Q3-20131127-Larry_Rosenberg-CIMC-dharma_talk-24534

Talk: 2013-11_27 Dharma Talk.json Start_time: 00:56:27 Display_question: Can you speak about how to balance the love and fear in relationship with family? Keyword_search: Thanksgiving, fear, family, love, suffering, role playing, relationship, monk, nun, thought, emptiness, Buddha nature, healing, Cambridge, self-knowing, stillness, silence, life Question_content: Questioner: This is the first pre-Thanksgiving dharma talk I've been to, so it's really nice to be here. And one of the things that really resonated with me, was the topic of fear, especially because for me, going back to family, is a place that's very unique, in that I can feel fear, at the same time, I can feel so much love, and that is painful. And I find myself already playing, who’s going to be who tomorrow. And it feels like… Larry: We all know that game. Yes. It's not going to happen that way. Questioner: Well, it's significant because it almost feels like I already know who I'm going to be tomorrow, when I'm just trying to be here. And I think that's where a lot of my suffering can come from, is allowing the role playing to continue. That's where I'm at tonight, hearing you talk about fear, is much appreciated. Larry: Yeah, if I could, because you're probably not alone. Aunt Millie is going to be there, and Uncle Charlie. Oh, God. They're going to go start showing all these pictures of their kids, and I have to look excited. Here he is, almost smiling. There he is smiling. Here he is. Isn't he intelligent? Oh, yeah. He looks really smart. Got a kind of big head, but all right, so maybe we all have some…practice would be, in other words, what I was getting at, about relationship. Can you turn that around? Break_line: You see that's one of the reasons people become monks and nuns, is to get away from family, to get away from sex, to get away from food, to get away from… because we usually fail, but that doesn't mean we can't learn how to do it. But it does mean... you have to want to learn how to do it. You have to really value that. I feel we have no choice. If you want to become a monk, or a nun, more power to you. But you're not. It doesn't look like it. So, this is our life. This is it. And so, can we learn how to use these forms? So, let's take yours. Break_line: First of all, if we connect what both of you have been saying, all that stuff in your head, those are just thoughts about the future. Now, you can use the breath, or not. If you become aware of those thoughts, you know what you're going to find out. They're just thoughts, that's all they are, not only that, they're like poor little things that have no roots. They come blah, blah, blah. And if you don't feed them by identifying, either pushing it away, or believing, and identifying with it, it has no power, on its own. And then you'll get there, and they're going to always ask you, well, how is your job? But if you just see it as something that, arises, and passes away, it's just a thought. That's what it is. It's no more, no less. As that starts to lose its power, then you come to that place of stillness, and silence. And that's what we're getting at, because that place is merely big, to put it mildly. And then it's not to leave the world out. It's stillness, silence. No, words are really adequate. Emptiness, Buddha, nature, blah, blah, blah. There's something in it. That's where the real healing goes on, in my experience. And then can you bring that in so… Break_line: Your family can teach you, much more than the Buddha, or myself? Because they're going to push buttons tomorrow, aren't they? We already pushing them. But it's you doing it to you. Once you start seeing... that's what I mean, who's going to help you with that? You only want to can do it. You realize I'm creating a scenario, some of which I'm already suffering. You haven't even gotten…. Is it a plane you're flying there or driving there? Questioner: A bus and a boat. Larry: A bus and a boat. Here you are in Cambridge, and you might as… don't go. So see it as an opportunity. In other words, deliberating power of relationship. And I'm not saying it's easy, but if you take it on, you'll fail mostly. Let's say tomorrow, you watch the mind, get to know the mind. That's what it means. Self-knowing is that, and it loses power, as you become aware of it, because it flourishes in darkness, when it's not… Okay so, then you arrive though, and then the buttons are going to get pushed. There's no question about it. And most of the time you will get sucked in. Break_line: But if you understand how valuable it is, to begin to learn how relationship is where most of our life is lived out, that if we can begin to become sensitive to what's going on, or has developed the ability to be with Aunt, Uncle, Ma, Pa whoever it is that; the buttons, no, the pushers of buttons, while at the same time not losing touch with our inner life. That's a skill. It can be learned. But you're going to fail a lot, at the beginning. If you don't get discouraged, you'll learn it just like you've learned other things, that you didn't learn immediately. And then, that's where life, and practice, become the same thing, and becomes much more natural, and not formalized. It's not a technique, or a method, but to begin with, it'll feel like that. So, you're going to do it, then you can let us know. End_time: 01:02:11