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Greetings, greetings, greetings, everyone. This is your so Jazzy home girl, Jazzy Jones is in the studio. You all know how we do it. I have the guest of the year. Let me tell you why I say that, because you guys have called me, have texted me, have emailed and said, girl, how can we get on the show? I mean, right before the studio session has started, I'm getting texts of how can we listen to this? Now y'all know how we do. We are not doing live just yet. We are still in our first season and girlfriends and boyfriends and all those she, they, them, whomever you would like to be called, production is not ready for live. I'm just saying. So for the interns that have contacted me that have not shown up, I love you kisses and hugs, but I need real production to show up for the so Jazzy home girl, media and podcast to be effectively running on live. So for right now, we are just recording, but yo, I got Dr. Joy in the building. My God today. So before I bring her on, because you know, she's fabulous and y'all, we're going to talk about it. I'm going to tell you right here, get your kids out the room, people, unless you are those forward thinkers that have those conversations. And I do mean deep conversations because we will be not holding anything back today. So get the kids out of the room, get the seniors out of the room, get yourself out of the room. Bring those people in the room that are ready for the conversation, because this is something that we need to talk about. Sex. Let's talk about. Oh, I'm not licensed to do that. Nevermind. We're going to tell you what to do. You know what to do for those of you that have listened to this show multiple times. Thank you so much for doing that. Go grab your favorite choice of drink, kick your feet up and let's get into it. Of course, today I have my queen mug because I needed a little ginger tea. I've had too much coffee today and I needed to kind of be calm if that's even possible. But nonetheless, we're going to bring Just Singing on the show because why? We want her to reach a billion plays and I promise to God I'm going to do my best to make sure that I do my part and make sure she gets it out. So once again, we have Just Singing, J-U-S-S-S-I-N-G-I-N. Y'all can dance, y'all know I do. Y'all can dance, y'all know I do. Y'all can dance, y'all know I do. Y'all can dance, y'all know I do. Y'all can dance, y'all know I do. Y'all can dance, y'all know I do. Y'all can dance, y'all know I do. Y'all can dance, y'all know I do. Y'all can dance, y'all know I do. Y'all can dance, y'all know I do. Y'all can dance, y'all know I do. Y'all can dance, y'all know I do. Y'all can dance, y'all know I do. Y'all can dance, y'all know I do. Y'all can dance, y'all know I do. Y'all can dance, y'all know I do. Y'all can dance, y'all know I do. Y'all can dance, y'all know I do. Y'all can dance, y'all know I do. You guys have asked for this topic. Well, really, I asked for this topic because it's interesting to me and it's important to me. As a life coach, as a minister, as a woman, as a person in relationship, it's important for us to be able to have healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. I'm going to say it one more time, healthy sexual relationships. One of the classes that I had to take involved human sexuality, and it is probably the class that changed my life. Moving into my Master's in Marriage and Family Therapy was also something that, as a sex offender counselor, I did group therapy sessions and realized that there are so many things that people don't know. In talking to offenders, they were deep into a lot of sexual activity, but had no clue of how the body works, why the brain does certain things, and then what led them to deviant behaviors. Didn't really want to stay in that space, as we talk now more about energy. We're talking about 10, 15 years ago that I was in this space. I transferred a lot of those skills into the education space and working in schools, I saw it manifest itself through children because of family environments. The spiritual side of me said the devil is attacking the family structure. Girl, I'm about to shout at this child. Some of the baggage, some of the messages just were not healthy and they were being reproduced, and then we saw children committing suicide because they didn't have a safe place to express themselves. We saw school systems that would take out the actual details that are needed as an adult from health class. You got the PE teacher that's teaching health. So, like, there's so many different things in the system that are breaking what we need education-wise for being an adult. And then I got into working in a fun environment because we had too many churches, too many institutions. You see that Bible over there? Lord have mercy. That did not want to discuss this. So you can have singles ministry, you can have couples ministry, you can have even trying to help people that are on the brink of divorce, but let's be proactive and not reactive. Prevention is so much better than the cure. Exactly. So getting into a fun environment was a challenge initially because it went too fun, and then I was like, I'm about to be a madam. That's not where this is supposed to go. And being able to then reach families and be able to then reach single men, single women, where taboo topics became more of not just what I could educate on but then also assist in application. So I didn't go the sex therapist route. I went intimacy coach because therapy in our culture will get this bad rep but a coach. It's so true. And being able to be sensitive to individuals and say, like, I'm not coming in with a particular theory because that's then what I would have to do. With therapy. Exactly. And the biggest thing, as I mentioned, is education for me to also relate to individuals, like, know who you are so then you can communicate that to someone else and be authentic in it. And that confidence that comes from being able to educate about yourself becomes sexy to other people. So my business is everything's sexy because it truly is. And it's the lens that we look at things. I love doing, usually I do this around, like, Thanksgiving time. I start talking about food and aphrodisiacs. And, you know, a lot of people are foodies and so they don't really see how, like, how can food be sexy? Well, when you think about Thanksgiving and you think about the sound when you're mixing macaroni and cheese. She about to start. And when you think about, you know, the texture of cranberry sauce when it's on your tongue and you just swallow it and what your nose does when it smells all of the different, you know, scents that are in the room, the pumpkin pie. And then when you got the turkey that is glistening and the legs are wide open. And she just made a turkey. Lord, I ain't going to look at turkey the same way ever again. So everything's sexy when you start getting deep into what you like, what pleases you, and then you understand that everybody deserves pleasure. It's just the perspective. And oftentimes women are given a message that you please other people. Some men will get that as an act of service. I'm pleasing other people. But do you know what pleases you? Are you also able to receive that? And then that becomes that balance. That becomes that work. So it truly is like getting a little deeper, but you doing the work and being able to explore and enhance your pleasure and be okay with what pleases you. Girl, okay. And thank you so much, everyone, for listening. I'm about to go cook a turkey. I'm just saying. Lord have mercy. You touched on so many things. I'm like, Jazzy, just be calm because she can come back. Okay, so let me just take it in little doses. One, I want to go back to sex offenders. That's a whole other show, and I really do want to invite you back for that because I think that's something extremely important for us to address because we have a lot of people going to prison for sex acts when they were very young, right? Been in jail for a long time. I have a family member who has been in jail since 17. He is 62, maybe, right? Blah, blah, blah. Whole other story. But nonetheless, he was a part of a gang, and that was the initiation. When he wanted to pull out from the gang, it was either you do this or we're going to do this to your family. We can talk about that another time, how I was kind of targeted in that area. But nonetheless, how do we come back from that? How do we heal? What is the process? So another show. Y'all, she's going to be back. Okay. Number two, children and having family trauma, being molested, being sexually abused, being sexually exposed. Sometimes people don't think that showing children porn or exposing them to sexual behavior is not molestation. Yes, it is. Hello. And so how then do we have these young children? How do they come back? How do we target that? So y'all, two shows, look at that, bam, bam, bam. So we do want to talk about that, and I'm so glad to know that that is an expertise