Untold Colors: The Reality of Being Queer in Kyrgyzstan

In Kyrgyzstan, there is a growing queer community facing challenges and discrimination. Parker McDonald interviews Pamelo and Ijamal, who share their experiences as queer individuals. They discuss the lack of representation of Central Asia in media and the dangers faced by queer men in the country. They also mention the existence of safe spaces and projects that aim to support the LGBTQ+ community. Both Pamelo and Ijamal express the hope for a future where they can live freely and happily. They also criticize the American-centric perspective and urge people to be aware of the struggles faced by queer communities around the world. Across the globe, in a country often called the island of democracy, lays a small but growing queer community. Draped in mountains and full of unique culture, Kyrgyzstan is not often mentioned in discussions about Asian representation. Though it is only a speck on the map, it's overflowing with experiences unique only to that region of the world. Even in this remote place, people fight every day for their right to exist. And often, even with the constant backlash, they come out on the other side. I am your host, Parker McDonald, and this is Untold Colors, the reality of being queer in Kyrgyzstan. In Kyrgyzstan, I don't exactly fit in. With my short, bright-colored hair and androgynous clothes, I stick out like a sore thumb. I'm a transgender man, with a Canadian father and Uzbek mother. My life hasn't been the most typical. In my early teens, I spent all my free time on the internet. There really wasn't much else to do in a small town. Yet, somehow, through my insistence to do cosplay, I found myself traveling five hours away almost every week. It was there that I found the outcasts, the fringes of the queer community, who would meet every week or so to drink, smoke, and of course, hook up on the side. Being a naive 16-year-old, it never occurred to me that this was it. These were the people that society rejected, a bunch of depressed teens trying to find community with each other. I never told my mother what I was doing with them. I made lame excuses and said I was meeting with my friends. However, it was in university that I found the first hint that there were more of us than I thought. I, Jamal, my best friend, introduced me to Pamelo. Somehow, despite growing up in a rural town, he's the most bright and outgoing queer person I know. Pamelo is bisexual and he lives in the capital now. It never ceases to amaze me how involved he is in everything queer. From summer camps to parties and clubs, he always knows what's going on. He was sitting in his family home when I interviewed him, still clad in his jacket and scarf, evidence of his night out. I know he's a busy guy. He probably has five projects he's ignoring. So I get right into the interview. Oh, hi. My name is Pamelo. I'm queer. So I'm bisexual. I'm a queer person in Central Asia, in Kyrgyzstan. So, what else? I'm just a student. I'm trying to stay alive or something. I asked him to share his experiences about being queer in Kyrgyzstan. When I understood that I'm not straight, it was very simple for me. But I couldn't say anything to my parents, even classmates, or even best friends. Because there were very, very few people who were heteronormative. Oh my God, yes. So then, even now, maybe if I will dress a little bit lighter than other people, society will look at me like I'm a freak or something. So, it's about like how people are canceled there for people in just a view, how the person looks like. For example, I have a few things, even if I have a lighter clothes. For example, like jeans, violets, or something. People will look at me and think about that I'm a freak and something wrong with me. Just to mention, just to mention about this, like, boy could be with a boy or something. It's dangerous, really. If some people would see on your phone or a little bit, just a rainbow, it will be really dangerous. People could harm you. And they are making a really good space for queer people in Kyrgyzstan. Very cool project in Kyrgyzstan, in this case. This is just a safe space where you can find other queer people and play the game, just talk, share the experience, and etc. Then they are making also like volunteering camps in this summer, where I was a participant. So they are talking about HIV, the gay liberation movement, legislation, and other stuff. That could be helpful. And the second one, we have a second project. It's collaborative. So I was also a participant in the summer camp. This summer, this year, 2023. It was really good. And the third one, we have a young woman, who herself advocates for LGBTQ rights. Ijamal and I go to the same university. We're basically best friends. So I sat down to ask about the experiences she's had with her identity. Hi. My name is Ijamal. I'm 21 years old. I'm a bisexual from a small town in the northern part of Kyrgyzstan. She was in her dorm room, decorated with printouts of her favorite posters and movie scenes. And occasional plants were too visible on the side. Right before this, she was complaining about yet another thing she found annoying that day. I've known her for years now. And what I've always appreciated about Ijamal is that she's a very blunt person. And she often doesn't censor her thoughts. Though she does get a bit shy when talking on record. I think my experience as a person from a small community, from a small town, shaped me a lot. And my sexual identity as well. Being from a patriarchal family and community, it's never been possible to even think about being in love as a woman or something like this. No one ever explicitly or directly told me that I'm straight, that I should marry a man or something like this. It's always been the case. Like they say, oh, when you get married, your husband, or something like your husband's family, and etc. So there wasn't even a possibility of thinking about not getting married to a man. There wasn't even a possibility to think that you can even be in love with a woman. I mean, look, I kind of, I always was straight. I always was straight, I always liked guys, etc. Yeah, I kind of, now I realize that actually, that my girlfriend was actually in my love interest or something. And I felt something for her, looking back. But honestly, I don't know, I just can't say that I'm bisexual. I mean, I'm not bisexual enough. I never kissed a girl, I never dated a woman. Yes, I love lesbian porn, everyone does. Okay, I don't support porn, I don't like porn. But the idea of lesbian porn turns me on more than hetero porn. First of all, the world doesn't know what Central Asia