Robin's Story - Rising Above: Finding Strength in Life’s Depths

This is a podcast episode where the guest, Robin, shares her story of resilience and finding strength in life's depths. She talks about losing her mother at a young age and the challenges she faced growing up without her. She also discusses the impact of her husband and her journey of faith and self-discovery. Welcome to Through Deep Water, the podcast delving into Isaiah 43.2. When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up. The flames will not consume you. Join us as we explore the profound message of resilience, faith, and hope found only in the depths of Isaiah's words. Discover how we can navigate life's challenges, emerging stronger and unwavering through the deep water. So listeners, pour yourself a cup of your favorite brew, sink into a comfy chair, and tune in as we begin the journey together. Welcome back, listeners. I am more than grateful to be able to be sitting at the table with my aunt and dear sister to bring you an episode that we are calling Rising Above, Finding Strength in Life's Depths with Robyn Riley. Aunt Robyn, go ahead and tell us a little bit about yourself. Well, hello, and thank you, Monique and Martha, for inviting me and including me to be able to share my story. I'm super excited to be able to help others, hopefully, along their journey as well. As Monique mentioned, I am her aunt, but yet big sister. Thrilled to be here with her. I am married, a wonderful man, Mike, for over 30 years. We have three beautiful children, a son and two daughters, and we have three beautiful grandchildren, two granddaughters, one grandson, and one grandson on the way. Super excited. So we'll have four soon here in July. So it's good to be here. Yeah, I recently retired, right, over the last several years. Pretty blessed to be able to do that at a younger age and enjoying life. So great. Yeah. So just I know from us being family and growing closer together, can you share more about your experience of losing your mother at a young age and and how that has shaped your journey? Oh my. So this is why I was pretty excited to be able to share this with everyone, because I'm sure there are others that are going to listen, that are going to have some type of experience of losing someone at a very young age. And so I was 12 years old, and I lost my mother. I have three older brothers, and they're about, they're upwards about 10 years older than I am. So once this happened, they were out on their own. And, you know, obviously I was 12, and my father didn't quite know what to do with a 12-year-old. And, you know, the journey that set before me was not only difficult because I was young and, you know, didn't have my mother, but she actually was, she actually was a prescription drug addict. And that's what I knew most of my life with her, aside from her being very loving and caring, which she was, and a tremendous mother at that. But, you know, the prescription drug piece really controlled her life and ours, to be quite candid. So that was tough at best. But so I got up one morning on a Sunday, and a girlfriend spent the night, and I'll never forget this day the rest of my life. When I got up and come down the staircase, my father yelled, where are you going? What's going on, Robin? And I went to the doorway, and he's laying there next to my mother. And I said, Mom said it was okay if I went to church with Tammy, and, you know, we're going to go there, and I'll be back when we're done. And he said, well, let me check with your mother. And so he starts trying to wake my mother up. And unfortunately, that was the day that changed my whole life. He's shaking her, and she's not alive. So clearly she had passed from an overdose. And I don't consider it, of course, maybe this is wrong or right, but she overdosed on prescription pain meds, and probably took too much, you know what I mean, Monique, versus what you should be taking. But her body was so accustomed to taking so much for so many years that I think she lost track, and clearly it just shut her heart down. So, you know, and what did that do to me? You know, I guess the toughest part was at such a young age feeling abandoned because no one really knew what to do with me. Gosh, you know, you're thinking, what? My mother's family was from Newfoundland. You know, she wasn't from the States, so we didn't know them. And my father's family was pretty, you know, had their own children and their own children's children, and we weren't real close to them either. And as I said, my brothers were, you know, younger but older, and one was married, your father and your mother were married, expecting you. And then my oldest brother, obviously, was getting married. They had a child on the way, and my younger of the older three was out on his own. So it was really just me. They didn't know what to do with me. So it was a tough time. You know, you had to learn very young survivor skills that probably didn't learn from, as today we have certain resources we didn't back then, or I didn't have the, I guess, the advocates out there to tell me where to go and how to, you know, get the help. So I kind of learned a little bit on my own, and survivor skills were tough at best. Some decisions I made were good, some