we have. Dr. Chanel Miles, I don't know if you know her. She's amazing in trauma, and, oh, my gosh, she's so phenomenal. But those are some of the things that she also deals with, so maybe we can have both of you guys on. Dr. Miles, did you hear that? Okay, so that's that. What I wanted to tell the audience is this. Y'all, I be bringing smart people on the show that's got some credentials and got some back me up. So though this is not a live show, please, when you do hear this, if you want to DM me messages, questions, if you want to e-mail questions, we'll have my information. We'll also have your information on here so that people can get in touch with you. She has a book. She's going to talk about all that and retreats and everything. I'm just saying. So, okay, now that I got the oh-so-serious, not-so-happy energy, but getting from pain to empowerment, right, that's one of our series, and so that can be a part of that. So now the juicy, back to the turkey leg. I'm just saying. Back to the cranberry sauce. One of the things I did hear you mention is that you talk about education and you talk about coaching more so than therapy, and we are of the chocolate flavor and descent. And one of the things that I found out many years of talking about this, because I so wanted to be a sex therapist, but that wasn't cool in a real Christian everybody minister family, and so I didn't get to do that, but I've always opened up to talk about it as a hairstylist. Honey, we used to have after dark. After 7 o'clock the clients came in. We did a thing, honey. And they were like, oh, my God, Jazzy, you really know. But the taboo in the black family, the taboo in the church, my whole thing is if it's not coming from home and it's not coming from church, where are we getting it? Where are we getting the information? Because oftentimes it's misinformation. Or we're watching the porn and thinking that's real. Is that right? Yeah, it's not. It's work. And, you know, maybe I'll have a porn star on for you because I know a few, and they're like, Jazzy, it's work. It's fake. It's work. It's entertainment. And so we're trying to, you know, scope ourselves and scope our relationships and scope our sexual activities to that. And we're like, girl, I can't even get in that position. I'm having a hard time. And my back hurts. What are you talking about right now? But I did have a married couple one time say to me, Jazzy, I really, how do you do deep though? And I'm like, how would I know? I mean, I know, but how do you think I know? Who's teaching the pleasurable things? Who's teaching the education to the point that it's comfortable to even talk about? So I'm glad that you're here, and I'm going to let you take the floor back because that was a long piece for me. That was a long piece. Well, honestly, when you talk about who's doing the teaching, you do, as I mentioned, you have barbershops, you've got aunties, and some of them are hearing from peers, colleagues, from their experience or what they know or the messages that will oftentimes, when people are in their 20s and they are deciding, do I want to keep what my family has embraced or what has been downloaded from my family versus what I'm exploring and seeing out in the world. And so that exploration time for some people becomes confusing, and depending on the personality type, will depend on whether or not I just stick with tradition, take the safe route and be curious, or whether I go to the other end and I get so curious that I'm acting out of character, and then I don't know how to find my way back to a place where I feel comfortable. So there are so many different ways that people end up, especially, like I said, in the 20s, because that's age appropriate to discover. But then when we get into, like, our 30s, that's the point where we end up having just a little more life experience. We end up feeling like I can take more risks, but they're not going to be the same way that I was doing it in my 20s. At this point, you then start hearing from other sources that may be reliable, but as we mentioned, then it becomes more reactive. So you might actually go to the gynecologist and tell the gynecologist about something that you're experiencing, and, you know, you got fees with this doctor, and those type of safe places of education become places where there's a perspective that they're coming from. So even if you were in a religious institution, they're still coming at you from that place. So it's not really until you seek out someone like a sex therapist, an intimacy coach like myself, there are other categories where you can go and get the education from a reliable source that you're able to then not have a perspective that they are bringing in. They're just sharing the facts. Now, back in the day, we would watch HBO, real sex. We would have Dr. Ruth. Girl, can I just? We would have. That's real sex. Baby, I was glued. And the saddest part is because you were in ministry or because you were Christian or because you were a Jew or a Muslim, whatever your religion or whatever your belief or not, you just had to be like, I can't tell nobody, I'm watching it. But sex is everywhere in the States. Everywhere. It's marketing. It is how, as we are now in a freer society, now we see it in things that were not sexualized are now sexualized. Everything. I like Kirby cars. Just being able to have an understanding of what's in front of me, why is it in front of me, and what should I do with that information is the same way of where you go, what you should consider from that particular source. Because, yeah, you can talk about it in the barbershop. You can talk about it in the hair salon. But are they talking from their experience or are they talking from a place of their perspective or are they talking from facts? Right. And so one of the things, because I study sexuality and intimacy worldwide, is as you talked about Muslims, I lived two years in Dubai. Come on, Dubai. And being around, being in a Muslim country where, like, you could not and should not have such free conversations, I was able to still attract some people that were like, you know, this isn't it. Only the women would, you know, gather together. But it was like I'm really curious about this. I don't know. And I don't even have the right to even choose some of the things that you're talking about, but please share with me what that's like. And so that experience even changed something for me because at the time it was, I don't know, can I say? Maybe you can say anything. Okay. We don't have any. There is no censor. Okay. Okay. Let me just come in real quick before she says. Before Dr. Joy says what she needs to say, let me say this again, just in case you just came into the studio. This is a whole show about pleasure, about sexuality, about education, about stuff that we like to do. So if you are sensitive to that, go on and walk out the room, I'm just saying, and you can come back in at another time. But she's about to say something. Y'all ready? Okay, go. Well, this will be my last PG story, and then I'll go into talking about penis, vagina, condolingus, analingus, all of the other good stuff. All of the other good stuff. I'm a user anatomically correct. So sitting in a room with someone from Pakistan that talked about it's easy for you to talk about pleasure when you have a choice and when you can be Nicki Minaj and do whatever you want. But it was that perspective that helped me understand, like, yes, we can talk about this and we can do these different things, but from a different perspective where you cannot, that's too much freedom. That's too much choice. Having arranged marriages and being able to figure some things out with someone that you did not choose was their lifestyle. So talking about a lot of these things here in America where it's like culturally we go to the Caribbean area and it's certain things like you have some Caribbean men that are like, I'm not putting my mouth in between her legs. Ever. But you also have some Caribbean men that are like, I'm not going to masturbate. But then you look at prostate cancer. Men should be ejaculating three times a week. Yes, yes. Whether that is through masturbation or through penetration because it's healthy to get those things out. And that's the same thing with women. Women need to understand the changes that their body goes through and that it is not something that should be taboo because we've got to be able to talk about what not just pleasure-wise but why it pleases us and why our libidos as women are higher in our late 30s, early 40s, but for men it's in the 20s. So then what do you do when it comes to relationships and being able to talk about it? Right, and how to balance. Exactly, being able to talk about your urges. And if you're interested in suppressing it, then why? What is making you feel that you cannot be horny? I just love you so much. I love this. You guys, I love this so much because we don't have – I feel like, cuz, where you been? Where you been, cuz? Cuz. Because we