RELATIONSHIP CHARGE BY PST KOLAWOLE ADEBOYE

she cannot join you to do. That's a basic thing. Father we ask of you, we have come only to see you on this mountain, we have come only to encounter you. Individually, family by family life, touch us by yourself in Jesus name. Amen. What you alone can do, what you alone can perform, what you alone can do by the instrument of your word, by the instrument of your prophets, by the instrument of your blood, by the instrument of your touch, by the instrument of your love, you will pour upon us in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen. And your name alone will be glorified. Thank you righteous father. In Jesus mighty name we'll pray. You may please be seated, God bless you. I want to specially thank God for joining us this, for bringing us to this place again this year. Let's appreciate God with a clap of praise. Let's appreciate him. Let's appreciate him. I know it costs us so much to be here. And when encounters cost you so much, you can be certain that you cannot go back empty handed. That's the basic thing. You can't go back empty handed. And some are saying, well, why do I have to pay 35,000? Why do I have to pay 20,000? Amen. And we know the prophets paid for pastor, Kola paid for pastor, Gideon paid for pastor, Lord refer me something. Is that not so? Some of you said so. Because I know some who say that I have to pay by myself. And I paid more than 35,000. On behalf of me and my wife, I paid 100,000 for my personal pocket. Pastor Gideon paid more than the amount you paid. Pastor Lord refer me, paid more than the amount you paid. Why? Because like David, we will not give to God that will cost us nothing. When leadership comes with a cost, there will always be a price to win. There will always be blessings to receive. If you were at the convention this year, we did not see the impact of well increase in the crowd. We have never had that kind of crowd from the minister's conference. Not convention, from the minister's conference. The crowd was massive. Massive. And there were people that traveled for five days because they were coming for convention. They traveled by road for five days because they were coming for the convention. When I heard that, I said, thank God I did not make up any excuse not to come. Not to come. That was why I said, this retreat, I'm dragging you here. Amen. You may not like me because I drag you, but your testimonies will show that you appreciate it. Amen. I just want to give a little exhortation while we wait for the main diet which will be coming through our Father in the Lord. Shall I say, one of the newest pastors in charge of region. Pastor IY Tishola. Up to maybe a few days back, he was assistant pastor in charge of region. But as I speak, he's already a pastor in charge of region. And we are in his new region. Region three. So, it's a miracle. Amen. And tomorrow we'll be blessed also through the pastor in charge of province, the province in Niferwara. Pastor Agida. A lovely man of God who has been in ministry, in serving God in this mission for well over 20, 25 years or so. Who will also be blessed along with his wife. Along with the, with the principal in charge of Redeemers International Academy in Niferwara here. Who will be talking to us on the missing gap between pastors and their children. Pastors and their children. He has been a principal who worked at Redeemers Academy Valley Bowl in Chagam before he pioneered the Redeemers International School in Niferwara here which he has been leading for well over, I think well over 12 years now or so. And he will be coming to share because the bulk, 90% of those who are in his care are pastor's children. So let him come and relate with us along that line. I've told you the focus of our retreat every year is leadership and family. Leadership and family. Because your family and mine must always get better. And it will get better in Jesus name. Please follow me as I speak a little bit on marriage, ministry, new wine. Marriage, ministry, new wine. Romans chapter 12 verse 10. Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love in honor preferring one another. The word brotherly love there tells us one strong word which is the word friendship. Any marriage that friendship is not a strong component between that husband and wife is not a healthy marriage. Ephesians chapter 4 verse 2 and 3. Ephesians chapter 4 verses 2 and 3. It says be completely humble and gentle. Be patient, daring with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace. When the husband and wife can faithfully and joyfully practice the content of Ephesians chapter 4 verses 2 and 3, you can be sure that definitely every act of humility, gentleness, patience, daring with one another that is practiced by that pastor and his wife with members is genuine. But if there is no genuity of love, of gentleness, of patience, of forbearing between husband and wife, brethren, it is not real and not accepted in its practice in relation to the church that is called to lead. Further Ephesians chapter 5 reading from verse 21 says be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ. Though by placement God says the man is the head, that talks of dominion, rulership. And then the wife also is meant to submit. But by the time you are