Father's Day Special

The discussion revolves around Father's Day and the experiences of the two speakers with their own fathers. One speaker had a positive father figure who taught them affection and perseverance, while the other speaker had a father addicted to drugs but still showed love and care. They reflect on the importance of being present in their own children's lives. The conversation then shifts to a discussion about the NBA finals and the controversy surrounding Katelyn Clark's exclusion from the Olympic team. They also touch on the drama in the WNBA and its potential impact on the league's popularity. Welcome to BAU Barber Studios, where the chair is my pulpit. I am Rob the Barber. I don't get it twisted. I ain't no preacher, but I do got some things I can teach. And y'all already know, I can't do this without my brother, Mr. Dan Yolo, Mr. Fresh Prairie Friday, Mr. Art Apparel. You already know what time it is, let's get it. So, man, it's only right with Father's Day being this weekend, man, that we go ahead and talk about Father's Day, man. It's something that, you know, the stereotype is that black fathers are missing from the community or, you know what I'm saying, that we don't have too many black fathers, father figures in our community, man. So I just wanted to tap in on it, man. You know, there's a lot of jokes being made, a lot of things being said as far as, you know, we're not there or fathers don't receive anything on Father's Day. So I just wanted to talk about your experience, you know what I'm saying, about your father being present in your life. And because you have the opposite of that stereotype, you know, you have a positive father figure. So, man, elaborate on some of the things that's going on in your, that you experienced growing up as a father. I would say with my dad, he was a romance, I ain't gonna lie. Funny enough, I still remember as a kid, he was sitting there with me in the restroom, my mom slapped on his butt and she was like, Nah, this one is what you know. He said, let him watch you or let him land, okay? To me, you know, it showed me how to be affectionate, how to be romantic, you know, no matter what. So, and crazy enough, in the African community, in the older generation, showing affection, showing love really is like a, it's a hard thing for like men. So it's like, so even in Huntsville, when I was in Huntsville, we did like a little, we did like a little retreat thing and one of the emcees was like, Hey, tell your wife that you love her and kissed her on the lips and they were like shaking in their boots. I'm like, what? And he was like, wow, but that's just a cultural thing where you have to be tough. But with my dad, I would say he really, man, I ain't gonna lie, I think I've only seen the court life break down one time, you know, out of my whole life. So I would say with that, he really showed me how to keep it together, how to really not show no fear besides, you know, in God, of course, and really just keep my chest high and don't be afraid to ask for help. Good stuff, man. And, you know, me growing up, my experience was different. You know, I grew up, like I always tell people, I'm regular black. You grew up Liberian black, I'm regular black. But growing up regular black, it was unfortunate. My father, you know, he was caught up in, he got caught up in a crack epidemic. You know, I grew up with majority of my life with my father being on drugs, you know, different experience, you know, but he was there. And it's kind of a different situation because you think when most people have parents that's addicted to drugs, they're completely absent. Mine was there. He motivated me, hit me with a scripture when I walk out the door. He would get me little things from the corner store, just little different ways to show love and show that he cared. So with growing up with him being addicted to drugs, it was different because the financial aspect wasn't there, but that love was always there for us, the things that he did for us, him trying to provide in his own little way. And I think what helped with that was my level of understanding of his addiction. You know, a lot of people when crack came out, a lot of people didn't understand the effect of it. They didn't understand how it would affect the body. Like they just, on cocaine and then all of a sudden this new wave hit and shoot, everybody was on it. So my level of understanding of why he was addicted to drugs, I think helped with our relationship. So he wasn't an absent father. He just was a father that was addicted, you know, and addiction is real. So unfortunately, you know, I lost my father five years ago and it's something that I still struggle with day to day. You think about those conversations and you think about ways that you miss your father and you go into the things that he was able to teach you, even with being addicted. Luckily, before he passed from cancer, he was able to get off of drugs or whatever and he was kind of clean for the past couple of years of his life, but he really made an impact on my life in a positive manner. So, like, you know, Father's Day coming up, you know, most people make jokes. Say the thing where people say you can eat for free