Sam - Session 8

To be fair, you did count really fast the second time, so I think I was late. Fuck you, Christian! They came out of the orb! I thought she came from the orb. It's a terrible deal. Who's there? Who's there? Who's there? Who's there? Who's there? Who's there? Who's there? Quick question. Me and Wyatt didn't know that. Well, what was the part... Wait. What was the private... What was the private part of last session? There was a private... Right, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, good. I just wanted to make sure that wasn't what we were touching on. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. That was excellent. Ship it. Let's go. This is the next new Nickelodeon show right there. The first time it doesn't work, it'll stop. Aw. Let's do it. Let's do it. That's impressive. That's way more impressive. Wow. Good job. Ooh. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. This is my favorite episode. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. I'm just going to let him finish. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Sarah, you're back. What did you find? Okay. Okay. Idaho, come. Take a look at her. Take a look at her. Wait. Sorry. One second. Is that what we have decided? Okay. Well, guys, did we forget about the ghost witch in the cave? In the cave, are we not worried about that at all? Well. How many people has she killed? Oh. It's more of a mental illness than a holiday. Am I forgetting something? Has she not been tormenting these animals? Like, you just don't want to worry about it? You're just good? You're good with the evil witch mother killing innocents? That's good for you? All right. I don't know why we would be worried about her if she's never done anything wrong, but... You're telling me... You didn't see anyone at the cabin? It was just empty? Um. So, as an expert in thievery, I believe you just stole those cloaks from a nice man who is probably coming back to enjoy his fire! I don't know what to say to that. I don't know what to say to that. I don't know what to say to that. I don't know what to say to that. Well, there's not a whole lot to do about him now, is there? No, we don't. No, we don't. Well, you know my vote. Well, you know my vote. You guys decide. Doesn't much matter. And Mordred, to ease your tender heart, I will not attack anything until you do. Weird way to put that, Mordred, but all right. I gotta wait for Mordred. That's what he said. That's what the voice said. That's what I gotta do. God, just. You're kind of colorful. You're a pretty obvious target. Fantastic. All right. Absolutely. Doran spits in his hand and holds it out to Mordred. I'm gonna push him back with my spitty hand. My gooey, spit-covered hand flailing against your robes. Maybe one day, buddy. Maybe one day. Before, as we're going in, Sarah, could I please have my knife back? Thanks. Idaho, I am not worried about that. Are you just, are you saying you want me to carry it? I'll carry it. Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. I canonically have, I canonically have coffee beans. Could we leave a trail of coffee beans? How far apart can they be? Come on, at least, what, ten feet apart? Well, here's the deal. I've got a dagger. Can I just scratch marks in the wall? It's a magic dagger. Hey, that works. That's in several survival guides. Hmm. Hmm. Now, I've, Doran, um, Sarah, I didn't know you were much of a cartographer. Are you sure that's going to work? Hmm. Well, it seems like I have 97 coffee beans. So I think we might be able to use those to mark our trail. I've thought about this, and I think all we have to do is just mark the tunnel that we came out of every time we get to an intersection. I'm living as hard as I can already. I'm not going to lie to you, Mordred, it really sounds like you're planning on getting lost. And I don't know if that's the energy I want to go into this with. What does that mean? Okay, coffee beans it is. Let's go. Come on. Can I be clear? Sorry, was there 97 turns on our way through this cave? That seems like a lot of turns. Okay, I'm just marking every intersection. Do you need a count on how many coffee beans I got left? Hey, it turns out they're useful. I can fully answer that. I'm a bit of a coffee dude. You can get 10 to 15 beans per gram of coffee. And so when you're making a cup of coffee, if you're doing pour over coffee or you're normally using 20 to 30 grams of coffee to make a cup, so you could say approximately, I don't know, something like, no, that can't be right. No, because one bean is like one and a half to two, 0.1 to 0.2 grams. Anyway, this is not important, folks. Come on. What are you doing getting off topic for? Let's stay focused. