, you know, I feel like my body's in a rhythm now. I know what I need to do to have a smooth pregnancy, smooth birthing experience, and a smooth postpartum transition back to home. But also with having my kids so close, you know, back to back and so close in age, I have many things that need to be repaired. I have a hernia, which bulges out at the top of my stomach. I have a very serious, severe case of diastasis. I've heard it pronounced both ways. So I have a bulge that constantly looks like I'm at least five months pregnant. And it sucks because I had just gotten super fit, y'all. 2019, 2020, I was a yoga instructor. I had a six-pack. Like I had abs and everything. So for me to – Was it six or a four-pack? Okay, maybe like a four-pack. You know, it wasn't over sixes. I had abs. And for me to now have this bulge and look pregnant, even when I'm not pregnant, has been really tough navigating that. I got a lot of extra skin. Three months postpartum with my third kid. And I'm like, how am I going to get rid of this? But I'm back to pre-birth weight, right? So it's like, what's this one do? So that's me physically. It is rough a lot. And I'm learning to adjust to my new body but appreciative of my body because this body has birthed three beautiful babies. Healthy. Yeah. Come on. Mentally, look, I love how close my kids are at age, but I'll be in here fighting for my life, y'all. Like, y'all – This breeze, when I start to feel like things are rising, like smoke could literally come out of my ears. I put on an episode of Sesame Street. Okay, that is – or I sing the ABCs. That's truly my calming thing. The ABCs, I'll be in here loud, screaming the ABCs. Okay, I get everybody. That's how I'm in. And then we come back down. Okay. And then financially, you know, up until this period of unemployment, it's been smooth. Daycare is out of control. We're going to have a whole episode dedicated to the child care conundrum, borderline crisis. We'll see what I want to call it when we get to that episode. But financially, yeah, it hasn't been too tough outside of the cost of daycare. Now that I am not working, we're saving money on daycare, right? And I'm commuting back and forth to daycare. That's probably another savings expense. On the flip side, though, our grocery bill is out of control because I'm feeding all of us all day, every day. Three meals a day plus snack. Three meals a day plus snack. We don't do more than snack over here. And, you know, daycare provided diapers and wipes. At least in North Carolina. New Jersey is talking about something. I've got to bring my own diapers and wipes. Another problem. Again, a different episode. But, here, we're going through boxes of diapers and wipes left and right. So, financially, it is more of a challenge. But I am claiming some funds coming our way, whether it's employment for me or some entrepreneurial endeavors I may pursue. Like, it's coming. Closing thoughts from you, Ma? No. Just really looking forward to, you know, continuing our talk about Put That on My Mama, our future episodes. And, you know, I can't wait to get to the balancing act episode where we talk about, you know, the mothering of everything in the universe and being able to breathe through it all. There it is, y'all. That's family planning, having staircase children. And we'll see y'all for the next episode. Put that on my mama.