Episode2BD

Body dysmorphia is a mental illness characterized by obsessive focus on a perceived flaw in appearance. It is not self-obsession but a serious condition that can cause shame and disrupt daily life. Treatment usually involves therapy and medication. 1.7% to 2.4% of the general population, or about 5 to 7.5 million people, suffer from BDD. It is important to have conversations about these topics and seek help when needed. Compliments can be triggering for those with BDD as they can reinforce negative body image. It is crucial to be kind and understanding towards others and focus on what comes out of their mouths rather than their appearance. ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម� ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្ម្� I'm Cheryl. And I am Rachel. Let's get into today's episode. So I want to start off, first of all, with the definition of what body dysmorphia is. So body dysmorphia is a mental illness that is characterized by obsessive focus on a perceived flaw in appearance. It is a not necessarily common, but fairly common. And it's also known as BDD, which is how I am going to be referring to it in the podcast. Yeah, because I feel like saying body dysmorphia a hundred times, it's going to get kind of old after a while. So BDD is what we're going to how we're going to refer to it. There are eight known or things to know about BDD. And this kind of will help get everybody on the same page. If you do not suffer from BDD, then you'll be able to understand a little bit more for people that do. BDD is a serious mental illness. It focuses on something, whether it be real or imaginary. It is BDD focuses on obsessive and repetitive behaviors that are a central part of it. BDD is not the same as self-obsessive, I can't say that word evidently, self-obsessive. That's because you're not self-obsessed. Yeah. There you go. Far from it. Individuals with BDD will suffer a lot of shame. BDD demands attention and can disrupt your life. BDD can cause a lot of stress and it can negatively impact academic performance and treatment is usually involves therapy and or meds. So with that being said, 1.7% to 2.4% of the general population, which is about one in 150 people suffer from BDD, which equals out to be about 5 to 7.5 million people, which when you think about it is absolutely crazy because no one talks about it. Again, this is, you know, we say in the podcast, nobody talks about these topics and they don't. And if this many people suffer from it, but yet nobody knows about it. Yeah. I had like, when we came up with this idea to talk about this for the podcast, I didn't even realize that that is what I had or what it was called. Yes. I just thought I was basically shaming myself on a consistent basis. Yeah. But that's because you don't know because no one does talk about it and it's, it needs to be talked about because it's like you and I, neither of us had any idea that we were suffering from something until we started doing the research on it and started having the conversations. And this is why we say, guys, these conversations are so important because you never know what you're going to pick up from a conversation and learn that you didn't know. And it could lead you to learn that you have something going on that you didn't know about. And it can lead you to get the help. Yes. That you need. Because to be honest with you, there are times where I have had people that will tell me that they have the exact same symptoms that I have, but they refuse to do anything about it to help themselves. Or when you tell somebody I'm on a medication that is prescribed by a doctor and they're, they look at you like you've got like an alien growing out of your forehead, like you're taking medication, like what's wrong? I had somebody point out to me the other day and it was kind of hilarious that they did it because it just kind of piqued me. I go to a lot of doctor's appointments, but it's because number one, I'm a veteran, so I have that ability to do that. Yeah. And number two, if something is wrong with me, I want it gone and out of me as soon as possible so I can get back to a normal life. I should be doing that, but I feel like I'm the complete opposite where I just refuse to go to the doctor altogether. Because you're so busy. I am. I don't like to make the excuse that somebody is too busy to do something, but my three-year-old is with me all day, every day, except for the hour and a half he goes to his speech therapy sessions twice a week. So other than that, he's always with me. Again, we've had the conversation. We don't know a lot of people around here and everybody else is busy too, so it's hard to be like, hey, can you watch him so I can go to the doctor for an hour? That's how I deal with my ADHD. I don't go to see my doctor in person. I do it online because that is what works for me. And also, I love telehealth. I think that telehealth is fantastic. I think it is one of the best utilizations of having the internet. I think that doing stuff with mental health online is fantastic because some people also don't want to go sit face-to-face and talk to a therapist because it could make you super anxious. So that telehealth is great. It would help with something like body dysmorphia. And that's why I bring up going to all the doctor's appointments and stuff like that