17031360194502524

Alright, chapter one, the boy who wasn't on the left, Mr. and Mrs. Dursley have never thought of their drafts like flexing that they were very basic, thank you, to be honest they were the last people you'd think would be sus, because they were all facts, no printer, Mr. Dursley was adulting at a firm called Brennan's which made drills, he was a dummy stick, man with hardly any neck, although he had an absolute unit of a mustache, Mrs. Dursley was a total coward and had a hell of a neck, which came in very useful when she was stalking our neighbors, not minding her own, the Dursleys had a future in the style of a son named Dudley, who they felt was the main character, the Dursleys were mostly thriving but they also had low key teeth which did not pass the vibe check, and the greatest fear was to get called out and cancelled, they were girlbossing too close to the sun and didn't think about how Cloud could bounce back if their fam, the Popsters were revealed, Lily Potter was Mrs. Dursley's sis, but Mrs. D had gone ghost and realized no cap, Mrs. D fronted she did not have a sis, because Lily and her deadbeat manners were straight up cringe, if the neighbors ever peeped the Potters it'd be big yikes, low key the Dursleys knew the Potters had their own crotch gobbling too, but they never peeped if the BB was furry or saw the reason to keep him lozzy oats, they didn't want Dudley mixing with the Dursleys like that, when Mr. and Mrs. Dursley woke up on the dull great frightening Tuesday our door opened, the cloudy overlay didn't vibe like strange and mysterious things would be happening all over the country, Mr. Dursley hummed as he picked up the most boring time for it, and Mrs. D couldn't see as she was trying to put screaming Dudley into a second high chair, then they noticed a chonky pony owl flat flutter past the window, a half assed D, the chonk lord that is Mr. Dursley, picked up his beautiful pecked Mrs. Dursley on the feet and tried to kiss Dudley goodbye from it, because Dudley was losing it, and yeeted his chair as well, little lad recorded Mr. Dursley as he left the house, he got into his whip and backed out of the driveway of the basic house, it was on the edge of the street that you feel like you could accidentally hit the elbow of your car on that you noticed something stuck, a cat popping off, and reading a map, for a sec Mr. Dursley realized what he had seen, then he jerked his head around to look again, there was a chonking tabby cat standing on the corner of further drive, but there wasn't a map inside, what could he have been thinking of, he must have accidentally picked up one of Mrs. Dursley's, oh lord, that morning, Mr. Dursley blinked and stood at the chonking tabby cat, he stood back, as Mr. Dursley drove around the corner and up the road, he watched the chonk ears in his mirror, it was now reading the sign that said Privet Drive, no looking, no looking at the sign, cats couldn't read maps or signs, serious, Mr. Dursley gave himself a little shake and put the chonks out of the thinking organ, as he drove towards the town he had no things, had empty except for some drills he had to stop, let's get this low, but on the edge of town, drills were yeeted out of his mind by something else, as he sat in the morning chonking tabby cat, as a matter of fact, he couldn't help noticing that there seemed to be a lot of not very shady at all people about, people in clothes, no cap, Mr. Dursley couldn't bear how noticed, couldn't bear people who dressed in shady clothes, the get ups you saw on young people, he supposed that this was some stupid fashion, he turned his fingers on the steering wheel and his eyes fell on a huddle of these weirdos standing quite close, people were whispering excitedly together, Mr. Dursley was enraged to see that a couple of them weren't young at all, why, that man had to be a boomer, and wearing an emerald green cloak, the audacity of him, but then struck Mr. Dursley that wouldn't probably be some silly stunt at tic tac probably, these people were obviously collecting for something, yes, that would be it, the traffic moved on a few minutes later, Mr. Dursley erupted a grinning starblock, his mind back on drills, Mr. Dursley always sat with his back to the window in the office on the 9th floor, if he hadn't, he might have found it hard to concentrate on drills that morning, he didn't see owls popping off in broad daylight, but people down the street did, they pointed and gazed to see as owl after owl sped overhead, and most of them had never seen an owl even at night time, Mr. Dursley had a perfectly normal owl free morning, he had no chill and yaw, 5 different people, basically, he made several important telephone calls and shouted a bit more, he was in a very good mood until lunch time when he stretched his legs and walked across the road to buy himself