conflict overview

Conflict is a common workplace issue that most people struggle with. It's important to approach conflict sensitively and calmly, even though it can be tough. Confronting someone about a problem is an opportunity for improvement. Thoughtful and professional conflict resolution can actually create common ground. A story is shared about two departments at odds with each other, but their perspective changes after watching a video about a young man with Down syndrome. This leads to improved collaboration and less squabbling. Mastering conflict resolution makes other challenges easier. Out of all the topics that happen in the workplace where people need to improve or perform better, conflict is typically at the top of the list. Most people avoid it. Most people don't do it well. Most people don't have the knowledge of how to do it sensitively, thoughtfully, with empathy. It's a tough subject. When you have conflict, inherently at the root of conflict is disagreement, different views. And I often share this, especially in the United States. Think about a Republican and a Democrat going out for a calm lunch to discuss local matters or political matters. You're probably laughing. Conflict is tough. And I always remind people, confronting someone is nothing more than building awareness of where somebody has an opportunity to improve in a very tough topic that most people choose not to go. So when you have conflict, we have to have discussions with calmness. And it's tough, right? If somebody does something that upsets you, it's tough to have a calm conversation. Yet on the flip side, let's think about this. Let's think about somebody who doesn't show up for work on time and hypothetically you have to coach them. Would you honestly tell yourself, you know what, when that guy gets in, I'm going to scream at him, I'm going to get him in a headlock, I'm going to give him noogies on his head, and I'm going to really berate him to motivate him to come in to work on time. Now, it may not be a motivational matter, but I did that for a little bit of context and a little bit of humor. Conflict, when done thoughtfully and professionally, creates greater commonality. It sounds backwards, right? Let me tell you a very quick story. During the pandemic, there was a company with two departments at odds with each other. And the vice president who was leading this department, both departments, as a matter of fact, would sit down and one department would sit on one side, the other department would sit on the other. And he said it was literally like they were so divided. And he said, you know, we're lucky. We make products that are really needed during the pandemic. He said they have no idea how lucky they are. And we just squabble about the littlest of things. There's conflict all the time. Now, what I'm about to share is not a magic answer to all conflict. It's just a representation of how perspective and calmness and looking at situations differently can help resolve conflict. So one day, he had actually watched a video in one of our group sessions, and he took the same video, and he played it at a meeting with both departments. And it's about a young man who has Down syndrome, and he was the manager of a basketball team, and the coach let him come in, and he made a three-point shot at the end of the game and got carried off the floor, not by his team and crowd, by both teams and crowd. About a minute and a half video. And he gets done with the video, and this young man's name, it's Money Robert. If you look it up on YouTube, Money Robert Scores, you'll find the video. It's an awesome video. And he looked at everyone, and he goes, look, I hate these meetings. We come in, we fight all the time, and we fight because we're so busy. Think about this kid's parents. Think about their pandemic probably never ends. They're always going to have to care for this young man. Do we really have it that bad? And he gets up and walks out. And I said, why did you do that? And he said, well, I took your video. I go, wait a minute. I encouraged you to walk out of the meeting, yet it worked. One of the department heads came into his office and said, we don't want you to come to the meetings anymore. We need to work through this. You're absolutely right. And they started working more effectively together with little squabbling. See, sometimes when we have conflict, we want to win. We want to get our viewpoint out. We want to explain. We want to defend. We want to resist. We don't want to look at the issue calmly. Conflict, especially from a coaching perspective, once you master it and you really become comfortable and you really learn different ways to address conflict, everything else becomes easier.