because through going to these doctor's appointments and learning about my body and learning about who I am, both up here in my head and in my body, I am learning about myself. This just happened to be one of the things that I didn't know about myself because I didn't realize that it was common. I figured what was common was people go, oh my God, I've gained a few pounds, I'm fat. I didn't realize that it was common to look in the mirror and literally shame yourself to the point where you can't wear an outfit, you can't go out in public. It literally takes away the will to do anything. It does. And I'm at that point with my weight. I have lost, we're both on this weight loss journey. We've both lost a significant amount of weight. I have lost now close to 60 pounds. I have lost a lot of weight. And you know what? I pat myself on the back every single day. I did a fucking amazing job for losing that amount of weight. But I still have this area that no matter if you were to take a cutout of you because you're skinny and you're gorgeous, I would kill to have your body and put that in front of my mirror. And I'm still going to see myself at the current weight that I am plus that 60 pounds. That's exactly what happens to me every time I look in the mirror, I will do the same thing. I went from being 200 pounds. I am now down to 135. I am at my pre-pregnancy weight, you know, and I will look at myself and I know that I am skinny, but I still see all of that weight that has been on me for years now and I can't get rid of that image. Now let me make this very clear. Women do not suffer from this alone. Men suffer from BDD as well. With the men, they're looking at their muscle and their muscle definition and if they have muscle. They're not, they might look at their body weight, but they're looking more at their muscle whereas we're looking at our weight. We're looking at our skin. We're looking at every tiny little flaw that we can pick apart because that's, you know what I'm going to reference here and it's funny because now that we're talking about it, I'm realizing it. Mean Girls. Do you watch Mean Girls? Do you remember the scene in Mean Girls where they're all standing in front of that mirror? Oh yeah. And they're kicking themselves apart. I hate my nail beds. That right there is body dysmorphia. So going into the same thing, my old middle school, so I went to a lot of different schools. We moved around a lot. My family was not military. We just moved around a lot. I went to three different high schools, but I did go to the same elementary and middle school and my old middle school made the news about, it was sometime last week that they made the news I believe, but the way they got brought up was for something that I get behind 1 trillion percent, especially having two little girls. They took out every mirror in the bathroom. That's fantastic. It's amazing. No bathrooms, have a mirror and the reason being is the principal found that people were primping and prepping way too much on themselves and not focusing on their academic levels, which I agree with. You walk into a bathroom and I don't know if this is over-dramatized in movies or if it just happened to me, but if you're a nerd kid that knows nobody in a school like Mean Girls, right? And you're walking into a bathroom where the preppiest varsity cheerleader people are there and the first thing that comes into your head is not, how can I befriend them? I want to be their friend. It literally goes to, they're going to look at what I'm wearing and they are going to think I'm the biggest nerd ever. They're going to look at my hair, they're going to think it's gross and nasty. They're going to see the zits on my skin. They're going to focus on all of that. And guess what? They're not. They're not even going to look at you because guess what? They're looking at themselves. Unless you're doing something to make them look at you, they're not looking at you. They don't give a... I'm saying nobody cares about, no one cares about what you look like but you, but we can't, with having DDD, you cannot get that through your head. That is just one of those things that stick in your head and it's like, oh my God, everybody is going to notice every single flaw. No, you notice every single flaw. Go to my second high school and there's a rumor going around about me that I'm pregnant. I know not a single person. I'm crying to my mom. This girl takes me aside and she basically says in long story short verse, I don't give a flying rat's ass what you look like. What I care about is what comes out of your mouth. Are you going to be nice to me or are you going to be a gigantic bitch? Am I going to have to rival you on the spot or are we going to be able to be friends on the spot? That I have taken so far into my life. I tried so very hard, but with somebody that has DDD, you can't get over the fact that the looks are the biggest part of everything. Well, and it, because it is, because I mean, obviously when you first meet somebody, the first thing specifically is they see you first and not hear you. So you're going to constantly worry about what someone sees when they see you, especially if it's, you know, somebody that you're just meeting because yes, your appearance is what is the first thing in front of them. But again, what people say is more important than how