on Sunday at Chick-fil-A. And man, that shit tickles me, man, because it was like, at first I thought somebody was really doing something for Father's Day, like it was a restaurant really doing something. I was like, everybody can eat for free. And, you know, I got a little delayed reaction sometimes, you know, my brain don't function like normal. But when I thought about it, I was like, man, Chick-fil-A closed on Sunday. I disrespected it, man. So, you know, now growing up, I am a father. I mean, do you have any intention of wanting to become a father now? You know, he's young now. Most definitely. I definitely want to become a father one day. God, that's what's up, man. And even now I think back on life, man, on how my upbringing even affected – my father's experience even affected the upbringing of how I raised my child and how things go with me and my own child. I am a father. I am excited about Father's Day. I'm excited about every Father's Day. But not for the gifts, not for what it brings to the table, but just for just being able to say I'm a part of the club like I am a father. You know, me and my daughter, me and her mom separated when she was like two. So I'm a distant father, but I'm a present father. And it makes a difference when – it's kind of like we swap roles. Like my father was present and he was there all the time, but now I'm there, but I'm there in a different way. I'm there financially. I'm there to motivate. So it's kind of like a different role. Like roles kind of switch. Like I'm not there every day, but I totally took on the opposite of what my father was able to do, and that was to provide financially and then be able to provide like emotionally. So it's weird how that plays out, you know. So me and her, we have a good relationship, but Father's Day is always a day for me to reflect and just appreciate the fact that I am somebody's father. And it's different. You know, you see the different love shown on Mother's Day. You see the different support. But I think that's also played like by the role of media and by how they look at things. So speaking of, man, when you talk about these finals, man, what do you think about them finals? Man, I'm so disappointed. I'm not going to lie. Like I really thought Luke was going to show up and show out. Kyrie, I mean Kyrie did his thing, you know, game three, but I'm just surprised. Like, but Celtics are hungry. And, you know, one of my boys was telling me Celtics have to win. If not, you know, this is pretty much like they finally get up. Kind of like being together, I think, or something like that. So I'm like, yo, Celtics really hungry. I mean, hopefully they'll just take game four, but I personally feel like Vegas and the NBA ain't going to let it be a sweep. Maybe game five, game six, that'll be the end of it. But hey, if Celtics take it, more power to them. I really thought that was going to be the big thing. Yeah, definitely send a statement if they go ahead and sweep things. I don't think it's going to be a sweep. Money-wise, you know, always, my mama always tell us they got to get their money. So they're going to win one game at least. Big facts. But I don't, I don't think, I don't think if they sweep them, that'll be a miracle. Because we ain't never seen that like that in history. I don't think so. Nah, they have to have. I think when LeBron first went to Spurs, swept them. Yeah, but how you feel about this Kaitlin Clark thing? Everybody in the uproar because she ain't get elected to be on the Olympic team. Me personally, I don't, but never mind, I'm going to see how you think first. But me personally, I don't think she should have made it anyway. Yeah, but like she's still new, barely new. She got to show what she can do as well. Especially defensively. She's not really a defensive person. She's more of all offense, all offense. And low-key, I did not know the WNBA had that much drama going on. You got ex-wives and ex-girlfriends on the same team, on the opposite teams. And yo, it's just too much for me. I did not know the WNBA was like that, for real. It's digging deep and giving us the history of the WNBA and all the conflict that's going on in the WNBA. But I feel like we're getting away from the actual game. And I don't know if that's their narrative to try to draw attention to the WNBA with the drama inside of it. Kind of like how they do social media. Kind of like how they do these reality TV shows. And shoot, if that's the case, WNBA might as well start a reality TV show. That's the purpose of gaining the attraction to the game. And even with Kaitlyn Clark's situation, the Olympics already got to make, the Olympics already make money. So people pushing the narrative saying that Kaitlyn Clark should have been a part of the Olympic team because it would have been good for the WNBA. The Olympics money ain't WNBA money. That's a big thing. The WNBA, like you said, I feel like it's finally getting that attention that it should have gotten a while back. And with the whole Kaitlyn Clark thing and all, and like, you know, what's her name, Ashley Reese and everything. With all them coming in, I feel like they are helping the WNBA get that type of attention that they've been looking for. So