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Ash, an 18-year-old in the EST time zone, has both bad and good news. The bad news is that they do not like their friend and want to break up immediately. The good news is non-existent. Ash trusted their friend but feels betrayed and thinks they are just like everyone else. They mockingly question if their friend believes in the unrealistic idea of a perfect life with a big house, white picket fence, and a golden retriever. Hi, my name is Ash, I'm 18, and my time zone is EST. Okay. I have bad news, and I have good news. The bad news is... I don't really like you. Actually, I don't like you at all, and I want to break up immediately. The good news is... Um... Well, there is no good news. I trusted you. I trusted you, I trusted you, I trusted you! After everything, I trusted you, I thought you were innocent, I thought you... I thought you were different than everyone else, but you're just another worthless piece of crap that's not worth my time. What are you, six? Mom, do you think you're gonna get the big house with a white picket fence and a golden retriever? Save it, Cyrus. We know that doesn't happen, in reality.