Screen Addictions

Two stay-at-home moms discuss their experiences with their children's screen time. One mom talks about her six-year-old son's withdrawal symptoms from not having screen time, while the other mom discusses her teenager's addiction to Xbox. They both acknowledge that screen time can be a necessary break for parents, but also recognize the negative effects it can have on their children. They discuss strategies for managing screen time and share anecdotes about their own screen time habits. Overall, they highlight the challenges and complexities of navigating screen time in their families. Greetings and welcome to the Mindy Boggles Motherhood special needs edition. My name is Angelina, I'm a stay at home mum and a full time carer. And I'm Anne-Marie, also a stay at home mum and a full time carer. We're coming to you from our little recording studio in the Utility Room, or as the Patsy folk would call it, an orange room. Myself and Anne-Marie met a few years ago in one of the many bog holes we've encountered on this special needs journey. We became instant friends and in a moment of madness we decided to share our mad, ridiculous, windy, boggy and often funny chats with you. So we invite you to come with us on this Mindy Bog Road today. Well, yeah. Hello! Hello darling! Long time no see! Long time no see! I haven't seen you since last year! You have not! You are right! I'm glad I got there! We have not seen each other since last year. And Tarzan was good to us as well. We've new equipment. Oh my god! We might sound a bit more velvety today. We've got two new microphones. Oh no! Aren't we very good for it? So we have completely upgraded for the kids gaming headphones. Nothing wrong with that, they work the treat. And it leads us into very much our children's gaming headphones. Oh no, they're the fastest people! There was a lot of screen time in our house over the Christmas. You know, kind of just for peace and quiet. And I suppose, just to get a break I'm kind of going, oh why don't you just pop up to your room and put on whatever. But what I have found with the boss baby, who's six, he had no screen time at all yesterday. And I purposely did that because I felt he was like a little junkie, going around the house nearly shaking because he didn't have the Wii or he didn't have the DS or he didn't get onto the iPad. Like serious withdrawal symptoms. And I felt he needed 24 hours before sending him into school this morning because I couldn't send him into the teachers like that. I don't know if you've experienced this or not but Oh my god! She's on about the six year old. But I'm the teenager! That's a different kind of withdrawal symptoms there. Who has serious withdrawal symptoms from the god damn Xbox. It is phenomenal. So, the Xbox was taken last Thursday and put on a shelf. Well it was that, or put his head through it. So I chose the non-violent option. Unbelievable. At least he didn't put it out in the street and drive over and hit a car or something like that. Because I know a friend of mine did try to do that. Well I actually know that I think her husband actually tried to run over the tractor. I do remember having that conversation with her. That's a brilliant threat. It's violence without intrusion. Put it out on the street. Drive the car. The only issue with it is You probably would reverse over it though, wouldn't you? Me? Yeah, probably in a moment of madness. But if you can climb it up in between the two tyres, so it looks like you actually happened. And the thing is, as soon as you reverse over that Xbox, that Playstation that Nintendo DS, whatever it should be, then your life becomes hell. Oh my god, there is. Yeah, you'll have a few weeks of it until, you know, there isn't even a replacement. It's not like you can put them on the methadone, is that what they use for heroin addicts? Just to get them to come down gently. But not only that, come on. Why do you think I encourage mine to go onto these machines in the first place? To get a break. Yeah! To get a break. That's okay. Of course it's okay, but it's so they're not constantly around you. Because what I find with the Boss Baby at the moment is like a million questions. He seems to be asking me a lot of maths questions. You know, 9 o'clock in the morning. My brain hasn't woken up yet. I can't do the maths yet. I don't want to do the maths. I'm not a teacher. I think he's trying to catch me out. I feel that's what he's doing to me. Honestly, I really feel that's what he's trying to do to me. He's trying to see how smart I am. Lovely. Don't you just love when our kids test us to see how good we are. There was a lot of maths questions over the Christmas. So as a result, I was like I'm really buying a calculator. Well, I have a calculator. I have a couple of calculators. I found myself going to the whiteboard on the side of the fridge for writing notes. I do the maths on that and then answer them. These really complicated ones. Yeah, I did find it kind of going Oh, let's just put it on the wee for you. And then of course he's going on and on and then when it's nearly night time you try to get him off. It's like trying to