I feel like, you know, it's good publicity. It's good publicity, but like I said to somebody the other day, WNBA have a marketing problem. It's not a talent problem. People have talent inside the WNBA, but it's a marketing problem because people, they're not marketing the WNBA in the right manner. People can't, you can't expect for the female players to get played the same as the NBA players when the money's not coming in that way. I can't pay you a million dollars when I'm only making $400,000. I can't put all that money into you when I'm not even making that money as a business. And it's crazy that you say that because there was somebody I was talking to and she had told me that she's like a big WNBA fan and she was telling me that the commissioner or whoever it is that's over the WNBA is putting the games all at the same time to where people are not going to watch it. So she believes that the commissioner has it out for these women. Instead of trying to put the publicity there, she's doing things purposely. I don't know because I don't pay too much attention to it, but I think that's something that's worth looking into. It sounds like they need a new commissioner. Alright let's get back to business man. Talking about the fatherhood aspect being that it is Father's Day weekend. So what are some of the characteristics and some of the things that you took from your father to where it made you the man that you are to where it kind of developed you to be that good man? Man down right there is number one it's not showing any type of weakness. Having that raw love. I'm a very secretive person and you know a lot of people have told me it's hard to get through this barrier of mine. But I know with my dad it was also the same thing because he was always handling business. He was always moving around. He was more of a busy body and I say that me myself I am a busy body. I say the romance side as well. Like I said at the beginning he would always show my mom love and affection all the time and he did it around us no matter who was watching. So I would say when it comes to the PDA I'm a little backwards with it you know what I'm saying. But at the same time I'm still going to show that love and affection behind closed doors for sure. Like ain't no stopping that one you know. So I would say that as well and his hustler mentality. My dad was always working man. Like that's the only reason why I don't I wouldn't want to work a second job. It was a physical job. I've seen him work seven days. I'm in these jobs and I'm like yo this man is always moving, sleeping, working, sleeping, working, sleeping, working. And I was telling myself you know I'm going to do it myself so I'm not going to do that. No matter how bad things get you know it don't matter that second job. I don't think I can do it by myself because of what I've seen. But at the same time he was a hustler. He was always trying to make things right, trying to make things good, trying to you know make sure that we had food on the table, clothes on the bed you know what I'm saying. You know shoes on our feet so I really appreciate him for that and I said that's where I get it from and always staying positive. Every time you see my dad he's smiling, he's laughing, he's joking around and I believe that's where I get my personality from and being a goofball even in the times of need and the times of wanting. And you know when you're sad and down then I take it for real. That man is always smiling, always joking around and always trying to be positive. I believe that's where I get it from but always being there for others because you know a lot of times you know people just need that person to just cheer them up and I feel like that's always been me all my life. You know cheering people up and always making them happy and just doing what it is that I can you know so I say my dad did what he needed to do and have a business. I got you man. Man you know I agree with you with that staying positive and keeping that positive mindset but you gotta be careful man you know they got this thing called toxic masculinity. I heard that for the first time today. You know I was confused by it. I was saying toxic masculinity and then they went on to explain to me what it was while I was cutting hair today and I was like I've never heard of it but it's toxic masculinity. So basically what our parents and grandparents was taught to help get them and push them through the times they now consider that toxic masculinity. Like that not being strong and staying strong and not sharing your emotions with them. I'm an advocate for mental health you know we just did the mental health on the last one. So I do believe in opening up. I do believe in being that more understanding male figure. I'm an alpha male but I'm a real alpha male like I lead and I know how to lead as a leader. But when they hit me with this toxic masculinity and I was confused. Yeah I just was confused by it. I just think that you know every generation do the best they can and if that meant keeping your head down and just staying strong and pushing through. It meant it. Like do we need to take a softer look at ourselves as men? Do we need to open up and be able to share our emotions? Yes