The Power of Words 4.27.24

The podcast episode is titled "The Power of Words." The hosts discuss how people nowadays say whatever they want without thinking of the impact. They share personal experiences of negative comments affecting their mood. They speculate that some people might be unhappy and take it out on others. They emphasize the importance of being mindful of the power of words and caring about what others think. They also mention the positive impact of encouraging words. They believe that words can make or break someone's day and that negative comments can have a long-lasting effect. They reference biblical teachings about the importance of speech. Hello, everyone. Welcome to our podcast. We're going to call this one, The Power of Words. How are you doing this evening, Brooke? Oh, it's a great day. It's gorgeous out. Played a little tennis. Drove a nice, wonderful drive to the suburbs to visit a dear and old friend. That's great. Today is good. How are you? Great. Beautiful day. Sun came out and it was lovely and I'm planting flowers and contemplating so many good things. Oh, that's exciting. What are you thinking about? Sunshine and lollipops. Sounds good to me. Hummingbirds and butterflies. Roses. I love roses. Yes. And I was also thinking about our conversation last night. We had a little dinner with a friend of ours. Okay. So we are mature women in our 40s. There's three of us who we're talking about. Well, we're talking about what it's like being in our 40s and we haven't experienced our season of romantic truba yet and we're not the only ones out there. But since we've all known each other a long time, sometimes, you know, our memories come up when we start talking about some things that happened. And when I asked Brooke what the title of the show should be, she said, The Power of Words. Would you like to share, Brooke? Yes, I would love to share. I think The Power of Words, I think what's happening, I don't know if it's a change or shift in society, but I feel that I'm encountered in situations and conversations with people who just say whatever they want to say and I think I'm noticing some of the things they say are good and some not so good. And I think we live in a time where people just say whatever they want. There's no guarding of the tongue or of having wisdom to know what to say to your friend, to your neighbor, maybe it's a loved one, a mom, a dad. And I think that our speech should be one that we take seriously and it can guide things that happen in our lives. Yes, so one of the things that Julie mentioned last night, which I thought was, I was a little surprised that she verbalized it, that the negative things that people have said to her, the hurtful things, it gets stuck in her head and she remembers from many years ago. I thought that was profound because the same thing happens with me. And, you know, do you want to elaborate at all on that point? I think what happens is, well I think what we mean by this is we encounter people, well at least I'll speak for myself. We encounter people, they could just pop up in your elevator or at the store and they just have an element of, I want to say like a busybody or someone who you may not know or know casually and just have a way of inserting their opinion about what's going on in your life. And like yesterday, it started for me, I went down to pick up a gift bag because I was going to my friend's top of birthday and I didn't have time to get to the store so I had DoorDash for me. I didn't have any wrapping paper and I just think gifts, I'm really into gifts and I like them to look good. And I don't want to just throw like, my doorman was like, you can just wrap it in a newspaper and I'm like, no, it's going to take time to pick out something and it just shouldn't look nice. So I was like, let me just call DoorDash because it was about to rain and I didn't have time to drive up to Target and I'm losing a spot in Chicago, it's always hard to find a parking spot. So I called DoorDash, they brought me a beautiful gift bag, I was able to place the gift in there and make it look all wonderful and beautiful. As I'm picking up my gift bag near the reception in my building, the concierge or doorman, I'm walking and I'm excited and someone says to me, oh, what's that for? I said, oh, it's for a birthday I'm going to. And they were just like, you still give gifts? That was the comment and I was like, of course, when it's good friends and good company. I love to give people that I like really great gifts. And the comment was, and I never shared anything with this person about what I was doing, it was just like they were in my life. And they said, well, dinner should be enough. And I got into the elevator and as they're saying dinner should be enough, the elevator doors closed. And I thought, wow, I just thought it was a very, I felt happy. I don't know when things come from delivery people, I feel happy and when I'm going to an event that I'm excited about or an occasion for a dear friend, I'm excited. And then I just felt like it was a balloon that was going up and then someone came and they took a needle and popped it. And then I just felt sad kind of like, what was that comment about? What was that about? What do you think? Right. No, that's a very good example