get... He's trying to take the syringe off. Yeah, it's actually trying to take it out of his arm. Yeah, I know. I have two of them here. We were in a family member's house and he was really agitated and really cross and one of the grandparents kind of said Oh, what's wrong with him? He's had some withdrawal symptoms because he's had so much screen time over the Christmas. I haven't noticed it with the other two, obviously because my other two kids are in their teens and one of them is already an adult at this stage. I think they're a bit more aware of their time on screen, but the smaller lads Yeah, I'm kind of going. I made a conscious decision yesterday to say Okay, no, no screens today because he needed the 24 hours. Realistically, he needed 48 hours to come off it before getting him up from school this morning. The first thing he said to me when he woke up this morning Can I have the DS from home from school? What keeps me going all day? It'll make me It'll make me have a happy day. Or a good day. And I'm kind of going, I'm looking at all the things that Fancy bought him for Christmas and I think he got a lot of Lego and stuff like that and he really likes it, but getting him to sit and actually do it. I have to give him the 24 hours without Yeah, but what, and I know you're all six year olds. I have a teenager like that. And, you know, I have the almost ten year olds like that. And guess what? When we look at ourselves So I was in my friend's house. I'm a sleepover I get to go on a sleepover at the weekend. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. And every time she left the room I picked up my phone. I don't know what I was looking at. I don't know what I wanted to do. And I don't know what my expectation was. But we're all, it's a habit. It's like biting your nails or whatever. No, but like I mean, it's a habit. I mean, I consciously would try not to, but then you find I'm looking across at himself him indoors, and he's constantly out of form. And I think what we do is we look at everybody else. We look at the hubby. We look at the kids. And we go, they're on the phone. We sit in a restaurant and we go, look at those, that couple. They're on their phones. They're not talking. And the thing we don't do is we don't look at our phone behaviours with the phones. Yesterday it was very obvious for me because my friend would leave the room maybe for 30 seconds. And actually what happened was that she was back in so fast that I only got I didn't get time off to go. And I was bloody pissed off. I said, no, I want to look. What? Social media. Yeah. And I think that's when I became aware of it was she wasn't gone long enough out of the room for me to get my fix. Yeah, that's exactly it. But it's interesting how it affects smaller kids. I know you're saying you're a teenager. It affects us all the same way. I mean, I think as adults we're a bit more aware. No we're not. I mean, I purposely Hang on now people. I'm going to shine her second halo. Okay, shine my halo. Make it shine there. I found that over Christmas instead of having the phone on the table turned down I would leave it in my bag or leave it in my pocket. I just felt it was rude of me if I was in company to have the phone beside me. I have the phone beside me here, turned upside down. Sorry Angelina. That would be me. But I'm just amazed how the six-year-olds and I mean, nearly shaking yesterday because and really whiny and cringy and agitated because he didn't have his screen time. I have actively managed without screens. Okay, so my team has the playroom to themselves. Nobody else is having it okay. No. So I had a procedure done last week and I was sedated for about 15 minutes. By Jesus did I make sedation. The rules or the advice is you can't drive a car. You can't operate heavy machinery. You don't sign legal documents. I went, well then, if I can't do all of that, I cannot cook, I cannot clean and I surely for today cannot mind children. So I commandeered the TV in the playroom. That went down like a lead balloon. Ton of bricks. So I went to my addictive state. I watched a full miniseries on Netflix. Eight episodes in one day. It was heaven. It was bloody heaven. And then the team arrives in at some stage of the evening. This is my room and my television. And I went, I want to play the X-box. Smiled sweetly at him and went, oh, I'm so tired after sedation. I'm not able to get off the couch. And he goes, well, I'm going for a run and then I'm having a shower. Will I get the X-box then? I just shrug my shoulders. My answer is, we'll see. That's what I found I'm saying a lot of over the Christmas. We'll see. Or in 20 minutes. Oh, I need a 20 minute timer. Well, he comes back to me after he's run in a shower on the next episode. I think it was the second last episode. And I'm addicted too at this stage. And he goes, there's 40 minutes left in that. And I says, yeah, and I'm watching 40 minutes. So he didn't tell him there was another episode after that? No, not at that moment. And he goes, oh, piss off. Oh my God. Slam the door and storms off. You've definitely lost a few privileges here. So he came back to me a while later