Trauma 2

The speaker discusses the importance of opening up about their trauma and seeking help. They acknowledge the misconception of being able to handle things alone and the realization that they have been stuck for a long time. They express hope in their ability to overcome with help, self-care, and self-love. They share their experiences of anxiety and overthinking, emphasizing the value of talking to someone and having a support system. The speaker acknowledges that healing takes time and is not a linear process. They compare it to removing a bullet from a wound and emphasize the need to face and clean the pain. They stress the importance of not going through it alone and being kind to oneself and others. They encourage seeking help and believe that with time, progress, and understanding, one can rebuild their life and find themselves again. The speaker concludes by reminding others to be kind to those around them and to seek medical help if needed. They express optimism that one day, the And now here I am, talking about it. I mean, it's not exactly about the trauma and what it was, but opening up about what has been holding me back from being me. And I seek help. And I feel happy about it. Because we feel like we can do it ourselves for so long. You're like, no, we don't need help. We can do this by ourselves. We got out of it, got out of the moment, ourselves. Then we can get out of this thing by ourselves as well. When in reality, we never got out of the first situation. We just stayed there, stuck. And that's why I feel like I have been stuck in time for a very, very long time. Okay, that's not really sounding right. But anyways, hope you get the point. And the good news is, I can get through it. And the person who's helping me also thinks I can get through it. It will not be easy. It will take a lot of time. But with some help and a lot of self-care and self-love, doing little things that will make you feel better, which is not easy. I've been trying to do that for a very long time. Like, since I had this phone call with this amazing person, I have been trying to do these little things that may be used to make me happy. Like for example, dancing, I don't know, skincare, eating better. No, that really worked. Especially on the eating part, I just kind of gave up. And taking walks, took a walk one day. I kind of like just, I offered to walk my sister back home from school. I came home, I felt more anxiety than I had felt before leaving because I was like, Oh my God, are these people looking at me? Do I have something on my face? Do I look weird? Am I overdressed? Am I underdressed? Do I look bad? You know, constant thinking, thinking, thinking, I just realized that aside from the whole trauma thing, I am a constant overthinker. And I walk and I overthink. And that just kind of misses the whole point of moving on. And it does not help much, if I'm being honest. But with a lot of effort, hopefully, and help, I feel like we can all start feeling better. And that's what I'm hoping for. Because I'm still in process. And this is the whole thing about like the not so secret podcast. It's, it's not so secret, because I am in a process of healing. And I am going to take you guys along with me and I'm going to share what I have. And this is the first part of my process. Moving on. If I recorded this during January, the topic would have definitely been about how I feel and how anxiety has taken over my entire life and how I can't do anything right. And I feel like I'm constantly doing everything wrong and everyone hates me. And right now, I am going to talk about healing even though I may not be doing it in the best way. Like, there are still these little things that affect these little things that affect me a lot. For example, a few days ago, something happened in school, I was not there because I was sick. And then my friends told me about it. And then in my mind, I was like, okay, my friend group hates me now. I am hated by everyone. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I don't know if and if I can go back to school, everyone hates me, I'm going to be lonely. And I remember I just felt this like bubble of anxiety slowly getting bigger. And until I was surrounded by it, and I was choking. And that's when I decided to reach out to one of my friends and tell her, I did not even tell her I just apologized, I straight apologized and was like, so sorry. And I hope that what happened did not affect this. And this is the reason for that that happened. I hope you understand. And she was like, no, no, we absolutely get it. Like, you don't need to apologize or feel bad about it. And I kind of felt better after that. I still think about it, but I still felt better. And that's why I feel like talking to someone, or joining a support group, or just like opening up to your best friend, I feel like that's the best thing. For me, my best friend, like my best best friend lives in another continent. So I live in Europe, she lives in Asia, Middle East to be exact. And I don't think I still I get the, it's not the same feeling of when she's sitting on your bed, you're sitting on the floor. And you're just yapping, yapping, yapping. And she's like, mm hmm. True. And then she starts yapping together again. And then it's just a bubble of yapping. But it feels so good, because you both get a lot of your chest and then you feel light. But I still do that, like throughout using like, FaceTime, Instagram, like, you know, constant DMing, texting, talking shit about people, which is, I feel like the ultimate best friend thing. And just being there. And the way she tells me that she loves me every day, and that she's proud of me and the way I do it for her, because we're both two mentally broken