Pod4Pru

Hey, hi, hello, okay, so you have to know that the effort was there. I made multiple other podcasts but let's just say my state of mind, it wasn't a bad state of mind, it wasn't, okay, it was, it was just something that doesn't need to be heard by the public, by gen pop, if you will, so we're just going to dial it back a little bit, I'm going to keep it a little lighter, I'm going to keep it a little more funky, I'm going to keep it a little more fresh, so we're just going to go through some various topics that I think I have good opinions on, hot takes, if you will, and one of the ones that you told me that you wanted me to talk about was patriotism in America on the 4th of July, and let me just say, as I responded when you brought it up initially, is goddammit I love America, because the thing is, is when I picture a billowing American flag and a bald eagle and the continental, continuous continental United States, is that what it's called? Or is it just continuous? I don't fucking know, whatever. When I picture that, like an overview and like a little montage of all three, it can bring tears to my eyes, and like, I've told you about how like, when they do the national anthem, like in the beginning of sports games or whatever, like when we did it at swim, like I would be crying every single time, I would fucking cry, okay, and in my opinion there should not be a dry eye in the house, like this is America, like have some pride, but that's where it ends, okay, like only when you're doing those things, like only when you are in the beginning of a sports game and the national anthem plays, only when you see a beautiful American flag, no context, like it can't be like, I love America, Trump 2020 flag, right below it, like it has to be just an American flag, like you're looking at it, all you see is the sky in the background, like that's it, yes, okay, we love to see it. You know, like same with any other like ultra-American motifs, alright, like I like that, I'm there for that, it makes me feel a sense of community, which we know that I have issues with and we know that I lack, so I think it's very moving for me, another thing to mention is that I did grow up going to, or thinking very fondly of the 4th of July as a holiday, because my uncle, who, the super rich one, with the really nice house, he, what's it called, meow, he would host 4th of July parties all the time, and, what's it called, well not all the time, it's not like he just casually, I'm getting really distracted right now, I'm sorry, I need to be locked and loaded, this is really important, he would not host them all the time, he would host them on the 4th of July, so, and like he had this beautiful waterfront house, and like you could see like one of the major bridges and Rhode Island from there, and like it was waterfronts across the lake, like everybody was, or it wasn't the lake, it was the ocean, everybody was like lighting off fireworks and stuff, and it was really nice, and cool, and amazing, and we were all like, wow, like, cool, and then they would do this giant firework thing too, like every year, like we had our own, and it was so fun, and there was also this thing called the tea house, and it's like right below, so like he was like up on a hill, and then like there's like a path that goes down and leads to like, he has like a dock, and like, then if you go to the left, there's like this place called, fuck, I forget what it was called, but it was like an amusement park like back in the day, pre-2000s, I think, like it closed like probably in like the 80s or something, I don't fucking know, something like that, but it's really cool over there, but then if you go to your right, like, maybe like 30 paces from his dock is like this old stone structure, and it was like a tea house back in like the 1800s, but it burned down, and now that's what's left of it, and it's just there, but I think somebody bought it and turned it into something, which I'm really upset about because we used to go play in that thing, and we would have the time of our lives, like, you don't know how majestic that thing was, it's just, it's like, you felt like you were in a fucking like, I don't even know what, but like, an adventure movie, and you felt so cool, because like the ocean was right there, like, crashing against this like stone thing, and you were like scaling it and crawling in it, and there's all this rubble at the bottom, and like, we would, um, what's it called, we would, um, like, light fireworks off in there, and like, we had some traumatic memories in there, like people getting hurt, and like, it was just a good time, so you know, and like, also like, that was one of the like, times of the year when like, we got to see our cousins, and like, they were like our besties, Isis and Lelina, Queen Isis and Lelina, maybe I should tell you about the lore, the Isis lore, because I feel like that's very like, central to like, my family, maybe I will if I run out of ideas to talk about, but it's also just like, the funniest thing ever, it's funny to me, I don't, I feel like you won't care, so maybe I won't, but, um, it's very amusing I feel like for other people, because it's kind of like, are you telling the truth, and it's like, yes, I am, ugh, oh, good