Journal With Jenny

Jenny discusses her background with journaling and how it has helped her reflect, understand herself better, and make better decisions. She believes that journaling helps her align with her values and be more compassionate with herself and others. She also addresses the concept of toxic positivity and how journaling can be used as a tool for processing emotions and finding gratitude. Jenny mentions research that shows the benefits of journaling, particularly when writing in first person and using language that reflects growth and resilience. She emphasizes the importance of not getting stuck in negative emotions and the need to process and move through them. Jenny welcome to the show. Thank you. Thanks for having me. Well, I told Tammy a couple weeks ago that I was reaching out to you I was super pumped because we how it helps us as coaches and athletes and how it helps the athletes that we train and You come from a teaching and coaching background. So maybe just if you if you don't mind Why journaling or what's the what's the story or stories that that helped you get? To where you are to where you're leaning in and sort of made a career out of this idea about journaling My background with journaling is that I've always journaled It's just become very intuitive to me And so since I was a teenager, you know when you're going through all the things and trying to figure things out I use journaling as a tool for reflection and just to try to understand myself better and things that have happened a little bit better and And Just relationships and things like that. So I think for me I I've always liked to use it as a reflection tool But I've also noticed now that I'm 47 that the times in my life when I haven't been journaling Very much or I'm very often or not at all those are the times when I maybe felt a little more lost or Unsure or confused or not making the best decisions I feel like when I journal I'm more aligned with my values and What's really important to me? and it also really helped me look for the good and Just figure out what to do next or I guess it's just my best problem-solving tool and also just to be more curious instead of reactive and more compassionate with myself to And others there's that there it is Sammy the compassionate with my so many guests on here that we've talked to that whether it's through journaling or meditation or Solo walks or whatever. They all talk about how you need to be more compassionate with yourself Oh, yeah, and that's like what are we two minutes into this and that's what you just said Yeah, can you speak to that a little bit? Yeah. Well, I know I am a person who's always been an achiever and I'm always trying to see what's next and In all of that. I can also be very hard on myself and very critical of any mistakes. I've made Or just feel that shame or Upset with myself and I think that through journaling I have learned That everyone makes mistakes it's really helped with my mindset as well and Like I said just to be more compassionate and loving towards myself when either life has beat me down or a relationship or Mistakes I've made I've used journaling to use like what I'm grateful for Also, just to like write affirmations and I know that there's this whole thing right now about toxic Positivity and I do believe that people can be toxically pop like way too positive and But that's only when they're not even reflecting or processing their feelings it's like a way of stuffing them down Instead of numbing out on your phone or with food or whatever They're using positivity to numb out almost so I do understand that argument but I also feel like that doesn't mean that you at doing affirmations or Writing down what you're grateful for Is a bad thing and I feel like it's getting a bad name with all this toxic positivity stuff, but I have found when I journal this is my method I like to Kind of just get everything out on the page if there's anything negative or I'm upset about or I'm trying to process through I like to write all of that first it's just kind of like gets it out of my system out of my body and all of that because I've learned to if you don't express yourself that it shows up physically and So getting all of that out there is very important But then always ending on a positive note with like what I'm grateful for or the affirmations because it does rewire your brain to start to look for the for the good and so look for the negative and I like my Some of my family members have like a negativity bias or they might Worry a lot or just look for the negative and I used to be one of those kids who worried all the time Like in externally, I might look like I'm happy and I'm fine and everything's great but internally as a kid and a teenager and even in my 20s, like I was just always worried and anxious inside but I didn't express it and So writing really helps me I think getting that out of my system was very helpful But then on the other side so that I wasn't always in that worst-case scenario mindset It has helped me to start looking at the good I guess and seeing the good and writing what I'm grateful for and in Writing out those positive affirmations I don't know There's something between it going from your head to your heart and out your hand and seeing it on the paper that really You know putting it in black and white it really solidus It solidifies something and it really does rewire your brain. So just start looking at the positive. I Think about it. It's a whole for me journaling And you you might have said this right or maybe you you wrote it down somewhere. It's the It's the thing that makes you Almost it forces you to be honest with yourself. Mm-hmm a lot there. Yeah, it's like And I think I think I had not heard anything about this toxic positivity