of similar things happened to me. And, you know, it's like we're going along, happy-go-lucky, feeling excited about things. And then someone comes along and picks on you about something completely like objective reality. It's like, why is it bothering this person about what you're doing with your time and money and whether or not you want to, they're going to, there is not enough love in this world and someone's going to basically insult you because you're doing something very kind. And by the way, your gifts were beautiful and they really gave me a lot of joy. I love gifts and it means so much to me when I receive a very beautiful, thoughtful gift. Me too. I'm glad you enjoyed it and had fun creating it. So what is with this person who just comes in and tries to make people unhappy or whatever? I think, well, what I'm starting to realize, I think it's maybe she had had a long day. But I don't know the element of why can't you be excited for somebody giving a gift to someone? Why can't it be, oh, yes, I guess that bag is beautiful. I know where I get my gift bags. You have a lighthearted conversation about, oh, I like to buy these gifts for friends and it's an exchange of fun ideas. But instead it had to be, I felt it was a very negative experience. And then I thought, well, maybe she feels left out. Maybe she's not getting gifts. I try to look at it from her point of view. Maybe no one has bought her a gift or maybe she can't afford to buy a gift or maybe that's not something that's customary in her life. But I didn't understand why. I was like, well, we see each other and we are on good terms. So I'm trying to wonder if people don't have an outlet for things that happen to them during the day. So it's a buildup and then they see something good and they just want to like crush it because they're unhappy. I don't know. I don't know. But I'm kind of, to be honest, I'm a little set up with meeting these situations. These negative encounters that are, you know, it's just so unnecessary, you know, and I wonder if part of it is they don't realize how powerful their words can be. That might be some part of it. The other part of it is, like, I know several people that it's almost like they're talking, I guess it's verbal processing where they just, whatever is in their mind comes out of their mouth. And I wonder if that's like a sign of maturity and wisdom to think about things before you say them. And maybe it's just a habit and self-control, you know? I agree. So I think people like you and me and Julie, like, we're really good listeners and not everyone's a really good listener. And some people just really don't care what other people say or think. I think, like, there's someone I know who said, you know, I rarely care what people think. And I'm thinking, well, is that really supposed to be a good thing? Like, I think when you care about people, you care about what they think naturally. Like, I think you should be able to care about what people think and say, right? So, but at the same time, I do feel like I can't get stuck on what, because people say negative stuff to me all the time, right? And I struggle with it. I'm like, I just can't even go out of the house today because I don't want to hear it. Whatever it is, I don't want to hear it, you know? Right. So I think it's something to think about because on the one hand, I have to protect myself. But on the other hand, I don't want to lose my humanity and not care about what people think. I agree. And life is to be lived and to have a good time. I mean, not everything has to be a negative comment. And I don't know if they get a charge out of the comments for them. You know, they get... They get some kind of emotional reward response or something like that? I think so. And I think we live in a time where saying outlandish things or things to startle or react to someone is very... People, I think, are very used to now doing that. Like they purposely antagonize. Like that is something beyond my scope. Intellectually, I can understand that people do that. Right. But to me, it's like so horrifying that people actually do that on purpose. Right. What do you think the saints would say or God would say about the power of words? I think in Scripture, Christ says that you'll be judged by every word that comes out of your mouth. Am I wrong? No, I remember somebody telling me that. I remember learning that. Maybe it was my grandmother who told me that. But I do think that is something we need to be thinking about. I think so. And I have to preach it to myself, too. I'm not... Right, right, right. I need to work on it. But... We all do. But on the other hand, when somebody... I do have people in my life who say very encouraging things. Good. And it makes... It can make or break your day. I mean, depending on what you're feeling that day or what you're going through or your season of life, somebody's words can make or break your day or your week. Yes. And God forbid something that I said would stick in someone's mind for 20 years. You know what I mean? Like something negative, which I think the three of us last night, we each expressed some woundedness from someone who said something terrible. Yes. And I think, well, biblically it says in the book of Proverbs 15.4, a gentle tongue is a tree