All About The HearSay Podcast Season 1 Ep. 2 (The Ships)

The hosts discuss their dream travel destinations, including Japan, Bali, Italy, and Amsterdam. They then transition into a discussion about relationships, defining it as a committed partnership where both parties give their all. They also touch on the importance of intimacy. The conversation then shifts to friendships, with the hosts describing it as a bond where they can speak, hang out, and share personal lives with each other. They differentiate friendships from acquaintanceships, which they consider to be more casual relationships. Lastly, they touch on situationships, which they define as being in a grey area between friendship and a committed relationship. Hey guys, it's your boy June to the E. It's your girl Mike. You don't know it's your girl Kira because I'm black today. Alright, and today for our episode we're going to talk about the ships. How many times have we talked about cruise ships together? We ain't. Definitely not. We're not. So we're going to let Kira take it off. Okay, so we're going to do a little icebreaker real quick. So the icebreaker is just going to be if you have to pick any place in the world to visit, where would it be? Japan. Why? Why so fast? That is my dream to go to Japan ever since I was young because the food, the technology and the culture. I'm a big person on anime so that's what I want to do. I always wanted to go to Japan and that is one of my goals in life to actually go to Japan. So it's only Japan like not Tokyo? Tokyo is in Japan. What part of Japan then? Just Japan as a whole like you want to do like a backpack type of situation? No, not a backpack type of situation. I say because I want to go in a group and when I go in a group we're going to decide on which places we want to go. Well if you're going to the go-kart, my real thing, count me in. So where do you want to go? That's kind of hard for me because I have a lot of places that I'd like to go but I'll have to say, I want to go to Bali. Bali? Bali, yes. Okay, cool. I say two. The one would be Italy because they have the castle that has our last name. So I want to experience that and then the second one would have to be hands down Amsterdam. Okay. Oh yeah, I want to go Amsterdam too. Hands down Amsterdam but that's a group situation as well. None of these places I would ever go by myself or with me and you. It would have to be like a group of people. Like eight, nine? Yes, to make it fun. I'm not saying that me and you going alone ain't going to be fun. It's just to make it memories basically. Right, I agree. Right, so that's my little icebreaker so I could get to know us a little bit more. True. All right, so Kira, go ahead with the starting of the shifts or my. Let's get into the shifts. We're going to be talking about friendships. Well no, let's start with the most important. Relationships. Okay. Then friendships and then situationships. Okay, and underneath the situationships, umbrella, there's the… Acquaintanceship. Acquaintanceship, yes. That's a little… Award that we just made up but… No worries. So let's talk about the first one. Okay, so but what do you define a relationship to be? Everybody's definition of a relationship is different. Well, I feel like… Well, in my opinion, a relationship is when you like in a committed partnership with someone. Okay. What about you? Oh, a couple of people because you know some people have like problems and stuff like that. Yeah, that's… A relationship that they all agreed on. I mean, okay, so for me, a relationship would be like… Like you said, it's a partnership. And you know, it's so funny because I always say like, you know, 50-50, but I saw something online when a person say it's not 50-50, it's 100-100. Right. And I guess what they were going at is like you give your all for that person, that person give their all for you. Right. And like you said, it's like, yeah, everything is not going to be 100, you know, like so you are arguing, you are fighting and cuss, but at the end of the day, you truly care for that person, that person truly care for you. Right. So, you know, that's what a relationship truly is. Right. You give your all for that person, that person give their all to you. Mm-hmm. Got you. Got you. And what do you think? In a sense of a relationship? Mm-hmm. Somebody that you're with that you can't really in a sense of live without. It doesn't ever… It don't have to be sexual all the time, but that's what changes a relationship from a friendship, being sexual. Intimacy. Yes. Right. So, you know, a relationship is somebody that you can't live without. You think about them all the time and you want to be with them for your time. It don't have to be like a marriage because some people don't believe in marriage. Some people believe in just being with them forever. Right. People don't believe in titles. And that, yeah, that's the truth. So, that's what my form of a relationship is in a sense of being with somebody that you don't know. You meet them, you mean a relationship. Because I believe there's a relationship with siblings and there's a relationship with parents. That is true different type of relationship. Right. I don't think other than that is a friendship. I don't think that you have a friendship with your siblings. I think you have a relationship with your siblings. Just