Audio (Olga Kasian)

The speaker recounts their experience during a full-scale war in their country. They describe the panic and fear that gripped the entire country, the constant danger they faced, and the decision their parents made to leave the country for safety. They share their reluctance to leave their life behind and the emotional atmosphere during their departure. They recall a long and tense bus journey, with frequent stops for inspections due to the war. They vividly remember a moment when they heard an explosion and their mother's protective reaction. This experience made them realize the value and fragility of life. Have you ever experienced that moment when everything around you seems to stop, and your entire life flashes before your eyes? Suddenly, you remember every moment and become filled with gratitude. I recently had that feeling when my life and the lives of my loved ones were in constant danger. I felt it for the first time on February 24, 2022, when a full-scale war was declared in my country. Panic and fear gripped the entire country. News about explosions, terrible videos, and photos on social media, everything seems to have gone crazy. Ah, and the first warning siren, as I remember this moment now. I stand on the street and listen to silence, fearing to hear explosions in the distance, and suddenly, a wave of loud screams. A sound that filled the siren, a loud siren that spread throughout the city, is warning of an attack, and you run to the nearest bomb shelter or basement. Constant fear, nerves, constant conversation and gossip about approaching tanks. All this became a life routine. Everyone was in their nerves, but my mom suffered the hardest. She is a very emotional person and constantly worries about everything twice as much as for the rest of us. Having lived in such a state and under constant stress, my parents decided that we should leave the country and be in a safe place because every minute in Ukraine could be our loss. It was hard to accept the fact that your home, the place where you felt the safest all your life, turned into a place where it was scary to close your eyes. That is why my parents decided that my mom, my sister, and I should go to the Moldova, the nearest border-safe country with us. I remember how I cried and didn't want to leave my friends, my relatives, and my whole life. And then, the day of the move comes. Many people with hastily packed suitcases enter the bus in fear, having just been reunited with their relatives, perhaps forever. I remember how a tear ran down my dad's always severe and emotionless face. I could feel an anxiety and fear in the air around him. Then everyone got on the bus, and desolate silence filled everything. Only the bus driver, Alexander, tried to diffuse the situation, encouraging us by telling inappropriate anecdotes. Like, what do you call a pig that practices karate? A porkchop. There were stupid jokes that weren't funny, but we still smiled through the tears. It was a trip that felt like the longest in my life, I swear. During that time, with the start of the war, checkpoints were established on the roads to enter or leave the city. At these checkpoints, security guards checked all passing vehicles for the presence of terrorists or foreign tanks. As a result, our bus was constantly stopped at each checkpoint and inspected for danger. One of these stops was at the port on the city of Akhtyrka, where we were stopped and asked to disembark for inspection. Waiting for the inspection to end in the evening's twilight, it was around five in the evening or on a spring day, we suddenly heard a faint whistle somewhere in the distance. The whistling grew louder, and suddenly there was a strong explosion wave and a blast somewhere far away. From this whole situation, the only thing I remember besides fear and panic is my mom's cold and sweaty hand pulling me by the bus to hide from the wave. And also, I remember our dialogue at that moment. I remember that I whispered, Mom, what was that? What is that? Stay close, my mom insisted, pulling my hand even harder. Where is Nastya? Where is Nastya? I kept repeating because I didn't see my sister around. I was so scared. She is here, reassuringly answered my mom. My sister was just silent, with fear and panic in her eyes. Remember that I love you very much, said my mom, looking deeply in my and my sister's eyes. Now, these words sounded like parting words in a heavy drama story or a movie, but off the charts, they became words and played in my mind forever. After the explosion, incredibly silence filled everything. After waiting 10 minutes, we all got on the bus and continued our journey to one end. This situation and my mother's voice made me understand the value of my life and how short it can be.