of life. I love that. But her verseness in it breaks the spirit. So, biblically, we're breaking the spirit if we're not choosing the right words of someone else, potentially. Even ourselves. Ourselves talk to ourselves. The narratives that go on and on. Yeah. By saying, I'm not good at this or I can't do this. Or maybe he or she's better than me. And that's another way too. Yeah. That's a very good point. We have to change those narratives that go on in our minds sometimes. And I think what happens when these words are said, you know, I'll be driving down the highway or down the street, I think, what was that about? Is that something I did? Was I flaunting the gift bag? Was I saying, look at my gift bag. I don't know. I came downstairs. I was excited. Somebody called me. They said, something's here for you. And I was excited. I don't, it's like a kid at Christmas. Even though that gift bag wasn't for me, it was for someone else. I wanted to see, you know, the bag. What it looked like. And I guess maybe she wanted a gift bag too or something. I took it as, I tried to look at her after that because I was kind of, I kind of got fired up in my soul a little bit. And I try to think, maybe she feels left out of something. Maybe her significant other isn't buying her any gifts. So it's just an excuse to say, you know, isn't dinner enough? And why are you getting a gift? And, you know. Right. No, dinner is not enough. I love the beautiful gift that you got me. I don't know what else to say. Nobody else, you and Julie were the only ones who got me gifts. Julie, her gift was beautiful too. Very beautiful. So. I mean, I don't know. That sounds spoiled. I just think that a lot of people get a lot of gifts on their birthdays. Maybe I'm wrong, but. Right. And I think birthdays are for that. It's the day someone was born, you know. Well, that's it. Like, I'm very pro-life. And so it's like, why not make a big deal about somebody's birthday? I've always felt that way. It's like, you know, our lives are a tremendous, generous gift from God. Can you give these listeners maybe a three-step plan, if you could think of one, to manage what happens when they encounter these types of people? Do you have any advice for anybody, what you would do? I thought you had a story one time about somebody's mail or mailbox, or I thought there was someone in your neighborhood. I don't know. I'm dreaming this up. I always remember your stories, but there's something with mail. I thought a man was, forgive me, I could be somebody else. No, this is interesting. What is it? I'm trying to remember. A mailbox, a man, a man in a mailbox? I don't know if you put the mail, we were trying to drop mail off at the post office. Oh my gosh. Do you remember this? I remember parts of it. Okay, because there's like, there's this drive-through mailbox at the post office. Okay. And it was like, one of those winters that was like a freezing, freezing cold. Wow. And for work, I had like a hundred letters or something. Okay. And I didn't, whatever, maybe I should have just gotten out of the car and brought it inside. But it's one of those things where I drive up to the mailbox, and it was only me, but it took me so long to deposit all of the mail into the mailbox that like, there's like, you know, 30 seconds later, there's a line of cards behind me. Oh boy. And I'm on my last batch of putting the letters into the mailbox. And this older man gets out of his car and approaches, like, and I'm scared of, it's a long story. I have trauma. Anyway, a strange man gets out of his car. He's approaching me in my mind. It's me putting the mail in the mailbox. And he swore at me. And I, he said the F word. Oh my gosh. Like, I'm sorry. You know, whatever it was. And I, it was just total reactionary. I just, just yelled at him because I was scared. And I was, I was thinking how, like, you don't get to just approach me because you want to mail a letter. Maybe you should go inside if you can't wait, and swear at me. Right. Like, no way. But the thing was, is that I was, I got startled and I was scared. It was completely reactionary. Which is rightfully so because you were trying to get this mail and maybe you have a limited amount of time and then it's hard when it's cold outside because you have to struggle and then you probably have to take your glove off because you needed to know what was going on. And, you know, this, this man, I was going to call him a gentleman, but he wasn't being gentle in his use of the power of his words. They were powerful words, but he wasn't exercising the dignity of being patient, which is a virtue of exercise. And I think to circle up, I think to make a circle with this conversation, I think people are missing virtue. Absolutely. That's why they're choosing the reactionary instead of being like, oh, it's so beautiful that you buy your friend a bag. Oh, she's got a lot of letters. Maybe I need to get out of the car and see if she needs anything or approach my neighbor in good will. Or he could have just said, excuse me, I'm just going to pop this mail, my letter in here. Right. Like what's the big deal? Right, exactly. Like he's going to swear at me, like, and be threatening to me over mailing a letter. I mean, whatever, he was probably having a bad day, but like, yeah, so