like how you have a relationship with your cousins, some of them. And you have a relationship with your parents. I should have gone to class for this one. So, with your parents. Other than that, then when it's anybody else, it's a friendship. Okay. So, before we get into the deep, deep parts of the relationship, let's talk about friendships. What do you guys categorize friendship to be? My definition of friendship has changed over the years because when you're in elementary school or middle school, anybody that you don't rhyme with is your friend. Don't rhyme with. Is your friend. But as being an adult now, I consider a friend to be somebody that you could speak to, you could deliberate with, they could tell you when you're wrong, when you're right, and you could not have to see them every day. But when you talk on the phone or link up or whatever, it's like you never leave each other. The friends feel good. Yes. That's what I consider a friend to be. I agree. I feel like friendship is something that you share with somebody that you really have a lot in common. Well, sometimes you don't have a lot in common, but most times. Typically, you have a lot in common. You know, you could go out together, eat together, go to the club, you know, hang out. And most importantly, talk about, you know, your personal life. Somebody you could say. It's like a therapist, but without pain. Yeah, without pain. Like a free therapist, in my opinion. Yeah. How about you, June? Okay, to piggyback, I do agree with what you guys are saying. So, like I say, a friendship is that, because there's multiple friendships. You have friendships that last a long time. Decades. And then you have friendships that, you know, are seasonal in a sense. But like I say, a friendship would be something like somebody that, again, they would care for you in a sense, but like I said, you know, they will hear you out, listen to you, give you advice, take advice, and stuff like that. Right. Now, you can't miss, and that's a true friendship. Like I said, a true friendship would be somebody that have your back. Right. You know, they don't know you 100%, but they're going to know you. You can't confuse. Other friendships are the people that, like, they want to be around you because, like, you're cool or you have money and stuff like that. A friend will literally lift you up, motivate you. That's what a friend would do. I feel like, not to cut you off, but when it comes to the people that are around you for what they can gain, they're not friends. They're acquaintances. Because if you can't tell me, okay, well, hey, when is my mother born? Because I talk about my mother a lot. Then you're really listening to me. Because they have some people that know. I could go into a place where I make a friend, and they could tell me everything about myself, and then somebody that I know from second grade, they don't know nothing. Because they were just around you because they had, like, a vibe. So I don't feel like it's a time and friendship per se. That brings us into our next shape, which is a situation shape, slash acquaintance shape. And I personally categorize these people to be, like, they on the fence. It's, like, they in your life, they ain't in your life. Or, like, you probably don't have, like, the best relationship with them, so that's why they're kind of, like, a situation shape. Right. And that's, like, a play on words. Because when you hear situation shape, people always think about, like, okay, well, I'm with this guy or I'm with this girl. Right. I'm with this guy or I'm with this girl, and we're doing everything like a relationship, but we're not in a relationship. But there's more to situation shapes other than that. It goes into you could be a situation shape to acquaintance to a friend. Right. To a relationship. Right. Depending if that's how you want to do it. Or you could just stay in a situation shape. What do you categorize a situation shape as? I think it varies. Okay. Because I'm trying to understand more when I say elaborate more. In the sense of a situation shape? Yeah. In a sense of which, like, friendship or a intimate situation shape? I would say, okay, we were talking about friendship. Okay. So in a friendship situation shape, it's like, for example, you go to high school or you go to college. Let's talk about college more. Because high school or where we come from, you know these people from years before. Yeah. You go to college and you both are in culinary arts. You know people for nine days, ten days, and then you meet somebody else. Versus me, I went classes. So majority of the three months, I know these people. So you meet somebody. You are cool. And then you don't see them again. But then when you see them again for the next year, you're talking to them. They come to sit by you. Oh, I remember you from this class. And you build after that. Oh, me and you cool. So next year, let's be roommates. Right. But I don't have no real foundation. A foundation is a fact that you meet in college. And I try to get to know each other. My elaboration is kind of, I like her take on it, but it's kind of different, my opinion. I feel like a situation shape, to me, in my life and experience, is like, say you have a friend. And you hang out with them a few times or whatever. And then, like, say, yes, but you're still friends, but