is, honestly. And we don't have this image of Central Asia. Because, yes, we are located in Asia, but whatever I watch and there is Asian character, it's not my type of Asian, let's say. Yes, I am kind of Asian, but I'm not. They always cast this East Asian, like stereotypically Asians who are good at math and all this stuff. But Central Asia is so much different. We are like post-Soviet countries, we are Muslim, and then also we are kind of Western. And we don't even look like East Asian people. So we don't have, first of all, the depiction of Central Asia. And I'm not even talking about the LGBTQ community. Like, when I watch some shows, I don't look for representation. Because, I don't know, for my brain, it just feels impossible. Like, I don't know when they will show Central Asian people, but I don't think they will ever gonna show it. I wouldn't say that we don't have queer people here. Like, we have a lot of them. And we have all these gay bars, we have all these queer events, etc. But, yeah, we definitely don't have prides and this, like, stereotypically gay men on heels. You know, honestly, people think that queer people are sick. Yeah, other day I told my mom that, oh, I love women as well. And she was like, oh, okay, you'll grow out of it. And I'm like, no, I'm already grown up. And she said, you know, but, like, it's kind of sickness. And I'm like, no, it's not. I feel like being queer guy in our country is really, honestly, very dangerous. Like, yeah, it might sound very controversial, but being queer man is, like, more dangerous than being a queer woman. Because when you are a queer woman, they'll be like, oh, okay, she'll grow out of it. She will, like, just get married. But when you are a man and then you say, I might be gay or bisexual or whatever, they'll just do something. They will physically harm you. But I know a lot of stories where parents, when they find out about their children being queer, they send them to the conversion therapy, but, like, Muslim one. And honestly, it's awful. They kind of beat you with the sticks and they make you just say that, oh, I'm not gay anymore. I have noticed many queer people sharing the same sentiments about queer representation. Pamela said she loved watching shows about gay couples being happy. But Ajmal had another perspective. It's a bit sad that in a lot of shows, being queer is so, like, easy for them. Like, honestly, in our countries, we have to fight for that. We can die. We can die. We can get killed. But for them, they are just, like, depressed and they lose one homophobic friend. And I'm like, oh, okay. That's sad, but, like, you are still accepted and no one tries to kill you. I don't know. I don't know how to feel about it. I mean, like, I'm not waiting for Western media to show our realities. Like, I think only we can do that. So, just it is what it is. They also had such times and I believe soon we will have this renaissance time where we will be, like, all gay and happy and free. For now, it's kind of scary. I asked both Pamela and Ajmal what their thoughts were on the U.S., specifically, how they perceive the queer community and representation in America. Ajmal has some strong opinions right away. Please stop being so American-centric. Because, like, people in U.S. I've been to U.S., so I feel like a lot of people think that U.S. is the only country. It's not. You guys have to, like, I don't know, kind of come out from this bubble and see what is happening in the world. Because everyone knows about U.S. We know, like, you are on the roots of the change. You are, like, creating all these trends, all these movements. And we kind of look up to you, like, to your big brother. But this big brother kind of doesn't know what kind of problems the rest of the world is having. And to our, I mean, not to our, but to our people's mind. Because, like, you know, conservative people in Kyrgyzstan who are mostly homophobic and religious and sexist. They think that America is making us gay. For example, all the good shows are from America. And, like, all these, like, drug shows. Like, basically all the movement, all the artists. Okay, not all, of course, but, like, most of them are from the U.S. And it just makes people from the community happier. But I feel like I never, I never, I never, like, like, we never wait for America to represent us. Pamela, on the other hand, had a more positive outlook on America. If we talk about, like, my in America. Oh, I didn't tell her about it. Because it seems like the U.S. is a big oasis of queer people. It seems like, like, every, if you're queer, like, even when I would argue with my brother. He was talking about that, like, if he, if I would say that I'm queer, they will, the Americans will immediately take me to the U.S. And provide me everything that I wanted. I'm like, oh my God, if it was true. I knew that, like, U.S. made a very, very great job in this area. So I'm grateful. And maybe, once upon a time, we will contest such a, like, situation or maybe better. I'm going to believe it. I hope. Personally, I see where they're both coming from. Being in the U.S. not only showed me the potential queer people can have when able to express themselves. But also, what it is lacking. And exploring both of these perspectives on queer representation, it becomes clear that the dominant America-centric narrative has far-reaching consequences. And your most frustration isn't unfounded. As a young trans person myself, I often ignored the reality I lived in. Watching shows about young gay boys falling in love showed me a better world where we can be ourselves. But it also threw aside the lived dangers that we as queer people experienced. Fighting these conflicting feelings isn't easy. Of course, we all want to be free and able to express ourselves how we want to. But for Kyrgyzstan, I see that the way towards freedom will be completely different. The transformative power of queer representation in the U.S. is undeniable. But it should not overshadow the struggles faced by queer individuals in different cultural contexts. The call for a more nuanced portrayal of these realities, not just in Western media, but in narratives crafted by the communities themselves, is vital for the acceptance of LGBTQ people. As we navigate the complexities of representation, it is crucial to recognize that the struggle for acceptance of freedom is a shared endeavor. That transcends geographical boundaries. Only by embracing a more inclusive narrative can we hope to foster understanding, empathy, and ultimately a more authentic representation of the rich tapestry of queer lives worldwide. For more UN videos visit www.un.org