whilst I was on the last episode. You just do not want to be disturbed when you're at the climax of the program and it's really, really good. It's the last one where everything comes together. Exactly. So in he comes. I'm sorry, Mammy. My little heart soars. It's filled with joy. I'm like, I have such a beautiful child. Oh, I'm such a good mother. Oh, pat on the back. I'm so wet. And he goes, can I have Xbox now? And I went, no, I'm watching the last episode. Oh, fuck you. And he's gone. Mr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. And he was gone. He told me to go fuck myself. He slammed the door and I was like, that's an apology. No, no, no. So the Xbox got disconnected. Oh my God. And it now, no, until the weekend. Until I left for my sleepover. And it was returned from the kitchen shelf. It wasn't your problem then. It was my problem when I was away. And I made sure that I stayed away long enough yesterday that it wasn't my problem yesterday either. So, yeah, they're all addicted. We are all addicted. Well, this is it. And I probably think as well, you know, it's a new age problem. Screams. But, I mean, we have to get to the cause. You know, life is moving forward. Anyways, you know. We have to accept it, aren't we? Because we need fucking peace. Peace and tranquillity. We need it. You know, dare I say, noise-cancelling headphones, that's what I always say. I have two pairs. I mean, I wouldn't have been able to manage my kids if I didn't have them now. Because it's the age or something. And then they're like a demented person with the headphones on, looking at them, and I'm like, I can't hear you. That's okay. I know you're there, you're okay, you're safe. You're fine. But I can't hear your voice. And that suits me perfectly. Because I can just smile at you and go, that's okay, it's fine. So the moral of the story is, the best thing you can do today or tomorrow, definitely by the end of this week, is go out and buy a pair of noise-cancelling headphones. Definitely. Amazon. I mean, I was amazed just yesterday. I think the family members were like, oh my God, Amazon. Yeah, there you go. This is the effect of too much screen time. Sitting on the couch and he's shaking like a dog in the cold. Now he was a little bit calmer yesterday evening than this morning. But still, it's in the back of his house. And I agree with you because when we took the Xbox, suddenly he was interested in talking to us. We happened to see him in months. He hasn't come out of the playroom in months. I was playing a game of cards with the younger lad, and he came out and he joined us. He's interacting more with Missy Moo. And I actually said to myself, oh my God, here is my lovely child back. When you're not obsessed with getting up in the morning and eats breakfast in front of the screen, doesn't want to come out for food, would nearly starve because he must be playing on Xbox. We went places and he's like, what time are we back? What time are we going to be back? What's going on? I need to be on the Xbox. I need to be on Fortnite. I'm like, yeah, really? Do I? And then he uses the emotional stuff and the stuff that gets us. I want to talk to my friends. I'm one season on Christmas and this is my only way to talk to them. Yeah, and my attitude is as well, you know, when I was your age, I got on the bike and I cycled to my friends and I saw them in person. If you were lucky enough to have a bike, sometimes you may have to walk. Well, if I had a bike. What's best is take it from them and give them the screens at the weekend or limit their time during the week. Like, you know, I know some parents, it'll be like, well, they're allowed half an hour screen time a day. And great, if you can police that, brilliant. Good on you. I personally can't do that. I just can't. Sometimes I need my child to wait. I need them safe in his room on something that he can pay attention there for, dare I say, an hour. Half an hour isn't enough. I'm going to be coming down from my hide after 30 minutes and I'm like, you're only getting comfortable. 25 minutes and then the timer has gone off. It's a vicious circle. You're taking the screens off them. They're coming off. You're dealing with that for three or four hours and you just end up giving up and handing them back the screen. I think the balance is so, you know, I laugh because I really learned the hard way when I was like, okay, the punishment, or you know when you change it, or when you try to be a good parent, it's the consequences. There's consequences to your actions. But the thing is, if you take the screens off them, you may be punishing them. But fuck's sake, let's be honest, you're punishing yourself. So then everybody's in a crappy mood. But I think the balance, yes, but I think the balance is our piece of mind comes first. Well, this is the thing, you know, I don't have to use the screen. But you're not gone first before you deal with anybody else. So if that means they play Fortnite for an hour, that's a bit crazy. Sometimes we just have to choose the evil over for the good of the family. And we have to tick our boxes as well. Now I would love to encourage my team to go