a bun from the bakery, he forgot all about the people and clothes until he passed a group of them next to the starbuck, he took a big look at them with unhappiness as he passed, he didn't know why, but they seemed kinda suspicious, this bunch were whispering instead of each other and he couldn't see a single girlfriend between the two of them, he was on his way back past them clutching a large donut in a bag, then he caught a few words of them saying the potters that's right that's what I heard, but their boy Harry, Mr. Dursley felt like he'd been ratioed in real life, he looked back at the whispers and wondered if he should add them, but thought better of it, even a girlboss has his moments, anyway there were plenty of people called potter with roots called harry, there was no point in wearing his discord kit on both of their DNA lists, during the day emo thoughts kept dabbling across Mr. Dursley's mind, he later left the building and nearly sister slammed into someone just outside the door, as the man nearly fell, however he didn't seem triggered at all, instead the funky little dude pressed the slay button, so true bestie, he reminded us that he should slay today, when the sussiest of backers had been casted at last, and the old man hugged Mr. Dursley, real, and headed off, Mr. Dursley couldn't find it in him to, yeah fortnite tank kit we're about to go down baby, he heard your start and the fast and the furious figures drifted straight home, as he pulled into the driveway, the first thing he said to himself was the same chonk that he'd seen on the morning, sitting on the wall, POV you're on my dni list, Mrs. Dursley spat at the cat as he walked inside, his girlboss date was swag as hell, and Dursley had learned to say gnar just like his bestie could Mrs. Dursley, when his favorite oomph finally won the afk, Mr. Dursley went to the living room to watch some news, last thing birders everywhere are fighting for their lives right now, and birders hunt at night and avoid some lake like nerds, and for some reason they've been invading our skies since last night, this time it isn't the same thing, the newscast this month, weird as hell bro, now jim mcguffin went that way to dubois, and any more owl shows tonight, they're less than, to be honest I don't know but these birders aren't the only weird mullet daddies today, viewers as far as cannes, yorkshire, and dundee have been tweeting that instead of rain I'll probably say, the skies should have been shooting skies, maybe they're celebrating bonfire night early, it was actually rain thought tonight though, it's about raining hands if these people don't stop crying about these damn birders. Mrs. Dursley's four whore erred in the afternoon, or I was weakening, excusing violence, Mrs. Boomer dressed in raffineira outfits and spilling tea about them potters, Mrs. Dursley came into the living room carrying two cups of tea, it was okay, she had to say something there, the cleric's throat ended with, Antonio, my cousin's mom, you haven't heard from her since, I'm glad you remembered, as you expected, Mrs. Dursley looked down as she ate a lemon after all, the ghost addressed this, nope, she said she'll be fine, cringy crap on nose, Mrs. Dursley's mom was an animal, shooting stars, there were a lot of edgelords in town today, nope, Mrs. Dursley, wow, I thought, maybe, there's something I could do, crack a row, Mrs. Dursley slipped her teeth through her purse lips, Mrs. Dursley wondering whether she dared tell him that he'd hurt the imposter, it is that he didn't dare, instead he said as good as he could, Sir Crunch Goblin, you'd be, I'm not doing this right now, what's his name, Probbs, what's his name again, how old is the knight, Harry, nasty, nasty, cringy name if you ask me, oh yeah, Mrs. Dursley felt, feels felt punched, legit, he decided to stay, he went to, he decided to be quiet as they found upstairs to catch some sleep, while Mrs. Dursley took off her face, Mr. Dursley looked in the bedroom window overlooking the front garden, a floof was still there, staring down curiously as though it was waiting for something, was he imagining things, could all this have been to do with the Potters, if it did, if I isn't glad that they related to a pair of, well it would be totally cancelled, the Dursley's gone to bed, Mrs. Dursley cried, but Mrs. Dursley couldn't shake the intrusive thoughts, finally, he confronted himself if the Potters were involved, there was no reason for them to invade Dursley's space, the Potters knew very well that he and his bae thought they were cringe and wanted nothing to do with Mr. Dursley's shenanigans, he couldn't see how they could get all up in his business, they were probably safe, Mr. Dursley was drifting off immediately, but the floof outside was on a high alert, like a fuzzy statue was penetrating by, it started unblinking at the far