episode 15 season 2-triggers

What it do people, welcome to word of mouth podcast with Nate and Shelby. We are back in the building What it do? You sure? Good. How are you Nate? I'm just peachy. Oh Yes, I heard you say it's I'm just peachy so like is that a southern California so I don't think so. Oh, but you know George is all about the peaches Snacks, that's what I thought. It'd be peachy. Yeah, I like peaches. Yeah, peachy. Okay. Hey, man Alright, um, yeah, let's get started today. Listen, I feel like um, we are going to tackle some really Important issues today. So we always say this is juicy and stuff like that But I think this one may hit home to where to challenge you to want to talk about Maybe some hard issues with family members with friends loved ones God Absolutely Yourself take some reflection time. Yes And just deal with some real hard situations. We live in a world where We have to understand that life As we know it we have to enjoy it because we really not 100% sure what's gonna happen tomorrow. So I think it's important not to continue to Drag stuff into your today. I think it's important. Don't drag your past into your future Here said been done. Yeah, so that's why we're gonna talk about it and that big word That we Discussed Word is triggers Triggers we're gonna talk about triggers today. Um, and I'm gonna start off with Shelby. Of course the definition I'd asked her to look up the definition. Would you care to read that again? Just stress typically as a result of arousing feelings or memories associated with a particular traumatic experience arousing feelings or memories or memories that can produce Something or cause a reaction Due to how you were affected. Hmm. That's a trigger due to trauma due to trauma That's a major trigger, so yeah, let's talk about that Shelby, how are you? Hey, um You have triggers You always ask me these general broad questions, of course, I'm gonna say yes Yes, I do. Yes. I'm quite sure we all do. How do you how do you deal with? With Triggers that just come about like they come out the blue. How do you deal with it? well, like we were talking off mic in my later life I have Yes, I have Kind of every time I well not every time when I'm aware of them, which I'm not always aware of them Sometimes I just react but when I'm aware of them now instead of or when I'm in the midst of reacting Now I'll stop and say okay God, what's this about? Like why am I doing this? What what is there in my past that makes me do this? Why do I react this way? Wow, I Think that's the conclusion, right? For her to say that she want to know the why when the trigger happens a Lot of us don't want to know the why or haven't got to that level yet. Oh I'm 50 and it's only in the last few years Taking a while to get here. Got you. Yeah, don't put the pressure on yourself. It's okay. Oh, okay. You'll get there I'm good. Yes. Thank you. She said it to everyone. Don't put the pressure on yourself. You'll get there. Keep living But also keep living with a Assurance that you can get past this A blessing assurance. Yes that she can get past this triggers I've dealt with him as well. I've dealt with Past traumatic stuff and once I see something that's familiar Yeah, it does trigger Mm-hmm and it triggers me to the point where I I Haven't got to your level yet, but I sit and think about it. My first response is to always remain silent That way you do that. I'm not sure I do that in their presence whether it's a person Whether it's a situation that I have to deal with I remain silent because that's the only way I can assess the situation Especially with people like Yeah with yourself like if somebody caused you to think about something that happened to you in your past Your first reaction can be physical. I Mean because you you've told me you a throat punch somebody for real Shelby has said that I Haven't done it yet, though. So, you know, there's just a lot of I Want you to do it However, I understand how people when they aren't triggered especially And I don't want to put major emphasis on it because triggers are just triggers but in relationship Yeah that can cause you to do a number of things act out physically act out emotionally Act out spiritually. I mean for me it was a shutdown. I was gonna say or shut down all together. Yes Withdrawal. Yes. Yes. Yes, because it's something that it was traumatic No, you get a person to want to disrespect you Physically to talk to you demean you Put you down Yeah that that causes you to react Yeah, and some people's first reaction is to either hide and run Fight back So, I guess that's what that's what we want to deal with today like how do we overcome the effects of triggers And I think you've already said it being able to acknowledge that it is a trigger To acknowledge it first, right? How did you get to that point? Please help all of us God. I have no idea Shelby you gotta help us all because I'm trying to get there. Well, I would I would say that after my divorce and everything I I had time to Contemplate a whole bunch of stuff. Okay, and I've been divorced. It'll be three years this year and That's Been enough time I think to kind of process things and you know, you're you're processing throughout it anyways before it happens, but I would agree with the theory that Women check out about two years