don't have these healthy conversations. We do not have these healthy conversations. We believe that sex is only – not we because I am not a part of that. But a lot of people believe that sex is only for reproduction. It's been banged into our heads for so long that you only have sex, and primarily for women, only to reproduce. From the man's perspective, it's you're my possession and that's it. And don't get it twisted. Some women feel that way too in same-gender loving relationships. But it's this taboo conversation, and it has been for so long, and we're living unsatisfied lives in relationships. And even in relationships with ourselves. And it manifests in other areas as well. And so even what you mentioned, just the way female body is organized and created, the clitoris, only reason for the clitoris is for pleasure. It's 9,000 nerves that come together in that area that go throughout the body. Do we get 3,000 more because I thought it was 6,000. My God, today. So 6,000 is actually in the frenulum of the penis where the head is. It's a little part that comes up. That's where all 6,000 nerves come together in the penis. But it's 9,000 in the clitoris. See how bisexual. But going throughout the body. And so this is why in some African cultures they cut off the clitoris. Yes. Because she will not have pleasure. Right. So, again, that mindset, being able to understand where some of the things that we think about come from and why, not just because somebody told you, but let's do a little, let's go a little deeper. And then if that is something where you're like, I don't do that because that's nasty. Nasty to who, how, why, when, for what reason? Come through. I almost want you to repeat that, but they can go back and replay that. Right. Y'all can just mash the button and go back and replay that. But I say nasty. Oh, honey, this is so nasty. Exactly. What do you mean, that nasty meaning as in dirty? Dirty as in something filthy, something unclean, something unnatural? To whom? Exactly. And so I can take it to one extreme. I can talk about the anal. But then I can take it to another extreme where even things that we smell. So you heard me mention before like understanding our five senses. Come on, sensuality. We are able to plug in mentally and say, what do I taste? When's the last time you tasted your tongue? Hold on, let me do it. It's just a concentration piece. It tastes like ginger. Go ahead. But it's a concentration piece because your biggest sex organ is your brain. And so once we understand that our brain is what's going to turn us on and turn us off, then we can start regulating that mind-body connection. So now it's like I see certain things and I'm attracted to that. So now that I know what I'm attracted to, then I can put those things in my space or I can tell my partner I want these things. I'm a bling girl. You got a blingy microphone right here. I wanted you to use it, but production wasn't ready. I was going to let you use it, girl. But those are things, glittery things, that attract me. And so that's something that someone else may also not just have an attraction for glittery things, but they want to feel it, they may want to touch it. So then you start putting those type of things around you where you're able to calm yourself down in certain situations, but you're also able to get yourself up in other situations because you've created an environment that's nurturing to your eyes, to the sense that you like, to what you hear. Different music can get people in different moves. Do you pay attention to that? Are you aware of that? I always start off when I do workshops having people get into the most pleasurable thing that they remember because the brain is wired to want more pleasure. You get something that feels good, you want to go back and get some more. And then you get to a point where not only do you want to get some more, but you want to get some more in a little different way. You want to try something. You want to spice it up. Exactly. And those are a lot of where we have to be okay with starting, so then we can explore, we can enhance, and then we can start really communicating, which is the next part of once you know being able to not just keep that in to be able and be comfortable saying it. So then there are different strategies and things when we really start getting into our feelings and connecting it to our emotions. And that's, again, regardless of gender, all of these things are, like, effective where you've got to know first, then you can articulate it, and once you're able to communicate it, then you can start creating your own experiences that are judgment-free. So I'm also a trained dominatrix. So I go into BDSM, I talk about kink. Wait, let me laugh real quick. Y'all, I told you one more time, one more time, one more time. If y'all not ready, please step out of the room. First of all, I think y'all missed the fact that she said that you are a candy. Yes, I was with Bedroom Candy for over 10 years, one of the trainers, really helping people understand pleasure products and, again, how to feel comfortable on the inside and out. Right, so if y'all don't know, if y'all have never been to the dungeon with Candy Burgess, I'm just saying y'all not going to be ready for Dr. Joy, so take a deep breath. Take a deep breath. Everybody, come on, let's have a moment. Okay, we're back. Okay, take your time, take your time. Go on home, back it up. She's doma, dominatrix. Dominatrix. Dominatrix, I always say it backwards. Okay. So a trained dominatrix. Which is what, for people who don't know? Is someone that has been trained on how to control a situation with a partner that is consenting, and usually that falls in the BDSM lifestyle. Which is? So B is bondage. Mm-hmm. S, BD is dominance. D can also be discipline. Mm-hmm. And then sadicism, masochism, the people that are hitting, people that like to get hit. Mm-hmm. And the other S could also be submission as well. So it's really having a role that you play in a consenting relationship that can have constraints on it, but what we like to use is boundaries. Mm-hmm. So in vanilla, vanilla is anything that's not kink, in vanilla lifestyles, that's what most people live, you do have a role. You do have some boundaries, but not putting that out there up front becomes where so much confusion comes in. Right, right. And where these unhealthy relationships come in. Right. Or these surprises at the end, which means you want a threesome. Yeah. Like all of those different things are things where it's like having that conversation up front is why kink lifestyles or people that are in the BDSM community don't experience a lot of things that occur in vanilla lifestyles because that's up front. You know your boundaries. This is what I like. This is what I want. This is what I don't want. Right, right. Exactly. This is what you can do. This is how long this will go on. Here's my safe word. Mm-hmm. So here's one tip. Kevin Hart did a great job with helping everybody laugh about safe words. Pineapples. So here's what you need to know. Pineapples have too many syllables. It really does. So when you are in a scene, when you are playing kink life. When it's role play. Exactly. Okay. We went out of vanilla, traditional missionary or whatever it is that does not have, you know, chains, whips, and, you know, anyway. Exactly. Continue. And honestly, you don't even have to have those things because you can role play just having more of an intimate connection with someone because you are role playing. Mm-hmm. So you may have a creative like yourself that writes a script. I do, anyway. And writing that script is part of foreplay for you. Right. Using, you know, the vanilla language. Right. So you might hold on to that script and tell that person you have a week that we're going to play this out. So that foreplay for you is building up day six, day five. Ooh, I can't wait. And that type of build up, that type of anticipation heightens the experience. Mm-hmm. That's the difference between vanilla and BDSM or kink life because there is such a more psychological factor that is involved in it. So when you have your boundaries, this may be someone that you never met before, but you watched them, you were in a dungeon. A dungeon is just a place that has devices. Mm-hmm. A good dungeon has a dungeon monitor to make sure that things don't go to a point. Right. Because it can be life or death because what the sub is doing is allowing the dominant to really take over power, trust, control, and authority. That's what BDSM is about. Goodness. Power, trust, control, and authority. It's not love romance. People that are into kink life were like, we happy, 50 shades of gray series came out. But it mixed up love. I still never saw it because it just didn't seem like it was worth my time. Mm-hmm. And even reading the books, it was just the mix up that it gave a lot of people. And you can have like a dual life, but that showed too much of the gray area in it. And when people are actually in that