pod 3 siblings

Sibling relationships are important and long-lasting. Strong bonds contribute to better mental health and social skills. Managing conflicts involves validating feelings, teaching conflict resolution, avoiding comparison, and giving individual attention. Building strong bonds includes encouraging teamwork, creating family traditions, teaching empathy and gratitude, letting them solve their own problems, and leading by example. Sibling jealousy can be managed by acknowledging feelings, providing one-on-one time, and encouraging unique interests. Annoying behavior can be addressed by finding the root cause, setting boundaries, and using playful redirection. Sharing toys can be facilitated through taking turns and encouraging shared play. Embracing different personalities is important as a parent or caregiver. Hello, hello, welcome back to another episode of the Nanny Jewel Podcast, where I can help you find joy in the chaos. I'm your host, Nanny Jewel, and today we're diving into the wonderfully chaotic world of sibling relationships. Let's be real, siblings can go from best friends to sworn enemies in a matter of seconds. One minute they're building a pillow fort together, the next minute someone has breathed the wrong way, and next thing you know you're ringside. But despite the fights over who gets the last cookie, break it in half and make sure those pieces are even, or who gets to pick the TV show, sibling bonds are some of the most lasting and important relationships in life. So how do we as parents foster strong sibling relationships while also keeping our sanity? How do we manage conflicts and encourage bonds that will last into adulthood? And how do we handle the classic, but mom, he took my toy, or she's touching my side of the couch situations? Well let's get into it. Why are sibling relationships so important? Before we dive into managing conflicts, let's talk about why siblings are such a big deal. Psychologists say that sibling relationships are the longest lasting relationships we have in life. While parents, friends, and even partners come and go, siblings are usually around for the long haul. Research also shows that strong sibling relationships contribute to better mental health, social skills, and conflict resolution abilities. Kids with positive sibling bonds tend to have a higher emotional intelligence and stronger coping skills later in life. Now I know what some of you are thinking. That's great, but my kids fight like two raccoons fighting over a french fry. Don't worry, we'll get to that. Managing sibling conflicts without losing your mind, or your Nintendo DS. You'll hear why. Sibling rivalry is as old as time. Think Cain and Abel. Or if you're more Gen Z, think Elsa and Anna, Bart and Lisa, or even Kendall and Kourtney. Yes, the Kardashian slap heard around the world. Conflict is inevitable, but every squabble, scream, and shove is also an opportunity to teach lifelong skills like empathy, fairness, and problem solving. Let's break it down. Firstly, validating feelings but setting boundaries. Kids need to feel heard, but that doesn't mean that they get to body slam their sibling like it's the WWE Smackdown. So let's try saying this instead. I can see you were really mad that your sister knocked over your blocks. It's okay to feel mad, but it's never okay to hurt someone. Let's figure out what we can do next time. It's a real life reminder. I once walked up from grabbing a Lego piece under the table and found a four-year-old with her hands around her two-year-old sister's neck like they were in a toddler action movie. I literally said, oh my goodness, no thank you, because I was so stunned. But I knew this wasn't just a timeout offense. I immediately called mom in to witness the wildness and help enforce a stronger response. She gave a firm scolding, a real timeout, and a follow-up talk that helped her daughter understand the seriousness of it. So the solutions in that situation was to stay calm but firm. Your tone should say, this is serious, without escalating the situation. Separate them if needed to cool off before talking it out, and always follow up with a calm, age-appropriate discussion after discipline. Second, teach conflict resolution skills. Every fight is a teachable moment, annoying but true. Encourage phrases like, I feel mad when you take my toy without asking, or can we find a way to share? Or next time, please ask me first. So the tools, you could use role play, play peace police, or read books about conflict. Example, The Grumpy Monkey, or When Sophie Gets Angry, Really, Really Angry. I think those two books are my top favorite as well. Play cooperative games like building a blanket fort or baking together. Even Bluey teaches conflict resolution. Watch an episode like Queens or The Pool, where siblings bicker, make mistakes, and then learn how to be better together. Bonus, it's fun and relatable for parents too. Third, avoid playing the referee. It's not your job to decide who won the fight like the UFC judge. Instead of, she started it, no he did, say, I'm not here to choose sides. I want to help the both of you find a fair solution. When you stop being the judge and start being the coach, they learn to work through problems themselves. That's adulting 101. Next, don't compare your kids. Cannot stress this enough, do not compare your kids. Comparison is the thief of joy and the fuel for sibling resentment. Never say, why can't you be a little more like your sister? How about you say, try instead. You are both great in your own ways. Let's talk about what you can do to help this situation. There's no need for the, why aren't you this way? Why can't you be more like that? It's just unnecessary. I remember it like yesterday. I remember my Nintendo DS went missing the day after Christmas. I had just got this brand new Nintendo DS, and after a CSI level search around the entire house, I found it under my mom's bed, snapped clean in half. I knew it was my little sister. She later admitted she wanted to see how far back it would go. And I immediately found her in front of the fireplace, and naturally, I did what any infuriated eight year old would do. I hit her so hard in her back, she almost levitated