stretch, okay, but anyways, yeah, like, I don't have like, some fucking nuanced like, I'm against the government type of thing, like, yeah, I am, you know, like, I guess as just a self-proclaimed leftist, which I don't even think I actually am, um, you know, I'm more concerned with the state, and I fear, I fear the government as a whole, you know, so, uh, but yeah, like, I'm totally anti-establishment, totally rage against the machine corps, totally, um, let's stick it to the bear, uh, so, that's where I'm at, um, I, I don't know, yeah, I'm not like, really like, educated either, like, I'm kind of stupid when it comes to that type of stuff, I just don't really care, um, like, I know I shouldn't be, and we'll talk about this a lot, and like, because we're very like, you know, I think both of us are like, yeah, no, like, we're pretty with it, like, you know, like, we stay informed, and we try to at least, but then sometimes we'll like, could secretly confide in one another, and they're like, like, do you have any clue what's going on right now, like, in the country, and she's like, absolutely not, like, I don't care, and I'm like, literally same, and then both of us are like, oh my god, I feel so bad about it, and then both of us didn't vote one year, and okay, well, let's be honest, I could only vote once, and like, I know you're mad at me for not voting in the past election here, because it was so close, but listen, I didn't know, I didn't know how to do it, that's such a lie, I'm just a piece of shit, okay, I'm not, but like, I'm not afraid to say that, you know, like, it's fine, um, so that's kind of, I guess, like, my, my whole thing with it, you know, like, America can bring me to tears, but like, also, I don't think that we should be celebrating, like, our actual, like, independence, and I think for, like, me, it's just a very nice time to, like, reflect on, like, my love of American history, and, you know, like, I make a point of it on the 4th of July to lay down in the grass somewhere, and just kind of, uh, you know, uh, I want to say visualize, but it's not visualizing, because I'm hearing it, there has to be a word for it, you probably know it, it's like visualizing, but like, audio-lizing, hero-lizing, anyways, you know, I try and conjure the sound of piccolos in my head, um, and maybe some drums and marching, um, some commands from some general, telling them to, telling his, his militia to fire, whatever, you know, and that really, that makes me feel good on the inside, I like that, it makes me happy, so that's kind of where I'm at, um, but other than that, you know, like, I don't think there should be, like, yes, hashtag America, like, I love America right now, like, it's really, it's just for the, the memes and the jokes, and, uh, you know, to, for the fellow American history lovers, so that's that, I guess, what else do I want to talk about, I don't know, give me a second, okay, I'm back, and this is just random, but I'm feeling, um, I'm feeling so sweet and nice right now, because I was, like, looking at things, um, to talk about or whatever, and I remembered, like, the, the 36 questions that we did, and I looked them up just for, like, shits and gags, um, and I was, like, reading them, and it brought back, like, such little, like, memories, and I was, like, oh, like, that was so special, I felt, feel like that sounded, like, I said it weird, but it wasn't, it was, like, I said it weird, but it wasn't, it was meant to be, um, not sound like that, I, um, that was, that was a very nice time for me, and I, I liked it a lot, I really did, like, I had a lot of feelings that night, some of them were judgmental, yes, but, like, that says so much more about me than it does about you, so, but that made me feel so sweet and nice on the inside, anyways, give me, like, five more seconds, I have to figure something else out, okay, I haven't, I still haven't come up with something, but I was, I was looking through my notes, and, um, and, uh, I have something, I just, I have it, like, locked, so I couldn't, like, see what it was, but at the top it just says, like, new, and then the only thing, I just unlocked it, and the only thing that's in it, in all caps is, this is good, period, he is good, period, don't overthink, period, you are safe, period, you deserve this, okay, love, whatever, okay, I, like, this is on me, because clearly I didn't plan well enough for this, okay, like, I did, like, I had, like, themes that I was gonna do, but, like, they just aren't, like, it's, like, all too heavy, and, like, I just don't want to, like, put you through that, like, I don't know, I was just, like, I wasn't even in my feels, I was just, like, in my, like, oh, I love feelings, and, like, this is so fun to talk about, and, like, honestly, I'm such a boring person that, like, it's the only thing I know how to talk about, I'm kidding, it's a joke, I'm not boring, but I'm just good at talking about that type of stuff, and I guess it's, I think about it too much, so, it's all that I, I've, I, I'm, I've been thinking of right now, so, anyways, um, I guess what I'm gonna talk about, I think I've landed on just talking about, fuck, I don't know, okay, so, I totally fucked up this podcast series thing, whatever the fuck I was doing, and, you