able to practice what is called subjecting to one another, which is an interflow of sharing what I would like to call dominion and rulership in the family. Because there are times that this interplay of principle is needed to swing from man to the wife and wife to the man by this principle of be subject. So there are times in the married life that the man needs to be the subject of his wife and the wife needs to be the subject of her husband. When this interflow is easily managed and is coherent in the practice of your home, then you can be sure, like I said earlier on, that that husband and wife will make heaven. Ephesians chapter 4 verse 9 tells us that two is always better than one. Because they have a good return for their labor. A good return for their labor. Can I pray for you, all families here, that as husband and wife we will not labor in vain. Because one of the places where laboring actually takes place is in marital journey. There are serious laboring that takes place. You will observe that from the moment you get married, your night vigil begins. The first set of night vigils that take place is that you must have a child. The process of having a child, having sex, that leads to conception. Sometimes one is sick, the other one is healthy, you can't sleep. Then when baby comes, oh God, your nights are never stable again. Even when they begin to grow, your nights are not stable. When they enter boarding school, your nights are not stable. Because there are times you wake up, you think they are in their room, you enter there, only to remember, after ending at the children, so oh, I forgot they are in school. Why? Because you wanted to go and check whether the best place has shifted from their body. Your nights are not stable. Even when they become independent and they marry, you wake up at night because you don't know what they are going through in their own room, where they are. The only time you can say your night is stable is when you are single. Let's be frank with ourselves. I walked in with a lady, I looked back, I didn't see him where he was sitting there. I had to leave here to go and ask, where did he go? Are you telling me that somebody will kidnap him in this environment? Those are normal feelings. The Bible said even God our Father neither sleep nor slumber while he is a father and is watching over you and I, who are his children. So if God does not sleep because he has no night, oh God, then as fathers and mothers, I pray again, we will not do it in vain. So God is saying here, that is why two is better than one. And despite these daunting marriage needs, marriage sacrifices, why two are needed? Ministry is now involved. Marriage itself is a ministry. The ministry is now involved and that calls for extra sacrifices and deliberate intentional efforts to be able to carry these two together. I have seen some persons who were married, ministry was not there, they were grateful to God and to themselves. And when ministry entered, marriage got destroyed. I have seen persons who had ministry before getting married. And when marriage entered ministry, ministry got destroyed. You and I have some several stories to tell. A number of times in the past, by October 11, it will be 15 years or so after we got married, a number of times my wife would look at me and ask me a question. That question normally humbles me. When she says, sir, are we still friends? What did I say? Are we still friends? I answer by telling myself, that means I have been behaving more as a pastor than a friend to my wife. Is somebody listening to me? Because she would say, I married a friend though, and I had to begin to ask myself, where did I lose touch? And then what are the practices of a friend? And then I begin to tell myself to go back to them. Wives that are here, go to your husband and ask him, are we still friends? When you get back to your room tonight, that is your assignment. What did I say? Huh? Sister Aridenua, that is your assignment tonight. Before you sleep tonight, go and answer that question. Brother Emi, she has asked you, you must answer that question. Pastor Demola, she has asked you, you must answer that question. Pastor Akinlosotu, she has asked, you must answer that question. Are we listening to me? Don't forget, despite the fact that God is our Savior, He made us friends. Despite the fact that He is our God, He made us what? Friends. Despite the fact that He created Adam and his image and likeness, you will come to Him as a friend in the cool of the day. Is that not so? So relate to Him. As Jesus said, I call you what? Friends. Wives, ask your husband again, are we still friends? Look at him in the eyes. Sister Rio, ask him. They don't need to answer now. I have told you, when you get back to the room, go and do what? Answer that question. Amen. Amen. Now why do we need to ask that question? Let me tell you why. Number one, there is a tendency that marriage and ministry have become unseen rivals in our world. Marriage and ministry have become unseen rivals. The husband is fighting for ministry progress. The wife is fighting for marital progress. Therefore, the husband sees the wife as an enemy and the wife sees the husband as the enemy. God's marriage and ministry have become what? Unseen rivals. In church, members