space, there's a mental breakdown that occurs, and then you trust your dominant person to bring you back. That's what aftercare is. So people that are trained understand all of these very detailed components so that it stays safe. Because you can break somebody down. Listen here, that whole choke hold, that whole choke, I can't breathe. You know what I'm saying? Like, no, no, no, no. I'm going to need you to come back. Come back. Come back because you're about to take me out. Yes. Yes. And you have to know that. So like I said, safe words being one syllable and being able to let go of so much. You have people that are bosses, that are dominant, that want to be submissive when they're in their intimate space. That makes sense, though. A moment to just, can I just be weak? Yes. Can I just, just for a minute, do I have to control everything? Yes. That makes sense. Yes. That makes a lot of sense. And then you have something that's called switchers. So switchers are people that are dominant and submissive. So they want that balance. And those individuals are, when they are in that dominant role, then they understand the boundaries of their submissive person. But then it's like, I want to switch. Now I want to be submissive because it can be exhausting to be in those spaces because you have taken all of their power, their control. And let me change that language. They gave it to you. Right. But when they gave you that power, that control, they trust you, you're in the position of authority. Honestly, they still have it because the moment they say that safe word, scene is over. This is my safe word stop. I've never been able to switch it up from anything, but oh, stop. As long as your partner agrees with that, then that is fine. Sometimes there are. What are some safe words? Sometimes there are easier things like the red, green for go, and not using yellow because it's two syllables, but using orange or gold. And so that is then a signal of red, like that stop, but yellow may be, or the gold or the orange, you are like getting close. And I think I'm there because some of these things may involve people fainting. Some of these things, and it may be okay for that particular activity to go that route. Like people are getting spanked. People are going through some things that may actually be intense, and it may not be out of protocol for them to get to a certain point that they're not going to be verbal. So you may need an orange or you may need a gold. It just needs a flash card. Well, if you got a gag in your mouth, then yes, you can have something that's visual or you can use a light. There's remotes that have different colors. Oh, that's a light. Yeah. If we had a video, y'all could see me cutting up. So yeah, there are absolutely, there are bells. You know, there are different things that, again, if you're not verbal, but also if, again, you're not conscious, then there are other things. That's some trust right there, buddy. But that's the reason why it becomes, like, different than being in that love, that romance, because the other person needs to be trained, and you have to trust that they know what they're doing. Okay, let me just stop you right there. So once again, we have Dr. Joy on the radio, the podcast, the microphone. And the one thing that I think is important for everyone to recognize this word, education. That's one. And then two, training, which means that you have to have someone either personally, online if you're not comfortable, to teach you how, if this is something that you want to bring into your bedroom, this is something that needs to be taught. Because let me tell you how I know. 40 years I have been a licensed cosmetologist, 40 plus. And because I've always been the person that everybody comes to, and I don't know why I'm telling you this, but I just feel so comfortable with you. I have heard bartenders, hairstylists, and barbers say that there is nothing. Okay? I say that until somebody tells me something, and I'm like, okay, that's a new one. When I got the gerbils story, I liked to die. I just completely, in the 80s, like to fell right on my face and died. And I'm not even going to talk about what gerbils do. Those of you that know, you know. But that was my, oh, my God. Right? But I do my best not to create spaces of judgment. It ain't my thing. It's never going to gerbils. I'm never going to be my thing. But if that's your thing, what is the education? What is the training? If bondage is your thing, if choking you into a state of you're almost dead and fainting is your thing, baby, you better learn how to do that. Exactly. You better know how to recover. You better have some next of kin conversation, who to call if it gets out of hand. Exactly. Conversations. But the whole thing is training. But I do want to say that it's important for anyone that's listening, if this is something that you want to do but you're afraid to do because you have had some type of trauma in the past, it is important. I know for me, I was raped at 19. I was molested at 13. And for me to have a sex life that I love it is a miracle. It's a whole miracle. Right? Like it's a whole miracle. But I do, and I'm okay with that. But I'm also, when I have a trigger, I go, whoa, not you, just give me a minute. And it took a lot of counseling for me to get to that space of saying, it's not you. It is not even about this moment. But because this moment brought back, you know, we did a little something, hold on, give me a second. So the trust factor has to be there, whether it's, you know, long-term relationship, loving relationship, I just met you yesterday relationship, if that's what you do. But it has to be, listen, I'm trusting you. This is where I have been, not planning to bring it in, but just in case this pops up, give me just a second. I'm going to pull it back together. Well, you know what else, Tassie, before that, you've got to trust yourself. That's it. And so that also becomes a part of, as I mentioned, like knowing who you are, so then you can say that this is a trigger, this is something I'm uncomfortable with. Because we do have people that their norm is to do things that they're not comfortable with. Right. And so they've let people use them as the person that they can try, practice, do all these other things on and push boundaries and learn on. And that person is just like, you know, this is how I am, like I just do any and everything for everybody. And that first part of who am I has to be answered before then I can say this is a boundary or this is a trigger or this is something that impacts me in other areas. Because sometimes people are not even able to be aware of that. They've spent so much time looking at other people versus themselves. It's so true. You know, I don't know that – I think we all should have a therapist. Honestly, a coach, a therapist. We need somebody that we can feel safe to say, one, this is what I've been through. And that doesn't always have to be traumatic. It's just this is my experience, right? And so I need to be able to go, I don't know what to – because if I'm a virgin, I don't know what I'm doing. And I look at kids that are like, I'm gay. Have you had sex? No, I just know that I am. So then what do I do with that, right? How do I have sex? How do I have full penetration or no penetration? How do – I mean, honey, when you – my hat is off to all the men. Let me just give you all a clap. Let me just give you all a clap right now. Because when I became aware of love and I was open to loving a woman, baby, listen, I had to call an old boyfriend. I said, I need to talk to you for a quick second. He cheated on me, so he owed me a favor. And I said, I'm going to need you to do something. And he said, what is that? I said, I'm going to need you to teach me how you do what you do to me. That feels so good because I need to do that to my new woman. He was like, you got to be joking. I said, but you remember you cheated on me. You owe me one. You owe me one. And, you know, becoming confident in the areas of taste and penetration and submission into any of those takes practice. It takes confidence. It takes trust. It takes trust. Somebody got to train you. We throw people out there and go, okay, you're old enough, you're consensual, you're married, you're whatever it is. Now go do it. I don't know what the heck I'm doing. I don't know how to please myself because I'm scared to touch myself because I've been taught that that's taboo, women or men. And then I've been taught that I'm too young or too old. I'm too something. So I don't know how to do it, much less now I have to please you too. Well, we also have to start with using a mirror and looking at our genitals. And, again, knowing those parts. Like I talked about the clitoris. Many people have never seen their clitoris. They don't know what it looks like. Right. They don't understand labia or your lips. You got inner. You got outer. They don't understand that those nerves that go throughout, that go into the G spot, the G spot is only two to three