But as you talked about it, I guess I I feel like I know people like that do you find that to be true that it is like a Slap in the face if you will, I mean when people first get started, they're like man, this is really hard There's also some people who say oh like I don't know like Journaling might bring up some too many traumatic Things or you know, or it's too hard on some people right to journal some of those things these things But I think go where you want to go like you don't have to write about You know the most traumatic thing that ever happens to you if you're not ready to process that yet But I just think journaling is a tool to help you Understand yourself better and also and be transparent with yourself because you can be completely honest when it's just you and a paper and a pen and so I think that you're more honest with yourself and Maybe get out of some of that like victimhood in some cases or that negativity Yeah, but there there are you know, some of I was a English teacher Language really does matter and so I don't know if you've heard of the research by dr James Pennybaker, but he did some research where he had one group write about some of the most upsetting things that have happened to them and They had to write for 15 minutes a day and it was just for four days The other group just wrote about the show whatever thing And they found that the group that wrote those things out. They had less doctor visits Some of their social interactions improved There was like a lot of like physical things that improved these were college students that they did this with and they were so shocked at like how it was only a four-day thing and I Think that what so now that was in the 80s now, he's done more research there's been other people who do done this research too, and I believe that the most important thing in the language piece of it is when They really broke it down and I hope I'm quoting this all correctly. So don't come after me if I'm not perfect Listeners, please. Um, but I think like when they the people who started writing in first person and Then they started they wrote in third person So then it's like you're seeing it from a different perspective So it's not just from you and then they went back to first person those are the people who made the most progress and people who used words like I now understand as a result, you know like using some of that language where It's not like I'm stuck in this traumatic thing and that's all you're writing about It's like now I've learned that because I did this or because I went through this I'm now resilient or I now see that this happens, you know, I went through this Terrible breakup or divorce or whatever it was, but I see now Who I am today and I see even though that was awful. I Benefited from that in some way or I'm stronger or now I'm with this amazing person or have this happy life but I think like the people who can write about that but then process through it so that They come out they can see where they've come out on the other end Those people make a lot of progress with many aspects of their life, but it's really interesting research If any of the listeners want to look into that Yeah, we'll link in the show notes. I'm unfamiliar with it, but man it it's mind-blowing, but it makes a ton of sense Yeah, it really does. It's really quite phenomenal. I mean like just with this meditation like our bodies Can heal us in so many ways or you know what we put in our bodies or whatever it is But this I feel like there's something about For me anyway, I know some people You know will speak into their phones or type For me. I like to use a paper and a pen because it just there's something about Writing it out and just it feels like it's getting out of my system because I think I used to be a person who took a lot in and Just kind of stuffed it down and and we were you know, we're Nebraskans So we're tough and we just carry on and we don't whine So I think that I was raised that way, but it which is a good thing but I also think You know, we need to process some of this this stuff and and not get stuck in it I don't want anybody to get like stuck in this one place and like dwelling on it It's to help you move through it and not ruminate there's a to go on There's got to be some data out there now that you say that I'm thinking like there For people that are like high achievers or overachievers or whatever the correct word is. I think that just comes with the Personality of like suppressing. Yeah The bad, you know what I mean? Yeah, but I think it'll catch up with you at some point Hey, oh It'll manifest in some way. So I think it's good to when you're ready to process it to try and You can get it out Yes, Jenny. I resonate with a lot of the stuff you're you're talking about and how just the act of Journaling and how it forces you to be present and like you're saying going from your head to your heart Just kind of getting it out of your system. I really relate to that I'm curious if there was a point where when you're you said you journaled pretty much your whole life if there was a time when You were walking through something that it was like it kind of clicked, you know You have that moment where you're like I've done this for a long time But now I like I have to share it with people and that's what you you know It's become a passion of yours to share people and help walk others through this I'd love to hear if that's something that if that happened did something like that. Yeah So this it's interesting because I I have journaled on and off throughout my whole life But then I just became like almost fanatical about it. Probably. Oh Gosh, it was maybe four or five years ago. Like then I was like really really in it and You know, maybe six or seven years. I can't