Episode 15

In this episode of the LP podcast, the host starts off by expressing condolences for the loss of a young man in a car accident. He emphasizes the importance of telling loved ones that you appreciate them. The guest, Jody, talks about her journey of trying to have a baby and the complications she has faced. She explains that she started an Instagram page to provide information and normalize topics like infertility and miscarriages. The host acknowledges the challenges that men also face during the process and praises Jody's partner, Jed, for being open and supportive. Jody also discusses Jed's struggles and how he had to be strong for her, but eventually broke down and sought support. Okay, welcome to episode, from up to 15, I think, of the LP podcast, so first one for 2024. Was meant to do one a bit earlier, but started off the year crook for a week, which was good, good way to start the new year, so my guest for this week is Jody Lang, or Jody Finnegan for those of you that know her, thanks for coming on, thanks for having me, no worries, at a different location as well this week at the Gents Function Room, so just something a little bit different, probably a once off, but finally got set up and ready to go, only took half an hour, so probably forgot to enjoy our karma coffee, so thank you Tia at Karma for the coffee. I'll start off on a little bit of a downer, just something that sort of happened over the tick of the new year, young fella, Colm Olse, unfortunately lost his life in a car accident, which, you know, sort of puts a lot of stuff into perspective when you're sitting at home and complaining about being sick, and sick of being sick, and thought my life was pretty shit, but yeah, obviously that sort of happened overnight, and put things into perspective pretty quick, so I just want to obviously, yeah, send my condolences to Kai's family, all his mates, obviously, yeah, me and him weren't, you know, best mates or anything, but we were mates, so, you know, all the guys that were with him, you know, pretty often, yeah, send my condolences, you know, and I think it's just another reminder to tell the people in your life that you love them, tell your mates you love them, tell your family you love them, tell people you appreciate them, because you just don't know the last time that you're going to see them, so I just wanted to start off with that, you know, if anyone's obviously struggling with the grieving sort of things, send a message, you know, come down to the pub, have a beer, or catch up for a coffee, or whatever it is, yeah, green box is open for the people that are struggling with that, yeah, he was definitely one of a kind, he was a very good fella, he, you know, would go out of his way to help you, he was the life of the party, definitely, you know, as a barman, he's probably the guy you want to see when you're having a pretty average night, he was good for banter, good to talk shit with, probably not the guy you want to see when you're trying to close up, though, he, you know, he loved to bunty your tent, so, you know, when it's 10.30 and you want to go home, he was pretty able to get out of the pub, but, yeah, all around such a great fella, you know, mixed in with different groups of people, so, you know, that says a lot about him, you know, and from a barman's point of view, and a mate's point of view, his parents would be very proud of him, the man that he was, no doubt he'll leave a legacy behind, he was, yeah, an absolute ripper, so, yeah, so just wanted to start off with that, so, moving on, yeah, I've got Josie with me, so, recently just launched an Instagram page that sort of caught my eye, she is, how do I put it, trying to, obviously trying to have a baby, there's been a few complications and whatnot along the way, which, yeah, for me, obviously, that sort of piqued my interest, I'm, yeah, definitely no expert when it comes to that sort of stuff, so, yeah, just asked a bit about yourself, Josie, how you been, how's your week been? Yeah, good, good, I've gone deadlocked. Beautiful. It's good, got 10 off, but I'll go back on, yep, Tuesday. So I've just been out by the beach nearly every day, in the bad days. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, just trying to get out, Jed and I both love it, so we've been doing that, doing jobs, adult things. Yeah, adult things. Yeah, great, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Obviously, yeah, you've been on a bit of a journey, which, yeah, we obviously spoke about a bit before we started filming and whatnot, but, yeah, you know, I personally follow Instagram, obviously, I've read your posts and whatnot, and like to keep up to date with what's going on, and you're posting stuff that provides a lot of information to people, you know, especially to even the dads, that really, you know, they stand by their partner's soul but really probably don't know what's going on. Yeah. But, yeah, so tell us a bit about your journey, tell us obviously, you know, your Instagram page and all the rest of it, so. Yeah, so initially Instagram page came up because in December last year we had lost our second baby, and there were people at work that were asking, because I did have a kidney stone at the same time, and they were like, oh, I have a kidney stone, you don't even have a kidney stone, because I was at work for probably two weeks, like, leaning over, I couldn't barely do anything, and then they were like, oh, how's it all going? And then I was like, too embarrassed to actually say. Yeah. And then Jen and I were both like that, and we were like, we shouldn't be embarrassed, like, why are we, why? And then, yeah, once we talked through our feelings about that, we decided to, yeah, make the trying to conceive, like, TTC, baby laying page, and talk more about it. Yeah. Give more information. Yeah. Infertility, yeah, miscarriages, ectopic pregnancy, early pregnancy loss. Yeah. Everything like that. Yeah, yeah, which I think, like I said, I was going to pop up and I was like, it was a very good confronting. Yeah, yeah. It was confronting, but it was like, holy shit, and it's good to see. I think, obviously, you're trying to, you know, there's absolutely no reason to be embarrassed about that sort of stuff, which is easier said than done, but I think with, obviously, where you're going with it all, you're normalizing it. Yeah. And I think, you know, you said, like, you've had, how many people message you? So many people. Yeah. And like, yeah, just some of the guys going up to Jess and, like, asking how we're going and then telling Jess their story. Yep. Which is, like, amazing, especially for men. Crazy. Yeah. Crazy. And I think, yeah, like, putting this in a, I don't know, I guess in a male way, and obviously, we know what you guys have to go through to have a baby. Yeah. And then, obviously, you know, I've sat in a room for two labours now, and, you know, Chanel pushed her body to the absolute limit twice. Both labours were hard on her. Obviously, you know, it doesn't matter how you look at pregnancy and trying to conceive and then what your body has to go through, like, the blokes have it pretty hard, you know what I mean? Like, obviously, there's nothing compared to what you guys have to go through. Yeah. But, like, I know as a bloke, you know, we sat there for five days while Chanel was in labour. Yeah. And, you know, I think I had an eight-hour sleep or something in five days. She had seven or six hours in five days. You know, and these are the things that I guess, like, the blokes probably just go through. And I guess, you know, that's probably part of where the mental health and stuff comes from, but you're just sort of like, oh, that happened. Yeah. It is what it is. And I guess, like, I think it's good that Jed is also so open. Yeah. It's good that blokes are obviously going after Jed. Just before, obviously, we get into it, I don't know how you're feeling about it all and all that, but I wanted to, you know, obviously, you can't speak for Jed, but you obviously know, like, how's he been going with it all? Like, yeah. Yeah. How's he getting through it? What's he doing? I actually asked him if I could talk about what we've talked about from his side of things, and he said, just go for it. Yeah. Yeah, so, he, I've never seen him, so, in November, we, this might not seem like much to lots of people, but our dogs are, like, our world. Yeah. And one of them passed away in November. Yeah. So, he was, like, distraught about that, and then, but, yeah, and so was I, so he was, like, trying to be stronger, and then in December, we lost a baby, and he was just trying to be, like, strong to me, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and then, after probably two weeks, he was just, like, so anxious, like, couldn't do anything, and I was just, like, what's going on? And then he talked about it, and he said, like, he had to be stronger, and then it just hit him. Yeah. So, I've never really seen him like that before, and he also said, like, in the hospital, what happened to, so, my top priority, obviously, was the baby and the baby's health. Yeah. I