accept you as a pastor, you are not the husband to the woman in church. And then you get back at home, your wife wants to see you as a husband and all he sees at home is a pastor. All your presentations, even at home, you are talking to your wife as a preacher. And as a teacher of the gospel. So she is not seeing a husband. Then there is rivalry. There is rivalry. So we need to assess it and ask. So each time my wife has been saying this and that means she is calling for marriage. While I am simply doing what? Calling for ministry. The Lord will help us. The Lord will help us. Number two, because some of us have prioritized ministry over marriage. We have put ministry above marriage. That even when you are at home, all you discuss is church. I tell my wife again and again, when I come in after office work and I enter the house. Most times, I don't want to discuss anything relating to youth programs. Yeah, I don't want. When I am home, let me be home. Let me feel that I am home. Not that I am inside the home, I am up to where I want to sleep. I am still discussing this area, giga area, that one area, clinical zone, that zone. Uh uh. That is what I am discussing or that is what she is raising. Glory to God. Please, I am telling you what I do when I enter the house. I was at a meeting recently and we were asked, what gives you rest? Several people mentioned several things. Some said sports, some said reading. I raised my hand and I said family is my strength of rest. Being at home is my strength of rest. That tells you my wife makes the home inviting. I can be inside my house and not open the front door for two, three days if I have that privilege. Because being at home is a strength of rest for me. For the 15 years we married, even when we had all the children, I did not leave the room for my wife and my mother-in-law. Are you listening to me? Never. They had come, she had come, we had just one. My own mother is late, so there is only one mother-in-law. Amen. Like I jokingly said to her, we got married, I said you only have one mother in between me and you. So there is no rivalry of mother-in-law. So let's remove the in-law from the only mother available. She is your mother, she is my mother. So even when she came and there is a need to carry the baby at night, she takes the baby to her and we come back to our matrimonial bed together. It is a rule. So this also can affect home. But I am praying tonight and anywhere we have prioritized ministry over marriage, that the Lord will bring restoration in the name of Jesus. God will bring restoration in the name of Jesus. The Lord will bring restoration in the name of Jesus. Do you also know, another mistake we make is that sometimes we feel ministry time is married time. That as we are spending time on ministry, culminates as we are spending time on marriage. They are two different things. So just as we deliberately create time for ministry, we are meant to create time for what? For marriage. Again, another error is that unknown to us, there are times that our marriage has become a ministry partnership of co-workers instead of co-lovers. We are meant to be consistent co-lovers in marriage. It is only in ministry that we are co-workers. In marriage, we are co-lovers. Even though we are working for our marriage to be better, but we are doing it out of co-lovers. Co-lovers. So when we are not bringing the mindset of we are co-liberals in church to become co-liberals in the home, then we have affected the standard. And then you find yourself running ministry thinking you are running the home. I pray again tonight that may we return to become co-lovers in the name of Jesus. Can your amen be better than that? Can your amen be better than that? Can your amen be better than that? Can your amen be better than that? So when we strike this balance and remove these abnormal behaviors that unconsciously we built in our mindset, we think we are working with the truth, not knowing that there is a wrong concept that we are running with. And then we correct these things. What are we expected to begin to carry on as you carry on from here? May I remind you some basic truth. It is that marriage signifies a new beginning. Signifies a new beginning. Because by the time you are crossing into marriage, there is a major ceremony that takes place. And it takes place between you, your wife, and God. And there is a joining. There are witnesses. There are witnesses. So marriage is living in the face of a new one that has no end in light of it. And marriage for me also signifies the need and provision for restoration. It means there is something we have lost as singles. That is why when God was referring to the man, he said the man was alone. When he would refer to the woman, he referred to the woman as a weaker vessel. So if God could call a man a lonely person in Genesis and refer to the woman in Ephesians as a weaker vessel, then there is a need for you to know that there is a need for a miracle of restoration. That is why the Bible says he that finds a wife finds a good thing. That means something good was missing and then obtained favor. Now when you find a good thing and favor is at work, these two basic things are strong components to enjoy restoration in life. I pray for you and I that the blessings that God