bad. I lived with multiple families, you guys, which was kind of unfortunate because, you know, no one knew what to do with me. Probably upwards to 10 different families before my father was actually held accountable to say, hey, what are you going to do with your daughter? And he wasn't real happy at that. So, but I don't know. I'd have to say I was determined. I can tell you all this much. Probably, you know, my faith, even though, you guys, at times I question, I always had faith. My mother was on my shoulder. She was guiding me, you know, and I kind of always had an inner faith of God, you know, come on, you got to help me, even though I questioned why me. But I got to tell you that I had faith my mother was there, as I said, just kind of lifted me and helped me walk through some of these things in life. But, yeah. Yeah. Thank you. So let's bring it up a little bit. Let's talk about your wonderful husband and how meeting him has influenced your transition from simply surviving before you met him to actually thriving. Could you share with us how he became a significant support system for you and how that was an impact for your healing? Yeah. So I got married very young, everyone. I was 15, met my first husband, 16 engaged, 17 married, 18 had my son. I had two children with my first marriage. Seven years later, divorced, was single for several years and met my husband, who I am married to today. As Monique said, Mike is the guiding light for my life. He actually, I'd have to say that I actually felt support and love for the very first time in my life. And I say first time, I probably should say second time. My mother was really very, while she was, you know, the addict as she was, she was so loving and caring and just adored me. But I'd have to say that would be the first time in that journey that I found someone that I felt like, oh my gosh, you know, his kindness, his selflessness, his support. I just thought, oh my goodness, this can't be real, right? But, you know, it was a good Lord at work at the darkest time of my life with divorce and two children and struggling again. Not sure where I was going to head, but I knew that I was going to stay working and I was going to stay positive and I was going to be a good mother and the best that I could be in the conditions. But when I met him, it was just like the light opened up in my world. And I felt like, oh my gosh, I have the biggest cheerleader. And I guess what I'm trying to say is he saw the gifts that I have before I even realized what I had. And wow, once that opened that door, my gifts just, I mean, just came alive. So I'm truly blessed. I think that he saw that in me and helped me achieve most of what we did over the last 35 years together. Yeah. Great. So could you elaborate a little bit on your journey of faith and spirituality, especially regarding questioning and questioning the things that were happening, but ultimately embracing those things? Well, as I mentioned, you know, there was times even after my mom passed that I thought, you know, why me? Right? Yeah. Do I deserve this? I mean, I felt like, you know, geez, maybe this is a payback because I got to be honest, you guys, it gets me a little tender and emotional. A payback that I wasn't the best daughter. Oh, listen. So, you know, I was a spoiled rotten brat. I was 12 and I was the only girl. My daughter, my mother had three older boys and they were much older than I and I was everything to her. So I was really spoiled. So, you know, at times I thought, gosh, this was maybe God's way of saying, you know, shame on you. You weren't the best daughter you could be. But clearly, you know, as time went on, I realized that, you know, that's not the case, Robin, you know. But I do feel like there was more times than not, you know, they tell you the footprints in the sand, you know, that he was carrying me through a lot of time. But the bigger picture, people would say to me, you know, well, a door closed and the window that opened was you, Robin, that you flourished and became this person that, you know, and truly, you guys, you got to find the good in some of the unfortunate, you know, happenings in our lives. You have to search for the good. And obviously, I'm blessed because I found the good that came out of that. And I was a large part of that. And the effect that I think I'm having on my life, my children's and other people that I've actually mentored and been, you know, blessed to be around. Okay. So how has the process of self-discovery evolved for you over the years, particularly in relation to your mom's absence? So, as I mentioned, loving. I think I realized, thank goodness, at an early enough age that I did. And I was blessed to get the gifts from both my parents. Excuse me, my mother, obviously, her kindness, her giving, loving, you know, was just a blessing to me. My father, obviously, very strong business sense, public speaking, you know, I've got all those gifts and I was blessed. But I think my determination, you guys, of all over it was probably the strongest piece that I had. And I knew that I needed to be the best version of myself on that journey. And, you know, what I, I think I was determined, as you mentioned, to break the cycle and love myself and be proud of who I was. And