wasn't really, obviously, I care about myself, but, like, I wasn't really worrying about my health at the time. Yeah. And he was, like, I was just worried about you, for you, and me, and worrying about the baby. So, it was, like, a lot for him, because he was watching, hate needles, but, like, watching me get all the needles, like, had to get up to hospital. Yeah. Yeah. And I guess, like, prior to that, you know, guys wouldn't be going to talk about what they went through with all this sort of stuff, you know what I mean? Like, it probably takes for this to happen for him to have someone to fall back on. Yeah. I guess, like, and I think that's, like, the natural part, and I think that's when, you know, when you talk mental health, and, you know, I was not weak to speak, and all that sort of stuff, like, your initial, my initial thought was, you know, when I broke down, it was, like, oh, shit, like, I'm meant to be, you know, the man of the house. Yeah. Yeah. You're meant to be that strong male, you know, you've got to just soldier on, and I guess that's, like, the stigma of, I guess, being a bloke, unfortunately. But, like, the initial feeling was weakness. Yeah. When breaking down, and I assume for Jed, like, that's probably, you know, you push and push and push for so long. Yeah. Yeah, and I, like, yeah, speaking for myself, my first feeling was just weakness. Yeah. Which, you know, and obviously, Jed will watch this, listen to this, whatever, mate, like, you know what, good on you. Yeah. Good on you for breaking down, good on you for actually speaking up, yeah, from man to man, that's, you know, that's the manliest thing you can ever do. Absolutely. Yeah. So, you know, well done, mate, like, you don't have to take everything on, even though we feel like we have to, but, yeah, there are, obviously, you know, obviously Joseph's here for you, and, you know, but there are blokes around, mate, that will obviously have a chat, which is good. There's guys you work with that are having a chat with you, so, you know, and the reward at the end will be pretty good when it happens, so. Obviously, you spoke on going to the beach and all that on your bad days. What's the journey like at the moment? Where are you at? It's been hard, hasn't it, because one of our best friends is also pregnant, and they're only two weeks apart. Right. So, that's been, like, they're amazing. Yeah. We're sort of, like, we're happy for them, just sad for us. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, trying to explain that, people think, well, you've just been dealt with. Yeah, I have. Yeah. But, yeah, we're sad for us, but so over the moon that they're getting their dream and everything. Yeah. But just having that, like, Jen and I talked about it, just having that in the back of our mind all the time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but when we feel below, we talk about it. Yeah. And that's been the biggest thing that's, like, helped us through, absolutely. Yeah. When, obviously, yeah, unfortunately, that's probably the outlook is when you say you are sad for yourselves, and, you know, people are like, oh, well. Yeah. For one, it's not what other people think, but I feel like that's natural. Yeah. With, obviously, through your bad days, I guess, like, you're going to have some pretty good days and whatnot, but, like, talking through it, what else do you guys do to get through? Because, obviously, it's a grind at the moment. Yeah. Yeah, it's like, cry. Yeah. Yeah. Let it out. Yeah. Be mad, do, like, it's a, like, my bad days, I literally open my eyes and cry. Yeah. Like, as soon as I wake up, cry. Try to usually push myself to go to the gym. Yeah. Just to, like, let stuff out. Yeah. Yeah. Like, go for a run, Jake goes to play golf. Yeah. Just take my mind off it. Yeah, or just have a day at home with our dogs and just be sad for a day. Yeah. Or just feel it. Yeah. Which, absolutely nothing wrong with that. Yeah. So, how long has this journey been? Like, it's obviously... Yeah, long. Yeah, this one just happened yesterday, and it's all of a sudden happening. Like, yeah, like, from the start, so when, I guess, like, when did you start trying, when did it all sort of, probably not go down the path you thought it was going to go down, you know, and then where have you been and gone through that? Like I said, I'm just a guy that doesn't really know much about it. You know, it's one of those things that, like I said, happens so often, but it's not often spoken about. So, you know, give us a bit of insight, I guess, where you guys have