that is something that is needed and we're finding that it is needed now. But to talk about like our forefathers like that? Like consider it toxic? Toxic is a strong word. But maybe I just got the wrong definition though because it's a lot of people pushing behind it. After my client talked to me about it earlier I started researching it. Like I don't know. Like this is the first time I've ever heard of it. You know what I'm saying? So I don't know what to say about it. So what we're going to do we're going to allow you the opportunity to do some research on it. Because I just started researching it today. And when I started researching it it basically just seemed like that push through, that aggressive male, that like going to work all the time and a man going to provide, a woman going to stay at home. That mindset is basically the wrong mindset to have in this day and time. Some things I agree because things have changed. Women go to work now. Women do things that women didn't do in the past. I don't agree with nobody being mistreated or over dominated. I'm a very even balanced person. I respect everybody for who they are as a being. But to call that toxic masculinity? I would like to call that getting through slavery or getting through racism or getting through different times to where you had to put your head down. You couldn't be weak. You couldn't show emotions because people attacked your emotions or they drive off your emotions or your emotions got you placed in jail or your emotions got you sprayed down with a water hose. But to call it toxic? Maybe I just have the wrong understanding of it. I think it's more about me being aware. Being aware of the situation and the times that you're in. I'm still surprised. Hey, what do you mean toxic masculinity? To me that's, it's not toxic. Like you said, I don't agree with anybody being mistreated or anything like that. But I truly do believe in as like based on what we see on TV and social media is like the man has to be perfect. He has to be a robot in order to succeed in life or to be seen as this man is doing what he needs to do. Shout out to the women that they're supporting their husbands and supporting their boyfriends and supporting every male figure in their life. Yeah, because it definitely does take a team, you know, so I can, I can say I don't believe in toxic masculinity. I believe it's more just being aware and knowing and understanding and have that understanding because you know, if you, if you lack wisdom, then you're going to fall for anything, you know, so having that wisdom, knowledge and understanding on, on the surroundings and everything that's going on in your life or, or with the, with the, with the generation that we have now, I think it's just a opening your eyes and opening your spiritual eyes at that. See, and then opening your spiritual ears so that you're not, you know, talking more, you're listening more. Just following the things that was put out there before us. And you touched on something real deep when you say like, they, they, they want us to be perfect. Like what they see when we want men to be perfect, like what they see on TV. And that's one of the things as a father, I try to be so transparent with my daughter because you hear it multiple times. Women would say, you're not a real man. And another woman is telling the man that they're not a real man. But where did that concept come from? Because in our culture, most women grew up without a father. So where did that, that, that preconceived notion, where did that come from or what a real man is supposed to look like? So it had to come from either the person that gave you the perception of a father figure, or if you did have a father, it came from that. But me being transparent with my child, I want her to understand that every man ain't perfect. I want her to understand my flaws. I don't want her to go into a relationship and I sold her to Superman concept of me. And I'm not Superman. No man is Superman. So if you don't be transparent with your child, we're going to continue to recreate generations that are suspecting that falsehood of a real man, that falsehood of a real father. So that's why now I try, my main focus, I'm so transparent with my child. We sit down and have conversations. She sit down and ask me questions. Now I ain't going to lie, some of them questions used to make me mad. Some of them statements used to make me mad. She used to be like, Daddy, how you going to give a relationship advice and you done went through a divorce. Hey, hey, hey, hey, slow down. But again, those trends that create them transparent moments to where I'm able to sit down and have dialogue with her because when she go looking for a man, I don't want her looking for that false representation of a man. I want her to look for what I really want. And even if she don't look for something that's close to what I am or look for something that's like me, I'm fine with that. But understand that this is what a man looks like. I'm not going to put no mask on in front of my child because then she'll be searching for a badge and then she'll be suffering from disappointment. Yeah, you hit the nail on the head on that one. And that's crazy that you