wants to restore into our life for which he allowed us to be married, may we enjoy it in the name of Jesus. Can your amen be better than that? Can your amen be better than that? You can also consider those two things I mentioned just now are strong forces for marital bliss. So when God says he finds a wife, finds a good thing, as you see in Proverbs 18.22, that means God puts upon the woman the grace and the power to bring good things into your life. Again, God calls them instruments of favor and obtained favor from the Lord. Obtained favor from whom? From the Lord. So just as man is considered the head, like Christ, in thereby accessing dominion, the woman is an instrument of favor before God. So when we both come before God, as the head of the womb, you draw dominion power and as the mother of the womb, you draw favor. And brethren, dominion without favor is not stable. But when there is favor upon dominion, then there is a strong standing in our life. So stop ever trying to look down on your wife. She is a reason for your favor. Woman, stop looking down on your husband. She is a reason for the power of dominion. Why demons cannot overcome your womb? It is the essence of the power flow upon the womb. So God decided to do it so. So God uses the power of dominion to fill up the limitation of loneliness part of the man and uses the power of favor to be able to fill up the gap of the weakness in the man. Then two is surely better than one. So we need each other. So you may say, my wife is not working. She is the reason why you have favor in your work. Are you listening to me? Huh? You may say, ah, what is she doing? She is also a fool-ass wife. Let God show you. And you go and come back every day without nothing. You will realize that the aura that brings favor for you outside, you carry it from home by your connection to her. Are you listening to me? That is how it is. She is the reason why you are not laboring that you are being favored where you are. Because when you left home, you say she is not doing anything. She is sending prayers ahead. I am going to minister. I am going out. My wife is always seeking God's face. That time she will call the children. By now your daddy will start preaching where he has gone to. Here come all of us, the wardens, including the boy. And they will begin to pray. And of course, you know, children can make amazing demands. Big, big demands. Big, big, unusual demands in God's presence and where you are. Is he right? And you think it is because of the fact that you are anointed. Brethren, anointing doesn't do everything. Doesn't do everything. There are many who cast out demons. Without their casting out demons, they are never favored. They are never favored. And there are those, all they just do is just say a word of blessing into your life. And people run around them to say, ah, this thing works. Ah, I have come to say thank you. You realize when you are a pastor that members hardly appreciate you for your little investment into their lives. Church, you are displacing the source of favor at home. So basically, the Lord God Almighty will help us in the name of Jesus. May God help us in the name of Jesus. And there is a force of honor. We both attract that. Hebrews 13 verse 4. He said, the marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled. So you both jointly attract honor. Amen. So the force of dominion is on the man. The force of favor is on the woman. The force of honor is jointly connected together in the family. And we need this to succeed in life. Again, to me, marriage shows that you and me, both me and my wife, we are vulnerable. So we need each other. Individually we are vulnerable, but together we are strong. That was why the devil waited for when Adam was not available to go and tempt the woman. So never leave your spouse unguided. The Lord God Almighty will help us in the name of Jesus. Say, God will help us in the name of Jesus. God will help us in the name of Jesus Christ. A marriage is meant to push you to learn, to know God's will. Many never considered the importance of God's will until they began to pray for who to marry. Three of us. That is when the reality of that word, the will of God, came upon them. They said we must pray for the will of God. That's when we began to study what does it mean to have the will of God. How do I seek the will of God? Not knowing that God was using that to prepare you. Even for ministry. Because ministry is also about what? The will of God. Marriage is about the will of God. Ministry is about the will of God. Vocation, personal career, your choice is involved. Amen? You respect your choice. But two major areas where the will of God can never be underplayed. Marriage, ministry. Marriage and ministry. So that is why we can't underplay this. The Lord God Almighty will help us in the name of Jesus Christ. The Lord God Almighty will help us in the name of Jesus. Marriage also tells us of the principle of interdependence. Marriage as a way of breaking the ego of a man. Marriage as a way of compelling the woman to be submissive. For example, on the issue of Mary and Joseph in Luke chapter 1 downwards and Matthew chapter 1 downwards. We discovered that Mary was the first person that God spoke to. Hello, was her name Jesus being born. So it was