inches inside the vagina. So you don't have to have seven inches for penetration to get to the G spot. That's what she said. That's what she said. That's what Dr. Joy said. You ain't got to have that. But anyway. But that's the type of education. Like, yes, you can absolutely have, you know, a preference. There's an A spot that is there as well that is almost right on the opposite side of the G spot that also can be stimulated through the anus. Girl, come on. Tell me about the A spot. Okay. Wait a minute. Go ahead. So, again, there are so many biological things that not only are we not taught but we're told is nasty, is dirty. I had to talk to my mother about this with my nephew because she's like, don't touch yourself. That's nasty. You can't teach him that because that's how the body works. And then you're going to be upset that somebody else that might be a pedophile is giving him a safe space to touch himself. Right. And he finds it pleasurable. Exactly. He doesn't want to tell you about it because then he also thinks he's going to get in trouble. Yes. So a lot of the things that are early age are even for girls going through puberty. Like the breasts and developing and being self-conscious of all those different things. We've got to understand where our blocks are or why we feel the way we feel. So then we're able to have that understanding of who we are to connect with other people and be in those healthy relationships to explore. So we were talking about the anus. The anus is universal. It's at the A spot. So the A spot is actually still inside the vagina. It's just the G spot is two to three inches curved up. Y'all, I wish it was video. I'm sorry. I can't see me doing the come hither. She's doing the bunny come to me finger. Yeah, the come hither motion. So I'm using my forefinger and my middle finger. Let me video. Let me video real quick. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. So this is the basic. But when you do this, you get advanced. And you see I'm holding my fingers down. Well, you don't want to actually hold the fingers down because when you're inside the vagina and you're doing this, you're able to get to the G spot. Now you're able to get to the clitoris, and these two fingers are stimulating the labia. Girl, let me zoom in. Go ahead. Say it again, girl. Say it again. So normal is this, but you're holding those fingers down. Use the two in the middle so then you can still get to the clitoris, and these are still moving to stimulate the labia or the lip. I'm trying to help y'all today. Good God, everybody. Good God, everybody. Okay. So using, again, those type of strategies, techniques, you're learning. Your partner is learning. You can have your partner practice on you. Everything doesn't always have to be in the sexual where it ends in orgasm. It could be exploration, and being able to be okay with that becomes, again, that mental piece where you understand you've got an objective, and that objective is just exploration. Right. Because then you know that the pleasure part can come later, and more pleasure can come later. And going back to talking about the anus and the A spot, so the G spot is on the upper, but the A spot is the lower, which is the reason why you can also get to it from the anus. Different than two knuckles inside the anus that goes down, that gets to the prostate for men. Men oftentimes don't realize they can have multiple orgasms. They don't know what they don't know. Because they are also taught that when there is that prostate stimulation, the penis is going to get erect, so then they naturally start touching that. They ejaculate. They have to go through refractory periods. They've got to spend some time recovering. A couple of moments. But you can have an orgasm from the prostate stimulation and have multiple orgasms as long as you don't ejaculate. You're welcome, crowd, and guests, and audience. I'm just saying I'm here for the community because this is important for couples, for people who are, and for yourself, for you to know what pleases you and how can I be pleased. And I love that you're talking about men because men get so – they love – how do I know because I was married? Y'all know my name has been Elizabeth Taylor's sister because I've been with a few people. Oh, Lord. But nevertheless, men have often been – especially straight men, okay? Gay men, they got it. They know what to do. But straight men feel like don't touch my butt, don't do my butthole, don't wait a minute what you're doing. And I remember my husband, one of them – we're not going to say which one. One of them back in the day was like, wait, wait, wait. I said, do you trust me? He was like, wait, hold up. I said, but do you trust because I'm wide open, so I got to trust you because you're all up. So when he finally calmed down, he was like, yeah, but I said, just trust me. I would never do anything that would inflict pain unless that's what you wanted, but that's not even where we're trying to go. And so when I began to touch him in different areas that he was not used to being touched, he was like, God dang. And I said, men have the same type of need for pleasure. You guys are not taught that. Really, to me, I think men are taught more how to be dominant and just this way of pleasure only, but they're not taught how to receive other than oral sex. If it's oral sex, they got that one down pat. Anything else, baby, they have no clue. And it translates outside of the bedroom. And so that goes back to what I was saying. Your biggest sex organ is your brain. So being able to get a person to understand, as you said, the trust factor, you can break down some of those walls that didn't make sense, but they trust you. Because the anus, universal, same nerves. So if you think with your penis penetrating her anus is okay, then what's wrong with her penetrating your anus? It's because of a mental block that somebody somewhere told you that this shouldn't occur. But there are some men that will pay somebody else to do it so that that whole stigma that has come across in a culture is not something that's transferred. Exactly. And so there's just, again, those type of realities that I went to a predominantly white high school where they were okay calling themselves virgins as long as they didn't have vaginal penetration. But they was getting it orally all day. Yes. That's the thing. And doing other things that is like culturally, we just have to be aware of, okay, so what are the facts? And it's not, as you mentioned, it's not a judgment thing. But for me, I'm always like, as long as it's not illegal, like you can talk to me about it, bestiality. You can talk to me about like all these different things. You want to have menage a trois. You want to, you know, be in poly relationships, right? You like it. I love it. And I'm here to help you for whatever purposes that you want to use me to explore, enhance as your coach. But there are so many other things that we don't explore and simple things that we ignore that are pleasurable. Because we've been taught missionary, doggy style. You know, some people's toys are good. Yeah. Some people's toys are good. Some people's toys are bad. Toys are going to replace the man. No, it doesn't. The toy doesn't breathe. The toy doesn't have hair. The toy doesn't, you know, switch up like all these other things. But then some people are like, but I want what I want. I want the consistency. I don't have time to explore. Like, I know I put this on set in three. We good in two minutes. So, like, different people have different things, and they should be okay talking about them. So true. And you know what? I think a lot of people, same gender loving as well as, you know, any other names, hetero or poly or whatever, I think a lot of people that I have heard and I've experienced, like, well, why would you use a toy when I'm right here? Because it's fun. Because I want to, right? And it does not exclude you, but it's an inclusion with you. And a lot of people don't talk about that. It's so, girl, how many times are you going to come back to this show? Just go on to be an affiliate show and just go on and have your once a month kind of thing. Because it's so much. And I already know I can just feel the people who are going to be like, when is she coming back? How do I get in touch with her? Because it's a lot of information to try to fit in into one little tiny show. And I'm sitting there like, oh, my God, I had so many questions, but this is so good, right? But one of the things that I did want to tell people, I hear this a lot, that's that new school stuff. We didn't talk about that, you know, back in the day. Listen, Aristotle, do the math. Do the math. Go back and do the research. Sexual education with animals, how does the reproductive system work? All the way back, right? In the 1800s, I think it was a woman, I forgot her name, but corn sexology. 