know, I feel real bad about it, but it's been a weird, it's been a weird couple, couple days, couple weeks for me, so it caught me some fucking slack, maybe, um, but I figured the best that I could do, the best that I could give you is just a real nice, real nice ego boost, and then you can just play them over and over again, and you'll feel good about yourself, you know, especially since I know you're a little anxious about some of the people there, so, I'll start by, well, I tell you this too much, like, I've, it's like, if I say it too much, it's gonna, like, you're gonna be like, we get it, and it's not gonna be like, um, you're not gonna be like, oh my god, she's so sweet and so nice when I say it, like, it's just gonna become normal, which I think is what you want, but, like, I need something, you know, like, I need something in my back pocket, but, anyways, it's just about how beautiful I think you are, and, you know, because I think you're one of the most handsome boys I've ever seen in my life, um, but I digress, because I don't want to boost your ego too much when it comes to this. Ugh, why do I have a problem boosting your ego? It's because you know how good you are, it's because you love yourself, and you have self-love, but you still crave external validation, like, be real, I know you do, you always do, but I'll give it to you anyways, because you deserve it, because you're my sweet lover boy, and, you know, I guess I kind of forgot, like, I forgot what love was like, and I'm happy for it, and you're obviously, like, I'm not trying to compare you to anybody else, but just, like, the feeling of actually, I don't know, feeling loved and feeling supported, I forgot what that was like, and I'm so, so grateful for you to give that to me, and to give me room to grow, and to be there while I grow, because a lot of people would not deal with this, most people would not deal with this, I would say 99% of people would not deal with this, but, you know, I'm hoping it's because you actually do really love me, and you do really see a future with me, where we are just happy, and, you know, I hope you get something out of it too, I don't really know what yet, but maybe we'll figure that out. You know, I guess I'll just say random things, random thoughts that come to my head, just because I'm like, that's what being with me is like anyways, so this is just a very accurate piece of me. My, ew, sorry, got distracted. One time in middle school, in one of the bathrooms, it was across from the auditorium, there was, like, this, this, like, metal, like, hole, like, okay, it was, like, it was a door, like, this metal tiny, like, door, and, like, it was unlocked, but I had, like, one of those locks where you could, like, unlock it with, like, your thumbnail, you know, like, you just, like, put it in and twisted it, and I guess it was just, like, left unlocked or something, so I opened it, and, like, it was, like, a hole in the wall, and there you could, like, see, like, the concrete, and, like, some of the pipes and stuff, so naturally, I decided that this would be, like, a little secret spot for me to keep things, so I put snacks in there, and what else did I put in there? I think I just put, like, snacks in there, and then, like, I told, like, a couple of my friends about it, and we would, like, leave shit in there for each other or whatever, and it was, like, a fun, cute little surprise thing, but I was trying to gatekeep it, because I thought I was cool for finding it, but then I forgot about it, honestly, or, like, I just didn't go for, like, a couple days, maybe, like, a week, and I came back, and little mice ate my snacks, and there was mouse holes in it, so that's that story, just thought you should know about that, that little gem from middle school. Middle school is such a blur. It's great, though. That's probably why it's such a blur. Good times. Good times at Pond Road Middle School. Life was so simple. Life was good. I was happy. Everything was chill, but, like, was I happy if I was going late to school? Actually, you know what? I fucking was, and then everybody tried to gaslight me and think I had mental health issues just because I was going to school late. I'm, like, I'm literally beating the system, like, why are you guys trying to, like, dull my genius right now? Like, I'm just so smart, and you guys are trying to make me seem like I'm mentally ill? Yeah, way to keep the man down. Keep the little man down, right? Like, just fucked up. Anyways. Anyways, back to how much I love you. I don't know, man. Like, I just, like, I just, like, admire you, you know? Like, I just really, I really feel like... I don't know. I just... I just think you're... I just think so highly of you, you know? And I'm so bad at talking about it, but I just think you're so smart, and I think you're so wise for your age, and not to put you on a pedestal or anything, because that's bad for our relationship, but but I just... I really don't know anybody else like you, and I've never ever met anybody else like you in my life, and I just think you're such a special person, and I don't know why the universe decided to give me you, because sometimes I feel like I don't deserve you, but I 1,000% promise that I'm going to do everything in my