say that because, you know, back to social media, you know, I see a lot of women saying, oh, my father did this, my father does that, my father does this, my father does that. But when you say that you being transparent, I felt like a lot of them wasn't so transparent because they wanted to look at that Superman. And at the end of the day, you know, Superman even has, you know, a weakness for kryptonite. You feel me? So every man has weaknesses as good as you can even go into detail because a lot of times we will look at all women or some women, when I say all women, some women will look at a man that is so well kept, you know, making six figures and thinking that he's everything. But in reality, this man is toxic. This man is arrogant or this man is this and that. The guy that ain't making six figures is doing everything that he needs to do to provide for himself. And the long run is looking for that helpmate. So it's good that you're doing that dialogue, that you put her through that process and showing her that, hey, this is what it is, ain't nobody perfect. Man, equally, yo, I'm glad you threw that out there. You sure got a lot of that nickel looking for a dime. I mean, we live in a time where social media is popping. Women feel like they get a million likes on Instagram and that means they qualify, that they have the credentials to be with a man that makes six figures or the credentials to be with a man that's putting in that work. But not even to go off on that limb, that social media kick and that phase is a whole nother mindset. But you seriously can't be a nickel out here looking for a dime. You really have to be able to be equally yo. And that's more so what it's about. I always tell people, man, I use this because I'm from Miami. You know, we watch mangoes grow and we did this thing. And so when I look at a relationship or I look at people choosing in a relationship, the perfect fruit is always not, your idea of a perfect fruit is not always someone else's idea of a perfect fruit. So growing up as a kid in Miami, we were watched to where the green mangoes would fall to the ground early due to wind, due to animals, whatever made it fall to the ground. And as a kid, we would take those green mangoes and chop them up and put salt and pepper on them and put a little vinegar on them and eat them while they're green. So, see what I'm saying? But as a kid, that was good. But then as I continued to grow, and though people continue to grow in life, that once what was green, and when you put it in relationship comparison, that person who was a rescue case who was green, that person who didn't have nothing, that person who was just starting out in life and still needed some time to become right, that may be fine for somebody. It may be okay for some. All they're going to do is add their little recipe to it and put a little salt and a little pepper and a little vinegar on it and it's going to be perfect for them. But then you've got that stage to where it starts to ripen a little bit. It starts to turn a little yellow. And then some people, that little bit of yellow may be perfect. They still do the same thing, add a little salt and a little pepper. But then when that perfectly ripe fruit comes, everybody don't like perfectly ripe fruit. They don't got addicted to that fruit that needed the salt and pepper and vinegar because that's all I have to add as a substance. Everybody don't have the same things to add to make it good. So if you add the salt, the pepper, the vinegar, and you can add it to something that's green or something that hasn't ripened enough to make it perfect and you're cool with that, then that's your pick. But sometimes you don't even have to eat it at the time. We used to take the mangoes and sit them in the dark and let them just sit for a while. And we all have been in relationships to where we try to let it just sit for a while. We're going to let it sit there and let it ripen a little bit. Or we just add that person to where we watched and they're not ripe yet. But when they become ripe, when they become a good substance, I'm going to give them a chance. But then you got the people that like the perfectly ripe and they happen to meet each other at the perfectly ripe time. Timing is everything. So I look at it in life, man. It ain't no such thing as a bad person or a bad man. It's where people meet in that timing and it's what substance you have to add to the ingredient or add to the fruit to make it to where it can become great. We have to look at what we can add to one another versus just looking at what I can gain from that substance. Or what do you have to bring to the table? Exactly. I ain't going to say it that way because they get offended when you ask them questions. They get offended when you ask them questions. Now, I'm not saying all. I'm not saying all, but a mass majority. That's their mindset. And we have to get rid of that mindset because we're going to help each other get through this thing called life. Or if you're looking at growing through this thing called life with one another, you have to be able to see how you can add to the equation, not what you can get from the equation. If that's your mindset, you're just looking