remember but I started having a lot of physical and Like I've had a lot of surgeries like I had a neck fusion hip replacement hysterectomy like a Morton's neuroma. It's just like one thing after another and I I was really searching for Why is this happening? You know, I was in my early 40s and I just thought this is This isn't normal For someone to have all this all these issues and I think it I think because I was so like nose to the grindstone achieving like just wanted to do my best and absolutely everything but I really wasn't like taking good care of myself and so I was, you know taking care of everyone else, but myself and I Had a friend who died from suicide and Then I'd after that like a few months later My dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and I'm the only sibling who lives in town. So I was doing a lot of caretaking And I had little kids and a kid in high school and my husband's arm so he works a lot and then I was teaching and then also teaching college class and It just was a lot. It just felt like I was piled on To so it's no wonder all my joints are messed up. It's almost like metaphorically. I was just like weighed down, you know and Yeah, I really was So I think just really helped me Practice a lot that I I was going through at the time but then it also helped me process some things that had happened in the past as well and I think too when my dad died in 2020 and he was in a nursing home and we didn't get to Physically be with him for eight months before he passed. I Think if I wasn't journaling as much as I had during that time that I would have been really bitter and upset and And very very sad about all of that but I think it helped me process and just really like I said see the good and The whole situation and Accept it. So That's when I really got turned on to journaling I'm like and then I started doing more research and you know, I found things like the Research that I told you about and I I just was like gosh why don't more people know about this that I feel like this could help so many people and Everyone talks about meditation and I'm and I do like meditation. I like visual meditation. I I'm a bit ADHD. I really have a hard time sitting still I'm really trying to sit still right now because I'm sitting in this squeaky chair but my mind's always going and by Like meditation unless it's visual like guided imagery Doesn't work for me and so that's why I think where my hands moving it just it Does that same thing for me where I it feels like a meditation to me when I really get going and so anyway, so that's a very long explanation of how I really got like everyone needs to know about this then I Need to I yeah. No, I love it. I love it Do you I'm curious, you know You said like as you kind of started to do more research like gosh more people need to know about this Do you find that? Is it more common for people to not journal? This is something that I think Andrew and I talk a lot about both, right? Just I mean every single day exactly like like you said, I use have a journal Moleskine that I'm gonna like done it for years and so like in my mind I'm like, I think everyone does this and I'm like Andrew and I were kind of in that like we're similar mine Like like minded so I'm like, oh, yeah, Andrew does it so probably everyone does but yeah, you're in this world Is it common or is I don't think it's think I have a lot of people ask me Like how do you journal like how do I how do I do that? Or how do I even get started? You know besides just a diary, you know what I did today But like how do you really get into this so that you're connecting with like your mind-body-soul and a lot of people I mean a lot of my friends don't journal and if they do it sporadically and It's kind of like Going to the gym. I feel like it's it's a practice and it's something that you need to make time for and In our hustle society, I just don't think people take a lot of time for reflection, you know, I was in the same Boat for several years. I just was on that go go go go go and I'm taking care of everybody else and so Setting aside that time. Yes. I wasn't doing it even though I knew it had helped me in the past Until you know, I until that time when everything kind of Came crashing down I guess and that's when all my physical things started happening to so Yeah, I don't think everybody journals. Everybody should though Yeah, yeah, I I agree Andrew how did you I know you write all the time? He's always sending me stuff that he's written and it's always beautiful and and Lincoln How did you get into it Andrew? I got it. My I was acted up and my mom my mom sent me outside She's like you need to go right you need to go like talk to God and you need to write and It just never stops like it happened and like she would just tell me that all the time like you need to go like get It out. Go write it down. We were also super busy. So like I'm now that I'm thinking about I'm like, oh, yeah That's how I started When I was a kid, I guess kind of I guess like you're saying that Andrew Did you write and when you're sitting I was my habit or act of like writing with a pen and paper didn't start till college And it was actually my a philosophy professor might Creighton was like the fifth day of like freshman Intro to philosophy 101 or something. He just like leaned down and he said you're a really really gifted writer Do it like he was just like yeah Nobody's ever even Mentioned that to me. So I just started and I never and I just it felt so good It is funny like in hindsight. I'm like all I used to write about but not Not all but initially I was writing a bunch about feelings, I don't know. I don't know why and it Maybe it was just the act of like getting used to it Like I I never want scratch the surface on like what