Episode 12 - Fake It Til You Make It?

The speaker discusses the recent Dance Moms reunion episode and focuses on JoJo Siwa's appearance. They praise JoJo for her confidence and compassion, despite feeling like an outsider. They then transition to discussing imposter syndrome and how it affects people's perception of their own achievements. They explore reasons why people struggle with imposter syndrome, such as societal expectations and the fear of standing out. They emphasize the importance of recognizing and celebrating one's accomplishments, as they are concrete and deserving of pride. They conclude by encouraging a change in internal language and self-respect. Hey guys! Welcome back! Happy May! If you guys haven't heard yet, the Dance Moms The Reunion came out on May 1st. I haven't watched the whole entire thing yet, and I know Fiona hasn't. But it's kind of just so awesome to see all the girls who grew up together when they were younger, dancing, competing, to kind of just hear what they have to say about their experience. Yeah, I definitely haven't watched like any of the show at all, but I've seen some clips of the reunion. And I don't know, it's so like, interesting. It's so drama-filled, so I need to find some time to watch it with my sister. So, we wanted to talk about JoJo Siwa today, actually. And her appearance on the show. Yeah, her appearance on the show. Personally, I loved watching her, because when she was younger, she'd always have these super cute outfits with her bow in her hair. And it always made me laugh. You could see how on the show, she kind of talked about how she fell out of place in those solo interviews. And you would see her always having to stick up for herself or her mom. And I applaud her for doing that, because that's hard. For that age, that's hard. So we kind of want to get into how on the reunion episode, she's kind of become this confident and just compassionate person, which is just so amazing to see. And you wouldn't really expect that. Because given the fact that she stands out so much from the other girls, even looking at it, she appeared in like, what was she wearing? She was wearing like a... Like, jorts. Yeah, jorts. Black jorts. All the girls were wearing the same kind of dress. Yeah, like a little tight mini dress. Copy and paste, almost. I just genuinely didn't think she'd fit in with the other girls. And normally what would happen in that situation is that people would kind of like isolate or just like feel kind of like left out or not included, right? And so seeing her do the opposite and see herself confident is something that makes her stand out. And it's something that I don't think I could even replicate. I think a lot of people in that same situation would kind of like cower away. Or just as soon as you realize maybe there's something different about you, you're not worth that space anymore in that room or whatnot. And I think that's something we wanted to talk about today is kind of that feeling which is known as imposter syndrome. So I know we've like touched on school a lot and kind of the pressure to perform well. Because, you know, others around you, they kind of pressure us and encourage us to work harder. And we've talked about jealousy and comparison. But I feel like we haven't talked that much about like the internal battle to kind of keep performing and like do more. So as you said before, imposter syndrome is defined as like this condition of feeling anxious and not experiencing success internally despite kind of being highly performed in external objective ways. Like other people, you're looking like very professional and you're looking really good at what you're doing. Like other people see you as like, wow, but you kind of just don't feel that way. So in other words, it kind of caused people to doubt their abilities. And like a lot of times when I see this, I don't understand why. Like I find it very hard to understand even though I do it to myself too. I know Sophia does to you like everyone does. But like thinking about it more right now, I think it has a lot to do with language. Your language around your abilities and like that kind of internal monologue you have. I think your strongest influence is your own. You're the one who decides what you're going to do every day and what you end up choosing your life, your life path to go. Your influence is the strongest. And I think in many, many times it can be our greatest enemy, like with imposter syndrome. So for some reason, when it comes down to it, we don't want to recognize our own achievements. And I like, why? Why do we choose that? Because you see like other people. You'll even like, honestly, I'd say for myself, I see someone like over, over kind of recognizing themselves. I'm like, oh, wow, they're kind of self-centered. But then there's also that thought of not wanting to do that and kind of being afraid of being. Yeah. And so and so you overcompensate and take away from what you have, which is like why? That's actually like such a good question. And I feel like we kind of like tend to overanalyze these moments when nobody around us is like doing the same, which is something we've talked about before. But like when it