for somebody to fund you. If you're looking for a fund, you might as well start a GoFundMe account. OnlyFans or something. Because you're not looking for somebody to be a partner with. Looking for somebody to fund. Somebody to guide. I'm past that generation of getting blew up, but I get what you're talking about. Man, it's crazy enough that you say that. There's one guy named Pastor Keon Henderson. I'm trying not to lose him. Pastor Keon Henderson, again, I'm trying not to lose him. He's talking about men and some of the trials and tribulations that men face. Some of the things that men go through that we don't see. I definitely love it. I listen to Old Big, and he goes deep into it on what men go through. The thing is that I feel like every woman should listen to him. That right there, he really goes deep on being a disciplinarian. Everything that you just said and talked about, he goes deep into it. I feel like, man, I'm at a loss of words with what you just said. You out here preaching. I ain't no preacher, but I got some things I can teach you. Man, I just look at the concept of life totally different as I continue to grow and continue to breathe. Man, we grew up so long in survival mode. Most people in our culture, we're in survival mode. We're looking and itching to survive. Our fathers, if they were there, they were in survivor mode. I don't know if y'all understand the type of anxiety, the type of depression, the type of things that come along with being in survival mode, but when you have to worry about your next step, ain't no way you're worried about 100 yards from now. You're just trying to get through the day. If you're just trying to worry about your next step, how I'm going to feed you, how I'm going to turn these lights back on, how I'm going to be able to survive and provide for you, there's no way I'm worried about when you get old and go to college. So we fought our fathers for things that they didn't have a defense for because the economy itself, and I don't want to go to where people talk about I'm a conspiracy theorist, but the way things was formulated and the way things were done as this country developed, it was meant to keep a certain class of people in survival mode. It was meant because that's the only way you make income. So we got Juneteenth coming up, not only this Father's Day, but we got Juneteenth coming up. And with Juneteenth coming up, slaves were released initially, but then the slaves started returning back to their owners because they didn't have any means. They didn't have their land, they didn't have no way of making food, they didn't have crops, they didn't have animals, they didn't have their stuff to eat from. So they went back and they began to work the land that they worked for small people. It's crazy, but when I point this out, it's going to become even crazier. Most people today only make enough money to survive off of, not thrive, but survive. Most people today live under the same concept. So when you look at the way these companies develop in America, they had to first create a need. They had to first create something where you have to pay for your house, get your food, pay for your gas to go to work, and then you're left with just a little bit. Ownership, people always talk about ownership of land is the most important thing in America. It is. But most of us, the banks still own our land. The banks still own our land. So, like I said, I didn't intend to go down that rabbit hole. We're talking about fatherhood, we're talking about things, but I just want people to understand, and like how you mentioned, most people don't know what men go through, and that's because we didn't know what we were going through. You're experiencing emotions that you're ashamed about, but also you're experiencing emotions that you can't even explain because you haven't been taught to explain it. You can't even identify yourself. You don't even know the term for it. Here it is, that because we were taught to push through, I just gave you a new term, and it's called toxic masculinity. But we didn't know that anxious feeling in your body, that when you're feeling nervous, like you're trying to make something happen, you're worried about if the money is going to come through so you can pay the light bill for your kid. That anxious feeling, we didn't know that that was considered anxiety. We didn't know when you start feeling sad and you start missing your loved ones and you start missing the people that have passed away and you're sitting there thinking about death yourself. We didn't realize that that was depression because we didn't go nowhere to, we didn't go to anybody to understand that that was considered depression. We're on this new wave of mental health, and people that have joined this wave of mental health have gotten too fancy for their ancestors or for the people that don't have an understanding for it, and they're trying to pressure them into it. It's ways to attack things, and it's ways to get to people who don't understand where you are. Because, let's not forget, some of us are twice removed from slavery. My grandmama and granddad and parents were slaves. So when you're talking to me about toxic masculinity, what did you