prior And It's then it's probably inevitable that you're gonna wind up getting divorced. But anyways, so I Think that just yeah, just the reflection and the contemplating and and having time to be able to do that So not just time alone. You actually need time with some other things Yeah, I didn't jump from the frying pan into the fire I didn't get right back into a relationship because I didn't first of all want to after being together with someone for so long and Secondly, I just I'm not really that kind of person. Okay? And I I do like to be introspective about things and try and Determine why I am the way I am so that's just me a lot of people aren't like that, but Well, I mean that it's a start. It's a start for some of us that haven't got to the place of assessment Especially when it's a trigger The first reaction for a lot of us is that reaction it's gonna be first My reaction has Helped me But it also hindered me to it pushed me to a in your words island And I did say If you listen to the last podcast That I am getting off the island however triggers can cause a swim back real quick Yeah, but that's when you got to just stop and not allow them to Because you're you're determined that trigger is being determined on your past Person. Yes, and not on the future person and it's not fair to that future person to put that weight on them when they haven't done Anything. I 100% agree. I agree. I agree That's why it's important. I'm guessing taking these steps now first this time. I guess number two would be assessing assessing what has happened the traumatic thing like do I have to replay that and See what was the effects of it Through the time that I'm spending and why you reacted the way you did the first time because that reaction keeps coming every time after But sometimes you don't know what triggered it like you can't you know, like you and I were just talking. I Don't really Understand why I have one of the triggers I do but it's there so, you know, like we were talking I don't know if I've blocked something out. I don't know if there's Something deeper that I just haven't been able to dig up yet because What's causing the trigger makes no sense in my in my life. That's that's something that we can definitely put or Insert right there What if we don't remember? I watched enough law in order To from a criminal standpoint or just from a Legal standpoint that sometimes when it's very traumatic There's a block out, right? and I Personally think and I was sharing this with Shelby earlier. Sometimes the blockout is to protect you I believe that But What happens when the blockout Makes you naive to something that can happen to you again Well, you you obviously have a trigger from it because like I'm speaking on myself there's a trigger there And I don't know that I'm ever gonna find the real root of it But I still have to deal with why I react the way I do Me let me ask a question right there So, you know that there's a trigger in that particular area, whatever it is because you are affected by it So, what do you do at that moment? Do you say hey, what's this? Yeah, that's what I do And and mine has to get goes back to abandonment. I don't like you know, you and I were just talking I don't recall ever being abandoned as a child. I don't recall ever being abandoned in my relationship Now maybe emotionally and every other way he Abandoned but he was physically there. That's it. Um but so I it's I Know what has to do with that because that's what causes my reaction But it doesn't make sense to me why I react to that particular issue But I know what has to do with that so then I sit there and I go like I just said what why am I Reacting that way because I don't recall ever having anything Hmm that you know scarred me from especially that particular issue. Yeah What if it's a trigger that was I Mean, it's wrapped up like abandonment But it was something else. Yeah, that's something God would have to reveal because I'm not gonna be able to figure it out in my own Brain, boom. Thank you for saying that it's something that we would have here. It would have to reveal it Yes, we would have to ask the Holy Spirit. Hey, I need your help on this one. I need your guidance a lot of triggers are not solved by drinking Not solved by smoking I mean You can mask it you can Definitely suppress it if you don't really get to the root of it, how would you know? Yeah, you've got it everything every I think emotional Issue deals with some kind of root. There's a root And to counteract that reaction we have to find the root And we were sharing this as well before we got on air If we never deal with the trigger Can that hurt not only us? But potentially other people whether it's a new relationship a new marriage your children shot. Yeah Because if you had something traumatic to happen to the oldest the youngest can be affected and they're looking at you like I Had nothing to do with me and even if you're injured in your own life You can project that injury into your children's lives or definitely into your future Person's life. Mm-hmm. That's real good but I think that's a lot of what shapes our kids is that What we experienced we try and you know navigate them around those things so they don't have to have that same experience And it definitely shapes them. There's no question