Kamela Leone Pilot

The speaker woke up feeling depressed and anxious, questioning their purpose in life and wanting to leave a legacy beyond just being a good mother. They express frustration with the constant demands of being a wife and mother, feeling overwhelmed and in need of personal space. They emphasize the challenges of marriage and the pressure to constantly fix problems. The speaker urges women to prioritize self-care and take time for themselves, despite societal expectations. They emphasize the importance of maintaining one's identity and mental well-being. Okay, so today I woke up in a shitty ass mood. My depression and my anxiety was on the down side of it. Like, trying to figure out what the fuck I'm doing with my goddamn life. I've been a mother raising these kids, my kids are teenagers, I've got two adopted kids, and the dads ain't around, the dads ain't doing nothing, they got they free pass as usual, most niggas do. And I woke up today like, shit, I'm 47, what the fuck are you doing with your life? And what is going to be your legacy? What are they going to say about you when you pass away? Oh, she was a good mother. Is that going to be the only fucking thing that's left behind? Oh, she was a good mother. I mean, that's good and all, and that's great. But at 47 years old, you want to leave something behind, you want to leave some type of legacy. And then at 47, it's like, it's your time. It's your time to be who you want to be, who you're going to be, because it's like, I sacrificed so fucking much with raising kids and coming from traumatic experiences and family and dealing with so much shit for the reason why you got anxiety, or I got fucking depression or PTSD, and I finally just want something for myself. And it's like you seem to never fucking get it. You're married, I'm married, I have the husband, I have the children, and for most girls, it's like, okay, you got the best fucking life because every female seems to want to be married. But with that comes, you have to deal with so many different personalities. As a woman, you got to deal with the personalities of each child. You got to deal with your own shit. You got to deal with the her husband shit. And then when you pass the fuck out and start going the fuck off, it's like, what's wrong with you? Why is mommy acting like that? Why is my wife acting like that? Why does she not want to be bothered? Because y'all don't give me enough fucking space to have my own time to myself. Even when you ask for space, even when you ask for time alone, you cannot fucking get it. Because somebody else always has something going on with them. And as the mother, as the woman, you always got to be the one to go and fix the fucking problem. Because, listen, daddy could be right in the motherfucking house sitting on the couch, but trust and believe them fucking kids gonna walk right by him and scream, mommy, mommy, mommy. And nobody understands that with women. I don't need to be in the motherfucking tub taking a fucking break. Trust me, them kids coming in, there's been times I've been in the tub taking a bath, my fucking kids come in the bathroom, I got three sitting on the floor, one sitting on the toilet, one leaning up against the sink, everybody's talking to me at one motherfucking time and all a bitch needed was a fucking minute. And what you do? You sacrifice and you go, what's going on? But when is anyone going to see you as the mother, as the wife? It's like you're on overtime all the fucking time. And then when you go to fuck off or you pass out, they looking at you like you the fucking problem. How am I the fucking problem? I just need a goddamn minute and if you give me a minute to recharge, then I'll be the, I could give you the best part of me that I could give. But if I'm spent and burnt the fuck out, I'm gonna be a super duper bitch because it's really the part of fight or flight and y'all niggas won't give me enough time to get some space so that I'm not fighting to run the fuck away from you because nothing for nothing. No, I don't want to leave, but I just need some time to myself. And that's really where I am today. Like I woke up shitty. I woke up and was like, okay, depression's kicking in. I'm just going to lay in the fucking bed all day. But then I also have that space where it's like, okay, get the fuck out the bed. You can't lay in the bed all day because if you do that, your depression is going to spiral out. Your anxiety is going to spiral out and you're going to feel worse than what you feel waking the fuck up. So get up, find something to do, shit, drink some coffee, walk around the house, clean some shit, fuck with your plants because I got a whole bunch of plants, feed the plants and then work out your day. But then when you're done with that, you're looking around the house like, now what? Looking out the window like, now what? And it's back to your mind being on cheat mode. And as mother, it's like, what's going on with the kids? What's going on with the kids in school? What's going on with the husband? What do I need to do this for with you? What do I need to do for them and never, what can you do for yourself? And I'm not, what am I saying? I don't want to sound like I'm complaining because there's women out here that have way worse than me. But the fact of the matter is being a mother, being a woman, being a wife, it's not fucking easy. So for those women that go, oh, I want to be married, I want a husband, I want to, you don't even know what the fuck you're asking for. Because at the end of the day, being married ain't always that picking up fucking daisy type of shit every fucking day. You got to deal with this nigga's attitude, you got to deal with his personality, you got to deal with him just like you deal with your fucking children. And it's true when they say that men are a fuck, are children. They don't think how we think, they're not as mature as women. Women mature so much fucking faster. And that's fact that any man can fucking debate that, but that's the truth. We mature faster, when we grow up, we get older, we elevate faster. Men sometimes, they suck in their own face. So when women say, oh, I want to be married, and I want the white tits picking fits with the children and all of that, you don't even know what you're fucking asking for. You really don't. It's a job. And trust and believe, as women, as wives, we should be getting awards for this shit. I should have a BMA, I should have a fucking Oscar for the fucking parts that I fucking play. Some of this shit is you just got to be an actress. You really don't. You got to put your pride aside and be a fucking actress and make other people feel fucking better. And that gets annoying. Sometimes you do that shit too long. So my thing for today is, as women, take time out for yourself. And it's going to be hard. It's not easy, because you're so programmed to do what you're supposed to do and be responsible for the household and all of those fucking things. But you have to find that space. You have to find that space where you're not sacrificing everything that you have in you to the point where you lose who you are. Because losing who you are is so easy to do. And by the time that you feel like you've lost it, it's years down the line. You don't realize that shit right away. You figure that shit out. You notice it when it's already going. And now you're trying to play catch up to figure out where the fuck did I go wrong and who am I now? Because the person that you were when you started this shit ain't the person that you are now when you realize what happened. So take time out for yourself. Get some space at all costs. I'm sorry, whether people like it or not, you have to take some time out for yourself. And trust me, when you start doing that, everybody's not going to like you. But who gives a fuck? Because your mental capacity is no good to anybody if you don't take your time. Take some time out for yourself. So that's the lesson for today. It's okay to be selfish. It's okay to take time out for you. It's okay to put people on fucking hold. It's okay to go, I can't do this right now. I need to recharge my fucking battery. I need to be like a fucking beer and go into fucking, um, um, what's the word I'm looking for, y'all? I can't even think. Hibernation. It's okay to go into fucking hibernation because in hibernation, you can recharge your battery. It's okay to do that. And fuck anybody who tells you it's not. Fuck them. Because really, it's all about you.