that's what we're going to do. We all have bad days and we're just going to spread it around so everybody else has a bad day. When we don't choose to be in a happy mood, we just, it's like word vomit. I hate to sound so, but it's like, let me word vomit and these words that are not being chosen appropriately in the form and the act of being good words, when they're bad words, they're like vomit because they don't feel good. And when you're sick and you're maybe throwing up, you don't feel good. So yeah, that's a good point. No, it's good. So your question before, if I understand it correctly, is like, so if you're the person who's on the receiving end of the negative words, what are the three steps? Yeah, it's a three step process. Well, yeah, I'm thinking like, you know, what's the goal? I think one of the goals is to protect yourself. Exactly. Another goal might be to correct, like fraternally correct the person who says it to you. Right. I like that. I like that in a kind way. Yeah, absolutely. And then maybe the third goal is to have peace and let it go. Right. So that might involve like just forgiving the person and asking God, you know, what is this about me? Yeah. Like they didn't get gifts or he's in a hurry and maybe he's worried he's gonna lose his job or who knows, maybe he's fighting with his wife or something. Yeah, exactly. So I like that. And I think these could be things people can really use. Yeah. So they're protecting, you know, because when you get hit like that with these words, your mental health can take a toll if you don't learn how to neutralize these situations, you know. I think if you're a self-aware person, you're self-reflective, and when somebody says something harsh to you or criticizes, then you're thinking, did I do something wrong? Is there something like what? I mean, maybe most people don't have that self-reflection, but that's what it's like for me. If somebody says something mean to me or whatever, I'm like, did I do something? Like, why would you approach me like that? Yeah. So maybe that's like our first point of discernment, that it might be the case that they're just hurting and it has nothing to do with anything that you did. Do you think that if this, like, let's say it is somebody in someone's life that's very close and could be a relative, it could be a friend, it could be, do you think taking some time apart is a good idea? Because sometimes, okay, it happens once. Okay, maybe they're having a bad day, but then what happens, maybe they're not. Maybe they are continually speaking in words that are not good for the goodness of the other person's soul. Yeah, I think sometimes you have to. I think it's really hard to make that decision. Right. And, you know, sometimes I just wonder if it, you know, if it's someone who's really close to you, maybe just a weekend getaway, just like a little retreat or something can help, because I think the constant stress, like if you're, if you're being verbally abused every day in your safe place, your home. I mean, some people, they can't get away, you know. Right. But that's why we have like these, you know, protective parts that end up coping until you can find a safe place. Right. Right. I think the world needs to create a class, whether it's educating about being self-aware toward others and others and a respect and dignity for like human beings in general. They might not be your best friends, but, you know, just the fact that like these things can add up in people's heads and then people can take it out on themselves when they hear it, you know. Like, what did I do wrong? What did, you know, and I think education on proper choices would be good, in my opinion, you know. Yeah. Sorry. Absolutely. Okay. To be honest with our listeners, I ordered food and I'm like, oh, my delivery person is on their way. Oh, great. Okay. Yay. And hope that they make it here safely and that everything's good. So, I guess we can wrap it up now. Wrap it up like that gift bag and those presents that you got. It's a beautiful gift. Oh, my goodness. I mean, you know, like the seven, is it the seven love languages? Love it. Five? I don't know. Is it five or seven? I don't know. I know that there are a lot. But I love it all. I love the words of affirmation. I love the gifts. I love the quality time. Like, I love it all. Check mark all those boxes. Totally. And the funny thing is, when you're telling your story about, I love receiving deliveries and stuff in the mail. I'm not even kidding. I know. It's fun. We could do like a whole other segment on like the lost art of letter writing. Because I loved, when I was a kid, I loved writing letters. I can definitely talk about that. Yeah, I even, one of my last serious boyfriends, it's been so long ago now, but he and I, the cool thing about that relationship is we would write letters to each other. Real, handwritten, pen and ink letters. We need to discuss this next time. And yeah, I really love going to my mailbox and getting something special. Anyway, thank you so much, dear listeners. Thank you, dear listeners. I hope you enjoyed this. We enjoyed it. I love you. And remember the power of your words. Make good decisions with words. You don't know what somebody else could be going through. Absolutely. Okay. God bless you.