comes to our own achievements and skills, you think that's something that nobody can take away from us because it's something that we're doing. And something that you have, like you have skills. But it's kind of like evident as it may be that we want to doubt ourselves and kind of based on the accomplishments of other people. Yeah. And I think I think like I researched it a little bit. And I think there's two big reasons that this happens. And it's because we're kind of hardwired to think this way. It's like human nature to think this way. And we just touched on it a second ago. But first, it's because thinking about ourselves seems selfish or self-centered. And that's what she just said. She's like, oh, if you see someone talking about their achievements too much, you're like, hey, that's too much. You're kind of throwing yourself out there. So I don't want to be like that. Therefore, I'm not going to talk about myself. But then we do too much. We overcompensate. So not only do we forget about ourselves or forget to mention ourselves, but we take it one step further and belittle ourselves or take it away from ourselves and say, hey, no, I'm not that good at this. I'm really not good at it. In reality, that's not true. And the second part is the fact that we as humans like comfort. We like a comfortable space. And I think admitting that you're good at something and that there's a challenge presented to you or able to be presented to you for something is also daunting and scary and nobody wants to do it. So admitting that Sophia is a really good dancer means that she might be moved up a class. But if that's something you don't want to encounter, you're going to be like, hey, well, I don't deserve to be here. So I also feel like something on top of that is like there's that challenge. If you recognize yourself, then you're kind of forcing yourself to be recognized by everyone else and kind of face more difficulties, like you said, and challenges along the way. Because if I say, like, I'm good at this, then there's that kind of expectation, personal expectation. Like, OK, now I have to be perfect at this every single time because everyone else is watching and I said that I'm good at it. So I have to be. Yeah, I actually was about to say that. Like now that I mean, you think about that? I think another part about this and why we try and why imposter syndrome is so prevalent is the fact that if we talk bad about ourselves or if we take it away from ourselves, nobody can do it first. So if I say, hey, no, I'm not good at I'm not good at volleyball, Pan or Sophia can't come to me and say you're bad at volleyball because I said it first. Therefore, I have nothing to prove or I have nothing to say. Or it's like the same way. As soon as I say I'm good at volleyball, I feel like I'm stuck to that label. And it's just so much easier to just think of yourself as nothing. As sad as that sounds, it's so much easier to think you're you're worth nothing to then not expect anything out of that. And I think it's sad, but it's the truth. Yeah. And kind of it's that, again, going back to that feeling comfortable, like we don't want to feel like we're too much and then get overwhelmed. We'd rather just like feel comfortable. And again, like it's that human nature to want to fit in and not be different or an overachiever, you know? Yeah. And again, don't worry. This still happens to us all the time, especially with either volleyball for me or speech and debate. And I'm guessing for Dan, you talked about it. Yeah, obviously, every part of our lives. And while we're trying to become more self-aware of that and talk about it right now, nothing changes unless we change our internal language, because nothing else is going to change. So we have to change the way we approach it. And that changing the language also includes having more self-respect. I mean, here's the bottom line. I firmly believe that if you're in a room, in a situation that you had to work to get there, to get in there, you deserve it. No matter who else is there, some of the accomplishments don't take away from yours. If you earn your spot in a school, in a team for sports or for literally anything, you do a program or whatnot, you're not inferior. You're genuinely not. You're there because you deserve to be there. And I think that's the first thing that needs to sink in. You're not there because you're a special case. You're not there because you're the lucky one who made it on there. You deserve it. It's so important to just remember that, because ultimately you did something to make you stand out. You put in the hard work. It's you. You did something that made someone else recognize you. So that's why it's also so important to kind of feel like give yourself that pat on the back, like I did this. I accomplished something, and be proud of yourself. And obviously it's easier said than done, because again, we have those people in our heads kind of telling us like, oh, don't look self-centered, don't look cocky. But recognizing that, it's so important. Luck will only take you so far. The rest of it is you and was you, and you did it. Nobody can take that away from you. Accomplishments are concrete. It's not