1800, 1800, a woman. Why y'all thinking we don't have nothing to do with nothing, right? So it's been going on for a very long time because people have wanted to understand the rights to say, to do, the pleasure, the reproduction. All of it has been relevant, but we've made it taboo. This type of topic for this podcast, I wanted to bring it on, and I've always, you know, done it here and there. But I wanted to be as expressive as possible, and we didn't even really get into it. See, I'm trying to watch the time. I'm trying to be good. And so I know you do have to go, but you got to come back. Absolutely. And then we'll break it down. Now that you know her, guys. Send in the questions. So you do break it down, and then if you have questions, and then we'll do a live. I'll do production. I'll get on top of production, and we can do a live so you guys can call in and ask questions. But do remember, even from my former network, I will have your number if you call in that crazy, and I'll be coming for you. I'm just saying. So respectfully, call and ask those questions when we do a live. Can I bring up one other thing? Yes. Because I think this is where I don't even know time-wise how we're looking at it, but I think it's important for everyone to also understand that we change. And I brought that up talking about the 20s, the 30s, the 40s. The body changes. Let's get into the 50s. Let's do that, shall we? And as the body changes, so does our pleasure. So one of the things in all of my workshops when I talk about, like, I start off with people visualizing, like, their most pleasurable moment. It's so that we can also do something called pleasure mapping. Pleasure mapping is drawing the body and indicating your yes for pleasure, whether it is what you like to receive or where you are open, your Xs for places that this is a no-go zone, and then your O for places that you're open with. And I do this strategically. I use music because one, like, a three-minute song for one particular thought, you might feel like, you know, you're going really fast, and then, you know, you're finished in 15 seconds. But, again, this is all about going deeper, being able to analyze, being able to wonder about things. So people will even draw, like, their body, and when they draw their body, like, they forget about their fingers. They forget to put their tongue. They forget about the ears. They forget about the backside of their body. So then they start going back because you need to be detailed. You got erogenous zones. It might be behind the knee. It might be the small of the back. It might be going down that neck, that ear, absolutely, inside the elbow, the bottom of the foot. So being able to pinpoint those different areas for your X, your Y, and your O, you might do this, and six months later, it may change. We were down, as you mentioned at the beginning of the show, down with NFL players where, you know, they're in their prime, in their 20s, but then they got injuries. Some of them are taking blood pressure medication. So those thinners are not letting them get as erect. As they get older, they don't have that same type of stamina because they got different injuries. Like, all of those things are things that will change. Girl menopause. Can we say command all pause? But then for women, we even have childbirth. And so the nipples may have been a very erogenous zone, but then when they became a place for, you know, food and nurture, then it becomes like, okay, that's not a place that I'm, you know, comfortable with. But you haven't articulated that to your partner. Or vice versa. I don't want to, like, you know, she's still there, and he or she is saying, yeah, that's where the baby goes, and I don't want to go there. Exactly. Or sex, because I know a lot of men, after they experience childbirth, they're like, yeah, I'm not going all up in that Grand Canyon. Not at all. Don't want to do it. It's in my head now. So that's why you have to revisit your map, and you have to be okay with looking at these changes and communicating that. So as you mentioned, when you get into your 50s and you start talking about menopause, or even in 40s and being paramenopausal, your body is going through the similar changes that it took 13 years or 11 years to start your period from birth. Your body starts breaking those things down for 10 to 15 years. So you can be paramenopausal 8, 10 years leading up to that full year when you don't have menstruation. And then they're like, okay, yeah, now you're officially going through menopause. But you're like, I had all these different signs. I had brain fog. You know, my body wasn't doing these different things. I had to change up my diet. Girl, I just need to have a whole menopause show. I've been looking for a menopause specialist because I'm like for real. Well, I won't claim I'm a menopause specialist. But what I will say is it's so connected to human development and how our body goes through changes, which then impacts our sexuality. It impacts our pleasure. She's coming back on for menopause, y'all. She's coming back. She's coming on to talk about different kind of sex and menopause. But the other thing is this is life. So then we're talking about people that have lived 50s in their 60s. Now you've got grief. And that could be loss of a loved one. That could be loss of a job. That could be loss of so many different things that, again, affects your brain. Then you internalize those things. So it affects what pleases you. You have a different mindset when you also have highlights that go on in your life. So now you've got grandkids or you've got other people. You've got Obama winning the election. Y'all, let me tell y'all a secret. It's not about to be a secret. So, yeah, I worked in the headquarters during President Obama's election in Chicago. So when he was elected, I was in Chicago. And I felt like, oh, my God, I helped do this. This is incredible. But prior to that, I was with, you know, one of my marriages at the time. We're not going to talk about how many and which one. And we were waiting for the totals. Like we were like, oh, my God, did we get Delaware? Did we get the? They be. When I say that was one of the most orgasmic type of moments that led to a whole sexual escapade. And I laughed at myself so hard afterwards because, like, literally, it was such a turn on. I could not even freaking believe it. Like, what just happened here? How did I get turned on? It was insane. So a testament to a highlight can bring you. It doesn't have to make sense. It just is what it is. And we are oftentimes taught, like, vacations. You know, we talked about, like, you know, just different things that seem like they're common and seem like they should work. And if they don't, then you feel like something's wrong with you on a vacation. I just leave me alone. I just want to get away from all of the many thousands of hats that I wear. Please don't bother me with all of that. But what I also talk to people about is a staycation and make your environment one and be able to create that. Where mentally you're able to go there and you don't have to always get away. You're able to get away where you're sitting in your space. So I've experienced orgasms in traffic. Come on, traffic orgasm. I said this is a show, honey. Oh. Because the mind controls. Can I just go ahead and give you the affiliate contract? Can you just be our person? Can you be my person? Dr. Joy, your show is about to go on production. Come on. But, like, those are the types of things that, like, when you understand, when you do the work, then when you get in your 50s and your 60s, you actually have a different level of understanding, a different level of energy. And then you can be, like, that role model. You can be the auntie that somebody looks up to. Call me. That can give information and can educate individuals younger or even their peers. And it's, again, not just from experience, but it's also from this may not be for you, so I'm going to share this with you. Right. And when I share these facts with you, then you take it and you do what you would like with it. Right. But what we oftentimes have is someone that is only telling us a piece of a journey and they're not saying, like, the whole thing. Right. So, like, now I'm also working with individuals that have gone through cancer treatment and being able to help them feel sexy after a mastectomy and help them understand, again, with chemo and lots of different changes that their bodies will go through, that you're still able to have a healthy sexual life. You're still beautiful. Like, a lot of those different things. That confidence builder. Exactly. And how do we start off saying? Knowledge is power and confidence is sexy. Right. Get the knowledge from a reliable source and then be able to, in your 60s, 70s, have enjoyable, safe. Because one of the highest rates of STIs or what people think of STIs. Wait a minute. She's about to blow your mind. She's about to blow your mind because I know what you're about to say. Yes. Don't talk about them seniors. Yes, it's in the seniors' defense. Yes. And it's because they still have erections. You've got