Q1-19990217-Larry_Rosenberg-UNK-shining_the_light_of_death_on_life_part_4-43036 Leandra Tejedor

Talk: 19990217-Larry_Rosenberg-UNK-shining_the_light_of_death_on_life_part_4-43036 Leandra Tejedor.json Start_time: 00:59:20 Display_question: I would like to know how to use my practice to help someone who is dying and is terrified. Keyword_search: dying, terrified, mother, dharma, impermanence, letting go, meditator, survival, metta, loving, anxiety, sorrow, peace Question_content: Questioner: I would like to know how to help someone who is dying, but who has not done any real work, but it's not in a practice, and is really terrified, and who I can support. How can I use my practice to help her? Larry: Yeah, you've already answered the question. Your question has the answer in it. Because she's not a practitioner. So, the only thing that you can offer her, is you. And the degree to which the practice helps you be with her, in certain ways, rather than other ways, can be helpful for her. Break_line: But I'll give you a concrete example. I was with my mother. She was dying, on the way. And one time I was holding her hand, and she's 90, she's gone now. She's dead. And I was giving her, I thought, a beautiful dharma rap, about impermanence, and letting go. My mother is not a meditator. You have to understand that. And I was holding her hand, and every time I would mention, I would say things like, mom, your body has served you well for all these years, and now it's worn out. Don't fight and struggle. She was working so hard to stay alive. It was exhausting just to watch it. There's nothing to fear. Just let go. Every time I use the word let go, her hand would get tighter, and tighter. At one point, I had to stop using that just for my own survival. That's because I was not tuned in enough. Like, what am I doing giving her this kind of teaching? Although I tried, it says so in the book, that it would be a good idea. It didn't work. Break_line: Then I shifted to metta, not using the word M-E-T-T-A but, just reminding her what a loving person she is, how many people love her, what a good life, what a good person she's been, and how my sister, and I, love her. And we were there with her, and suddenly her hand, and she melted, and smiled, and that was because I was clear enough to do what was right, for her. Now, see, I can't tell you a particular, but if you're full of anxiety, apprehension, all kinds of things, the chances of you being sensitive to what your sister needs are going to be less, whereas you can't stop yourself from having the anxiety, and the apprehension and in a way, the sorrow even before it's happened. But if you're conscious of it, and you're taking care of it, then there can be a bit more peace in you, which is your gift to her. Do you see? Questioner: Yes. End_time: 01:02:26