some subjective thing. And obviously people talk and people say things, maybe making you doubt those self abilities. But in the end, that's not something that should mentally affect you, because you are there and they're not. So maybe they could be jealous, and it's maybe just something else. But that shouldn't be having you have any form of self-doubt. Also, if someone is bringing an accomplishment to the table that you feel like you don't bring, maybe you're not bringing that. But maybe you're bringing something else to the table that nobody else there has. And I felt that a lot of the time. Like I do speech and debate, and trust me, I don't know a lot of things. I can't do debate, because I'm not quick on the top of my head, but I can do other things. Fiona's saying that, and she's literally so, so good at speech and debate. She's like just one statement or something. But trust me, when it comes to the debate, because speech and debate is a range of things. I'm better at speaking and acting, which isn't speech and debate, weirdly enough. But debating, off the top of my head, I can't do. But I know that I can contribute something else valuable, and I can spread a message through acting and speaking prepared. But when it comes to debating, maybe I'm not the greatest. And that's where I have to understand, maybe I don't bring that to the table. But I bring something else that's valuable. And you don't have to bring everything. You're still playing such an important role. Like speaking, you don't have to be the best at debating, let's say. But you still bring something super valuable. And say you weren't there, then they wouldn't have that piece of value. They want to be able to win that state championship. So I think that self-awareness and being able to take a step back and understand, hey, what are the actual facts here, is so important. Because doubts are subjective. They're not anything you can rely on. Versus facts are something you can count on. The facts of how you got somewhere and who you're with and what you bring to the table are things you can count on. So as soon as you quantify that and understand what's real, what's not, you're going to understand that you deserve the place that you're in. And that's pure evidence. No one can say anything against you because it's evident that you're there. You're the one standing there. And yeah, you know, like the hypothetical person we were talking about at the beginning, like, oh, I'm really good at this and this. You know what? Maybe they are doing the right thing. They are listing their accomplishments. And maybe that's something we actually have to learn from and understand that it's okay not to brag necessarily, but to speak them out. Like, say, hey, I'm good at this. Demonstrate, hey, I am good at this. And that just goes back to the message that we wanted to talk about self-respect. It's not necessarily self-respectness about your body or whatever. It's more about having self-respect in the sense of respecting your abilities. Respect your wristband to do all sorts of things. Respect your capability to try new things and be good at them and be good at all sorts of things. So by belittling those things, you're not respecting your own autonomy and your abilities. And it's just like making you shrink into a smaller person. That's just putting more, like, self-doubt on top of yourself, which isn't something anyone needs. So, like, on top of that, it's also so, so important to kind of stand up for yourself and recognize your own self-worth. Because ultimately, being able to do that is what's going to make you stand out in life, honestly. Like, in those accomplishments into kind of getting a job. It's finding that balance also of kind of determining what's bragging and what's just exposing your accomplishments to other people. Yeah. The more you build it in now that it's okay to acknowledge that you're good at things and that you deserve a spot in the room, you're going to have so much success later in life. And I'm still learning it, but I can still understand, hey, I'm here. I have this grade. I have this spot on a team because I deserve it. And once I realize that, I contribute so much more than shrinking down into nothing. Because nobody here is nothing. You guys all bring something to the table. And you guys are all so important, which is why we want to, like, see you and recognize you for that. And we want to see you go out and do such great things. And we all know that you probably accomplished something so amazing. And so tell that to the world. It's so important to recognize yourself and know that you accomplished that. You did that. Yeah. Tell the world and then also tell yourself. Believe in yourself because everyone, you guys are all amazing. And you all have what it takes. Yeah. I think that's all for today. That's it for today. Thank you for listening. Hopefully we helped you combat that imposter syndrome a little bit better. We hope you kind of take this all into account and remember how much you're worth. Because we appreciate you guys every day for supporting us and know that. And we know how it feels to be underappreciated. Thank you guys for listening. We'll see you next time. Bye.