I was thinking It was always like I never was like writing about why I acted away or I don't know. It was really weird and now I just kind of laugh I'm like I Really don't write much about feelings anymore whether that's right or wrong. I'm not sure I often write about like yeah Just what all the thoughts that the thousands of thoughts every minute they go on my head I got the only way I can sort out my brain. And so that's just what I mean. Um, that's interesting that's that's such a Kind of a curious connection to all three of us of like we started writing because like you're saying Andrew about our feelings You know, like I just need I got so much emotion inside. I need to get it out and Jenny I'm curious to hear your thoughts on this of like how writing influences Like when we start from a place of feeling and we write those things out Like you've mentioned just going through a breakup or divorce or a loss something similar to to that That's a lot of emotion. I'm curious what you'd say I was like how writing about our feelings can impact the way that we think and The way that we process and then the way that we then like go out and live our lives Well, really our feelings come from our thoughts So if you start writing down those feelings you're Hearing what you're saying to yourself. So I remember gosh, what was that? I Gosh I was going to therapy so I got divorced in my 20s and I remember Telling the counselor what I was thinking and he said do you always think in this worst-case scenario? Thoughts like and I was like, oh and I've never ever ever thought about my thoughts You know, like what was I seeing? Help all the time, right? Like I've never Had an awareness of what was going on between my ears, right? And so And then I now like in my 40s. I took a neuro linguistic programming Class and courses and Realized oh like your thoughts create your feelings your feelings create your behaviors or actions and It just I wish somebody would have told me that when I was like 12 or yeah, or a 15 or 17 or whatever so really if you stop your thoughts, you know, if you're having a negative thought like I'm not enough or My coach hates me he never plays me or My boss my boss just called or emailed me and said he wants to talk to me it's probably bad, you know, whatever it is, then it creates all this anxiety or upset And if you just stop it then You think oh wait, I'm having a thought That's not benefiting me in any way whatsoever It's creating these feelings I don't want to have I'm anxious now and nervous or whatever it is or sad if I'm dwelling on something and if you capture your thoughts then you can Wrangle in your feelings a little bit that maybe you don't need to be having, you know I think we create a lot of drama or emotions that don't need to be there sometimes Also, if we're ruminating on something maybe that really did happen like an experience that's when I think it's good to write that out like write out how you're feeling about this situation or fight with your friends or Something your teenager did that's upsetting or whatever it is. I think if you write it out because those really are valid Situations and feelings and then okay now what actions or behaviors am I going to take because now I can see it All my thoughts all my feelings are here on paper and that's where I said it like writing and journaling helps me problem-solve and get curious instead of reacting or just being upset or just moping or Avoiding yeah, whatever it is, whatever your thing is that you like to do. Hope it helps you better Get curious and then say okay now what like what's next? What am I going to do to help this situation and So I think what if people were more aware of what they're constantly going on in their minds I think it they would be shocked Or maybe not like I was like when that counselor said that to me I was like, oh my gosh I never thought about this. I do think worst-case scenario all the time And I think I think the majority of people do it sure seems like it I mean, I think I still am in a bad habit of that. I just have some awareness That I can like correct it. Mm-hmm. Not every not all the time by any means but and I think that's our site like that sir Whatever they call it The way, you know the way we've evolved and have needed to survive for so many years It's just part of our wiring in our brains but I Think if a lot of times if we step back and say oh, this isn't something I should be This upset about why am I and what am I saying to myself or? You know if you get really Situationally sad about something. It's like, okay, like let's Let's think about how am I thinking about this situation and how can I think differently or take different? actions or change my behavior or whatever it might be, but I just feel like Journaling is a way for us to sit down and just reflect and it creates so much awareness Around what's going on inside of us that we often don't take time to Even think about even though we're with ourselves all day long. I mean, I know I have a terrible habit of Like always looking at the next thing. Yeah, I do that And I don't think I mean, I don't know if it's a habit or one But it's just like it's just like the world we live in. Yeah, but I do know when I'm in a Good habit of reflecting whether it's on the good or bad I'm just so much more aware of where I'm at in the universe versus just like I Feel like I'm just like flying around some days, you know, I mean, I might I don't really feel grounded or I don't know It's an odd Phenomenon, but no, that's a feeling I do feel like when I journal it It might be the one time during the day that I'm super present and I'm in the moment and I'm grounded and I'm centered and I'm not flying around because that's just like right like we're we're busy people we're doing