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So based on how I make coffee, I make 18 ounce coffees and I use, I make 550 milliliter coffees and I use 35 grams to do it. How many coffee beans do I need to throw to divert my course? Guys, we can't ship any of this. I started it. I just went on a two minute rant about coffee proportions. I'm not judging anyone, Helen. I'm not judging anyone. The mourning mother. That's what Mordred called her. She's a bleeding heart. But what did we call her? Go on. Go on. Go on. Go on. This guy fucks in Dwarven. We just can't. Infernalist demons. No, it's 13. It's already adjusted. It's already adjusted. 13. Oh yeah, this guy's a straight A fucking student too, so you know he really retained it. Teacher's like, Doran, no, no, underwear stays on, underwear stays on. Damn it, Idaho, not again. That's called the worm. Yeah, I didn't get it either. Yeah, but I mean, we were well off topic by the time that came up, right? It is. Also, I gotta say, like a 13, that's like a C. Maybe a C minus, depending on your system, so I just, you know. I think we call it a C, yeah. Maybe a C plus. Why not bump me up a letter grade, prof? That's right, he was on the dragon fighting team, so he got extra consideration. Oh, he's here on the dragon fighting scholarship. Should have seen him at nationals. They've been really skimping on primordial teachers. Bottom of the barrel. Come on, sometimes we're too funny to leave it out. What? What? Sorry, did I understand you right? Your first conclusion on this, Idaho, is that this is a sex dungeon. Do you think we just maybe need to put those things in the fucking alcoves, and then we'll get in, and it's not a sex thing at all? Cave brothel's probably the only kind I haven't seen. Service scripts. Sexy bearded milfs in your area. Amazing. You think I'm smelting your own ore? One second. Quick reset. You're never going to get your money's worth out of that. Replayability, forget about it. Okay, so there was nothing else about it that made you think it was sexual. You just heard hairy and went wild. That's a good point, that's a good point, Sarah, yeah, I didn't think about hungry. Alright, well, they can have a bit of my hair, I'm going to cut off some hair and put it in the alcove. Okay. Is there a... Sorry, go ahead, Mordred. Okay. Okay. No, you keep... It's already adjusted, it was a two minus one, and now it's a one. Cold stuff. Well, not if we get a bunch of it. We'll have to relight the fire. I'll run, it'll be quick. I'm going to hoof it out to grab some snow. Okay. Okay. She's thinking he's about to get his horse melted. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it wasn't really that far. Here you go. Put it in the cold thing. Now relight the fire, Idaho, let's go. Okay. Okay. Okay. It's like a boba. Oh my God. Oh, fuck, do we have to find three more of those things? That's going to be easy. Hey, did you say air or hair before? Because fuck that's funny. It's hair, okay, right, so we're looking for some kind of a fuzzball. Is my cell hungry? That's right, now everybody has dreads. Get him in there. Can I officially, I just want to say this on record, I would die for myself. Carry on. I'm going to die for a lot of reasons, frankly, but whatever. Carry on. I'm reading for children. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. I'm going to go up and stick my F hand in the hungry hole. Okay. Okay. Doran starts to drool. Now what? Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. What was that? Okay. Okay. What seems... But presumably they're trapped by the door here, That is trapping them, no? Well Mordred's the cold one, right? You might be cold or you'll never be cool, but don't forget it. Okay. Okay. Okay. Come on! What, you just start the game with your MacGuffin and now I guess you're going and I'll be right back. Okay. Okay. Okay. Cards on the table? I have no idea what Christian is doing here. And I love it so much. Like if I could just figure all this out and understood it all like it was just all tropes, that would not be fun. This is so much more fun and I am really enjoying it. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. I'm sure you are. And that's actually something... No, no, now, now. Uh-uh. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I know I need to talk to Mordred about what I heard and what I saw when we were on drugs. That's what a secret is. Oh. I don't know, I don't have a lot of secrets. I have a back story that most of you aren't super familiar with. I mean, none of you. My secret's out in the open. My secret was I'm going to die. And now it's all out and it's happening tomorrow, I think, if I'm remembering correctly. We had 36 hours. We had 36 hours when we went to, when we woke up or when we ended our last session. It was about that. I know, that's why Doran wanted to go to the cave. Hello? Hello? What the hell was that? Where did you go? The suit man? Okay. Pause. Shocker. But then why does mine say F? But I'm not the cold one. Therapy. By my count, I've got less than that. Oh. Great. Very cool. While we're talking about my death... What the hell? He told you not to care about me? Oh, is this the druid? Come on, Mordred. Let him finish. Deep voice. Probably not, no, he's pretty squirrely. Why not? So what you're telling me is I need to go find a hunger elemental. Hunger, right, or is it a therapy elemental? Oh, God. Oh my God, sorry, how many coffee beans do I have left? Thank you. Hunger, fear? I guess. I mean, come on, your primordial can't be that bad. I'm... Who is the suit... Who is the suit man? I don't know, who is the suit man? What suit's he wearing? Paternal. What the fuck is a suit man? God damn it. Oh, you said that. Oh, this is something. I mean, I have something that I should tell you guys. When we were, for lack of a better term, tripping balls, I had a vision as well, and it was the same as the one that the druid showed me, where I was dying in the forest and bleeding, but there was another me. And we were kind of on top of each other. And he was also... That's a better visual. And we were kind of sitting back to back, and I don't know what it means, I... I don't know. I don't know where another one of me could come from. What? I don't know. We are talking about it now. Are you... Are you telling me that we have been imprisoned by Kronos? He's the god of the past! Everybody knows his name! So, to summarize... To summarize... You have no idea what my vision meant, but you've been sitting on this information for days. Is that right? Oh god, at least that's a little better. That would be a hell of a coincidence. Who? What? I don't... God, I knew all that brain damage was going to come back to haunt us. Oh! I'll have you! Fuck my ass, Mordred! About time you came around on that one! Oh. God. Had you considered that he was lying? Oh my kumbaya, Mordred! What are we going to do? Well, wait, maybe it needs all of us. I stick mine back in as well. What? What, next you're going to tell me the cake is a lie? What? What are the other elements? Funny thing, I am actually a prince from the great stave. You do? But who can tell us who can tell us? DDoS! All right. Thanks a lot, Eckhart Tolle-bot. Hey, Dor. Dor, quick question. Sorry. Um, Dor, do you have any idea how I end up dead back-to-back with myself? You don't need to be such a bitch about it. What is this? Oh, I'm dead. I can't believe I got that. I can't believe I got that just for a little bit of sass. Um... Um, death saving throw is constitution, right? Oh, oh, just a...my bad. Twelve. For me? Nine. Seven. Fuck me! Oh, that hurt. What just happened? What just happened? That fucking door hit me with lightning. Oh, this is...this is not happening. I just stabbed the door with my soul-stealing dagger. Abso-fucking-lutely, I will. Eleven. Well, well, well. That was math and stagger. You could serve to turn to violence more often, Mordred. I'm good, I'm good. I'm confused, but I'm good. Well, I mean, I was healed. Well, that would be probably pretty rough. Look, I'm sorry, I didn't...I wasn't trying to worry you, I... I won't. I'm not gonna stab the door again. I promise. Anyway, knife's gone. The hole in the wall took it, so... We did clarify this, yeah. It was...no, it was Seraphina. You were right. I'm 20% sure. I'm right there with you. I remember this. Have people been on top of updating their inventory? Idaho, you have a way better inventory than me. I should really add a few...knick-knack. Anyway. Well. I can take that for you if you want. Okay, I'm gonna grab it and gently, respectfully place it in the hole. Can I take it back out? What am I seeing in these images? Guys, I'm seeing something really weird. It's like time, it's like all of it, it's... I don't know. Well, not at once, it's just all over the place. I don't know how to describe it. I'm gonna put the finger back in the hole, and I'm gonna let it go and keep my hand there? I'm gonna do whatever I saw Idaho do with the flame thing. I don't know. The hole is one foot by one foot? How big is that hoverboard? I didn't...I did not think that would work. I don't know. I'm gonna put my F hand in the hole. The hungry hole. Alright everybody, let's go home. We did it. We peaked. Hell yeah! I guess so.