Mary God first spoke to. It was when Joseph was considering putting her away because she was a child that God now spoke to Joseph. But now check after then God was speaking to Joseph. Hello, God spoke to Mary, she will be the mother of the Savior. God spoke to Joseph, don't throw her away, the baby now is of God. When Jesus was again, when Pharaoh was all in her, Pharaoh was to destroy, to kill children. Who did God speak with? Joseph. When it was time to return back in God, Joseph. But when you consider the home of Abraham and Sarah, right from the beginning, the fellow that God spoke to, from the beginning and more, was who? Abraham. Was Abraham. So, you must understand that your wife also has capacity to hear God. And most times in marriage and in ministry, what God tells our wives more to tell us are corrections. They are what? Corrections. Or sometimes instructions. And most times again, when a man is careless, somehow, the fellow who hears the instruction to guide is a woman. Is a woman. When we were serving in Kaduna, somebody among the female members was a bit close to me. I took it as normal. Until one day my wife said to me, say sir, be careful of that lady. I didn't ask her why. I first of all ran 2-3 kilometers away. I moved away. Later I asked her, what did you see? There are times you need to run before asking questions. Are you hearing me now? Why? Because the fellow telling me to be careful is also a woman. Are you hearing me? Is also who? A woman. So no matter how another woman goes to hide her intention, it takes a woman to know whether her intention is right or wrong. And brethren, your wife is actually preserving her marriage. Preserving her marriage. Preserving her marriage. And I pray again, that the place that God has placed our wives, may they fully occupy it in the name of Jesus. Can your amen be better than that? Amen. When we are close to this, other thoughts I will share later on. Marriage gives the power of prayer of agreement. In marriage, the power of prayer of agreement is very strong. You observe as a pastor, you are not in order with your wife. Heavens are closed. You are both not in agreement together. You are not at peace. One of the easiest ways to lose your peace is to quarrel with your spouse. Whether real, true or false. And you discover that if you quarrel in the morning and you go out without settling it, oh your day can be good. Pastors, brothers, am I right or wrong? It will just be confusion upon confusion. Confusion. You come back and say, Madam, Olo Dekide, Meko Wakwale, where are you? Because he didn't settle what he meant to be settled. It also affects the flow of the power of God. It affects the flow of the power of God. Pastors, brothers, am I right or wrong? One of my friends was sharing with me just few days back. He just decided to buy a new car without telling his wife. And then when they were bringing the car, a truck rammed on the car and bashed it. So when they told him, they have bashed the car, he said, Ah, I have not been eating meat for so long. And then he went to her and said, I have offended you. And he killed her. He then told her what happened. I have my own share of that. Amen. There are times you just want to show that you are the head. You forget that it takes the neck for the head to twist. Amen. If the neck does not move, no direction for the head though. That is one of the simple meaning of it. And husbands, one of the easiest ways to have peace of mind is to listen to your wife. Basically, listen to your wife. Amen. I remember one time I decided to spring a little surprise. And we have discussed the matter. Listen, any matter you have discussed is no longer a surprise. Brothers, are you hearing? There is something to be done. You have discussed it among yourself. It is no longer a surprise. So I got this redeemed car at that time, white and blue car, redeemed taxi, you call it those days. And there was no AC inside. And we were in the north, in Kanduna. We have talked of putting AC in it. Then just somehow I took it out on Saturday to the fellow that would fix the AC. The fellow fixed the AC. I brought it back, made her believe I was coming from the office, the church office. And then Sunday morning we were going to church. And then one thing led to the other. We were going to church in the morning. And we began to argue on it. I was a little bit wise before anger comes in. And then I parked the car. I began to remove my tie and to turn the car around. Where are you going? We are going back home. Church? I'm not going to church. I'm not going to church. I'm an area pastor. I'm an area pastor's wife. I'm not going to church. And then we left for church. And that day, I can't forget that Sunday service. Workers' meeting, the power of God was mighty. We struggled to close workers' service. It started Sunday school. I was in the little office we had at that time. I was drenched with God's presence. From there, I went into the service to minister. After service, a case came up. A woman traveled from Abuja to Kanduna to come and see me. A younger sister is in our church. She has been barren for about seven years. She eventually got pregnant. An x-ray showed the baby in her womb was deformed. And doctors said, flush it. A younger sister in our church said, come, God