that was a tough one through a dark time with 12 years old up until, you know, I got married, like I said, very young and a lot of uneasiness and not sure, you know, what I was doing. But I'll tell you what, I found those gifts. And once I found them, I wasn't going to turn back. I was definitely very determined. And I think Monique, obviously, blessed to be able to be around me because, you know, it was only a few years, 12 years between us that are different. So she saw me grow up to some degree as well. But, you know, I feel like, yeah, I found it. But it was a blessing of God that I found it along with my husband. And for that reason, I'm here today to share that. That's great. So could you describe maybe a specific moment when you felt guided by God and that you gained strength from him during a difficult situation? So I mentioned the, I didn't mention probably yet, the mental illness and the addiction is pretty strong in our family. And it is a genetic thing. And we need to talk more, but that's another conversation for another day because it's something we all need to talk more about. But I'd have to say the mental illness and the addiction gene hit our family so hard because my father, obviously, alcoholic, and my brothers all to some degree have it. But I have to say that the moment that really probably got me was my son, my oldest, Michael, his addiction. And I'd have to say he has been fighting this for years. And those of you that may be listening to this may have a family member or a friend or someone you've witnessed that. And it's tough. I mean, he's been fighting it for over 20 some years, you guys. And to see him up and down and, you know, kind of really get clean and then relapse again. There was a particular time several years ago that, boy, he was on the right track for a good while and things were going well. And we got the phone call that he had titled his car over to a drug dealer, lost his house, lost his job. And you guys, I have to tell you, there was something at that moment that just snapped. And I've been through this several times before that I found some faith, you follow me, and some calmness. And I know it sounds crazy, but I found some calmness and I found some resources too with different, you know, the groups and stuff that I had. But I have to tell you what, I realized that I can't fix him and that, you know, he needed to do this on his own. And that's a tough one to do. But I found some resources after that too that through church and through other resources, I actually met up with a friend that actually volunteered at the women's prison in Marysville, which was with leading these young ladies and mentoring them. And it was pretty cool about codependency and some of the things that we could help them with. So I'd have to say that, you know, I volunteered at that prison and that was a pretty big, that fed my spirit, I'm going to be honest with you, and it guided me. And I found my calling there too, I got to be honest with you. I love volunteering and helping others. So, yeah. So, I know this very near and dear, because I'm so close to you and I know that other people look at you and they say, how are you so positive? You know, how do you keep such a great outlook on life? And so, and I try to mirror that in my own life from what I see with you and just reflecting on your journey, how do you balance acknowledging that there's hardships that you faced, but also maintain a positive outlook on life? So, Monique, hit it on the head. I have always been someone that has been very positive. I know, even though I've explained some of the trauma and the challenges I've been through, I always saw the glass half full. You know, there are people that, you know, you go through life and you think, gosh, they're negative and you wish you could help, you know, them see some light. But yeah, me, I was always that person, even through the most difficult times, I found there was good in other things. And I think that was my mother, obviously, as I said, and the good Lord up above tapping into me saying, Robin, you know, you got this. But, you know, there will always be ups and downs in life. You know, I knew that. But I think God had a bigger purpose for me. And I think as time went on, I found that. And I was blessed to be able to do so. But as we talk, and I know you guys have shared this on your podcast, which I applaud you for, but everybody has a story to tell, you know, and at the end of the day, it's very healing. And I think I've been able to share that story. And please understand, you don't share that story with just anybody. I get it. You know, but there are people you're going to learn to share that with, you know, that that will help their heart and their healing. Great. So forgiveness always plays a big role in the healing process. And that's hard to understand, especially for those of us like you and me who have experienced family dynamics that are not healthy. Yeah. So can you share a little bit more about that role of forgiveness in the healing process, especially with your experiences with family addiction and those personal relationships that are not, they're not healthy for us. No, they're not. And she's right. And we both witnessed that with one in particular in our