Episode 6

Setting up non-negotiables and boundaries is important for maintaining healthy relationships and personal well-being. Reflect on your values and priorities to align them with your non-negotiables. Communicate your non-negotiables clearly to those around you. Set boundaries to define acceptable behavior towards you. Be assertive and firm when communicating your non-negotiables. Be consistent in maintaining your boundaries. Practice self-care to ensure your well-being. Be prepared for pushback from others who may not agree with your boundaries. Setting up non-negotiables and boundaries is an essential aspect of maintaining healthy relationships and ensuring your personal well-being. Today I'm going to be sharing some steps to help you establish effective non-negotiables and boundaries that I have personally implemented in my own life. Okay, so step number one. Reflect on your values and priorities. Guys, what I mean by this is you want to take some time, slow things down in today's fast-paced world and understand your core values and what matters most to you. What makes you tick? What gets you out of the bed in the morning? Is it health and wellness? What area of life? I mean, is it exercising, meditating, yoga? Is it going to work? Is it going to church? What is it that makes you tick? And then you want to align that with your values and your priorities. Now, in considering these needs, wants, and limits, this self-reflection will help you identify, yes you, the areas where you need to set those non-negotiables and boundaries. So, for instance, I'll give you an example. For me, I get up at 4, 4.30 every morning, Monday through Sunday. And then typically till 8 a.m. I have, I do what the miracle morning, which is called the savers. It's an acronym. So, I do like exercising, reading, podcasting, scribing, journaling. I do all this and work on becoming the best version of myself, which is a non-negotiable and a boundary in that 4.30 to 8 a.m. This is aligned with my values. One of my core values is self-mastery. I'm super obsessed with self-mastery. Learning about myself, which will be a lifelong journey process. So, I make this a priority. Another example could be church. For instance, every Sunday we go to church. Me and Kendra, we're Christians. Every Sunday we go to church and we have that boundary. We have that priority because it's a part of our core values and who we want to become in our marriage, in our lives. So, we set that priority and it's blocked off. So, you want to take the time to understand your core values and your priorities and make sure you reflect on those so you set those non-negotiables and boundaries. Okay, step two. Identify the non-negotiables. So, let me give you an example. These are, like what we talked about in step number one is, these are priorities you're unwilling to compromise on. Like, if you try to call me up and say, hey Sean, you want to go to coffee Sunday at 9.30? I'm going to tell you no because I have a non-negotiable in place, which is to go to church. If you call me up and say, hey Sean, you want to go to lunch at 11.30 on Sunday? I'm going to tell you no because I've got a non-negotiable. I go to a marriage life group with my wife. If you call me up at 5am on a Tuesday morning to, you know, just to talk or go to coffee, I'm not going to answer because my non-negotiable is my phone's off. I'm in my savers, which is the miracle morning. So, basically these are, you want to identify your non-negotiables and which represent the deal breakers and help build a solid foundation for the boundaries. Now, these non-negotiables for you can be anything from physical or emotional well-being, such as, you know, your personal values or career goals. Okay, step three, communicate clearly. This is an important one, guys, and what I mean by that is, if you sit there and try to have non-negotiables, have these priorities, have all these values, and you don't communicate that to your spouse, your kids, and everyone around you that you love, your customers, your employees, maybe you're a leader within the community, and you don't communicate that clearly when you're talking to somebody directly, or maybe it's on social media, or maybe it's to your spouse, then you're going to run into a lot of issues with people trying to pull those non-negotiables around you. So, once you've identified those non-negotiables, it's important that you communicate them effectively to, you know, the people that are most important to you, right? Your spouse, your kids, your community, your employees, and so forth. So, you clearly express these needs and these limits and these expectations. Now, for me, it took a lot of time. It didn't just happen overnight. So, be patient, right, and share this with your spouse and why it's important. Block off time. Do it, you know, when there's no distractions to be able to communicate this and why it's important to you. Why is this non-negotiable important to you? And I feel like there's going to be a lot better results. You can also say I statements, right, to express your feelings and avoid sounding confrontational. That's where it gets kind of gray is when you start sounding confrontational like it's all about me, me, me, me, right? Explain why you're trying to do this. So, this effective communication helps set that stage for respect and understanding relationships. Okay, next step, set boundaries. And what I mean by this, this goes kind of hand-in-hand in setting boundaries and setting non-negotiables, right? We've already covered the non-negotiables. This is the boundaries. So, the boundaries define what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior actions towards you. So, in other words, they serve as a guideline for how others should treat you and how you will respond to that specific situation. So, you want to determine these limits, whether it's terms of time, personal space, like I gave you an example on my 4 to 8 a.m., Monday through Sunday, or emotional support. So, basically, any aspect of life is important to set those boundaries. Okay, next step, be assertive and firm. So, if you are the type of individual, yes, I'm talking to you, and you are passive, right? And you know a little bit about yourself. You're like, man, I just don't want to push the envelope. I don't want to make anybody mad or my spouse mad. There has to be some kind of assertiveness and firmness on communicating effectively when setting up these