people. We're both mentally and emotionally unavailable, but we're still there for each other, which is, I think it's beautiful, because we're both healing together. And I feel like that's the stuff that kind of makes me happy. Because together we can all both heal and move on. And I feel like the moral of the whole thing is, it's okay if it takes time. And that healing is not a straight line. It's going to have ups, it's going to have a lot of downs, it's going to have, the process of healing is going to have you crying, because it's more painful than the trauma you feel. Because you have to let go, it's basically scraping this wound, not even rubbing it, it's scraping it, in order for it to heal better, even if it's making the wound bigger. Because you have to know, if, because if you have a bullet, let's say you get shot, God forbidden, whoever's listening to this, you get shot, hypothetically, and there's a bullet inside you, you can't just clean the top of the wound and then be like, okay, it's going to heal, there's a bullet there. If in order to take it out, you have to like cut it, cut out the wound a little bit bigger, and then try to take it out with like the perfect things, I don't know, the whole doctor's things, I don't know, the tweezers and stuff. And then it's going to heal. And then it still takes time, you have to clean it every day, it's going to be painful. Like, for example, if it's on any spot in your body, it's going to be hard to do normal things. When you were healthy, then okay, what am I saying? Let me rephrase that again. No matter where the bullet places the wound, you will not be able to process and progress and do things. Then you were doing when you were completely healthy and unharmed. And that's the thing. Like these, there are going to be a lot of pain and eating painkillers and having constant ways of numbing it will not really help. Because at some point, you're going to have to face it and you're going to have to clean it and you're going to have to make sure it does not get infected. And yeah, that's why it's going to have a lot of ups and downs the whole healing process. Just make sure that you don't go through it alone. That's one of the main things I am the amazing person that I'm talking to told me was that after every session we have, please have a support person. Please make sure you're not alone. Because it's very hard. You're basically reliving what you went through in order to get over it. In my mind, it's kind of like that divergent episode. Like that divergent part where they go into this virtual thing and then they face their fears and then it tells them what they are. And, for example, for four, it was his dad. And then for Trixie, I don't know that girl, the girl, the main character, it was, she always had like this logical way of facing it. But one of her biggest fears was to hurt four. And I feel like it's the same way. That's how I'm imagining it. Like, personally, that it's that way. And yeah, you will get through it. Just needs time. And a lot, a lot and a lot of process and progress. So I think that's a wrap up for the first episode. And also remember this, that even though trauma can mess with us big time, like a lot, we're stronger than we think. I feel like if we can deal with it every day with this trauma, then we are way more stronger than what we presume we are. And that we can rebuild our lives and make even better connections and find ourselves again. And that the main thing to do is to understand trauma, to understand what we have, and to understand how much has effect on like, how much effect it has on us. And to be a little bit kinder to ourselves and to each other, because you never know what the other person is going through. For example, before I end this, at school, none of my teachers except my, I think, social upbringing teacher does not, no one else except him knows what I'm going through. And that's why I feel like you never know what the other person's doing. Like, what's happening in their lives. And it's very, very important to be kind to them, to make sure you don't see things that will potentially hurt them, and have them overthink and to always just smile, even if it's hard. Because the power of like, smiling and being nice is worth a lot more. And if you need help, please, please make sure you seek out help from family members, friends, sometimes even strangers, you don't know, you can, maybe like someone who you thought you can never talk to, like your math teacher, because she constantly gives you a lot of homework, and she's very mean and everything. Or so you thought. Maybe if you go talk to her, she will be the first person to understand because she went through it once in her lifetime. And, or you're, I don't know, don't go talking to your neighbor, please. That's not the best thing to put. But just talk to someone, and make sure you're being honest to them, and honest to yourself. And if you're still in pain, please seek medical help. And it will get better. Because it's all a part of a journey we're going through. And then one day, all these traumas and hard moments we went through are going to be a part of our past. And we're going to laugh at it and be like, yeah, I went through that and I survived it. And then hopefully we'll be that person who's going to help others get over their traumas. Anyway, thanks for hanging out with me on the Not So Secret podcast. And I hope you had a good time listening to this. I'm sorry if everything was a little bit not perfect, maybe not perfect at all. But the whole point is with sending the message really not about the quality and everything. And I can't wait to start thinking about the next episode. And I will catch up with you guys next time. Bye!