family. But I have to say, you have to understand everyone that the disease itself, and as we've talked about, you know, addiction, it's a disease, folks. It's not something people go out seeking to do. It's a gene and it's something they're born with. And I think as you realize that and you try working through that and educating yourself through that and with support groups, I think it truly, truly does help you forgive and learn to kind of move on and look for the good in people. Because, you know, they're not seeking to do this just to make people's lives difficult. But I have to say the support group was very helpful. And I sought those out genuinely. And I say a lot of prayers because, you know, I think the one thing I can share with you that I think will touch on what Monique has shared with her journey too, is breaking the cycle of, you know, the trauma, is that you do have to make a decision that's best for yourself and your family. And at times you have to, you have to probably remove people out of your life. And that's what we had to do. And I have a few people in particular, and one of which is a family member that we both share in common that we had to take out of our lives because it wasn't bringing joy, peace, you know, and positive things in your family and your life. So you've mentioned quite a few times that you have this sense of pride because you've been able to overcome your challenges. So how do you cultivate and sustain this sense of pride amidst the ongoing struggles? Because every day you wake up, there's a new, there could be a new struggle or something new that you face. So tell me, how do you do that? So there are times, folks, that I can tell you that I may not know the answer to that. And that's when I know that it's the higher power, that it's God working his way with me and my mother. And I think we tease, Monique and I, about the apple not falling far from the tree, right? Because she's a lot like her Aunt Robin, and I'm proud of her beyond belief. But I truly have to just say, I'm the most determined person I probably know. And for some reason, when the tough gets going, I get, I mean, that's when I'm at my best, Monique. I mean, when things get tough and they start throwing things at me, buddy, I got it going. I mean, I just, it's a gift that I have that under pressure, I just, I do very well. So, you know, I'd have to say, and as I mentioned, I don't know, I think I take a lot of pride. I feel it's a superpower, per se. And I believe that you are blessed to have that as well. So I agree. When the going gets tough, I get tougher and stronger and can really step up and make hard decisions and help people navigate through those times. So absolutely. And yeah, that's definitely something that we've embraced. We take it personal, because we want to be mentors to our family and our children and friends and other women. Oh, yeah, for sure. So it's very important for me to be able to set that example and be able to be a mentor. And I feel I've done that throughout my lifetime so far and I hope to continue to do that. For sure. So can you elaborate a little bit on the importance of community and connection in your healing journey, especially in the light of the experiences of when you were feeling so unsupported in your early years? Yeah, because you're right. I mean, and you know, folks, I'm a little older than Monique, like I said. A little bit. But you know, only by 12 years. Only by a few. But yeah, but I think you've got to let your voice be heard. And unfortunately, when I was 12 until the, you know, like I said, until I found that point in my young 30s to be able to really get my voice be heard, right? Yeah. You know, we didn't have a lot of that resource available to us, but we do today. So I'm going to really tout the fact that you need to let your voice be heard. Don't be afraid. I think a lot of times we're ashamed or we feel like nobody's really, they don't have that same kind of stuff in their life. But you'll be crazy to kind of not think that other people have that same messiness in their life to some degree, because there's nothing perfect about it. But I'd say we need more openness, right? And I'd say that they're out there. Let them help you. There are other friends, there are other families, maybe, you know, acquaintances that through your ships that pass as your jobs and where your neighbors are at or whatever it may be, your churches, which are great. Don't be shy. Speak up and let people hear your voice. And you're going to find the healing from that is just tremendous. It really is. Agreed. Yeah, absolutely. So storytelling, we talk a lot about telling our story. And what role do you believe storytelling plays in healing and how has sharing your own story impacted your healing process? And also the lives of others, right? Yes, truly. You and I both have talked about this numerous times. But I'd have to say that, folks, it's number one. I can't stress that enough. Number one. And my children, I love them so much. And Monique is really like my little sister. But they know I've said this for many, many years. Everybody has a story to tell. Just do you take the time to listen, right? We all want to talk. And God knows I'm different at the top. Me too. Just like