stuff where we have people to take care of and But it just helps you like center in and so then Throughout your day you find those moments where you are like, okay. I need to be intentional I know that there's like so many things I could tell you guys But I think like another thing I am so much more intentional about my life and my what I value because I don't know and You know Like one thing, you know, I say oh my you know The most important thing to me is my sitting on my phone when my kids come home after school I'm not being intentional about like my most important thing and if I'm then I'm out of integrity with myself I'm not aligned with who I say I am and then you just feel kind of off But I feel like once I started journaling to it just like brought me back to Center it just always brings you back to Center and who you are and Not only what you're thinking feeling Doing but also like what do you want to be super intentional about and that? can be as a parent as a spouse or friends or Any kind of relationship but also in your work and or if you're an athlete If you like I I think you know a lot of kids like to complain, you know I was a teacher for a long time They like to complain and kind of get into that or blame the coach or or whomever But you always have to say, okay, you're feeling that way but like you and you're sick or you're thinking this and you're feeling that But what are you going to do? you know like go talk to the coach and so many kids would rather just complain and go talk to the coach or all right, what action steps are you going to take so that you're in the weight room more or you're running every day or whatever you you know, or dribbling or Practicing your moves, whatever you have to do Are you taking action? to do that and I feel like if you slow down and like write it out and you can problem-solve and get curious and then come up with an action plan and But also be compassionate with yourself, you know, if you have really gone through something tough or you really really are upset about You know, maybe you made a mistake in the winning championship game to write about it and and Love yourself and and show compassion for yourself, too You can write that down and say, you know, I tried my best and I've been practicing It's just and those kinds of things, too. So there's just so many benefits. I Feel like I'm totally rambling. There's just so many some You what you've just said so much good stuff Jenny that I mean that intentional aspect of it The reason I kind of like when you're talking about that big grin comes over my face because that's just something that we harp on on Tybo is Being intentional and the idea of like like you're saying slowing down and then you're writing your priorities of like, okay My my kids are really important to me in that relationship Well, you're writing those things down it changes the way you live now because You've you've kind of made that contract with yourself in a way you're writing and so it's like I'm gonna put the phone down Okay, I'm gonna be present and then when it's time to work I'm gonna work go to be all in but that I'm not gonna bring that home with me I love that and I have just seen it in my own life And so to hear you saying it and just wording it beautifully is like man This is this is becoming one of my favorite episodes. It's great. Oh, yeah My head my brain's just everywhere And so this slowing down and being very intentional with my time has been a big focus for me over the last few years, too and What are my like top three goals? What am I doing to get there? I just think anytime you have goals like that. It's good to write them down and break them down and chunk them but then When like say it's time for me to work on my book and I need to write I need to turn everything off I need to say like this hour of time This is all I'm doing because I'm one of those people who go like clean something or go get a drink or I have to cook this or I Whatever it is. I just when I tell my brain like this is what you're doing during this time or Between 7 and 8 in the morning, that's family time. We're just getting ready for school. We're having breakfast. We're connecting Really helps me be more intentional, but I think if I wasn't Sitting in in writing first and reflecting and I'd still be all over the place with life Yeah Yeah, I like how you're pointing out like how much it fills you up In kind of grounds you kind of connects you like with your priorities the things that are important to you and then from there Then you can give you can be it because life like as you mentioned, it's crazy you've got responsibilities everybody has to work and provide and and We have certain things that you just can't you can't sit and meditate from come up to sundown and and that's really not life. You got to use it as a tool and That's what it is it's a great tool to get your mind your mind into a place where it's you're dialed in on the things that really matter and You can kind of Filter these negative. There are these unhelpful thoughts. I think that's how you said it was thought that just aren't they're not really serving me well Yeah, when you were talking about going to this therapy session the guys like God, you know this worst-case scenario. I remember I've also done some therapy work and and we went through this chart where they give you like these things that you do and mind reading was one of the biggest ones and Like I'm like I would have conversations with people and it's funny because I've had this conversation maybe like five times this week It's just funny how things were like similarities but Have a conversation with someone and then walk away and I would like overanalyze something I said and then like I would start to like read there, you know, like