Q2-20081106-Larry_Rosenberg-CIMC-king_pasenadi_goes_on_a_diet_part_3_also_self_knowing_a_quiet_passi

Talk: 20081106-Larry_Rosenberg-CIMC-king_pasenadi_goes_on_a_diet_part_3_also_self_knowing_a_quiet_passion_37-6515 Leandra Tejedor.json Start_time: 01:01:09 Display_question: How do I make decisions based on new values rather than old conditioning? Keyword_search: values, vipassana, dharma, suffering, precepts, action, swimming upstream, ego, Buddhist, rental property, tenant, skillful, passive, fatalistic, Tibetan lama, awareness, anger, conditioning, clear mind, Tara Tulku Rinpoche, economics, response, reaction, dukkha, unsatisfactoriness, 9/11, wisdom, kindness, understanding, quality of life Question_content: Questioner: I find myself challenged by this new set of values, that has come up with sitting practice, and an old set of values, has always been changing anyway. And finding this desire to take some action, based on the old values, but then not taking any action at all. Kind of not really resolving issues. Larry: But the heart of Vipassana meditation, is not living on behalf of that. That's the precepts, and so forth. Start with…for example, it is true that Dharma values, in a sense are… we create a new kind of suffering for ourselves, because we're given new ways to suffer, because the ego now wants to get in on it. But also, it clashes, sometimes, it's called swimming upstream. But those are just metaphors. Can you be more concrete? Tell me…give me an example. Because otherwise here's what it sounded like to me. We have a value. I'm going to be a compassionate and wise person. Now I just want to be a rich, successful, powerful person. No, those values are no good. I'm going to switch to… it's still me. It's still me, is now switched outfits. Questioner: Yeah, well, the story is, pretty complicated, and kind of blah, blah, blah. Larry: See otherwise it's too abstract. I don't want to get… Questioner: So, I own a rental property and I rent to somebody. They're doing something that violates the agreement. A part of me wants to say, “hit the road.” Larry: So, you feel if you're a good Buddhist, you can't say that? Questioner: No, I'm not a good Buddhist. But looking inside of me, what's the motivation, and then what are the consequences? How long is it going to take me to find a new tenant? You know really? So, there's a lot of other more complexity, then the hit the road attitude. Larry: Okay. Questioner: But yeah, there is that… Larry: Where's the conflict between your old way of, let's say you're facing this tenant, and now what you're learning about, through practice. What is it that’s opposed? Where's the struggle going on? Questioner: The struggle that is going on is, it would be wise for me to take some action, to try to clarify. Larry: Does that imply that a Buddhist is, just passive, and fatalistic? Questioner: I don't know… if I say I'm a Buddhist, I feel like… Larry: Or forget it. You don't have to have an identity. Someone who's informed by Dharma, by the lawfulness of… Questioner: I don't know what's skillful. That's the real question. I don’t know what is skillful. Larry: Okay. Could I link this to the gentleman sitting behind you? Hi. Okay. Because maybe both of them can be hooked…can become the same thing. There's something that's going on, that you have a tenant, they sign an agreement, everything you said, and then you find that they've violated it. Now, step number one, what does that bring up in you, as best you can recall? Annoyance, anger, resentment. Questioner: Yeah, anger. Larry: Okay. In a given moment, that's brought up. Practice is not abstract. You would bring awareness, to that anger. Now, it's not saying you shouldn't be angry, but if you behave towards that person out of anger, the likelihood is that the actions that you take, they're going to have the signature of anger on it. And then that will beget something on his side, or her side. So, practice is…in other words, from the point of view of Dharma, that's me. In other words, he signed this contract. I signed it too. We both signed it. And this is what he does to me. When we suffer, take a look at any suffering you have. There's a form of suffering there for you. Okay, you'll see that it's me, who's doing the suffering. Okay, now if you look into that, that starts to lose its potency. And then what's left is a clear mind. Now, out of the clear mind, I would trust what you say or do with this gentleman, more than I do out of just your conditioning, or maybe have had good upbringing, to be kind to people, and give them another chance. But it doesn't mean you don't act. Break_line: Let me give you an example. There was a Tibetan llama, who actually, this used to be my apartment friends, you're in my living room, but it's okay. And there was, Tara Tulku Rinpoche lived with me for four days a week, when we first… the first year of the center, or the second year. And he taught Tibetan Vipassana. Okay, and one evening, he was giving a talk on Buddhist economics, and the person, very annoyed, raised his hand and said, because we're all these nice, kind, compassionate, sympathetic joy, metta, and so forth. And the person said, well, look, (and I'm making up these numbers because I don't remember them). He said, I had an employer, and he promised me to pay me, $800 a month. And when I started getting my paychecks, it was only $400 a month. So, I thought, okay, I'll wait another month. And it was the same. And they said, so according to Buddhist economics…I just, may you be…in other words he made a joke out of it, but he was clearly annoyed. And Tara Tulku got very quiet, and he said, look, what I would do is, I would go as deeply into myself as I could, send him all the love, and kindness that I could muster up, and then sue him for the remaining $400. See, it doesn't mean that you... I'm a Buddhist. I don't do things like that. We're not it's not training to be a doormat, and I wouldn't dream of telling you what to do. But the actions that come out of a clear mind, that's what I meant by accuracy. They have much more of a chance of being, wise,r and kinder, than just a reaction, that comes out of our conditioning. Do you see the difference between a response, and a reaction? Out of the silence can come… Break_line: Now, our practice is enabling the mind to get clearer, and then what we say, and do, is more likely to be what I'm getting at. Does that make any… so keep practicing. And if there is a head on collision, take a look at what that's about. Because the main value is, are you suffering? You see, if you come here, I have to assume, I don't have to, but I do. I assume that you care about the quality of your life. Why else would you bother coming here? Air conditioning. There are other places to get it. Okay, so you're here, and that means you care about, needless suffering. Why does the suffering go on, and on? Anguish, emotional problems that linger, and go on, sadness that I can't seem to, etc. So, at a certain point, do you value learning about how Dukkha comes about, suffering, unsatisfactoriness, so that you can understand it, and in the seeing into, and into it, as it is, accurate seeing, go through it ,and live a life that is not so plagued, by unnecessary suffering. So, that's an important value, if you don't care about the quality of your life. And I would say that means, you have to get to know yourself, because it's you, getting to know you, as you live. Okay, then I don't get the point. You can have all the…Buddhist values are… Break_line: Look, when 9/11 happened, a Buddhist magazine editor called me up and said, would you write your reaction, a Buddhist reaction to 9/11? And I couldn't do it. I said, look, first of all, I can't represent all Buddhism, as hundreds, millions of people, with somewhat different cultures, and say like… what I can do is, tell you what happened to me. And of course, it was influenced by my years of study, and practice. But I can't say, speaking as a Buddhist… there are other people who can. It's just not honest for me. I can't do it. I don't know how to do that. Okay, so…but even if you say, speaking as a Buddhist, look at what actually is being said, and done. I don't care how the name tag the person puts on them, and calls themselves anything. I want to see the proof of the puddings, in the eating. Does the action have more wisdom in it, more kindness? What does it lead to, more conflict? Does it lead to understanding, and some change, in the way we live, so that the quality-of-life changes for us, and the people in our life? Yeah. End_time: 01:10:24