you don't really hang out as much. Right. And it's mainly because it's a lot of stuff that they like to do that you don't like to do. Right. Or vice versa. I feel like another definition of a situation shape is, which is big now that we're talking about us, it's big on me, is I have close friends. If you are their friend, then you is a situation shape to me. Right. Because we don't have any relationship. We don't have no friendship between us. Our friendship is this specific person. You understand what I'm saying? So that's how me and you. So we could change and we could be conference, be hanging around each other all the time and stuff in that nature. But we don't have anything in common. Our in common is the friend. The friend is based on the situation. Some friends in your life to go jam with you or to go party with you. Some friends would go church with you. Some friends don't. Some friends will go places with you than other friends. That's kind of my take on it. It depends on the situation of where they may place. Because this person might be like, this person great at great business person, but they suck with money. So I don't want them to hold my money, but I would do business with them. Right. Understandable. So, I mean, I say everybody have their different friendship and situation shape like you guys were saying and stuff like that. So, I mean, I would like to say everybody would have a situation shape for me. I guess I probably have many. As I right now was trying to think of some and stuff like that. I feel like the biggest thing that a lot of people might not notice in a common situation shape is when you meet somebody in elementary school or middle school or high school and they know of this person that you were. And then you come out to the states and you may be different in whatever you want ever to be. You might turn into be emo. You might turn into be, you know, rock, heavy metal. That's what you might turn into be. Or you might be when you was in St. Thomas, you were let's do a concert. Yeah. Or let's do something that's controversial. You were straight for the latter or better term. And then you come to the states and you realize that you're not straight. You're either gay or non-binary or trans or whatever the case may be. And they decide that they don't want to be your friend anymore because of that decision you make. That's a situation. Because they never really was your friend. Because you're supposed to like somebody and be their friend for who they are as a person. Not who they may identify themselves to be. Or what they can do for you. Right. That's a big thing. Okay. Okay. I like everybody's take on this so far. Okay. So let's get into, let's go back to relationships and let's get into it. I have a question. Okay. What was, okay, no. What is the ubricals in a relationship? The yeas and the nays. Like a red flag. Like what to do and what not to do. Or if somebody do this, it's like I run it for the hills. Or if somebody do something that's light, this is more of a person that you could see yourself with. So basically like red flags and green flags. Yeah. Of you as a person. Yeah, basically. Okay. Go ahead. You go ahead. I'll let June go first. Yeah, go ahead. Okay. So I don't know. I feel like I'm a real round type of person. So let me, I'm trying to think of what would be a red flag. Okay. Okay. Okay. I have no problem with smokers to a certain extent. Oh gosh. My thing is if you're going to stay home and smoke weed all day, that becomes a problem to me. Okay. I can agree with that. He's like a functional weed smoker. If you smoke from time to time or drink from time to time, that's fine. But like I said, if you're going to stay home and drink and smoke all the time and not try to go and apply yourself, then that's a problem. I get what he's trying to say. Your life can be wrapped around, like your every thought is, oh, I must smoke or I must drink. Okay. I get that. That's cool. So that's a red flag. What about you? Oh, let me just make it a little extensive. Okay. Right? So we now are older in our life. So what's a red flag? We're going to start with you again now. What's a red flag from your younger relationship to now of being a man? Because red flags are chains just like how people are chains. So now when you were younger, what would a red flag be for you? Versus now. Versus now. That's a good question. Okay. So I wasn't in that much of relationships when I was younger. Yeah. So, like, red flags wasn't really there. I was kind of, if I was, like, feeling somebody, it was more on, like, you know, if they feel me back. You know what I mean? Yeah. So is that, like, now I have more experience to be, like, okay, well, you do this or you don't do this. You know, it's a problem. I could, off the bat, I could just be honest with all of you. I had some real ridiculous expectations back then, even though I was a child. Let's keep in mind, guys. Child, okay, in middle school and high school. My expectations was very different than how they are now. And one red flag that was stupid that is not so much of a thing now was I had to be in a relationship with somebody that had soft hands. Like, no, no, for real, soft hands. And another one was being a good kicker. Okay. And I found a second one. Totally just unrealistic. But at the time, I just did it. It's sort of stuff to