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The person is feeling regretful and guilty because they broke up with their perfect girlfriend and feel like they've made a selfish decision. They met their girlfriend, Kelly, in their early 20s and she encouraged them to pursue their passions. They fell in love and lived together for 2 years. Kelly brought up the topic of marriage, which made the person anxious about giving up their freedom. After a month of thinking about it, they decided to tell Kelly they weren't ready for marriage, but things didn't go well when they did. Today, I messed up. I'm breaking up with my perfect girlfriend and ruining my own life. I've never felt like more of a selfish idiot. I'm not posting this to get sympathy. I just don't know where else to turn. I feel like I've taken so many steps backward in life just because of this one idiotic decision. I just can't believe how delusional I was. I met Kelly back when I was in my early 20s. We both worked in a restaurant and were trying to make it through college. Kelly was an animal science major and she had dreams of becoming a veterinarian and opening up her own practice. I was just pursuing my degree in computer science because my high school counselor said it was a good idea. I really didn't have much direction. It wasn't until after I met Kelly that I started believing in myself and wanting more of my future. She encouraged me to think bigger and try to think back through things in life that really made me happy and make those hobbies my career. That's how I ended up switching to a graphic design major and actually getting a degree in something I was interested in. Kelly and I became close friends and instead of dating, a few months after we met, I fell in love with her easily. She was such a comforting, mellow person. She was wicked smart and incredibly organized. Even though she worked long hours at the restaurant, she never let her 4.0 GPA drop and graduated at the top of her class. We both signed a lease for our first place together after a couple months of dating. It was one of the happiest parts of my life and now I find myself constantly reminiscing about those days. I can't believe I had such a perfect woman and I let her go because of my own idiocy. We had been living together for about 2 years and had been together for almost 5 years when Kelly first brought up the topic of marriage. I hadn't really thought about it before and all she asked was that I saw it as a possibility in our future. I liked that she used the word possibility instead of directly pressuring me. I didn't want to lie so I said yes, it's definitely a possibility. Yet, her question kind of stuck with me and I found myself really thinking about getting married for the first time in my life. I thought about only ever being with one woman for the rest of my life. Our sex life was incredible but it made me sort of uncomfortable to think about never effing another person again for the rest of my life. I loved Kelly but I started to get anxious about giving up all my freedom and being attached to her. I was only 34 but I still felt like a young man, very handsome and fit and I didn't want to waste my younger years tied down. The more I thought about it the more wrong marriage started to feel. About a month after she brought up marriage I decided I needed to come clean and tell her I wasn't ready and I wouldn't be ready any time soon. I knew it would be hard to hear and even harder to come out and say it but I could never guess just how wrong things would go for me.