been, what you've had to do. You know, you've spoken how you sort of got through it for now, but, you know, for people that are listening that are probably going through it the same, you know, yeah, how have you gotten through it so far? How long has it been? Sort of, I guess, like, how did you know that it wasn't working? Yeah, what advice have you been given from, you know, from adopters and whatnot? Yeah, from the start, I guess. So, 2019 was, it only took us five months to conceive our first baby, but that turned out to be an ectopic, which is where it starts growing in the wrong space. So it's supposed to go in the uterus and continue growing in there, but it got stuck in my right flow of the uterus. Right. So it started growing in there, so because it was still growing, I still had all the pregnancy symptoms, the HPG levels were still going up. Yeah, and then I kept getting pain in my side, and I was like, oh, it's just, ah, my baby's growing. And I started pleading, and then I was like, oh, I probably should, I'll just go to a hospital. And they said, no, like, your tube's ruptured, so they had to do a surgery straight away, get rid of that tube, so then after that, that lessened my chance even more. Right. Because you can conceive from both sides. Yeah, yeah. But, yeah, because that was gone, I could only conceive from one side now. And then they were like, oh, wait a little while. So we waited probably two months. And then, yeah, I started trying again, and four years, four and a, like four and a half years, yeah, we didn't, nothing, absolutely nothing. Yeah. So we were infertile for that long, but during that time, I had a blood test to see if I was ovulating, and then they told me I wasn't ovulating high enough, don't have the tube, that his test from Jed was fine, and then, like, and then, like, knowing that Jed was fine, all that, it was my fault, kind of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so it was all on me, and then obviously that put a lot of pressure on trying again. Yeah, and then probably put a lot of pressure on Jed. Yeah. Yeah. And like, Jed said, he's like, why are our bodies not doing what they're supposed to, like, they're supposed to be able to. Yeah. Through that, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So, um. So, I'll cut you off, sorry. No, go on. Ectopic. Ectopic? Ectopic. Yeah. Um, that was like a, yeah, the only reason I'll cut you off is, you first go, you start trying, that happens. When do you go through it? Like, obviously that's a massive thing to happen, I guess, for like, yeah, obviously you've just started trying, this is what we want, you know, we're, we're gonna, you know, we're gonna try and have a baby, we're gonna, you know, become a family, all the rest of it, and then it goes, obviously very pear-shaped with that, and all of a sudden, yeah, lose a tube, and, yeah, like, what goes through your head, I guess, and, yeah. Um. Yeah, between, I guess, what you said, you went in two months. Yeah. Yeah, so that two months, like, in between, what was that like? So, this was actually, we learnt a lot from the first one. So, we suppressed everything, every, all our feelings, like, like, we talked about it every now and then, it was just like, I was going to be crying and stuff, and like, Jen would be upset, but, it was, I was studying at the time, and I was on my placement, and I only had two days, I was supposed to have a week off, and I was like, oh no, like, I'm on placement, I need to go. Yeah. So, I just had two days off, I think it was, and then continued on with it, and then just kept going, and I, like, yeah, we just both kept going all day long, and we were like, oh no, whatever, like, it will happen again. Yeah. It will happen again. And that didn't happen again. Yeah. But, um, yeah, after that, we both, we actually both started seeing, like, a therapist. Yeah. Because we were like, oh, we suppressed it for too long. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so just pushed it. Yeah, too far, too far. Just pushed it, and I, like, I obviously cannot speak enough about what, when we go through, obviously, one experience in pregnancy, and the fact that you've just gone back to work. Yeah. After two days, after that, it's just like, ridiculous. Yeah. Like, that's just me, like, I, yeah, obviously, for the people that are going to listen, and aren't watching it, I just shook my head. When you said you were back after two days, I was like, oh my god. Yeah. Females are literally the toughest people on this earth. Um, yeah, two days. Yeah, it was ridiculous. Yeah. Um, so obviously, the therapy got you through. Yeah, yeah. Like, it was obviously, I mean, yeah, you know, 95% of people are going to find that it helped, um, but suppressing it definitely didn't help. No, not at all. No. Um, yeah, so how do you, obviously, after two months, you try again. Um, bouncing back after, obviously, something that major. Yeah. Um, okay, so that four and a half years, how, I guess, well, I know why, obviously, you're trying to conceive, trying to, you know, start that family and whatnot, but like, did you get to a point where you thought, no? It's all going to happen. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Every month. Yeah. But every month, I would do at least three pregnancy tests. Yeah. I'd be like, no, just once. Yeah. This month, this is what's happening. This is my time. This is our time. Yeah. Every, yeah. And it was just like, I feel like doing that also became a habit. Yeah. But then it also was just a let down. Yeah. Every time. And a reminder, yeah, it's not happening for you, but you're not doing that. Yeah. Yeah. But, and then also with the doctors, they recommended, oh, so like, we do our tests, did the, um, I sort of had to take tablets to try and help me ovulate more. Yeah. But they had really bad side effects. So I only did them for about three months. Um, yeah, and because I, this is, this might be common knowledge, but I only just found this out. When you ovulate, you do it from one side to the other side in one, like every month. Yeah. Oh, right. Yeah. Half, half the chance. Yeah. Okay. Right. No. No. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Um. So, like, is that expected to be common knowledge? Do you think, or what? I don't know. I, like, not even, we did our IVF, um, we didn't go through, go through IVF, but we did a, um, consultation. Yeah. With a, like, specialist, and not even he said that. Like, no one, no doctor told me. I was like, is that supposed to be our question or not? Yeah. Yeah, right. So, and then obviously, because you've only got one tooth up your tooth. Yeah. So you're only, yeah, that half is. Half, yeah. Cheers. Yeah. Yeah, right. Which is crazy. Isn't that stuff that should have been taught in law? Yeah, absolutely. And ectopic pregnancy, that should have been taught. Yeah, well, I'm glad you actually touched on that, because I had no idea what that was. Yeah. Like, when you started explaining, I was like, yep, thanks, goodness. Yeah. Um, yeah, which, and that's, like, massive. Like, I guess, you know, you call it ectopic pregnancy, you know, and I was like, oh, yep. But I guess when you explain it. You're just like, oh, shit. Yeah, that's huge. That's huge. Um, so, yeah, four and a half years. And then. Yeah, and then, so we had, um, yeah, I had a couple of surgeries and stuff to make sure everything was okay. Like, I had a camera. Yep. Just poking around things. Everything was okay. And they just said, yes, we're going to have to do it. I'm like, yes, that's it. You guys aren't getting pregnant. It's not happening. Like, there's, you, you're not ovulating high enough, which apparently is crazy. Yeah. Because when you're ovulating, you're ovulating. Yep. Not, there's no over. Yeah, yeah. Um, yeah, and you don't have that tube. And then this tube was actually scarred. Right. Which, um, yeah, they, so an ectopic pregnancy happens through, if it's happening in your tube, it's because of an infection. Like, that has just not been treated for so long. Right. And you get all the scar tissue out there. Right. But, I got aortic ectopic, I got blood tests and stuff, and I didn't have the infection, but I have scar tissue all through this tube as well. So I don't, they don't. Yeah, right. Just ask. Yeah. So, no one really had asked. No? No. Which also doesn't help. No, not at all. Right. So they just said, oh, yeah, that's it. And we're like, oh, what? I was like, oh. And they can do this, um, thing where they insert dye, um, up and then see if your tube's actually working. Yep. So if it's coming out, um, it works. And they said, oh, there was like a drop. So they said, you probably can't, but there's a miracle that you can. Yep. And I was like, okay, hold on a second. Yeah. Just me, because I was on camera. Yeah, well, I'm fine with it. Yep. That little glimmer of hope. Yeah. Um, and my wife said, when we're like, maybe when I'm 29 or 28, we'll look at it like this. Yep. Because it's such a, like, it's a miracle. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 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