MA11624

The speaker starts by mentioning various topics, including a monkey man fixing things, a discussion about Christmas movies, and Uber delivering alcohol. They then talk about how Peter Dinklage's success in dwarf roles has affected other actors. The speaker goes on to talk about Star Wars and how it has been ruined by recent films. They then discuss their favorite Christmas movies, including It's a Wonderful Life, Nightmare Before Christmas, Deadpool 1 and 2, Die Hard 1 and 2, Holdovers, and Bishop's Wife. They also mention the movie Jeannie and Candy Cane Lane. Ooh, that's a lot of stuff. I don't know what it means. However, this thing says on there, and I think we're live, and if we're live, in the beninging there was monkey and me. The banana man has yet again shown up with a monkey hand and fixed everything because monkey man is king. Well, I was going to use the first 10 minute segment to talk about stuff because I made a list of the top Christmas movies that come to the top of my head because we didn't get to do a Christmas episode last time. So, apologies. All right, we're actually live. Shout out, I'll turn the little light on. Here's what's gonna happen. We're about halfway through the first 10 minute segment, and it's gonna take more than five minutes to do the Christmas joke thingy I had lined up, and that was gonna be the leading chunk into things. So, I have totally other stuff prepared because I am not a absolute monkey brain. Um, oh, Uber has just done a big help for the alcoholics in the world by you can now have Uber and Instacart, or as far as I know, I don't remember Instacart doing it, but now like Uber Eats will just straight up drop off alcohol at your house within like an hour of you ordering it. So, you know, now you don't even have to drive and hit the liquor store bumpers because that's the funniest thing to me. I know there's a restaurant and it's like right across the street from one of the liquor stores, and the entire front of it, like those little cement guard things so that people don't crash into the store, all of them are bent, and I think that is hilarious because, yo, that means a lot of people showed up already having fun, if you feel me, you know. But, I don't know, I didn't plan to, you know, have to monkey mechanic everything, activate grease monkey mode. Did y'all know that Wonka didn't use actual dwarves anymore, like they don't call up the midgets anymore because Peter Dinklage is a doo-doo head? Like he ruined it for all of them. Their entire movie, like, the big part of a dwarf or someone with like, you know, like a little midget who wants to get into acting and everything, their guaranteed roles are usually elves, dwarves, and like in the mines and everything, or some type of like miniaturized character. Well, Peter Dinklage is a doo-doo head. He's like, well, guess what? I'm gonna lock it in to where only I can get these roles because if you only hire midgets to play dwarf roles, then you're being a meanie and that's not a lot. And it's like, bro, this man scammed all other little bros out of having little jobs. There are movies that only like happened because of the amount of dwarves they had. For instance, one incredibly overlooked George Lucas movie, Willow. Now, that movie literally lived off of the fact that they had a lot of dwarves. They didn't CGI a regular person into that size. The OG Willy Wonka used dwarves. And guess what? The OG Willy Wonka movie, slaps. Willow, slaps. Completely underrated and overhated. Like, no, it's not one of George Lucas' other movies like Indiana Jones or Star Wars. No, it was its own little fun fairy, well, not fairy, but like fantasy type thing. And you know, not everything is meant to be a franchise. Ooh, that's what I'm gonna talk about for the next minute and a half. Star Wars is dead. They are killing it even further somehow. People have been living off of the rotting corpse of Star Wars and now they're somehow figuring out more ways to desecrate it. So they're trying to completely retcon all of the just doo-doo they did to it and everything after completely squashing the awesomeness that was going to be the normal, the normal sequels that George Lucas wanted to do. Darth Maul came back anyway, because Darth Maul is that dude. He is him. He is the 100% Himalayan. So he was gonna come back. He was gonna have a daughter who was his apprentice. The Han Solo and Leia and then Luke's kids was gonna fight with them. He was gonna fight on behalf of Obi-Wan and all that. There was so much that was going to happen in it and when they made it, it's like, oh, all of a sudden there's like 