You know, you have those lightbulb I think that one so the way you just said that I look at my childhood and I've been so adamant not to have my children because it's a trigger not to have my children go through what I went through My childhood so I tried to protect them from that So I did everything I could so they don't experience right what I went through right? Wow But they're gonna go through their own. They are that's what life does and So they're going to navigate their children around their own shit And not around your gym necessarily I Mean you know, we can't protect our kids from everything. We can't it's all possible. So true. So true and What about even dealing with those issues that did affect you as a kid? Even even if your children are older One way or another you're gonna have to deal with it Yeah Why not now I mean why not be able to I think a lot of people think you can just live life and just keep Going and that's not gonna catch up to you I think they think they can outrun it and some people can to a certain extent Pick me cuz I thought I could But I can outrun it I'm gonna keep running until I can't run no more, right and once they catch up to you You're faced with it smack in your face and you can't get away from it. You cannot Big old concrete wall. Yes. Yes Yes, I was one of those people in which you speak spoke about However, I am understanding Probably more so in this conversation that I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not gonna allow it to continue to affect me Good it Whatever the traumatic thing was it don't have to live with me today It happened and I might not never forget it But I don't have to drag it into my today No, and that takes conscious effort. Mm-hmm It really does even when you're aware you're aware of it or when the enemy send those small things to me I think you remember Where it was? You gotta squash it Immediately. Thank you for saying that earlier because I think you started off with the question and the answer Take time Assess the situation assess everything about it and then deal with it right then before it goes into your tomorrow Yeah before it bleeds out into everything else But it literally is like it it's a constant effort until you get over it Wow, like you have to keep stopping yourself or I have to keep stopping myself when I start feeling that reaction And and I have to think wait a second. What? Why am I doing this? Um Thank you. Holy Spirit. This is amazing. Holy Spirit is downloading right? So check this out. I am I teach people how to shoot I teach people how to use weapons and being a Officer that takes new people that have never shot a Gun before To train them how to shoot you have to be very patient Yeah, but also be mindful of What could potentially happen the dangers the dangers thank you for saying that so here's the kicker What I just got downloaded was I was teaching a lady How to shoot and the first thing I told her do not put your finger on the trigger What I'm hearing in that is we have to be careful not to trigger ourselves the trick Because if we trigger ourselves While we keep blaming the enemy we're doing it. It's us right? It's not anybody else. We're So what we are triggering ourselves Absolutely, we're so in fear of being hurt We're so in fear of being affected in the way that we was ten years ago five years ago Whatever that we're literally just pulling We're pulling it Never never even thought of the concept of that because the first thing Any trainer would do was saying hey when you pick up that firearm don't touch the trigger yet What's the first thing we do when we get in relationship? Can't deal with that and I can't deal with this and there's a red flag there, and I'm Pulling that trigger like we got a whole three thousand clips We are well armed yes So thank you again for mentioning that in the beginning let's take time to realize how powerful This weapon for the weapons of our warfare, they're not carnal, but they're mighty through God That's let's realize that this weapon that we have We really we don't have to pull the trigger Immediately we can assess The situation what you would do if you were in a shooting situation I Teach three yards five yards seven and ten and you have to assess where it is And if you're looking at the target you can't put a trigger before you look at which is unit Yeah, we put on the trigger too quick, and we're not even giving ourselves a chance to even The other thing is that triggers are no one's responsibility, but yours You cannot go off on someone else for triggering you Because we sure is only we you don't even handle our own triggers Let alone walk around this earth and think that we can handle everybody else's too and know which ones are gonna set you off That's not my responsibility my triggers are my own responsibility, and I really hate that word That used to just be that your reaction instead of a trigger. It was just your reactions are But but now we call it a trigger. Yeah, it's a buzzword, but yeah, anyways. It's no one's responsibility, but you what? As you say that how would the other person know how would the other job know if you were if you were let go from a job Due to whatever may have you and you're looking at this new job in the same way that you you know left the old one How would they even