you look. I just wish that more people thought that same way, right? Because to be honest with you, I could give a flying rat's butt if you come up to me with absolutely no teeth, acne all over your face, hair and patches on your scalp, hair growing all over your body, worst body odor ever. But if you looked at me and you're like, I really hope that you have a wonderful day. It's like, oh my God, that's, you're like, that is the sweetest, ugliest person I've ever seen in my life. Because you're, I gotta, I gotta collect my thoughts here for a second. When you meet someone and you're talking to them, you don't want to judge them because guess what? They're already judging themselves. You don't need more judgment added on by somebody you've just met or somebody you've known about your appearance because you're already judging yourself enough. And I wish that more people did that and knew that instead of judging someone when you see them, think about, okay, you know what, whatever, because they're already giving themselves hard enough time over it. And that needs to be more of the world we live in than the one that we are currently living in where everybody is just tearing each other apart, being mean, being nasty. Kids are bullying at earlier ages. People are keyboard fricking warriors online. You have people now going into stores, acting like a Karen, throwing an all out fit to get their way. And that's not how it should be. And then the younger generation sees that and thinks that it's an acceptable behavior and then they can get away with doing the exact same shit. Just like we say, I've got two girls and my biggest thing, biggest thing is I want to be able to instill in them, they can do whatever they want, however they want, whenever they want, as long as they're smart and kind about it. And if it's what makes you happy, you want your kids to be happy. You want your kids to be nice. I feel like that is becoming harder and harder to do. And when you suffer from a condition like EDD where you're never right in your own eyes, you can never, you can have your makeup done up to the nines, you can have your hair done up, you could literally be walking out in your wedding dress on the biggest day of your entire life and you can still look in the mirror and go, I'm not, no, I don't get it. No. That was me on my wedding day. I don't think many people knew how I actually felt that day, but I had a beautiful dress. It's basically the same dress I've been looking at for years and years and years. It was a very specific style. It's a absolutely stunning dress. And on my wedding day, I still just tore myself apart. I didn't, I was like, I don't like my makeup. I don't like my hair. I didn't like anything. But guess what? What a compliment I got that day. You look absolutely stunning. You're gorgeous. Blah, blah, blah. My dad bawled his eyes out and my dad is not a crier. I am not. There are very few moments in my life where I've seen that man cry. And again, it's those kinds of things. You're tearing yourself apart limb to limb and then everybody else is like, you're stunning. You're beautiful. It's so hard to get that into your head. And you, you try, like for example, my clothing options that I tried. I feel comfortable in baggy jeans and a baggy hoodie or a sweater that comes down below my butt and everything else like that. I feel better in that. I feel more normal in leggings and a longer... Comfort. Yeah. It's the comfort. Comfort. But for me, that's going out. That's like, okay, I can go out and look nice. Right. We, my husband, when I say we, don't go out on date nights very often. Right. So I don't get a chance to dress up. Right. But when I do, I'm going to try to look the best. She looked absolutely fantastic. What was it? Two weeks ago, I think you went? Yeah. Three weeks ago. Something like that. She went out for a date night and I watched her girls for her and she looked absolutely stunning. But see, to you, I looked stunning. Right. And you even sent me a text message when we were at dinner and I told Jeff, I was like, dude. I did. Yeah. I texted you. And I knew it was going through your head because I do it too. So I knew that you were probably tearing yourself apart. And I know that even when you get compliments, it still doesn't make a difference on your head, but it's still nice to hear those compliments. So that is exactly why I sent you that message, because I knew what was probably going through your head and I knew you probably need it. And I know your husband gave you compliments too, so I didn't need to. But I wanted to make sure that that you're you getting in your head wasn't going to ruin your night because you were worried about how you look. Now let me say this, because it's funny that you said that my husband said that I did because he did. And he does every once in a while he'll pop out like me like, oh, you look really hot. Right. And stuff like that. But when he says it, it does the opposite for me. It turns me off when he says it. If I ask him and he says it, then I'm like, okay, all right, I look good. But if he says it randomly, it's completely different. And I do that's actually now that you say that, that is so with Rachel and her research and everything, I have questions that I'm going to ask and Rachel and I are going to respond to those questions. But I want you