35 Death Stars, Kylo Ren get all sad, boo-hoo. Dude, I didn't even bother watching. I saw the clips and immediately knew they were gonna make this doo-doo. The only good thing about it is that Adam Driver is a good actor. Everything else washed. The new stuff they're planning to do is only going to further desecrate Star Wars. I hate it. Here's some music, bro. All right, we're back. I'm going to be incredibly loud because I don't know how long this thing is gonna actually take. So I didn't get to do a Christmas special. Oops. So I'm gonna compress what I would've probably stretched out into the entire show into this 10-minute segment. All right, so of course we're gonna start off with the obvious go-to for Christmas movies, the greatest Christmas film, one of the best movies ever made, probably one of the most sincere, heartfelt stories ever. It's a wonderful life. There is no downside to this movie. This entire movie is pretty much perfection. Sentimentality, through the roof. Heartfeltness, through the roof. Christmas spirit, through the roof. Iconic, true, pure, just great storytelling, through the roof. The acting, great. All of these things, magic. True, heartfelt, magic. That is why, I don't care if it's just the cheap answer to pick. It is the only right answer for the greatest Christmas movie there is. I actually got to see it in theaters. Well, no, last year would be last Christmas. So the year before that. I got to see it in theaters, and that was very much a different feeling to it. Another classic for Christmas, you gotta have Nightmare Before Christmas. I'm gonna try and do Christmas movies, no Hallmark, no none of that, because Hallmark is doo-doo cheeks. They have three stories. They tell them over and over again, and almost use all the same actresses. However, Lacey Chabert, hot. Next thing, Nightmare Before Christmas. True classic, you can watch it at Halloween and Christmas. Great Tim Burton movie. Great movie overall, honestly. It carried a lot of weight, got a lot more people into stop motion type things. I know a lot of people who were super influenced by that alone into actually caring about stop motion. Deadpool 1, the first Deadpool movie. It is a Christmas movie. A huge part of it takes place centering around Christmas Day itself. So it's technically a Christmas movie. I don't care that parts of the movie don't take place in it. To count for me as a Christmas movie type thing, it doesn't have to be super focused on the spirit of Christmas, but a large portion of it, not a scene, not a couple scenes, but a huge part of that movie needs to revolve around Christmas itself. So, Deadpool 1, huge Christmas movie, excellent movie. Probably one of the best movies to be considered. Well, it's now owned by Marvel Disney again. So hopefully they don't ruin it for the third, which comes out this year because it's awesome. Deadpool 2 isn't a Christmas movie. However, there's a Christmas edition. There is, and it's literally Christmas just version of the second movie. Now, Die Hard 1, there's always been an argument whether Die Hard is a Christmas movie or not. It is, the entire thing takes place for a Christmas party in Nakatomi Plaza. It's a Christmas movie. However, the argument people don't make that they need to make, Die Hard 2, also takes place on Christmas time. Like, that whole big thing, except for, you know, instead of Nakatomi Plaza, we're now in an airport, but guess what? It still takes place around Christmas, doing Christmas stuff, so it is a Christmas movie. The Die Hards after that, I don't remember them taking place around Christmas because then it goes Federal Reserve, the bombing one for New York, and then the hacker one is the last one. So the first two Die Hards Christmas movies. Now, this is a new one, but I think it is going to become, like, you know, a winter, it's really good, and I really enjoyed it. My mom enjoyed it, too, and it did give that, like, it had a nostalgia to it, kind of, because of the way it was filmed and everything, but holdovers. It came out this winter, and honestly, it's a really good movie. I really enjoyed it, you know? It's not super Christmas focused, but it's focused on, like, that gap of Christmas time where, you know, people get lonely, it gets harder to be, like, you know, kind of reconcile with, like, certain life things that happen, and I mean, you know, it's not, like, one of the super Christmas spirit-y ones and everything, but it still has, like, a good story and everything. Bishop's Wife. I finally got around to watching this. Not Preacher's Wife with Denzel, that's the remake. I'm talking about the old OG Bishop's Wife. Now, I don't know about you, but I think gaslighting is hilarious, and this movie exemplified gaslighting, because it's like, okay, so Bishop's wife, an angel comes to help out a bishop and his wife, and he starts, like, it's just a good movie about, like, being there matters more. You need to focus on what you need to do to help others rather than what you think you want, like, putting your wants and highlighting it as, oh, I'm doing this to help, I'm doing this to help when you're doing it for you. I don't know, it's a great movie, though. Check it out next Christmas, though. There was that movie Jeannie that came out recently. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was gonna be for a Megan McCarthy movie, but that one, that had some good, like, you know, vibes to it and everything. Honestly, it is, it, I wouldn't go out of my way to watch it again, but, like, I don't know, because my mom wanted to watch it because she thought it'd be funny, and it wasn't, she was right, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was gonna be, but, I mean, if she wanted to watch it again, I wouldn't fist fight her in the parking lot to not watch it. However, for Candy Cane Lane, and that movie X-mas, E-X-space-mas, like, the dude's ex is there, those movies, dog. Dog, I want my time back. That was a big miss. Absolutely huge miss. It's very much big disappointment. Like, it's just, it really did suck. The movies were, they had, like, maybe one funny part in each, and then the rest was very boring, I guess. Or, like, they'd have, like, one cool shot every, even if you tried to turn off your brain to watch it, it was still doo-doo. Um, Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer. I feel like, I feel like people who have watched that only saw it because it used to play on Cartoon Network back in the day, and that movie, I don't remember enough about it to really have a super definitive take on it. However, I don't remember anything about it, and that's not really a super good sign, because it seems like it sucked. But, okay, so, after that, there's, oh, Miracle on 34th. Now, there have been a couple renditions of this, and, you know, everyone argues about which one is better. It's the original. You can't capture that type of, like, heartfeltness that the old man who was playing Santa in that movie, you can't capture that, again, because there was, like, a true sincerity that he just gave off, and that's why that one's the best. Like, I've watched the others. It's not as good. The original Miracle on 34th Street is the one to go with, because it's just a really great movie. There's tons of stuff that, true, it's just a good all-around, you know, Christmas season movie. Oh, Scrooged with Bill Murray. I like this movie a lot. I think it's a very cool take on, you know, well, Christmas Carol. I think it's super cool. It's super, it maintained, like, like, the importance of the original while modernizing it in a way that didn't just completely sell it out down the river. It had awesome visuals, cool characters, a lot of, like, cool back and forth between these characters that was funny and entertaining. Scrooged is a really good Christmas Carol, and there are a lot of Christmas Carols that, like, they made. I haven't gotten, I don't think I've gotten to see the actual 1921, but I saw the 1930s one, so I'm gonna try and find that. That'd be cool to watch, but I didn't think it would take this long. When we get back, we'll finish the list, baby. Here's some music. All right, we are back. Where'd my list go? There, my list. So we left off talking about Christmas Carols. Now, honestly, an underrated one, Muppets. I like the Muppets stuff. I think it's funny. It reminds me of being a little kid and when I used to hang out at Disney a lot, because I used to live in Florida and everything, I used to go to Disney a lot, and they had a Muppet thing there, a Muppets theater. I liked it, because I liked the Muppets. I grew up watching their stuff, so I liked it. But the Muppets Christmas Carol's sentimental. However, my favorite Christmas Carol gotta be the Jim Carrey one. With like, it's when Disney had rights to it, and they used this CGI type thing, and Jim Carrey played multiple characters in it, but I really liked that one, because it focused a lot more on the whole crazy, and how actually scary it would be, instead of just, oh, you know, it's just, oh, you should be happy, like, you still have the future to change. Oh, your past, you know, you made the wrong decisions, you should start making the right ones. No, it's like, anyway, this starving, crazy