think? Luckily, I was fortunate, and I don't say fortunate, I say it's kind of an unfortunate situation because my mom lost her mind when she was eight. So the reason why I was able to still pick up these characters and these traits to become a man is because my mom was raised by a real man who went to work on the docks, then came back home and formed his own land. So this is why I have the traits that I have. But if it wasn't so unfortunate to cost a fortune in my life for her to lose her mama and to be raised by a daddy to help raise me to a father that struggled with addiction, I wouldn't be the man that I was today. I wouldn't be the man that I am right now. So when you look at this stuff, the world is easier. It is easy to make excuses for single black mothers. And I know I'm going to get a lot of grief for this. I know I'm going to get a lot of grief for this. But those who know me, I stand on business. I'm going to take a new generation term, I stand on business. Because the government will rescue a single mother. The government will make sure they will have court appointed attorneys. They will have all that in provision to support a mother. But it's harder to receive that type of care as a man in this country. Especially now I'm 12. I'm 12 police. We called it 9 when I was growing up. But I know what you're talking about. So it's so different. You have all this care and these services. And it's kind of like I say, it's a system that's meant to cause that type of division. Like women wasn't leaving their homes back in the day because they didn't have Section 8. They didn't have no public housing to leave from. When we were self-sufficient and all you had was those forms and the food that you got from the crop that you raised and the food that was in the community, women wasn't leaving their husbands back then. But then they found this thing called public assistance. Then they found this thing called child support. So when you look at it systematically, it was designed. When you look at the crack epidemic, it was designed. It's a book. I think her name was Michelle Alexander. It's called The New Jim Crow. And it goes in and talks about how they created modern day slavery using prisons. So when you talk about what a black man has to face or what a man has to face whenever they walk out into this life and walk out into this world, we experience something totally different that we can't explain. Like I say, I'm a man for equal rights. I'm a man for everybody being treated differently. Don't nobody support equal rights more than me because I really stand for true equality. But when you look at the way that the table was made, I'm not mad at nobody because of the way the table was made. I respect it. I get it. If I was dealt the biggest hand on the table and we playing spades, I'm not going to give you two jokers out of my hand so you can have a bigger hand. I'm not going to give you my ace of spades so you can have a better hand. So I get it. But it's for us to get it and understand that the system that we're fighting and for us to understand the place and us to understand what we've been through. I remember when I took it. What is it called? Adult attachment style or adult attachment in terms of something that's called. But it made me understand that some of the stuff I experienced as a kid and even though I had a high level understanding of it, it affected how I respond and act now. But we want to call it toxic masculinity. Or should we call it toxic government? Because we were forced back in the day as men to respond and react a certain way based off the guidelines or based on the situations that you put us in. So when we have to deal with different pressures and deal with different environments, of course my reaction and my response to survival is going to be different. Back then you was creating a warrior. You was creating how to defend yourself. You was creating how to stand up to people when they racially profiled you. So to pass on and call that toxic, I call it survival. And we've been in survival mode too long. But when you were able to breathe and that's why I urge people when I talk to them, when I deal with them, I urge them to come out of that survival mode. The minute you start paying attention to your present state and understanding that you're good, you're fine, that you have food, that you have a thing. And then you start saving and start putting money away. And then you don't have to worry about the things that controls your mind and mainly take up the space of your mind. You can't develop if you're always in survival mode. But we get mad when our kids don't be tougher than class when they graduate. We get mad when we can't figure things out as an adult because why did I think of that? Why didn't I do this? And then you look back at yourself and you feel guilty. You fall into depression. But at the end of the day, you've been in survival mode. You don't have time to think about your future. At all. Like I said, let me come off my high horse. Let me stop off this preaching. But we're just having a good dialogue, a good conversation. When you do say that though, especially with work, that 9 to 5 job, of course not everybody can be an entrepreneur. It's