guys to think about these too, because Rachel saying that that is actually a trigger. It is. It literally is listed on the website as a trigger that when you get complimented, it affects you. But part of a sign and symptom is looking for and asking for it. And it's crazy because it's like why you would think it would be the opposite that you don't want to ask for compliments. You want to receive them without asking. But body dysmorphia is completely opposite. You get the compliments without asking and that immediately triggers you to be like, Nope, don't. I know. Now I've got to go change. I have to fix everything all over again. And here we are three hours later and we're late for dinner. So for example, yesterday I had on a pair of leggings, brand new leggings I tried and they were a, they weren't a flesh tone color. They were like a light purple. Yeah. Like a little bit more purplish. It was like a dusty purple. Yeah. To me, when I had them on, I felt like I was wearing flesh toned leg. Right. Because to me, I could see all my cellulite, I could see all the divots, I could see all the, I was like, Oh no, I still wore them. Right. But you were uncomfortable. I was so uncomfortable the entire day and I had to get out and get out of my car and go grocery shopping. And I went into my husband's work and I was so incredibly uncomfortable. And then when my husband gets home, I said, I don't, I don't like these. Like they, they, they're comfortable, but the color just makes it feel like I, I'm looking at my flesh. Right. First thing he does, goes right for my butt and I'm like, please don't grab my butt. I literally said it out loud, like, please don't grab my butt. Don't go anywhere near that area. Just look at them. Yeah. Well, I need to see them when you pull up the shirt that you have on. No, you don't. You just need to look at it and look at my legs and see where I'm pointing at. Right. That's not anywhere near the shirt that I'm saying, look, look at, just look at the color. And he's like, well, yeah, no, I can see, I could see where you would think that and have that feeling. And he validated it. Right. But it's that initial feeling like you're going to try to sexualize something about what I am having an issue with and it doesn't make it attractive. It makes me want you less. Yeah. And I love my husband. I want to be with my husband so much. But on days when he does that, it makes you just be like, no, I don't, just get away from me. Well, it's like that outfit I had on the other day, the green crop top, you know, I don't do crop tops and you saw how uncomfortable I was because what did I do the entire time we were together? I pulled that. Now, I had a crop top on and it wasn't like super cropped, like it was down to my belly button, I'd say. And I wear high-waisted pants because I still have the little mom shell, right, from having a C-section. So I wear high-waisted pants to help keep that kind of tucked in. And I got a lot of compliments on that outfit. And I wore that outfit the entire day. I forced myself to keep it on, but I struggled bad. And when I had that on and my husband immediately saw me, he was like, you look great. And I'm like, no. And I feel so bad because I explained this to him after we did the research for this specific episode. I said, when you listen, it's not that I don't love the compliments that you give me, I do. I told him, I hope this gives you a better understanding on when you give me those compliments, why I scoff at you. It's not because I'm being a bitch about it. It's because there is an internal battle going on in me. And you saying that to me, as wonderful as it is, kills me because then it makes me feel like, you know what I mean? You're looking at me. So because you're looking at me, now I need to figure out, okay, is everything okay? So when somebody looks at me and they first meet me or whatever the case is, they will tend to notice that I like to look in mirrors a lot. Now, one of the things that I said that in the needs knows about BDD is that they're not self-obsessive. There's a big difference between self-obsessive and body dysmorphia. I don't look in the mirror because I love looking at the mirror. Check out that hot woman right there. I look at the mirror because I am making sure that my hair still looks okay. My makeup still looks okay. I am presentable to everybody else in my eyes that I could be presentable. I have my rear view mirror down in my car at all times with the mirror, things looked up so I can make sure that when I have my bad road rage, because I do, that I'm not being ugly in the face about being ugly through them. But it's like I can be walking in the sidewalk and look at a window or I can be walking through something that just has a reflection to it. Checking your phone. Yeah. Opening your front face and camera on your phone and looking just to make sure, okay, did my makeup smear? And it's not, again, it's not self-obsessive. It is the fact that you are so concerned that somebody is going to notice something bad about you. This is all, it's psychological and they say that a trigger of DDD is a mental health condition, depression, anxiety or a brain chemistry related issue, ADHD, ADD, whatever way they're classifying it now. So if you're somebody that does suffer from anxiety, depression or any other brain, chemically brain