child here, ignorance, this other one, shoot, I forgot it. Now I look stupid. What is it? It's ignorance and, is it jealousy? I don't know, but two little starving kids, and they go crazy and everything, and then you got the cool death one. I really, really liked that, because I think it's more, you know, hardcore telling of it, because everyone usually tries to water it down, and it's just like, oh, look at the poor, sad kids, and this one goes, no, this guy goes insane, and he starts killing people, this one goes to, like, the loony bin. This is all your fault, by the way, because, you know, they're kind of your connections. Another great one, the Mickey Mouse one, where Scrooge McDuck is Ebeneezer. I like that one, too, because it's the complete opposite. It's super happy and, well, not really sentimental, I'm using that word too much. It's super happy-go-lucky, and very cartoon and fun and everything. You know, it's not this hyper seriousness. It's, you know, the true kid Christmas spirit, and it's, I like it, too, it's very sweet. Oh, another Jim Carrey one. Oh, what is it? I think it's Disney's Once Upon a Christmas, where they have all the Christmas specials. I also really like that a lot, because it reminds me of my childhood, and, you know, sometimes it's nice to, like, you know, not have to, like, you know, be all serious and everything. It's just cool to, like, you know, kick it back. Oh, Flintstones had a Christmas Carol, too. I don't remember that one as well. I like the House of Mouse one better. Big breath. There's the OG Grinch, but that got completely outshadowed by the Jim Carrey Grinch. I haven't seen the last Grinch. However, the soundtrack has Tyler, the creator, on it, who absolutely killed it. Great soundtrack. However, Jim Carrey owns the Grinch. That man was awesome. Santa's Sleigh, S-L-A-Y. I think it's funny. It's supposed to be, like, Santa Claus is actually a demon-type thing. He was forced to do niceness for, like, 1,000 years, and now he can start messing stuff up again. I thought it was funny because it had a WWE guy at a, was it Adam Goldberg? Goldberg? No, not Adam Goldberg. The Goldberg Wrestler, dude. He was there, and he was just tearing up everybody. I thought that was funny. Then you have Fred Claus, which has Vince Vaughn in it. That's a decent movie. Then you have Claus, where it's K-L-A-U-S. That's on Netflix. That is a beautiful Christmas movie. Very, very heartfelt. I was not expecting something like that. Then there's Christmas Chronicles. That has Kurt Russell. Violent Night, I finally got around to watching that. I don't know why they made him a Viking instead of just, like, they made him Nordic instead of Germanic, like old school, back when they were pagan Viking types, even though Saint Nick wasn't even true from Germanic. It's a complicated history that we don't got time for, so we're moving on to the next movie. Tokyo Godfathers. Now, when I went to see this, I didn't realize it was actually a Christmas movie because I got to see this for the Satoshi Kon festival, well, yeah, technically last year, but this past December I got to see it. That movie takes place around Christmas as well, and it has some really, really cool stuff. It's not my favorite Satoshi Kon film, or Satoshi Kon thing that I've seen, but it's still really cool for what it is. Now, you gotta see the Nutcracker live to truly capture it, but the closest thing to that is Tom and Jerry's Nutcracker. That is a Christmas must. It isn't Christmas if you don't see it, so you have to do it. And yo, I'm so mad that Apple bought the rights to this, to the Charlie Brown movies, because I didn't get to watch Charlie Brown Christmas this year. They own it, and I'm not paying for Apple TV to watch the Thanksgiving, the Halloween, and the Christmas one. Those are classics. Those should be available to everybody. Last Holiday. Oh, that's the Queen Latifah movie. That's also a cool movie, and it has actors that I didn't realize go on to play some major different roles compared to what they play in this movie. It's pretty good. Oh, the Tim Allen Santa Claus movies. A lot of people really like those. I'm not a super fan of them, but I'm not gonna hate on them. Now, the OG Silent Night Deadly Night, that's, for me, a horror fan, a very important Christmas classic. However, all of the sequels and the remake, oh my gosh, it's so bad it's funny, so those are actually kind of funny. It's that bad. There's a Christmas horror story where it opens with this awesome fight between Krampus and Santa, and then there's a weird storyline that goes through. I don't remember that. I