corner of the room, it showed superb chill as the world happened around it, an ancient man appeared on the corner, the cat had been protecting Mr. Dursley, it was tall, thin, and very old with a bald beard long enough to tuck into his mouth, he was laying in his bunk, with a purple cloak swept to the ground, and a high-heeled buckle boots, his blue eyes were light and bright, sparkling behind half-moon perspectives, and his hunk of boots long and crooked, as though he had been punched in the face before, this year boy, Albus never go, Albus was super chill in the fact that he wasn't wanted on the street, it was Dizzy doing a self-body cavity search until he popped the gate of the cat door, he chuckled and muttered, I should've known, to fund his query, he found a silver cigarette lighter, flipped it open, and clicked it, R.I.P. the near-street lamp, yet boy got click-happy and plunged the street into darkness, now the nosy near-street neighbors could see nothing on the block, the old man walked down the street to chill with the cat, still Professor McGonagall, he tried to smile at the tabby, who was now a human, with the air of a CEO of a serious business, she'd be wearing square glasses exactly the shape of the markings on the cat, her lewd face was on fleek with emerald green cloak and black hair in the background, how did you know it was me, she asked, Professor, cats don't look like they'd be pranking, brick walls aren't comfy, why you no party, they're like Dizzy's dink fingers at Paddy Mugger, Professor McGonagall sniffed angrily, oh yes, everyone's celebrating alright, high-key muggles noticed it was on their idiot box, lots of birds shooting stars, muggles have eyes, shooting stars down in Canton, that day was a Dizzy, the Dally's giggles from his brain, you can't blame them though, there's a lot of them, like 20-25, you can't blame them, but, said Professor McGonagall, there's no reason to lose our show, people would be like herp derp, serving like peacocks in bright daylight, not even dressed in a muggle swag, dipping tea, he threw a sharp sight, and started ways down for that dumb old door here, as though he, as though hoping he was going to stop or something, but he didn't, so she went on, a fine thing would be if, on the very day, you know who, kicked rocks, the muggles found out, about, how about it, did we really take that love of you? Bert, said Dumbledore, we have so much to be thankful for, want a lemon drop? What? Why? A lemon drop? Muggle candy, that is, don't you? Nope. Huh? Professor McGonagall initiated ice queen mode, even if, even if, you know, even you know have stepped off. It was named after a ghostly thing, this dress is called Voldemort, that dress is called Voldemort. Professor McGonagall initiated homeboy mode, was unsticking lemon drops, and gave no crap. Relax, it's just a name. Bert and Professor McGonagall exaggerated, but I am Dumbledore, like a snack, but you are the only one who could make Voldemort salty, thought it would get you everywhere, Voldemort didn't have moves though, Dumbledore should call me, for real you could, but you don't, thanks. You make me blush. Professor McGonagall shot Dumbledore a sharp look, these birds had nothing next to the sea, they'd be flipping legit, what they say has me shook. Professor McGonagall honestly got to the sea, she was most hyped as hell, the real reason she had been vibing on a cold hardball all day, for neither as a fluke nor as a woman, had she looked as high-key invested as she did now. It was obvious that whatever someone was saying, everyone was saying, she wasn't going to buy it, and so Dumbledore told her there was no cap. Homeboy, however, was choosing another lemon drop and didn't answer. What they're saying, is that last night, Voldemort spawned in McGonagall's hollow, he went to find the powers, and he analyzed Lily and James Potter, Dumbledore said it. Lily and James, what the heck, oh I can't even, oh how's this, Dumbledore reached and patted her on the shoulder, I'm shook too. Professor McGonagall's voice went shook as she went on, that's not all, they're saying she tried to analyze the sun, Harry Potter, but she took an hour and his power broke, and he's gone. Dumbledore nodded promptly. Legit, faltered Professor McGonagall, after all he's done, he failed to analyze how Babin would shim, how did Harry survive? We can only guess, Dumbledore, we may never know. Professor McGonagall wiped her eyes and got out her hand sanitizer. Dumbledore gave a great snip as he took a bust and watch from his pocket and checked it, it was a very soft spot, it had 12 hands but no numbers, instead, little planets were moving around the edge, must have made sense to Dumbledore though, because he put it back in his powers. Hagrid Blake, I bet he's the one who told you I'd be here by the way. That said, Mr. McGonagall, and I don't suppose