Audition

Gregory has a strong obsession with cake and can't resist it, whether it's a fancy wedding cake or a squished cupcake. He dreams about swimming in cake and sometimes sneaks it for breakfast. Gregory once face-planted into a cake at a birthday party because he couldn't resist the cream cheese frosting. He even got locked in a bakery overnight and considers it the best 12 hours of his life. However, he also loves donuts, which makes him feel like he's cheating on cake. He can't resist a fresh maple bar. Gregory had never made a cake he didn't want to immediately shove in his face. Huh? Oh my gosh! Is that chocolate cake? That's pretty much how Gregory reacts every time he sees cake. It doesn't matter what kind. It could be the fanciest wedding cake or a squished cupcake from the gas station. Gregory wants it. Sometimes, I dream about swimming in cake. Like, just doing backstroke to a giant chocolate cake. Is that weird? That's probably weird. I don't care. Gregory's friends know better than to let him near the cake at birthday parties until after everyone's sung and the birthday person's blown out the candles. One time, he got too excited and face-planted right into his nephew's batman cake before they even lit the candles. Sorry about that, Tommy. But come on! It was cream cheese frosting! You know I can't resist cream cheese frosting. Sometimes, Gregory sneaks cake for breakfast. He thinks his roommate doesn't know that there's always a trail of crumbs leading from the kitchen to his bedroom. And somehow, he always forgets about the frosting mustache. What? No! These crumbs on my shirt are from, uh, toast. Uh, very colorful toast with sprinkles. Once, Gregory got locked in a bakery overnight. By accident, he claims. Though his friends still wonder what he happened to have his sleeping bag and Netflix downloaded on his phone. Best 12 hours of my life. Sure, I had to pay for all the missing cakes and I'm banned for life, but totally worth it. You know what the best kind of cake is? The one that's right in front of me. Unless it's a carrot cake, then the best cake is the one next to the carrot cake. But Gregory has a dark secret. A confession to make. Something that keeps him up at night. I also love donuts. Like, a lot. Maybe. Maybe even as much as a cake. I know, I know. I feel like I'm cheating on cake every time I walk into a donut shop, but have you seen a fresh maple bar? It's basically a rectangle of pure happiness.