altering issues, this is going to make it more prominent that you could possibly have these issues because you already have issues with your brain chemistry. Well, and, okay, so let's do this. For example, the other day we went out shopping and I did something that I'd never, ever do. I legitimately walked up to a rack. Now, Cheryl, I was looking for bathing suits. Rachel was not. I was not looking for bathing suits at all. I don't look for bathing suits. That was my whole point of going to the store because we're both going on trips to Florida. Mine is in a couple of weeks and because of all that weight I've lost, I have no bathing suits. I have no, all of my stuff from last summer doesn't fit. So we were like, yeah, let's go, we'll go shopping. I'm standing there pulling all these bathing suits out to look at them. Rachel literally walks over, first bathing suit I saw on the rack, literally the only one I saw and it was my size. I gasped when you like pulled out. I was like, oh my God, that's gorgeous. And the thing about it is, is I look like I'm continuously pregnant. I carry all of my, my problem area is my stomach. It always has been that and my teeth. Yeah. So those are my biggest things. My acne is in there, but those, my two biggest ones are my stomach and my teeth. So when it, with this bathing suit, there is a little bit of a cutout, like right where your ab line would be from under boob down just a little bit above butt. Yeah. The belly button. It was just like a small, like tied peekaboo. It's just a little line. It's got like lines from a corset line. It doesn't show much of anything. However, to me it shows everything. It could be a two piece. Yeah. And it literally shows everything. So I took it home and I showed my husband and I was like, oh, I've got this new bathing suit. And he kind of looked at me like, wait a minute, what? And I showed him and he was like, well, it could be nice. It's a dusty pink color. It's very pretty. So gorgeous. I put it on and I liked it except for the color, which is the one thing that I love the most about it. Cause you're, you're afraid it's going to be too flesh tone. Yeah. It's not, but it is when you look at my pasty, but you're, you've also been going tanning and everything. So by the time you end up going, you'll have a tan. So that bathing suit is not going to look pasty. And I go tanning because my husband says that he thinks that I look gorgeous when I do it. That's the only reason why I go tanning, haters going to hate. So I, and I'm trying to get a really good tan for Florida because I'm going in August and I'm already have a heat issue. So I won't. And when you're super pale too, you can obviously being from the North where we are, we only get sun like three months out of the year. So when you're going to Florida where it's going to be sunny, obviously, and I'm going to do the same thing before we go, like, I'm going to go tanning a couple of times just to have a base so that I don't burn to that. But when you do things like that, like little things like that, I feel like it kind of gives you that boost. It gives you that like reassurance, you know, that it makes your partner happy. So you do it in turn to make yourself happy. Great. Right. Still doesn't change the fact that when I go into that tanning booth, I have to take off all of my clothes and there's a mirror and you, you immediately, even if you don't want to physically look in that mirror, you stop and look anyway, any reflective surface, you will stop and look at again and pick yourself up or obsessive because you're not going, I'm so perfect. I look so gorgeous. Look at me. No, you're literally going, oh my God, like I, whatever examples we've used throughout this, that is what you're looking at. You are not going, I look perfect. I look gorgeous. You're going, fuck, I look like shit. You don't look like shit, but you feel like you do because that is what your brain is telling you. Now, one of the things that can help aggravate, I guess is the best way to put it, um, and trigger BDD is comments that are underminingly mean. Okay. Now, what do I mean by that? I don't mean, Cheryl, I hate that color on you that looks absolutely atrocious. Right. You're talking about a compliment that is a nice compliment with a bad undertone to it that is very, very subtle. Right. I, I have acne, right? I always have. I'm 40 years old. It's not going to change. When I was growing up, it was bad and I would get ginormous white heads popping up randomly. But when your own family, I'm talking to media family, I'm not talking about aunts, uncles, I'm not talking about all that kind of crap. You're talking about parents, the ones that you live in, look at you and be like, man, that thing is out of its own zip code. And that right there is the kind of stuff that sticks with you forever. And that's what can start a BDD. The other thing that got me that I never, it never made sense to me until I was doing research about this, that it, it got me this way. I buy all the clothes for my kids, everything is, my kids are five and seven, so they're way too young. But when I was growing up, my mom also did the same thing. She bought all of my clothes. Nothing was in my dresser that I bought because I didn't have a job to buy my own stuff. So they bought me all my clothes. So when I would pick out an