Jennifer L - 2

The conversation is about self-reflection in relationships. The hosts discuss the importance of recognizing one's own role in relationship problems and the need for personal change. They also talk about the purpose of relationships and the idea of monogamy being a choice rather than natural. They mention how some people try to force relationships that aren't meant to be and the importance of being honest with oneself about what they truly want. The hosts also discuss Jennifer Lopez's relationships and how she may not be meant for a traditional monogamous relationship. They emphasize the need for both parties to be willing to make a relationship work and the consequences of unequal effort. And we're back right here on the underfloating line, Doc and Larry P talking about Jennifer Lopez, Ben Affleck, and you know, when do you get to the point where you have to think, maybe I'm the problem? So again, we talk about y'all. We're not talking about Ben and Jennifer. We're talking about y'all. There are some of y'all who have moved from relationship to relationship, from person to person, and you're constantly out here on the socials telling people about how men and or women ain't no good, depending on what type of lifestyle you choose. And you know, how do you reflect on that as a person to realize that, hey, you know, maybe I'm the person that's causing, like what should you recognize in yourself that may be creating your own relationship problems? Your reluctance to change. I think that's usually what it boils down to. Honestly, when it boils down to it being you, the reason why it's you is because there's something that you're doing wrong in pretty much every relationship. Whether it may be stubbornness, whether it may be, you know, you talk too much or you're too fast at the mouth, you got anger issues, you drink too much. You know, there's something going on. Let me ask this. And I know this is gonna sound like a, oh, go ahead. It's trash. Oh yeah, or it's trash. I'm gonna ask this because, and I know this is gonna sound like a strange question coming from a person who's married. What is the purpose of a relationship? Like what are people together for in the first place? I think honestly at the end of the day, monogamy is not natural. However, I don't think that men and women were set to be alone. Well, okay. I used to say that. And somebody like challenged me on that because they was like, well, you know, why would you say monogamy is not natural? Why would you not, you know, if you form that level of connection with a person, why would you not, you know, invest fully into that person? So I shifted my language to say monogamy is a choice. Monogamy is a choice. So I mean, that's the same way I look at it not being natural. Yeah, it's not like, you know, and like, that's one of the things I feel like people try to force these relationships that don't exist because they feel like they just supposed to be with somebody. And it may be that you supposed to be with somebody, but it might not be the person that you with and you been trying to force these other relationships and missing out on where you could have been. This is, and I also think that also boils down to so your question was, why do people wanna be in relationships? There is a, that is a vague question. There is a vague answer. The vague answer is people don't wanna be alone. That's the vague answer. Now, if you get past the surface level of the answer itself, it opens up a spider web of like different results. You know, it's like, and that's why I think that's what the issue is with certain relationships. A lot of people aren't being honest with themselves. You know, a lot of people don't sit back and say like, you know, I want a relationship, but I want a relationship with multiple women. You know, they walk into it and say, I want a relationship. And I guess society said, I can only be with one woman. So I just gotta be with one woman. Mind you, they gonna cheat on this woman multiple times. Whereas you got somebody like Neo that got two women and they're like, we're cool with it being with Neo. And I mean, and you've seen it, it's just not Neo just because he's like, oh, that's a big name. I've seen social media where it'd be just random dudes and he got two women, you know? And if that's what you want, that's what you want. It's a bunch of people out there in the world that you can find your match, but you gotta be honest with yourself and figure out what you want because at the end of the day, maybe you're not even meant for a relationship. Whoopi Goldberg said it ain't for her. Well, see, that goes to the maybe is you of it all for Jennifer Lopez and people similar to her is like some people will jump off the boat as soon as it becomes difficult. And let me tell you something, when you have made the decision that you and a person are going to be together no matter what, through richer for poor, goodness and health, till death do us part, let me tell you something, every day ain't gonna be rainbows and sausages. Like, it's gonna be like some times where you just walking around like, I'm just so sick of seeing your face. What about this though? What about this? What if J-Lo knows it's her? Okay. But the men are so adamant of proving that they can handle it. So maybe it's not trash. And the only reason I say that is, so there's two instances, because you guys understand, Ben ran it back, like, they had tried this before and he was just like, man, if I could just. There's two instances in this J-Lo situation. There's two instances in this J-Lo situation where J-Lo realizes like, I'm not meant for a relationship. You know, I enjoy other people. I enjoy the companionship of a mate. But I'm not meant for, a relationship isn't for me. However, of course, we know how J-Lo looks. We know what every man thinks. We know. So you may have men that just jump off the deep end and be like, I'm gonna prove you wrong. I could be with you. You could be with me. You can't handle me, Ben. Yes, I can. I know I can. I can handle you. So then men probably feel like, if I put a ring on her finger, if I put a ring on her finger, then that's going to solidify us and she's gonna realize like, I can, you know. But, you know, like I said, the reluctance to change, the issue with relationships is there has to be change on both ends. Maybe J-Lo don't want to change. And maybe J-Lo realizes that I can have whatever man I want, which she- And maybe she realizes she don't have to. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like this is the standard. Like Ben, Alex, this is the standard. And they'd be like, hey man, I'm getting it right here. And she'd be looking at them like, I told you that this was the standard, not right here. And she's like, I don't have to change. I don't have to change for y'all. I don't think he realized who I am. Like I'm Jennifer Lopez and I don't have to change for y'all. Like if I leave you today, there'll be another person in my DMs tomorrow. Talking about tomorrow, there'll be dudes in her DMs now. Yeah, so I mean- People in her wedding pictures be like, hey, I saw you in the wedding pictures. You know? I'm thinking to myself. So- You know what I mean? You know what I'm saying? So in that situation, like if you really don't know her for who she is, like if you don't know her in and out, like we just know the public figure version of her. We don't know like her personality or what she is, like, you know, behind closed doors. Yeah, I mean, maybe it's just one of those situations where she just knows who she is. Now I do know some people. I know a girl that falls in love like once every, every one or two years. One or two years, she falls in love. And now I do personally know her and I can let, I can let, she don't know who I'm talking about, but it's her. It is her. Maybe it's you. Now, like I said, but you have to understand that you gotta know those people, but at the same time, man, there gonna be men. There's always gonna be another man waiting in the, waiting in the bullpen, waiting to come up. You know what I'm saying? Oh, he done struck out. And you know, it's my time to strike out. It's significantly more challenging to deal with the nonsense when you know you have choices. And so like, I think that is one of the reasons why the idea of monogamy is so heavily pushed is because when people talk about the fact of the matter, which is, you know what, this ain't, you know, just how I'm built. I'm choosing to do this. What people realize is, you know, the faithfulness lasts as long as the act right lasts. Like if you are a woman that could leave your man right now and go get you like a higher quality dude, you probably operate in your situation knowing that information when your dude not acting right. And he come home late or, you know, he wanna, you know, go hang out with the boys all the time, or he ain't paying no attention, not buying no flowers, not doing things around the house. You start looking at him sideways and thinking to yourself, you know what? There's a dude at my job who been trying to take me out and I'm sitting here wasting my time with you. But so that's another situation where like, you know, I partially agree, partially don't agree. Because I feel like if you go into, this is another reason why relationships don't work out. Because, you know, when I was in therapy, my therapist told me every relationship can work out no matter what happens. You can get cheated on 20 times, but that relationship can still work out. The issue is both parties have to be willing to make it work. So if you only got one party that's like fighting for the relationship and the other party is just doing their own thing, or the other party is like mentally not in it, then it's never gonna work out because it's not an equal amount of effort going in. If you're going into every relationship, like you say, thinking like, you know what I'm saying? Like I got choices and, you know, I'm giving you my attention, but, you know, I can have anybody at, you know, I got this dude at my work. I don't think you fully committed to the relationship at that point. Here's this, because we've talked about this on the show on several occasions as well, as well as off air. What if you go into the situation, fully committed, but your level of commitment is not matched or it is met with disappointment. So you go into the situation thinking, all right, I'm Jennifer Lopez. I'm getting back with Ben. We're gonna be in love. And he's saying he's gonna do all the right things and I'm happy. And you go in there and you're happy. And year one, you're happy. Year two, you're happy. And then it just starts falling off. And he starts reverting back into things that you didn't like before. Or he starts doing new stuff you don't like. You bring it to his attention and he's dismissive of it. And it goes on and on and on. Like at some point you're just like, I'm giving my full effort and you not. So like, that's when it sneaks in like, why am I giving my full effort when they're not giving their full effort? Especially as a person who has not been in situations where it has been some level of longevity. The easiest thing to do is leave. It becomes way easier to leave if you're not left before. Well, disappointment is nothing but a result of failed expectations. And what you have to realize at that point is are your expectations realistic or not? Or are your expectations sustainable? And I think, and I try to tell a lot of women this stuff. When it comes to men, majority of your expectations, I'm not gonna say they're not realistic, but the assumption of expectations is unrealistic. So for example, something as small as like, if you're a woman, you get on a flight, like you date this dude, you get on a flight to go to another state, he's staying at home. A lot of women would think the expectation would be like, he should check on me when I'm flying out, when I'm landing, making sure I made it safely. Some men don't think on that level. And there's no ill intent. There's no ill intent. They don't mean like not to check on you. They're like, oh, well, I thought you would like text me when you land, I would've did this. I thought you would've did, you know what I'm saying? So like, you're going into this and like you're expecting him to know, to check on you versus you just saying like, I would like for my man to do this. And I think a lot of women go into relationships and men as well, they go into relationships with the expectations of what I want, they know how to do it. And for a lot of women, I'll be like, look, sometimes you gotta train these people on common sense stuff. You know what I'm saying? Sometimes you gotta go into each relationship with training wheels, which is like you said, you get to a point where you start pointing out things or things become dismissive. The reason why they become dismissive is because you went into this relationship with the expectations that things were known. And now that they're not known, it's hard to basically retract because now you're like, hey man, you're not doing this. And he thinking like for the first two years we was dating, I was never doing this and it was never a big deal. So now I'm dismissive of it because now you're seeing, you're trying to change something that you were cool with versus if you came in from the beginning saying like, I want my man to do boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. We can nip it in the butt right here and say like, you know what I'm saying? Like, man, we don't even get trained as kids on how to like properly wipe our butt, man. We don't know if we should wipe it forward or we don't know if we should wipe it backwards. Women, there's a whole list of hygiene. Like women need to wipe it back. Where's the graphic? Yeah, I need visual. Women wipe backwards because if they wipe it forward, you know, it's a risk of a UTI. Man, we don't have this. You know, we don't know what we doing in life. You know, you know what I'm saying? So like, yeah, for a lot of men, there is a training manual for every man. If a woman wants to date, the things that the man should do. So like I said, when it comes to disappointment, it's a result of failed expectations and usual failed expectations is them assuming that we know what we supposed to be doing. So when we come back, I want to tell you my two thoughts on the challenges with expectations because I think that is where relationships veer off. The path of success is when those expectations are mismanaged. It's time to blow them away.