lubricants for anybody that needs to get wet. And they're passing around because they're not making babies. Baby. They're fighting up in there. Oh, but Mr. Johnson is my man, honey. Exactly. I had a caregiver. Oh, that's a whole other show. I had a caregiver call me. Well, I used to drive Uber. Okay. Uber, you ain't paying me. I gave you a free plug. But anyway, and so I had a client that I used to go pick up. Every day. And she just became her. She was like, can I just? Can I just? Anyway. Did I say that? Anyway, so I used to go pick her up every day at 3.30. Hilarious. I'd be waiting for the stories. I should have videoed it. I should have just, you know, riding in the car with So Jazzy Homegirl because it was hilarious. And literally, women were getting in fights and men were getting in fights over one person who was the sex goddess or the sex god. And it was, I said, you're kidding me. She said, Jazzy, because they are long-term residents, we're their healthcare givers, we have to do things that I have now told my bosses I'm not doing. And I was like, girl, like what? She said, it's this one guy. He have sex with everybody. He can't even hardly move. Like they have to put him in a chair. But he gets an erection and he got a whole lot of mouth. So literally, they called, they buzzed her to come into the room. And when she walked in the room, he said, I need you to shift Ms. whatever her name was. I need you to shift Ms. Joy because I can't quite. And she was like, I'm not doing that. Her boss was like, you have to. This is your job. And she said, it's not my job to shift old people. When I tell you, I had to pull over. I couldn't even breathe because you are lying to me today. But she, you know, to bear witness to what you're saying, STDs off the chain, off the chart because they don't think about STDs because they're saying I can't get anybody pregnant. You know, that was the old school thing. Keep your underwear up, you know, cover up, do all this so you won't get pregnant. Hello, but are you thinking about what I can get even though I can't get pregnant? Exactly. Right. And there's, again, other things that, like there are different types of lubricant and they serve different purposes. But even backtracking to someone in their 30s, 40s that may have endometriosis where intercourse has been difficult, has been painful, and using dilators to help. Like there's so many different tools and things that oftentimes people are just taking their experience and just telling one perspective. And, again, I can't say this enough. The knowledge, the education to empower someone to be able to make their own choice, as long as they're an adult, that they can then decide, like, okay. And actually, let me take that back because it really doesn't matter if they're an adult. Because even if you have a child that's coming to you, just make it age appropriate for their maturity level to be able to educate them so that it doesn't stay taboo. Because things that are taboo. I told my kids at five, maybe four. I think Justin was four. I was like, okay, let's talk about this. Let's talk about mommy egg and the daddy sperm. Let me tell you what happened. And I remember my daughter and my youngest son said, mommy, what are you doing? I was having a wonderful love experience with my husband at the time. And they were looking under the door saying, mommy, what are you and daddy doing? I said, mommy is loving on daddy and daddy is loving on mommy. And they were like, but why can't we come in? I said, because it's our time. And so what I had established, and this may work for you guys because it really was good for me and my children. So I sat them down. And each one of them, we had love days. And I created it so they would know, hey, this is my day several times a day. I'm at that time in my 20s, and I do mean several times a day, to love daddy. Right? And so go away from the door. This is our time. And they were like, finally. They were like, okay. So what I taught them was we have different days. I take each one of my children out, and we have our love day. So on our love day, we do whatever it is we want to do. What do we love to do? What are some of the things we love to do? I love to go. Justin was always, I love to go eat crabs at Red Lobster. My daughter wanted to go to McDonald's. I don't remember what Jermaine wanted to do. But everybody had love day. We'd go shopping. We'd go to the park. We'd do whatever it is. And the other kid would be like, I want to go. Is this your love day? And they'd be like, no, but is this your love day? Because this is my time with whichever one. So now when I'm having sex with my husband, Mommy is having a love day with Daddy, you know, or, you know, same gender. Mommy is having a love day with Mommy or Daddy or Daddy or whatever. And so it gave us those times when no matter the age they understood, oh, okay, right now. My daughter said, but why do you always have to change your clothes? You all in the business. You all up in my business. But definitely being able to start the conversation when they're young so that it is not taboo when they get older and they don't feel like there's something wrong with that experience is so critical. And teaching proper terms. That is a penis. That is a vagina. I hate those two names. Not my hoo-hoo and my wee-wee. Girl, I like you. But because in other areas when you're talking to the teacher and trying to report, somebody touched you somewhere, if you're not being, if they don't know how to communicate that, then they can't really get the response, the appropriate response that they need. Well, that makes sense. And so that's where grooming comes in. This is kind of pulling back in that, you know, working with sex offender training. That's where grooming comes in because you've seen where the person, the predator, the pedophile is seeing this gap in education. And so that gap in education is an opportunity. Did y'all hear that? Please say it, woman. Okay. So this is a little bit. We started serious. We're not necessarily in serious, but I think that's worth repeating because I think, so I do a lot of sex trafficking workshops and education. I worked with Georgia, and I forgot her name. I'm so sorry. But I worked with her, anyway, to get the laws changed for predators to be punished more so than the victims, right? And one of the things that we don't do enough is start our children with the right training, what to look for, why are you targeted, and we don't teach parents either. So she's going to say that one more time. Yes. That gap is an opportunity. And so that lack of knowledge, that lack of using proper terms actually continues. And so that gap, then, when we see it in teenagers, and then we see that gap and that lack of education occur in 20s and then in 30s. So we started, you know, this segment talking about, like, in your 50s and your 60s, those are opportunities. And I don't want to necessarily say, like, get it right, but use this opportunity to be. Honey, yeah, say it. Say it to us. But use this opportunity to understand that there have been some gaps. I'm now learning how to do better. And don't just hold that to yourself. Share it. Talk to other people because it's not healthy, and it's tearing up, again, full circle, it's tearing up the family structure. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Oh, Lord. I feel like I should have some really kind of, you know, music that came on right then. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da. And this has been, you know, kind of situation. This really has been so great. Yeah, don't suppress the pleasure. Learn about it. Embrace it. Share it. It's love. Mm-hmm. And love indeed. I love that. I ain't going to say nothing about that. But anyway, what I want you to do right now, first of all, thank you, thank you, thank you. I'm all over the place. I'm jumping up for Joy because this is so, so good. And you will be back multiple times. She might charge me, y'all. Please send in donations. You know, one time people are like, okay, I'm coming. But then after a while they're like, wait a minute, girl, wait a minute. But tell people what you have going on, how they can get in touch with you. Now, y'all know we're going to be partnering up because y'all already know. I will do a retreat. I will do a workshop quickly. So tell them how they can get in touch with you and what you have coming up. So I am on all platforms. Everything's sexy. Two S's in the middle because we're super sexy. So E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G-S-S-E-Y-X. You can find me on Instagram. My website is everythingssexy.net. And I don't do a lot of posting on social media. I believe in quality over quantity. So you can definitely see I'm a reoccurring guest on a podcast called I Declare Love. It brings logic to love. It's for the smart, ambitious woman and the man who loves her. We also have a retreat that is coming up. That's a couples retreat. It is in Jamaica, November 21st through the 24th. It's called Mild to