Monique, right? And we're good at it. But do you listen to the stories of others? And do you openly ask them to tell that or let them know they have a lended ear to really hear it? And like I said, I think it's very healing. I think you need to understand that it helps you release some pain, anger, let's be honest, right? Disappointment with others. But it brings healing and I think a lot of love and self-love for you as well as others around you. And I think you have to understand it helps build relationships, too, that you're going to find throughout your lifetime and build communities around you that are going to help you thrive and be the best person you can be. Great. So we're on our final couple of questions. So this is where we want you to really dive deep in with our listeners and tell them what kind of messages you hope they're going to take away from your story, especially when it comes to faith, resilience and self-love. So I think this gets me pretty emotional because, you know, I tell my kids and even at the younger times, listen to me, some of the toughest times, I think you need to look in the mirror. And boy, there were some places that my two oldest children and I needed to live with different people. We couldn't afford a lot. But those mirrors were the same no matter where you're at. And I told my kids, always look in the mirror and tell yourself, it's going to be OK. You're good. You're OK. You're enough. You're good. And love yourself, right? I need to kind of wipe my eyes here a little bit. That's OK. But sharing, I mean, as I said, even through the toughest times, I think you got to know you got this. And I felt like throughout that whole journey, even though it was tough, I knew I had it. You know what I mean? But you got to step back, as I said, and you got to smile and you got to start your day every morning, you guys. You got to say, I love you and it's going to be good. And you can't deviate from that. And, you know, at the end of the day, I'd always say, God is great and he will always be with you. That's good. So what kind of advice would you offer? Let's give you a little moment to breathe there. I'll do a little talking for a second. So what kind of advice would you offer to individuals who are currently right now in the midst of struggle, adversity, trauma in their lives? Because there are a lot of our listeners who probably are right in the middle of it right now. Yeah. Yeah. Doesn't matter what age, what place. You're right. So I honestly have talked to this with Monique as well throughout our journey. But I would say reaching out to your churches, you know, and some of you may not be connected yet with churches. And this might be the opportunity of the time, you know, and you got Monique here as a resource. You got Martha. And please know, I'm available as well. But I would say reach out to your churches. Who's your mentor? Who's the person that you look up to, that you talk to, that you trust? Is it a friend or even a family member? You know, to be honest with your feelings and share. You got to really share. You got to be raw. You got to be comfortable to say, it's OK and I'm not going to be judged. I have to say, don't be shy. Speak up. Find your community. And understand that the community needs to support what you're needing. Do you follow me now? And I've mentioned disease as far as addiction. That may not be yours, right? I mean, you know, it could be abuse. It could be who knows what. I mean, but I'm telling you, find that community. And I know they're out there. You just got to find them, whether it's for trauma or what concern. But I mentioned AA, I mentioned Naranon. There's mental health, there's anxiety, there's family dysfunctions. I mean, you just have to understand you got this and God's got you. But the best advice I can give you is reach out and talk with someone. Don't be shy. We need to get better at this. And I say this as a community, as a whole, but us females, I say that with the kindest heart. We already have a lot of different challenges that we deal with every day, you know, raising families and our jobs and what may be finances. But you just got to find your community and you got to be able to talk honestly. Absolutely. All right. Well, Aunt Robin, thank you for joining us today. You have definitely given us a lot of good wisdom about rising above and finding strength in life steps. This is Monique Myers, your host, signing off. And we'll be back with you soon. Thank you. As we conclude our journey through deep waters, let us hold on to the powerful message inspired by Isaiah 43.2. I am Monique and this is Martha, and we are your hosts as we go through deep waters together. Remember adventurers that amidst life's trials and uncertainties, we can trust that God has a plan and a purpose for our future. In the deep waters, we are called to have unwavering confidence knowing that we have been equipped with all we need to succeed. So embrace the challenges for they are opportunities for growth. Face the task for the journey because it might be tough. With faith as our anchor, we are able to navigate the depth, emerging stronger, wiser, and filled with hope together. So adventurers, may you journey on knowing that through deep waters is where your purpose awaits.