you're going to tell me why you're here of all places? I've come to bring Harry to his aunt and uncle, they're the only family I know. No, you don't mean, you can't mean they can? Cried Professor McG, jumping to her feet, pointing at number four. Dumbledore, you can't, I've been watching them all day, these basic stories aren't the same, what's that group, and their son, a son kicking his mother all the way up the stoop screaming for sweets, Harry Potter, come and live here? I hope it's the best place for him, said Dumbledore for me, his aunt and uncle will be able to explain everything to him when he's older, I've written them a letter. A letter? Repeated Professor McG's family sitting down on a wall. For real, Dumbledore, you think you can explain all of this in a letter? These people will never understand him, he'll be famous, legendary, I wouldn't be shook if the day was known as Harry Potter Day in the future, there will be books written about Harry, every child in Nairobi will know his name. Right, said Dumbledore, looking super serious to his face, it would be enough to go to anyone's head, an influencer before he can walk and talk, famous for something he won't even remember, can't you see how much better off you'll be growing up away all that until he's ready to take it? Professor McG made a face as if she was going to say something, but thought better. She confused herself, then said, but I don't really, but how is the boy getting here, Dumbledore? Dumbledore, she eyed his cloak suddenly as though she thought he was transporting the baboon. Hagrid's brain, you think it was a big brain to trust Hagrid with something as important as this? I've never trusted Hagrid with my life, his heart is a ghost, said Professor McG, growing weak, but you can't pretend he's not an airhead, he just tends to, what was that? A vroom vroom sound broke the sound surrounding him, it moved steadily louder and looked up and down the street from the sign of a headlight, it swelled to a roar, then both looked up in the sky. A huge motorcycle fell out of the air and landed on the road in front of them, if the motorcycle was huge it was nothing compared to the beast of a man straddling on it, it was almost twice as tall as a normal man and had some major BDE, big lead energy, his fluffy factor was ohayona and so wild, long tangles and bushy black hair, hair and beard hit him, most of his face, he had hands the size of calves and his feet and the legs were like baby dolls, in his back, muscular arms, he was holding a bundle of blankets. Herbert, said Dumbledore sounding relieved, finally, where'd you get the ride? Borrowed it sir, borrowed it professor Mr. Dumbledore sir, said the giant gently disembarking from the bike, young sir's leg landed to me, I got him sir, under your shoes? Nope, house was almost destroyed, but I got him, I can't keep doing this, but I got him out of the motorcycle swarming around, took a nap rest he was flying over a visceral, Dumbledore, Mr. Dumbledore and professor mcdonald go back and forward over the bundle of blankets, inside just visible was a babbing, sweeping under a tuft of dead black hair, over his forehead they could see a suss of a cut, a suss cut, shaping like a bolt of lightning, is that, is that where it was for, is that where it was for professor mcdonald, Mr. Dumbledore, you'll have that scar forever, can't you fix it Dumbledore, yeah but no scars come in handy, I have one on my knees, I tow it to a map and run underground, well give me a Hagrid, get this over with, Dumbledore took Harry and his aunt and turned toward the loose house, good eye, can I see my temperature, asked Hagrid, he bent his great shaggy head over Harry and gave him what must have been a very scratchy, whiskery kiss, and suddenly Hagrid let out a noise like a wounded pupper, shut the hell up professor mcgee, the hike of the night, slowly saw Hagrid taking out a large spotted handkerchief and burying it his face in it, but I can't stand it, lily and jimes unlocked and unhollowed Harry off to live with muggles, yeah no tragic, yeah no tragic but control yourself Hagrid or we'll be found professor mcgee whispered patting Hagrid gently on his arm as Dumbledore stepped over the low garden wall and walked to the front door, he laid Harry gently on the doorstep, took a letter out of his cloak, tucked it inside Harry's blanket and then came back to the other two, for a full minute the three of them stood and looked at the little bundle, Hagrid's shoulders shook, professor mcgee blinked fiercely and a twinkling light that usually shone from Dumbledore's eyes seemed to have gone out, about to that, about to this, we might as well go party, party, yeah zero said Hagrid and muggles listened, muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles mugg muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles muggles mugg