power to give you everything that you deserve, because it's so much, and I just want you to be fulfilled, and to get what you want, because that would just make me so happy, and I'm gonna do whatever I can to give it to you. And I know that means doing a lot of work on myself, and you know, obviously you can't be the only reason I'm doing it, and you're not, but it is really good motivation, just because I want us to be happy, and I want you to be proud of me, and how far I've come, but I don't want you to say that, because that will probably make me upset if you said it out loud, but I want you to think it, and it can just be unspoken between us, but I don't know, I really just, you make me soft and sweet, and all I want in this life is to be soft and sweet, you know, like I just feel like I, that's, that's the goal, because I know that's who I am at the end of the day, like yeah, we have little tough girls live, and you know, that is like me, you know, that, no, that's who I was raised to be, that's who I turned into, but just thinking about little Liv, and who I was when I was just, before I really like put up any walls or anything, I was such a soft and sweet girl, I just, I don't know, I just was totally socially anxious, but just, but just kind, and a little awkward, but you know, so cute, so nice, her heart was just filled with so much joy, and so much curiosity, and just wanted to know everything, and you know, feel loved, and honestly, I just want to get back to that, I want to get back to who I feel like I was like born to be before, you know, life came along, and made me so fucking angsty, and annoying, and honestly, but sure to be around, like sometimes I'm just like, god fucking damn it, piece of work, like I don't, I don't know how you do it, oh my god, you're so, I love you so much, I can't believe you put up with me, please don't ever stop putting up with me, it, well hopefully, I feel like it'll get easier, but like we, we stay saying that, I feel like we say that a lot, or say that a lot, my bad, we just, we're always like, oh my god, it's so hard, okay, this is not a good thing, but I really do, it's been a very short amount of time, you have to like, sometimes I think about how much shit we've like been through in the, in three months, and I'm like, it's honestly giving, like a high school relationship live, like this is crazy, like this is what, I feel bad, like I feel like I should come with like a warning sign when I date, okay, hopefully I don't date ever again, but you know what I mean, like I feel bad that you didn't, you didn't get to read my warning label, okay, you know, I'm giving like Manic Pixie Dream Girl right now, like I need to stop, I'm not like the worst, but like, kind of, um, ew, I'm sorry, it's kind of cringe, uh, I hope you've eaten a lot of rice and beans, and dude, I was so hungry after work, this is, this is a tangent, but I'm so hungry after work, and I didn't have anything, so I went to Taco Bell, and what do I get? Just rice and beans, because like, I can't have anything else there, or like, I could, I was just gonna like, say fuck it, and like, get something, but I was like, that will literally make me want to die, so I didn't, but I got some rice and meats, and they were free, it was really good, um, and I got some water, that was good too, um, I have such a bad headache today, because I was crying, I was crying with you, and it was so nice, and it felt so good, and you make me feel so amazing, and I just, oh my god, oh, what can I say, like, I'm literally sitting in bed right now, kicking my feet, like, ew, I'm just a girl in love, um, sorry, sorry, what can I say, I'm just a girl, I'm just a girl in love, anyways, I don't know when I should cut this, I feel like, like, you're, you're gonna get through it, and like, I know you're not gonna want to listen to this more than once, because I don't even want to listen to it once, so I feel like I have to make it long, so you can play, like, five minutes, or two minutes every day, let's see, what is that right now, 27 minutes, god damn, what's quick math, two minutes, so I'm gonna do this 22 minutes, but you're gonna want to hear more from me than two minutes, actually, that's so not true, you probably really need a break from me, hmm, all right, let me see if I can find anything that I really want to talk about, and then, if not, I'll end it, this is so boring, I'm so sorry, okay, I'm gonna tell you a secret, um, like, since, like, the second, like, I met you, I have this running list, you're not about to ever ask me about this, because it's, it will be ongoing for as long as we're together, um, um, but it's, I have a list that I started, like, the, yeah, like, the second night that I was with you, called Reasons, and it's just a list of reasons why I love you, so I thought I would, I would give you some, some, uh, some, some off the list, just so you feel good about yourself, the very first one, I'll give you the very first one, this was, like, literally three weeks into knowing you, uh, Rumi said I seem really happy when I talk about him and smiley, so that's a cute one, um, another cute one, we went grocery shopping together, and it wasn't weird, I like that one, that was, like, crazy for me, that was such a step for