like the girl from The Exorcist. I'm not proud, but memorable. But the lesson here was, if someone had stepped in and taught us how to communicate instead of just punishing us after the fact, we probably wouldn't need it to play Fight Club Sibling Edition. Lastly, give each child individual attention. A lot of sibling drama comes down to feeling unseen, so the solution here would be schedule the 10 to 15 minutes of one-on-one time, daily or weekly. Let them pick the activity, like reading, playing, talking, or just hanging out to cuddle on the couch, or headed on a walk together, or a bike ride. When kids feel special on their own, they don't need to compete for attention. If you give the older sibling a unique big kid privilege, for example, picking the movie, staying up 10 minutes later, they'll feel more empowered and less resentful. We'll be right back after this short break. Welcome back. Let's talk about building strong sibling bonds, turning rivals into ride-or-dies. First, encourage teamwork. Give siblings small tasks to complete together. Anna turns competition into cooperation. Try building Legos together, cooking as a team, even just mixing the pancake batter, or creating a silly sibling dance. Think about the teamwork between Anna and Elsa in Frozen 2. Sure, they had drama, but in the end, they needed each other. Remind your kids you're stronger together. Next, make family traditions stick. Game nights, pizza movie nights, pajama parties, or sibling-only sleepovers build core memories. Let them create their own handshake or sibling song, or do Sibling Appreciation Day, where they make cards for each other. Yes, even if they just scribble. You're weird, but okay. Also, teach empathy and gratitude. Create daily or weekly gratitude rituals. You can go around the dinner table and ask, what's one nice thing your sibling did today? These build emotional awareness and connection between them. Also, let them solve their own problems. You could ask, what do you both think is fair here, or how can we solve this together? Let them come up with a solution with gentle coaching. And also, lastly, lead by example. Show your own friendships and family dynamics as models. Be kind, apologize when you mess up, and speak respectfully to your partner or friends. Kids are little mirrors. If they see healthy relationships, they'll copy them. The long game. You're not just managing a million toddler battles. You're helping raise future best friends. Most adult siblings look back and laugh at their childhood fights, but they remember the love, traditions, and us-against-the-world bond. And trust me, you'll remember the one time their sister pushed them down the stairs or ruined their Christmas present. But what really sticks is how you handled what they learned from it, and the connection that got stronger because of it. All right, everyone, it's time for the part I love the most. Your questions. Let's get into what's been on your mind. How do you handle sibling jealousy? Make sure you just acknowledge their feelings, like, I know it's hard when your brother gets attention, but I love you just as much. Make sure you emphasize that you hear them and that you still love them. Remember to create that one-on-one time. Even 10 minutes daily or weekly of undivided attention can help. And let them have their own interests. Encourage hobbies that make them feel unique and special. What if one sibling is constantly annoying the other? Well, first, find the root cause. Are they craving attention? Are they feeling left out? Are they bored? And make sure you set boundaries. Teach the older sibling to say, I need space right now, and the younger has to respect it. And use playful redirection. Engage them in new activities together to shift the focus. How can parents stop siblings from biting over toys? Make sure you teach taking turns. I love to use a timer, saying, you have five minutes to play with this, and then it's your brother's turn. And that really works, because at that point, after they switch turns, one of them is just going to get distracted and not even care anymore. Also encourage shared play. Find cooperative games where they work together instead of competing. And also set limits on arguing. Let them solve minor conflicts, but step in if it gets visible. What if siblings have very different personalities? Well, I hope they do. As a parent or caregiver, we have to accept their differences. One may be loud and outgoing, while the other one is quiet and independent, and that's okay. Encourage respect. Teach them to appreciate each other's strengths instead of competing. And plan activities for both. Find a middle ground. Like an outing that suits both personalities. Oh, I like this question. I see this all too often. What if the older sibling bullies or bosses the younger one? Okay. Make sure you teach respectful leadership. Being older means helping, not bossing. Encourage them to teach, not control. I think two weeks ago, that was something me and the middle child worked on all day long. I kept having to simply just remind her, we can only control ourselves, we cannot control others. So she loved bossing around her little brother. She loves having things done her way. I understand it. I was the same way as a child, so I just had to constantly remind her throughout the day, we can only control ourselves, we cannot control other people. And make sure you set clear boundaries. Ensure the younger sibling has a voice and space too. Sibling relationships are complex, messy, and sometimes downright exhausting to manage as a parent or caregiver. But with patience, guidance, and a little bit of humor, you can help your kids navigate their relationships in a way that fosters love and respect. So next time your kids are wrestling over the last slice of pizza, take a deep breath and remember, one day they'll probably be calling each other at midnight to reminisce about these moments. Thank you so very much for tuning in to the Nanny Jewel podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with the other parents or caregivers who might need a little encouragement in the sibling department. Until next time, I'm Nanny Jewel, reminding you, you're doing great. Bye for now.