and meet his friends in person. I would love my team to find that really, really difficult. But that's not how they socialise. I had that issue with my older dad when he was in these earlier teams where I was kind of going, oh my god, he spends so much time on the screens or on the Playstation at this stage and kind of worrying, okay, he's not getting out and not talking. And there I said, it was actually an OT that, you know who I'm talking about, that actually said to me... Actually said to me, that's how they communicate. As long as he's on the Xbox and he's talking to somebody on the other side, that's the way they communicate. It's not like they're back in our day where you got on the bike and you cycled to your friend's house and you stayed there for three or four hours. It wasn't even a landmark. It wasn't the case that your mother could ring the house and say, send that child home. You had to wait until it was nearly getting dark or if you lived in the city, the street lights would come on and then head home. That's the way they communicate. I think our generation, we kind of find that very difficult. I know the generation before us, the baby boomers is what we would call them, they were like, oh my god, that's completely alien. And you're kind of going to them, no, that's the way they communicate. They're not just being complete weirdos. Yeah, and I think sometimes you're right, we forget that. Society moves on, life moves on, the way we interact changes. Say five, ten years time, it would be completely different. That can mean you know, god knows what's down the road for us with the way technology and stuff is going. We might be talking to anybody anymore and they might as well be sending little robots to people's houses with their pictures of their faces and their voices coming out at the end. I mean, even with that progress, that's the way things are. It is true. Yeah. They have to move with it. But at our age it's sort of just me and space, I'm getting slower and slower. The back aches, oh my god, the knees, my legs. Yeah, it is. But it's when it's happening in front of grandparents and they go, oh my god, why are they like this? And you're going, oh no, no, that's their generation. Yeah. And I think it's important for us to remember that too. You are right. And the teen is always on to friends. Can be very loud and boisterous when he's on to a friend. And sometimes the language is quite choice and it's like, ooh. And I actually said to him over the holidays, I said to him, I said, if you were face to face with your friend, would you say that? Or would you excrete a natural sex the way you are? No, no, mummy, I wouldn't. I think sometimes, I suppose we all get caught up. They get caught up in the games they're playing or whatever. And they do face stuff that they would not say in person. I think it's like a tightrope. It's finding the balance between where they're speaking to people one to one and with the game. I think it's all a balance. And you know what? Some days, you're in a low mood yourself, and you know what? The Xbox is the safest thing or the device. It's the safest thing that your child can be on because you know you're just in a shit mood. And then there's other days where, you know, it's a little bit of negotiation. Where you want to be in the good period of the moment and you don't want them on it all the time. And you're trying to take them off it and then it works. Well, what I find is once I take them off it, then I have to find a way to entertain them. Because it takes them a little time to come down off it. And it takes them a little while to start being creative and using their imaginations themselves. So there's that bridge where if you're coming off it and you're telling them to come off it, well then you have to bridge it with an activity or spending time with them or doing something with them. And then after that, they can head off on their own. You can't just go cold turkey. No, you can't. It is like, say, a drug addict. You can't just take the drugs off them and just say, right, no, you're not getting that anymore. Off you go. That's true. You have to bridge it. You have to have a plan. But some days you are. You get back to them and it's like, okay, that's it. It's gone. You're making a raft for your own back and you're going, oh my God, what have I done? But you cannot go back. You cannot go back up the road, dare I say. Well, if you do, then the behaviour can escalate. And what I find is they just don't. Idle threats. And I think they're smart. They know. And always be careful if you're going to make a threat, be prepared to follow through. So be careful on what threat you make. Don't make it so hard on yourself. That's the advice today. Don't make it hard on yourself. Go for the easy option. The path of least resistance. Go for the dark road. It's easier. There's less traffic on it. Stay out of the bloody potholes. And on that note, that's all for us for now. If you like what you're hearing, hit follow and like the like button. And share with your friends who you think might get enjoyment out of our random buggy road chat. That's it for now. See you soon.