me, another one too, he plays my favorite songs when I get in the car, because I remember, I don't know when it was, I don't know why you were picking me up, maybe you were just going to your place or something, but I remember it was night time, and you picked me up, and I got in the car, and you were playing Dead Sea by the Lumineers, and I had, like, just, like, so recently told you that that was, like, my favorite song, and you played it while you picked me up, and, like, part of me was, like, okay, like, cringe, but that was, like, for two seconds, and then I was like, oh my god, stop, that's so sweet, definition of, definition of if he wanted to, he would, but, like, that's not new, I like this one, hugs his friends and tells them he loves them, and then we have, like, a sub, a sub reason under that one, is that you're loved by so, so many people, he sees me, this one's an all pass, he sees me, he sees me for more than my looks, he thinks me and my brain are beautiful, I don't know if you've said that verbatim, but, like, I'm just gonna let, I'm just gonna let myself think that, because I kind of need that right now, so, um, again, he sees me, he just gets it, he said he doesn't pity what happened to me, and he's just sad for younger me, which I think I told you that, like, when I got back from spring break, maybe, and I was just, like, really going through it, and we talked about stuff, and you were just, like, I literally have so much, like, empathy for younger Liv, and you said even younger Kyle, which, not to bring him up, but, like, I was just, like, holy shit, this boy is so sweet, um, he makes me never want to sleep alone again, again, your handwriting, just a bunch of little things, I gotta keep some of these, I mean, it's running, it's whatever, but there's that for you, you're welcome, um, yeah, so, I mean, you just texted me, I'm gonna miss you so much, this is so sad gamer moment, I wonder what I'll be doing when you're listening to this, probably either working, hopefully, I need to, like, I need to gallivant so bad, like, I just, like, I just hate being, I don't like being outside, like, not, okay, I love being outside, but I don't like being outside in the middle of summer, I told you from the hours of 11 to, like, 4 o'clock, like, it genuinely makes me sad for some reason, and, like, I could not tell you why, but it just does, like, I love the summer after 4 o'clock, it makes me so happy, like, I'm on board with the summer thing, and then pre, like, 11 o'clock, I'm also on board, like, I love it, I think the middle of the day just scares me, because, like, I know that's when, like, most people are out, and I don't really like being seen, um, because I'm, like, a creature, so, that's it, and then also it's too, oh my god, you're calling me, slay, okay, it's, like, 4 in the morning, I fall asleep to your beautiful voice, because it's amazing and lovely, and now I'm gonna go to bed, I was, like, trying to, like, I don't know where I'm at for 8 o'clock to, like, get up, but I'm having some strange, kind of scary dreams right now, um, in this one, there was some Killmonger crossover with Mackinac Island, which is where Killmonger was founded, and, you know, the real Mackinac Island, so that was great, um, I was running to get, like, help, because there was fires, but we, like, knew, I don't even know, and I was running to get help, because I was, like, getting fire, there was, like, a fire, I was, like, to help, and, like, there's no phones, and then I saw my friend, and he was, like, over there, hey, and this giant, like, bug, like, flew, like, a beetle-type thing, flew into my eye, like, latched, so I had to rip it off, and then I woke up, and I was, like, you know, I'm flying tennis right now, I'm so done, so, there's that, I have to pee really bad, so I'm gonna do that, I'm so sad, I feel literally, like, like, on a plane right now, I think, which is so scary, so, it's an Oscar, I don't know, why is that scary, is it because you're leaving? There we go, oh my god, you know what, okay, excuse me, my throat is very itchy, my mommy used to do that every morning, she would, like, go like, oh my god, I'm gonna get so mad, it's so annoying, but I hope you go something else, adults, or just something else, all right, I'm sorry that this sucks, um, your birthday will make up for it, and by the way, happy 21st birthday, you are such an absolute blessing to this sweet, sweet earth, and you make it infinitely better every day, and there's no doubt about that, you are so amazing, and I'm so lucky to have you in my life, and it's like it's my birthday, because you're just a present every single day, so, do with that what you will, um, I am gonna go back to sleep now, because I am sleepy, um, I love you so much, please have the best time ever, and I can't wait for you to come back, I'm so excited for you to come back, and, oh my god, oh my god, ow, ow, I was just, like, laying, okay, ew, if somebody heard this part, I'd shoot myself, so I'm gonna stop talking, but you know what I meant, I, you know, fuck it, I just want to cuddle with you, and watch a little movie, I don't want to be alone, I want somebody to hold me, I want to hold you, whatever, I'll be fine, it's fine, I'm fine, okay, whatever, fine, I love you.