know they're looking at you like what are you talking about right the new relationship is saying, huh? Yeah, I Didn't do anything Right and then if it's a new relationship and that person's going what did I do like what the Hell did I do and then they're sitting over there and their little island Wondering what the hell they did Because you reacted from where you were on your island For me it's hit home personally because I know that feeling I know that feeling I've triggered my own self so many times And so I would look at either whether whether it was another person I can even talk about just assignments that I've had In the profession that I'm in I've assessed the other Situation and I've made this new situation the same thing So I've already recreated it in my trip. I'm my finger is on the trigger Oh Ready to shoot I'm to a hair trigger I mean come on now the worst time the hair trigger like you can barely touch it You're waiting for something to jump off. You're waiting to to be Cheated on you're waiting. That's the thing though I think in that instance if you're on a hair trigger, you're going into it way too fresh That wound is way too fresh and you shouldn't even be Putting that on someone else. Yes, ma'am Like you got to let that thing heal a little bit at least it goes back to you said it earlier you took time Yeah And you know, I'm not perfect and I ain't gonna be perfect and I have I'm still dealing with stuff But Probably been a much bigger Circus if I had jumped right into something. Yeah, I think it's important to take the time but don't take time and just kind of Island eyes yourself Okay Take time and just you know stay there but actually start doing some work in that time I think it's okay like Islandizing is okay for a little bit as long as you realize you're eventually gonna have to get off that island eventually and you're gonna have To assimilate back into society and be give people a shot. Yes Can't always be there. And sometimes we get on our islands. We stay there for so dang long that we just We're completely shut down. Do you think that's depending on the type of? Traumatic experience that you had I think it can be but I think it can also be because you don't want to heal Whoa, that was good. Oh That's a moment because you don't want to deal with your chip. Hmm It's easier to sit there and be on your island than it is to deal with your chip. All right, whoo She said cuz you don't want to heal It's painful healings painful, it's not easy You're telling me that you would rather be triggered in the same situation that the traumatic event happened over and over again Because you don't want to heal. Oh My god, that's good. Thank you. I think that you're just It is fear thank you for saying it that's it it's fear it's fear of Knowing that you have to do something different people fear change People hate that. Yeah hate change. Absolutely change is difficult. Yes. Yes So when you have to change do you run from it? Do you face it? Made me think of Rafiki. Do you run from it? Do you learn from it? It's in the past it doesn't matter Movie was so powerful. I'm gonna run from it. I'm gonna learn from it preach that movie one day. I promise you. Um So I think that Actually, let's go ahead and talk about that Simba Had a trigger Major trigger it was something so traumatic. I know we're talking about Lion King Lord But it was something so traumatic that happened to him that he said I refuse to deal with that again That's bad, and he took off the island eyes completely akuna How many of us Have done Pick me how many of us have done exactly that? Yeah, I don't want to worry about it I want to think about I'll think about it you want to talk about the war I don't even want it in my periphery don't even exist Yep Until you have to face it Yeah, and I think that a lot of us think that we're never gonna have to face it like I said before we can just Keep running plugging along and it's never gonna pop back up Eventually it will got to add some scripture to that. Thank you. At least but I got to add some scripture to that. Um In the book of Genesis, there's a story of a guy named Joseph Joseph, um, let's treat it kind of weird because his dad favored him in a way and gave him a coat he went through some different things because He was favored So his family treated him like crap siblings were jealous. Yeah, throw him in a pit. Yep, nothing to die. Yep drop next coat with some Goats blood on it Yeah, he finally he gets out Go try to help Potiphar's how to get some money get back on his feet Potiphar's wife's not about a he touched me. Yeah And he get thrown in prison like this is some traumatic stuff that's happening to him He tells someone his um his dream In prison thinking that it'll help that person Ultimately help him Person got out and forgot about him years, I'm This man is constantly hidden traumatic stuff and that he ain't even reached a big one yet. So God began to Put favor back on his life and he ended up getting out of prison But what he had to do was go back and face his family Because that's where it started Actually, they came and faced him but they didn't realize it was him Oh There's that anger Had to deal with it ladies and gentlemen, I Just with that story alone, no matter how far you run away from it. It's don't find a way to pop