me that you have to have, and that was one. If you come to me and your hand is, like, rough and stuff, I don't know. But that was then. Okay, so what's now? Now, I mean, it's not a thing. I mean, people is how they are. What's a red flag now? Oh, now a red flag for me is lying. A liar. Makes sense. That's nice. A constant liar? Yes, a pathological liar. Let's be clear. Okay, exactly. Because the reason why I'm saying that is because everybody lies. Yeah, yeah, no, of course. And it's not like some people like just to sugarcoat the truth and stuff like that. Some people like to save your feelings. Exactly, to save your feelings and stuff like that. But like I said, I do understand when it comes to, like, lying. Because especially the lie that could probably hurt is what, you know, I understand where everybody, you know, comes from and stuff like that. Okay, okay. Now, of course, if you're going to lie for every single thing, of course, that's a problem. We can't have that. Exactly. Especially if we start dating. Okay, so let's ask this question. Not to be in our business, but we just want to know. If you have to say, what would your first relationship be? Like age-wise, if you have to put age in it, what would it be? You mean when I was younger? Yeah, when you were younger. I can't. I mean, well, being around my same age. So I wasn't into older people. No, I mean, when I say younger, I mean, Like what was your age when you were in your first relationship? Oh, okay. My bad, my bad. I would probably say I was 17, 18. Oh, wow. Well, sorry, Mommy and Daddy, but I have to say probably like 12. Whatever age, let me say, okay. I had considered sis a girlfriend, whatever age 8 grade was. Oh, my God. So you just need to start apologizing. For what? Apologizing for what? For everybody that I had considered. We're talking about people I had considered. Right. Because, you know, in my life, how I used to rate women, let's say it like that, is you make it, and then like there's honorable mentions. And then after, if you're not in an honorable mention, you don't exist. So in a sense of girlfriend, yeah, that would have been A grade. So red flag for me, starting so young, I don't think I had a red flag in that relationship because that relationship itself was a red flag. Like it should have never happened. So I don't have in that relationship. But growing up, I didn't like people. This is a fact about dating women. I did not like any girls acting like they were my mother. That was a big red flag for me. I feel like I don't have to listen to her. I'm going to listen to you as well. That was how I have felt from first relationship up to like I don't feel like that now. Now as a red flag, I don't really have any. In a sense, I'm just something dealing with my all of my stuff, all of my stuff always deals with like financial. Other than that, green flag in any of my relationships, I only had one green relationship. The rest of them were red flags to be completely honest. What about you? Green flag. Green flag? Oh, my God. I can say, I guess growing up, just the fact of having somebody consider, oh, you look good and stuff like that was something that, because I felt that I didn't look good when I was younger and stuff like that. I was somewhat insecure. Growing up and seeing people that you like and being too timid to tell them and going to the ones that actually having a relationship with you and stuff like that, it's just like having somebody to like me and really my concern in a sense. However, like I said, I didn't have that much relationship growing up, but then getting into college, I wasn't looking for a relationship when I was in college. I was just doing my thing. Hot boy summer. Yeah. That was hot boy year. Yeah, let's leave it that way, hot boy year. Because I was going to say something different, but let's just leave it that way. Sorry. Go ahead. But, yeah, like I said, growing up and, like I said, getting away from an island and coming to the States, like I said, I wanted to explore and stuff like that. Right. But, you know, as time moved on, I have thought about, oh, you know, it would be good to be with somebody and stuff like that. So, like I said, the main keys of being with somebody were, like I said, they would have to be interested in me and what I like. And, like I said, I'm the type of person, I'm geekyish. Like I say, you know, I watch anime, I cook, clean, you know. I'm more of a homebody and stuff like that. So finding somebody that likes those traits or just like me as a person, my personality was the biggest thing for me. And then, like I say, when you start talking to a person, then, like I say, you probably see some red flags and stuff like that. You know, somebody being too over-possessive. Yeah. And then, like, maybe somebody that's nonchalant. Right. But that's not what I mean. Affirmative? Yeah. Or late. Okay. I could give you that. So, as I say, so it's like growing up and you're meeting these different people and stuff like that, then you see. And, like, I have grown to have a very open mind. Okay. So I accept a lot of things compared to when I was younger. Like I say, I could say from being younger, I had a closed mind. Okay. And then moving to the States, I opened my mind to a lot of. That's a cultural thing, though. Yeah, a lot of different possibilities and stuff like