non-negotiables and boundaries. Now, for a guy like me, it's easy for me to do because I'm pretty direct. I'm pretty transparent. I'm pretty assertive. That's just one of my strengths when it comes to it. Now, the flip side of that, or the guy like me that's assertive and that comes on strong, is that I have to be mindful and aware when I'm talking to somebody that's more, maybe, passive or puts their tail between their legs. Even when it comes to my spouse, like, who is another type A personality, I have to slow things down and realize, hey, I'm talking to another type A personality here. I'm talking to another Sean here. So, instead of being assertive and firm, I have to like, hey, this is why I'm doing this non-negotiable in order for me to show up best for you. So, I'm still firm in upholding my boundary, which helps me avoid giving into the pressure or the manipulation if I'm not firm or assertive. So, just find that balance and you may not be perfect at it, but it's better having the conversation than not having the conversation. Just be mindful about it when you speak about it. Okay, next up, be consistent, guys. Too many people that I've met over the years, the reason so many people don't get to where they want to be is because they're not consistent. It might take a day. It may take a week. It may take a year. It doesn't matter. You just want to be consistent with it. This is crucial in maintaining the non-negotiables and boundaries because here's the fact of the matter. I don't know how old you are, but maybe you're in your teens or 20s or 30s or 40s or 50s. If the older you are, obviously, right? It's kind of like teaching an old dog new tricks. If you've got people in your life, whether it's a spouse or kids, they kind of know how you roll already, right? They already know your routines during the day. So, if you're listening to this podcast, you're like, man, Sean, this is inspirational. This is aspirational. I want to model this behavior and these are the steps. You're hopefully taking notes that you want to start working on. You're not going to be perfect at it from the get-go. You're going to have to work on it and practice and consistently look for clues and hints, right? So, whether it's confrontational or whether it's, you know, the different priorities and the core values. So, be consistent with this process and it will help you across the different situations with the relationships. The consistency will also reinforce your expectations, which demonstrates your commitment to maintaining healthy boundaries. So, stick with it, guys. You got this. Okay. Next step, practice self-care and becoming the best version of yourself. Let's go. Time, energy, and effort, baby, on taking care of yourself is vital when setting up these non-negotiables and boundaries. So, regularly check in with yourself to assess whether your boundaries are being respected. What I mean by that is you may find yourself slipping back into your old habits and what you're familiar with because you're a human being and I do that from time to time, but I'm mindful about it. So, I make the adjustments that I need. In practicing these self-care activities, it helps me maintain that emotional and physical well-being. So, practice that self-care. Okay. Next step, be prepared for pushback, guys. Here we go. It ain't always going to be rainbows and sunshines. You know what I mean? We all face challenges behind the scenes. Behind this podcast, behind this audio, what you're listening to right now, I face pushbacks just like you do, whether it's a boss, an employer, whether it's a spouse, whether it's the community, whether it's... We're always experiencing pushback, but if I expect it from customers, community, then I'm going to be prepared for it. So, just know not everybody's going to respond positively to your non-negotiables and your boundaries. Some of these individuals that you run into will challenge you, will resist you. In my coaching business and mentoring business, I've walked through with several of my coachees on setting up boundaries in their own personal life because it was all about the customer. It was all about their employees, and they never spent any time for themselves. So, once they set up those boundaries, and they've been in business for five or 10, 15 years, they got pushback. But as long as they followed these steps and communicated effectively and were non-confrontational and shared why, then the walls were broken down on the pushbacks. And staying consistent, the people, the customers, the family, the friends, they finally ended up respecting the boundaries. Last but not least, review, review, and reassess periodically. Okay, this is important because of the different seasons of life. Now, as circumstances change and you grow as a human being, as an individual in who you're becoming and becoming the best version of yourself, it's important, guys, to review and reassess your non-negotiable and boundaries because this may change over time. So, you want to also check in and see if they still align with your core values and priorities. So, adjust them as necessary to ensure they remain relevant and effective in your own personal life. Remember, setting up these non-negotiables and boundaries is an ongoing process. It's a journey, okay? It's not going to happen overnight. It's a journey. It's a lifestyle change. It requires your self-awareness. That's right, you listening to this. Effective communication and a commitment to your well-being. Now, by establishing and maintaining this healthy boundary, you will create an environment that respects your needs and fosters healthy relationships. Okay, thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of Level Up with Sean Myers. If you enjoyed, that's right, I'm talking to you, enjoyed today's discussion, please subscribe, download, and more importantly, leave me a review. And please share this episode with someone who needs to hear this on non-negotiables and boundaries. Oh, P.S., I also love it when you, that's right, you listening to me, tag me on the social media. There's nothing else that gets me fired up when you tag me on Instagram in the story or Facebook or one of the platforms that this is shared on. So stay tuned for more exciting episodes where we'll continue to explore topics that empower you to level up in all areas of life. Until next time, keep learning, growing, and leveling up in the journey in becoming the best version of yourself.