tough to have that 9 to 5 because that's all they know. But when you really sit down and think about it, you're trying to put your old side hustle or your arsenal of shit on the side. And that 9 to 5 really does distract you. That government assistance and all that really does delay you from what you really need to do to reach your purpose in life. So I definitely hear what you're saying when it comes to that. And everything that you were preaching ain't a lie. He was preaching. He was going in. Nah, I preached that too, man. There was something that I needed to get off my chest. Because I'm sick of people down talking to us fathers. We're here. Just because they remove us off the packages, off the pictures of clothing and all that stuff. When they show black families, they show black woman, black baby. When they show other families, they show the whole family. We've been removed on purpose. But it's up to us as a people to make ourselves present again and let it be known. That we're here. Regardless of the circumstance of the relationship. Regardless of what's going on with the mother and the father. If y'all don't work out, that's fine. Allow that father to be present in that child's life. And fathers want to be present in that child's life. If more than one way to skin a cat. Like I say, my daughter lives in Daytona, Florida. I live all the way in Houston, Texas. But we make it work. And you have to be willing to make it work as a father. And I know part of my reason for that is, like I say, my upbringing. And I wanted to try to do the opposite. I always wanted to try not to be. But in everything in life, you should be wanting to up the bar from your parents. You should want to up the bar for each generation. To where you can become better and not stay stagnant and stay in the same place. And then to give some feedback on that. Like you said, there's some things in my household that I definitely got to shy away from. But there's things that I'm going to stand on business on. Like I said, with my dad being a little mad at me. I'm standing on business on that. For sure. You know, but just. But also just being in the household. Even if you want to make a point of me. Like, I mean, that's fine. You know, I have no issues with that. As long as she can be in that stuff. You know. Me. If you win it, I win it. If I win it, you win it. We both win at the end of the day. So, it makes a lot of sense, man. You know, everybody. Please, please, please show appreciation to your father. If you don't know who he is. And if he's still alive. Go ahead and try to reach out to him. If you're able to. If not. And just continue to pray that, you know, you're able to. Because it's really good to have that father figure on that man in your life. Just, you know. To know where you come from. To know your background. To know what happened. Or what's going on. And how things can get better. It will get better. You know, you don't stay down, you know, for too long. You know, you fall down several times. But when you come back up. And see the way that you come up. And the way that you run up. And everything. You know. Along with all of your experience. And just et cetera. All right. Let me stop talking. Nah, man. But one of the things. And I'm going to stop this. And then we're going to go ahead and close out the show for the day. But when you said knowing where you come from. The biggest way to cripple your enemy is to remove their identity. And if you raise that child without them knowing the other part of their identity. Or knowing how to treat their other bloodline. You cripple that child. Because even with DNA things. With certain elements and certain things. I was diagnosed with autoimmune disease almost ten years ago now. And it was difficult. Because it's something that's passed down. It's something that's hereditary. So it was hard to trace on my father's ear. But what I'm getting to is. If you don't know where you come from. Or if you don't even understand your bloodline. Or you can't go back and track your history. You don't know how to treat you. A kid suffering from depression and mental health issues. Where did it come from? But you don't know because you didn't even put the time in to get to know the father. You didn't put the time in to know the mother. Who you created a seed with. You don't even know your history. So if you don't know your history. How can you treat it? Medically certain things affect African Americans. More than it affects other races. Certain things affect other races more than it affects African Americans. But if you don't know your bloodline. And if you don't know where you come from. You don't know how to treat you. You don't even know what to add to yourself. For a supplement. To get yourself back on track. So when you talk about raising these children. And not involving their fathers. In their lives. Or with the fathers being absent. You are taking a major risk. On that child not being treated the way that he should be treated. But like I said. I don't preach enough today. I don't preach enough today man. But don't get it twisted. I ain't no preacher. But I do got some things to teach you. This is our show for today. Thank you. Appreciate y'all.