project what this person is now thinking about me and and like how it like and like as I've gotten older when that comes up because it's still it's a it's a Survival instinct that I still have but now through this practice of however many years like I could pause that. Okay, right I don't know what they're thinking and did I go into that conversation to be? You know to be kind to be a good friend to try to connect to love them. Well, yes That was my heart in that. Okay, so hopefully they'll give me some grace if I said something that was a little wacky You know, I mean that's just like that's a tool that I'm like, I'm constantly using on myself, you know, Andrew You're talking about like we talk about this mindset stuff all the time And it's not because any of us have really mastered it I think it's like the more we use it like gosh the more I use this tool the more I recognize that I need it And how much it helps me and like how much room for growth there really is Yeah It's all good all good stuff we really And I don't think that there's enough Emphasis put on that and I don't I do think too. I wish that in sports That's more with like more was emphasized on mindset and and I know like kids are there to learn skills and you know, then compete but I I Think that there's this whole like missing piece and in the sports world not maybe when you get you know up to the higher levels obviously, but like even for younger kids and you know, how do you feel when you just sit the bench and what do you do about it and How do you get better and and be resilient instead of I'm just not going to do this for anymore you know, I feel like Younger ages they don't know how to handle that and then they think well, I'm not good and really, they're in grade school and You don't even know what their potential is at that point I don't feel like I feel like there's still a lot of development that can happen in middle school in high school and even beyond that but I do wish that Mindset was like talked about more or How to handle those situations and how to be a good sport and Those kinds of things too, I think is important and I think that yeah, and I think that a lot a lot of this starts when we're young where we have stories about ourselves because we're trying to make sense of the world and We create these stories and if we don't have an adult or if we're not comfortable talking about it with an adult look I'm lucky my kids will talk to me, but you know, they'll start these stories Well, I'm not I'm not this or I'm that and it's like really let's let's get curious about that Is that really true and what's your evidence there or what? Could you change? This story like you write your own story of your own life and so I feel like if we took owner more ownership and how we talked about ourselves and the stories we tell ourselves and about ourselves, I just feel like so many more people would have a much better and Just be have a better mindset going into anything in life really but you know, I think a lot of these stories are created when we're we're younger and we need to try to help kids Take ownership and be like, well, who do you want to be? Do you want to be this, you know? yeah, instead of dwelling on the negative or This coach or this teacher this my dad got mad or mom or whoever, you know, so I must be Not enough in this situation, but so I think that's really important Also, I was wondering have you two ever studied or read He just named Todd Herman and he wrote the book alter ego familiar with him I Think that's really important to you know to change it like it like we have all these these stories and things locked in our subconscious in our brain and I am fascinated with his work and not only with athletes, but also just to use in life and using the alter ego and creating that and I've had my son do some writing about that with oh, you're wrestling. Mm-hmm and creating an alter ego and That that really helps him because you know when you if the listeners aren't familiar I'm Todd Herman works with with Kobe right and Created he created the black black mamba and Helped him create that and so when Kobe would walk on to the basketball court as soon as he walked onto the court He was not Himself. He was the black mamba and all those other worries or thoughts about yourself or things You know past situations or things back in your subconscious that we don't even know are playing in our minds That's a whole nother podcast episode, but anyway, but just like stepping on and being this whole different persona and I'm so fascinated with that because it really does work if you if you do write about it and take this on it really is helpful and like crushing some of those limiting beliefs about yourself or Anything that maybe a coach or somebody said to you Ten years before that, you know, it's still bothering you but that is really interesting Researching and things for people to do use with mindset. I feel like your listeners might be interested in his work and creating an alter ego when they or whenever you do something scary, you know, like if I Knew I had to go speak on a stage or something. I might create an alter ego so just to build the confidence and So, I love the crushing limiting beliefs because they they do they just even when you're not even aware of them they're there yeah Yeah, but it does a lot if you journal often they tend to come out and then you can Yeah, then you can take some action on those To love it. Yeah, I really appreciate it. I think this is going to be fantastic for a number of reasons but thank you for doing this and we'll link everything in the show notes and how to get all of you and I Hope it was helpful to them and if they have any questions or want to reach out. I'd love to hear from them Thanks for having me on