that. So I know I changed because of the experience I went through. Cool. So I got you guys something to say? Oh, no. I was going to say my green flag. Oh, no. I don't want. No, no, go ahead. What's your green flag? Well, my green flag was stability. Okay. And loyalty. All right. I saw that should be everybody's green flag, especially in a long-lasting relationship. And that doesn't go for just relationships. That should go for friendships as well. Yeah. Did you say your green flag? Yes, she did. She did. Okay. So I'm going to ask you a question, and then I have a question. Oh, okay. So we said relationship, friendship, and situations. Right? Right. So now we're going to go down. We're going to go down. It's going to be a rapid fire. We're going to sit down and try to see something that we remember, good or bad, when it comes to all of these different topics. It will have to be the relationship that you're currently in. But you say something with what we're just talking about. We're talking about green flag, red flag. We've been in. I show all of us on this panel been in at least two different relationships. So we're going to go down, and we're going to say some stuff in a sense of, okay, well, this relationship, not in a sense of regretting, but what you know now as an adult, what would you have done different in this relationship, good or bad? What would you have done different in this friendship, good or bad? What would you have done different in this situation? Because sometimes it don't be your fault. Yeah. Sometimes, for example, the friendship could have been like I hold on to this friendship too long versus letting it go. Now that she's a woman and a man, you understand the difference. So who wants to go first? I could go first. Okay. I could take that one. I could talk about a few. Okay. I've had a few friendships that went on too long, like you said. Right. But there was one friendship that I feel like I should have probably realized the type of friendship it was from a long time ago. Like I thought that it was like a better friendship than it really was. Right. In essence. And then, so, for example, with this friendship, did you learn it after some distance also between you guys or was it? I learned it after a situation. Okay. So basically a situation that should not break up a friendship. Broke up a friendship. Broke up a friendship. And that's when I realized, well, wow, we weren't as tight as we thought. As we were. I thought that we were. Right. Right. So, yeah, that's my bad experience. And that's with a friendship? Yes, with a friendship. Okay. So what's going on with a relationship? You give us an answer, sis. No, no, no. I said relationship. No, all of them. I can tell you. I can tell you. All of them. So a bad experience in a relationship was being trusting. Okay. Of somebody that did not deserve to be trusted at all. Like, don't take your eyes off of this person. Okay. Like this. And situationship, I have a few of those. Okay. A lot of situationships that I probably should have, again, let go of. Not being. Yeah. Let go of from a long time ago. A lot of people that, you know, consider acquaintance that I should have probably just keep it moving when I see that. True. Yeah. All right. So for me, I guess this would be a friendship slash situationship. Okay. Me and this individual, we went to high school together. Okay. Had not all the same classes, but we had this one particular class together. Right. And I'm going to college together. We had the same classes because we did culinary arts. Okay. And like I said, we knew each other. Like, he had my back, I had his back, and stuff like that. But I'm guessing the fact of me, but I never came out to him. Right. But I guess my information situation, whatever you want to call it. Right. And I'm coming out back home or whatever. Gotcha. So he probably found out and then distanced himself away from me and stuff like that. Because everybody have this, not to cut you off, everybody have this thinking that because you may be gay, straight, bi, non-binary, whatever you may classify yourself to be, it don't mean that we as LGBT would like you as a person. We deserving of friends as well, that's not in a community. We should be able to have straight friends. Exactly. And also, let's really keep it real. Like, you shouldn't have to tell, like, in a perfect world, you shouldn't have to tell people your business. Because when you think about it, you have, let's say, that same situation, right? Mm-hmm. Let's say it didn't turn out how it turned out, right? Mm-hmm. You wouldn't expect your friend to be like, oh, yeah, I'm sleeping with this girl. Mm-hmm. I'm sleeping with this girl. Like, that's not your business. Only unless it comes to a point where you see something. You know what I'm saying? Right. And you're like, okay, well, I used to talk to this young lady before you or whatever the case may be as being friends. But if you are a real friend, you should know who your boy was with so you don't be with them. You know what I'm saying? So the conversation doesn't have to happen. I mean, some people, like I said, some friends do hide stuff like that from their friends. Right. So we end up stop talking. Okay. We end up stop talking. And it is what it is. Mm-hmm. And it is what it is. 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