back up Yeah, I believe and the enemy will use it too and pop it back up Yeah, and make you feel like the scum of the scum of the earth. Absolutely Whoo This is good This is good. Thank you Because I've heard you say so many times and we've talked numerous of times about this That word trigger you hear it all over these social media sites, whether it's tick-tock Facebook Instagram you hear all These different things about triggers, but who actually deal with them we can talk about it Well, and the thing that's aggravating to me about triggers is the younger generations seem to think that the Responsibility of triggers is on everybody else and not on themselves And so now we're trying to cater Life to these kids And I'm sorry, but that ain't how life works No, and it ain't fair and it ain't fun and you gotta get your big bowl of britches. Um, come on and And and do what the rest of us did Get your ass up period and realize that this world don't owe you a damn thing and If you want to get better, you're gonna have to do it yourself Yes, if you want to get away from it, you're gonna have to do it yourself Nobody's gonna do it for you and we don't owe it to you Mm-hmm That's what I think is so aggravating to me about the word trigger as we've turned it into this thing of I'm so helpless and I'm so hurt and I need someone to fix it for me. No get up and do it yourself We all had to get up and do it ourselves So you've been We have made the word trigger In other words, it's an excuse To fail I Taught my children a Particular phrase I will say to them almost every day And they know it to this day. I would ask him. I would basically say to them excuses are answers to failure If you have an excuse you make it up a reason for you either you don't want to do it Or you choose not to do it or it kicked your butt And things kick our butts it does Life kicks our butt sometimes in the words of Shelby put your big boy draws on. Yeah, get up take a step and Then you take the next step and then you take the next step but nobody owes that to you and they can't do the work for you and You're a whole lot better off if you got God in your life Because it's gonna be really really really hard. I can't imagine how difficult it is when you don't And all he wants to do is help you and heal you and fix you and Show you things and teach you and all that and protect you but yeah But anyways, I think that's what aggravates me about that word and I don't even think it's It's a younger generation. I think we all have made that to be an excuse to fail I've made that to be an excuse not to move forward. I'm analyzing and assessing myself They'd stay on this island because you don't want to move forward So use that and keep that just in other words as a trigger so that you don't Have to have to write Change have to deal with it. And it's if you don't like if you don't how would you? I'm Learning more. I'm learning more every day that Life is bigger than what we have made it to be and when we limit ourselves in that We're not giving not only ourselves, but God a chance to do so much more We've limited him into just that one thing and you're not getting the fullness Absolutely of anything It's actually not worth it to God. I mean he said I'll give it to you. You got to do that. I'll give it to you, but we're limiting him because triggers in other words excuses Because we don't want to move forward. We don't want to our big boy britches are yeah, and I'm not discounting trauma at all because there are some very serious traumatic things people face and There are things I can't even wrap my mind around that people have had to go through so I don't want Anyone to be thinking I'm discounting trauma because I'm not But no one can do it for you You have to you have to power through it yourself and We have to have hope like you and I talked about off mic without hope I think we are we're lost I Want to make this clear you said I'm not discounting trauma What I think my opinion only is We're basing the level of trauma upon us moving forward There's a scripture in Luke 1 37 it says there's nothing impossible for God nothing So no matter what you went through You can still move past it and that gives you hope and that's the hope that's where the hope comes from So it really is up to us To have enough hope to say that we can go if we're in Friday that we can make it to Saturday And that we in faith can go to God and trust him. Yes To do his job to do his work in us and heal us I'm not discounting The level of what someone went through either, but I am making God bigger Absolutely. I'm gonna magnify him bigger than the situation Absolutely, because he is yes. Yes, and he can do Whatever you allow him to do, but he can't get you past that but you have to ask him into the situation Yeah, and you have to allow him into the ugliness that you feel inside It is because if you Don't let the light into the darkness. The darkness will consume you. Yeah. Oh my god Wow and the ugliness becomes very dark Yes, ma'am we got a magnifying We got to make them bigger than that thing that happened 10 years ago 20 years ago Five years ago yesterday yesterday. Who knows? Stuff is hard people go through Huh? I think we discussed death Last last episode death is traumatic. Absolutely We don't have to stay there No But you