just remember cool Santa-Krampus fight. Then the Krampus movie itself. I feel like it could've done more, but at the same time, I still think it did enough for what it was. P2, or Platform 2, that takes place around Christmas. I hate that movie. It sucks. Don't watch it. Jingle all the way. Am I the only person who, the only thing from that movie they know about is the Santa fight and the Turbo Man suit and put that cookie down now. There is nothing else I remember. Oh, and Sinbad was in it or something. Next, Elf. We gotta crunch this out. Elf, super classic. I think Planes, Trains, Automobiles takes place around Christmas. It starts at Thanksgiving or something. Home Alone 1 and 2, gotta have those. Not Christmas without them. All the other Home Alones, doodoo aids. Um, Christmas Story, unpopular opinion. That movie is so boring, oh my God. It makes my brain dead. Same with National Lampoon Christmas Vacation. I'm not a fan. Ooh, the second Tim Burton Batman movie with Danny DeVito. That takes place around Christmas, so it counts. A big part of it is about Christmas-like season, so it counts as one. Same thing with Edward Scissorhands. Big part of it takes place on the importance of Christmas and him doing all that beautiful stuff. Watch Edward Scissorhands in the second Batman movie. Lethal Weapon, I'm pretty sure. Ooh, First Blood, the Rambo movie. That's it. Eyes Wide Shut, technically, is one. Polar Express, completely overrated. Hook with Robin Williams, the Peter Pan one. I love that movie. Watch it. One of the Friday sequels, I don't remember which, but one of them takes place around Christmas. I think the first Jumanji takes place kinda close to Christmas. Princess Bride, technically, it is a Christmas movie because the old dude is reading the book around Christmas. That's when the kid is sick. Oh, the music's playing, I gotta go fast. Gremlins 1 and Gremlins 2, those are around Christmas because the Gremlins are a Christmas gift. Ooh, the OG Black Christmas. It's a horror movie. The original is great, the other one sucks. It's the one that, like, ew, they're calling inside the house type one. You gotta watch it, it's great. Here's the music, bye. All right, y'all, we're gonna close it out. There's still a couple others, or I don't know if y'all heard me, because there's also, like, Nice Guys with Ryan Gosling, I think, was Christmas. Oh, speaking of Ryan Gosling, before I go, I don't know what award show it was, but I told everyone the second I heard I'm just Ken. I was like, that's gonna be Peaches for, like, the songs. Peaches was fun for the meme, but for Barbie to be pretty much Mattel figuring out a way to super boost their stock of Barbie dolls and, you know, kinda plug that with a disguise, like a gift wrapping of, ooh, girl power, and then the male characters just completely stole the show. Like, Will Ferrell was hilarious the entire time, and then Ryan Gosling just completely stole the show. Like, bro, locked it down. It was hilarious, but yeah, he was shocked that it won, but okay, back to Christmas movies. I don't know if I said Frosty the Snowman, that's one. The Rudolph ones when he goes, the OG, and then when he goes to, like, the Island of Misfits toys. I don't know, I feel like I rushed them, and I don't know which ones were not heard. Princess Bride is a Christmas movie. Let me re-say that before we go. Princess Bride is a Christmas movie, takes place around Christmas. The book is a gift for Christmas, I'm pretty sure, because the kid is sick around winter, so it's read around Christmas time. That's why Deadpool 2's Christmas edition featured the same actor who played the kid in bed with Deadpool reading to him. Deadpool 1 is a Christmas movie. The first Rambo movie, First Blood, that's a Christmas movie because it takes place around Christmas. There are Christmas lights everywhere, all over the town. The first two Diehards are Christmas movies, not just the first one, the first two of them. Um, I don't know. Oh, there's the horror movies, Jack Frost's. I don't know, there are a lot of weird themed horror movies, but a lot of them sucked to the point where, like, worse than the P2 movie I talked about, because that was dude waves. But the good ones, the OG Black Christmas from the 1970s, the, I guess Krampus would be a good one that has some funny parts in it, too. I wouldn't count it as a horror, but it's, you know, kind of spooky themed, so I guess we'll just lump it in. Nightmare Before Christmas. I should've organized this better, because I am dummy dumb. Silent Night, Deadly Night, the original, great one, goodbye, have fun. Hope you enjoyed!