is answering the prayer of our pastor. And so that day, in the morning, the devil decided that me and my wife should fight. When the case came up, I remembered what happened in the morning. And then God gave an instruction. How he wants to heal the situation. He said, call your wife. Let her lay her hands on her stomach. If we were still disagreeing, do you think I would obey that instruction? Do you think so? I won't. Not being in agreement with your wife makes disobeying God very easy. Very easy. Number two, it makes hearing God very difficult. So I called her. She obeyed. We were fighting, and I have called her. The concerns you want to cause, she can get off from where she is and go out and do something else. She came. She laid her hands on her tummy. I laid my own hands on her own hand and prayed a simple prayer. And the deformed baby became a healthy baby. I still spoke with that boy about a year ago in Abuja. The boy is over ten, twelve years now. That miracle would have been hindered because of marital quarrel. You can't separate ministry and marriage. You can't separate it. Never in your life think you can do ministry without marriage. If you think so, you are a candidate of hell. Why did I say so? Jesus is coming back for a bride, and that's marriage. Is that not so? Is that not so? Jesus is coming back for a bride, Ephesians 5.27. When we get to heaven, Revelations 19.6-9, wedding is going to take place. Is that not so? Not church alone. Not church is going to marry Luma Shelembe, and God is going to marry us. Is that not so? And don't forget, a strong component about marriage needed in corpus wine ministry is the word relationship. And when God is going to make the roll call of those who will enter heaven, it is based on relationship. Matthew 7.21. Some say, in your name, we did what? They cast out demons. Deliverance ministers, carry on. In your name, we heal the sick. Those who are calling for the gift of healing, more than the gift of discernment to hold them, go on. But he said, I will say to them, I know you not. I know you not. I know you not. And what keeps you home growing? You know each other. Relationship. So when we go back to the first word I started with, I wish thee friends. The strongest principle of friendship is relationship. Is what? Relationship. The reason you decided to go to the altar was because there was friendship. True or false? True or false? The reason you said yes when he proposed was because what? There was relationship. Is that not so? What does seem breaks between us and God? Relationship. Relationship. So for ministry to keep going, relationship is key between us and God. For marriage to keep going, relationship is key between husband and wife. And that is why God compares marriage to church. Husbands love your wife as Christ did what? Loved the church and did what? Gave himself for it. I'd like you to rise on your feet and pray one prayer. Every way I have lost relationship, reduced in relationship between me and my wife, Lord let there be restoration. Can you please pray in the name of Jesus? Can you please pray? Can you please pray? Lord on this mountain, you will heal my marriage. You will heal my home. You will restore the potency of relationship, the power of relationship, the power of friendship, the power of cordiality, the power of unity. Lord God Almighty, let me and my husband be friends indeed. Let me and my wife be friends indeed. Singles that are here, pray Lord God Almighty. Lord help me to remain in an eternal relationship with my spouse. Eternal relationship with my wife, with my husband. Lord God Almighty, let there be unusual healing in our home, in our home, in our home, in our home, in our marriage. Lord help me, Lord help me, Lord help me. Help me to love my wife as you love the church. Help me to love my husband as you love the church. Lord let the power of our marriage work for us in our ministry. Let the love in our marriage work for us in our ministry. Let the wisdom of our marriage work for us in our ministry. Let the love in our marriage work for us in our ministry. Let the love in our marriage work for us in our ministry. Let the love in our marriage work for us in our ministry. Let the love in our marriage work for us in our ministry. In any way our love for each other have died, have dwindled, mighty God, you will intervene. Father, you will intervene. Mighty God, you will intervene. King of kings, you will intervene. Thank you righteous Father. In Jesus mighty name we are praying. In Jesus mighty name we are praying. I'm looking at my time, my time is up and I want to keep the time so we can have a session of unusual worship as we await our beloved Heavenly Lord. Please and please make the best of this time you are here. Between June and now, this is the fourth time I am here. Fourth time. June I was here twice. July I came. August I'm here. There is something about this place. Take advantage of it. Even when you are in your rooms, the presence of God is there. The environment, the power of God is available. The prayer halls are open. You can pray and sleep over there. Are you hearing me? Please ensure you don't leave here without unusual results. And the Lord will bless us in the name of Jesus. Let me ask your husband again, are we still friends?