gotta grieve it and you gotta process it and the biggest thing I heard you speak about Was the process of grieving but taking the time goes back to the words. You just said again Taking the time to grieve take the time That's the biggest thing assess it all like face it deal with it, right and and I do think that the two years I've had have been grieving a Marriage that was 25 years in process That's a lot of years. There's a lot that went on in that space 25 years of your life. Yeah, I don't just go away overnight No, so we get the I mean it's levels of traumatic Yes, God is still bigger and I'm gonna keep saying but that he is He's bigger than what God but God He's bigger. He's bigger He's immeasurable. Yes, ma'am I'm actually glad we're talking about this. Thank you. Thank you. There's some people that have Allowed triggers to stop like put a whole stop on your life. I believe it. I've talked to enough people to know that it's It's a true thing, but triggers really boil down to fear At the end of the day that's exactly what it is You are afraid to feel that again, yeah, and you're gonna avoid everything that resembles it at all costs Wow It took me a while to understand. I had heard someone say this a long time ago. I was in church and I heard this preacher say hey, I need y'all to understand this the opposite of love is not hate That's a wait. What? I was taught The opposite of love is fear And it's scripture it's in first John We think that Because we love so hard and we're hurting that love that we begin to hate them So my mom told me she would say all the time. Don't use that word. Hey, that's a powerful word I'm in fear Of being hurt that way again. So I'm gonna use every other word that Manifests to fear right like triggers or hatred or anger or rage? Although still relate back to fear because we are afraid Yes, I so late your favorite Because it all stems back to fear we don't want to be hurt no And no one wants to be hurt there's no question about that cuz hurt hurts it does Yeah, we definitely have to deal with the fear I Think that The steps that I heard you say time assessment and now that we've assessed that it is fear That's the root. That's the root Yeah Now that I know that I'm scared How do I deal with this so we go back to the word and we see in 2nd Timothy God didn't give me this So now I realize this is not even of me This is not even of me cuz he didn't create me with this thing. No, he created me with power Sound mind So now I see that I I'm not I don't have to own it. I don't have to it's not my address Whoo, but it says perfect love cast cast out fear So if we would dwell more in the perfect love The fear would have to be cast out It's not the love that you were in because you may have loved that person you may have loved the job You may have loved whatever that trigger is Yeah, but as you said, we have to go and realize okay, the only thing that's gonna cast out this fear It's perfect love, right? Only thing I'll get rid of this trigger get rid of this rage get rid of this isolation perfect love Absolutely, and God is love Shelby you brought all the way down I didn't you broke it all the way that we've gotten we've gotten so Thank you Holy Spirit Hallelujah Hallelujah So we thank you all again we wanted to touch on this today and If I can There are some of you that have probably dealt with that trigger way too long Yeah, can I actually have hope that you can make it you can get past it And asking and when you feel it stop and just go Whoa, what's that about? Like where's that coming from? What was the actual trigger? What act what word what? Look what whatever? Was the thing that caused that feeling inside me? The thing that caused it like catch it catch it immediately and say hey, yeah Yeah, I want to do that again, yeah, I don't have to own that that ain't for me I Challenge you to do that. We challenge you to do that. I'm doing it and it's hard. I'm just gonna tell you For real and it's very hard Especially when you uh, you let it play over in your mind a little too long. I remember years ago I had In a teaching on how long we allow thoughts to go think any thoughts Yeah, especially those thoughts that bunk thoughts. Yeah Bible gives an account we should cast down every imagination. Sometimes we let thoughts go as long as a movie It's supposed to last the length of a commercial, right? So you got a 15 seconds or 30 seconds, but some of us go as long as a sitcom 30 minutes Some of us go as long as the movie Titanic two hours and 50 minutes And we let that thought just keep looming and looming and runs with us That's what it triggers Yeah And the enemy loves that too It's not scripture, but it's a very true statement an idle mind Is where the playground? Playground where the enemy can sit there and just play and play and play because you're idle So that's um, that's a true statement Definitely true. So again, um, please understand that If you have hope enough to get past it push yourself Don't let it keep you there. Not another day. No, and God will be your hope. Yes Today you say not another day I'm not gonna live like this another day It's time to get up and Chevy's voice put them on the britches on dust yourself off dust Keep moving one step takes one One step man, we appreciate you. We love you. We'll see you soon. Love ya