Wild Retreat. So I've partnered with a psychiatrist that is also a sex therapist. And she does more of the mild side with the massage. Well, just more of the massages because it's really intimacy. We don't want people to always think it's sexual intercourse. But the education piece that comes with it is that mental health relaxation. She's also able to help, as you mentioned earlier, with trauma trigger. And because I'm on the pleasure side, I'm on the wild side. We're going to interview a prostitute. We're going to talk a lot more about some of the wild things that you can do, give you some tips, tricks, and tools to use. And then I also still have my store with different pleasure products. But the main thing is my first two books, which is My World, A Manual of Pleasure. It is not on your main – I can say it. It's not on Amazon. Amazon, I gave you a plug. I gave you a plug. It's not there, but you can find it in my links. It is a guidebook, though. I don't want people to think that it's something to read. So more of a workbook. Absolutely. It is a manual, so you are filling it out. And it's got did-you-know facts in it, but it's also a way for you to, again, do your pleasure mapping, to be able to share that with other individuals. But it goes from mild to wild as well. So, for example, at the end, there is a role-playing script to help you write your own, if that's what you choose to do. There are coupons that you can create, coupon books for yourself or for your partner. So it's not just something for people that are in relationships. And then the second book came out last year, which is Communicating My Pleasure. And so it's pretty much learning how to communicate your manual. This is where you really get into your feelings. This is where you get into understanding that there's a receiver, and then there's a sender, and there's a cycle of being able to comprehend when you are communicating because that's when you're actually communicating. It goes into a lot more. That's when the relate part of the ship comes in. I'm relating to you. Yes. And so that's where, again, there's more exploration of understanding how to express your feelings, your emotions, and connect them to your pleasure. And being able to own that you deserve pleasure and that the other person should respect that whatever and however you are saying that this is what I will do, this is what I won't do, and this is what I'm open to doing. And then next month is the third book, which is the final one in the series, which is My World Experiencing My Pleasure. And this is where we're going to go into more of some of the topics that we hit on today, which is those life changes but also fantasies and fetishes and really being able to play those different things out. Well, girl, so basically we need all three books. Basically they take us in sections that we need to master to have the full level of pleasure. Yes. We're trying to get to the optimal level of pleasure. Because you'll be so much happier. Absolutely. So much happier. I want to be happy. I need a book, somebody. Actually, Tulsa is real, baby. It's real. It exudes. Yes. Now, how would they be able to get the books? Because if it's not on mainstream, tell them one more time. So it's on my website. My website has everything sexy. Yes. Dot net. Yes. Because I was like, dot com, I am not finding you. Yes. Dot net. And, again, IG, all of my links are there. And being able to, you know, contact me if you want to sign, copy, then we'll work through that as well. Now, workshops, individual workshops or group workshops? So both of those are on my website. I'm not currently creating any public workshops or doing any domestic retreats right now. Looking at that maybe next year, what usually occurs is I'll do a book tour. I'll usually do like six cities. And in the book signing, then there will be like a mini workshop there. But what I've also realized is people like to create their own groups and either bring me in for like a retreat or something, that they have kind of established like different people for this type of vibe, this type of energy to come in. So, yeah, I haven't put any of those together for this year. It's been a while. Yet, because she just met me, I'm just saying. She just met me. Okay, two more questions. Do you do like bridal parties, wedding parties of education, or have you thought about that? Because it's a time when so many people are together. To me, that is the perfect time to say, hey, by the way, I thought I'd just, you know, help all of us out. So that actually occurred through Bedroom Candy a lot. And I have not since. So I literally March 14th was like my official breakup with Bedroom Candy. So it's just, you know, two and a half months. But being similar to what we were just talking about, like when people have groups that they are pulling together, then, yeah, absolutely, I'm open to it. Y'all welcome. I'm just saying y'all are welcome. And the other thing was the Jamaica trip. Who is it going through? So it's our website, Mile2Wild. It's only ten couples. They're going to be vetted. So there's like questionnaire and everything. Absolutely. Because I'm a travel agent. Because I was like, ain't nobody called me. I'm just saying, we're on vacation 24-7. Yeah, so we do have the resort where everyone's going to be there. But for their travel arrangements, if they want to get there early, late, we're not dictating that. The other thing, though, that I wanted to mention was that when people have different events, as you mentioned, like bachelorette parties or bridal showers, I also do women's conferences. I go to churches. You know, I will talk about Ruth Prepared Herself. Like, you know, there's a lot of them. She can take it from Mile2Wild. Yes. Ain't nobody wilder. Y'all stop playing. Ain't nobody wilder than a church folk. So how do I know? My grandmother was a bishop. My oldest son is, I ain't going to tell you his business, but I'm a PK child, and his dad is a PK child. And the reason why, the reason why, number one reason why is because the conversation is suppressed. When a conversation is suppressed, when that information comes out of nowhere for people who have just kind of been living, what was the name of that show? There was a show where women were capped. It's a comedy, but it was where women lived up under in a bunker somewhere. And so when they finally escaped, I can't remember the name. It's hilarious. But, I mean, things like this happen. When you're suppressed, the moment you come out, you are just like a bird flying everywhere, hitting the walls. I don't know where to go. I don't know how to do this. So any information that you get, if it's not given correctly, it's just crazy. Right? And so you have so many people in the church. Oh, to my God, we are going to be having some Christian women retreat. See that, Bob? I'm just saying. But I think it's important that you're letting people know that because they are afraid to have the conversation. They are afraid to be wild. They are afraid to, quote, unquote, inside the parentheses with the bunny fingers that look like I'm going in the G spot upside down. They are afraid to talk about sex and pleasure. And as you mentioned, like that suppression is heavy. Yeah, yeah. And so being able to, again, have that knowledge. Yeah. And you do that. It's sexy. I love it. Okay, y'all. I'm going to have her back on the show because she's got to go in three minutes. Three minutes. Her production team is sitting beside her like, look, girl, this has been real good. But we got other things to do. Guys, thank you so much for joining us today because, for real, I say this all the time. You could have gone anywhere. You could have mashed a button on any of the millions of podcasts. But you stopped today just to take a little bit of time on Talk About It Tuesday, which is really on Monday, but it's going to roll out for Tuesday. Y'all be ready. Don't hit me up while I'm asleep. Put the notes in. I'll get back to you. You can contact me at sojazzyhomegirl at gmail.com, or you can go on all of the websites, I'm So Jazzy Girl or I'm So Jazzy Home Girl. Either one, you'll be able to send me respectful questions, which really means anything, but just be respectful at when you hit it to me because if you come left side, you know I'm going to block you. But you'll be able to talk to Dr. Joy as well on her website, which is everythingssexy.net. Don't do the dot com like I did. And you'll be able to hit her up and find out what good, good things she has going on. Y'all know I'm going to be in that, Jamaica. I'm going to be part of the Jamaica group. I'm just saying, don't try to come and learn my business. It's a safe space. You're going to be vetted. Anyway, thank you. Thank you so much for having me. This has been freaking incredible. And I knew it would be. I just knew it would be. So hopefully we can talk her into being on a regular on this podcast because y'all know y'all need it and so do I. I love you guys. Thank you so much. And we are out.