outfit, i.e. a pair of jeans, shorts and a tank top, because at that time I lived in Florida and it was dead of summer and I was going out roller skating because I swear to God, I thought I was going to be the next roller skating, roller skating Nancy Kerrigan that there ever was going to be because I could swear to God, I could twist around faster than she could on my driveway. But when I would go out in one of those outfits and my parents would tell me, you know what, that makes you look like a whore. Right. And those shorts look slutty on you. You know, first of all, I'm a, I'm a young adult. You don't say that to a young adult. And number two, you bought the damn shit. Right. Exactly. Speaking of parents that buy stuff for their kids, I just want to throw this in here really quick because I know my mom is listening, mom, I'm still pissed off about the ruffles and I'm 35. So I just wanted to add that in there. Love you. Going off of that, we came up with some questions that we wanted to ask each other and we want you guys to kind of answer these questions yourselves. But I thought that was a really good point because one of those questions is when did, oh, here we go. How long has it affected you? So clearly you're saying like things like that from when you were young. I think it started to be honest with you. I think it started, let me, let me put it to the, so hard to explain it. There's always been a chemical imbalance in my brain. That chemical imbalance leading into my young adult life was not very prevalent. Right. I think BDD started to make its way known when I was a young adult, like early teens. Yes. I started coming into my own body and that's when everything started to change in my head too. Right. So I think in that frame, I think BDD has kind of been with me ever since basically I've been on my own. Yeah. When I was in the army, I didn't give it two flying flips, like to be honest with you. I mean, also you have other stuff going on at that point too. And that's one of the last things you're probably, they make you focus on other things and you don't have time to focus on body dysmorphia. I mean, I'm pretty sure that there are people in the army that do suffer from it and I'm not saying that it's not possible. Right. But they, you keep busy and you're mentally focused elsewhere. So that's not going to constantly be running through your head. Plus you don't have mirrors and windows and all that kind of stuff to constantly look at. So it's, it makes a difference. Exactly. So what about for you? What is your... So again, you know, obviously always having some sort of chemical imbalance. Now for me growing up, like I was always small, I was big chested as a teenager. Like I grew into my body at a very early age and I embraced that for a long time. And please no one take this the wrong way when I say it, but for me, I think it, the issue really started to get bad for me when I was pregnant with my first, because I was always a small person. And of course, right before I get pregnant, I chop all my hair off. I have a short pixie cut and then I get pregnant and I start to gain all this weight and immediately I struggled with how I looked. That's when I got super into makeup because I, up until 2016, I would wear a little bit of makeup, like mostly mascara. And that was really about it. But when I got pregnant, I was trying to find every way I possibly could to make myself feel better and nothing worked. Right. So I think it's always been there, but I think that giant change in my body is what really kicked it up for me. And then after having my oldest, I lost weight and was back down to a decent size, but then getting pregnant again and having COVID and not being able to lose all that baby weight, it has been so bad over the past three, four years for me. And I think it's gotten worse lately with the weight loss, which you would think that that doesn't make sense. You would think it would have the opposite effect where I lost all this weight. I look great. It shouldn't bother me anymore, but I think it's worse now than it was. Because the way that you can look at it to kind of see from our perspective, if you don't suffer from BDD, I want you to look in the mirror and I want you to find one flaw in yourself. And everybody has a flaw. Don't look in the mirror and say, I have no flaws. I'm perfect. No one's perfect. I'm sorry. I'm going to, I'm going to throw that out there right now. There's not a single one. No one's perfect in this world. Okay. Well, I want people that are listening, like I said, I want you guys to look in the mirror. Yep. I want you to find that one flaw. And then what I want you to do is I want you to subcategorize that flaw. Why is it your flaw? Yeah. Pick it apart and put it in two, three different categories. Looking every day, like normal sitting around the house, you know, kind of like, eh, whatever. Going to work and going out. Now pick that flaw apart again. And this is what BDD does. You take one flaw that literally, when you look in that mirror, you wouldn't normally see. Right. But your brain will focus on it and will subcategorize that one flaw and then re-subcategorize and then keep doing it until there's literally a billion reasons listed why this just doesn't work. This disease basically doesn't make any sense. It makes zero sense. So if you're somebody who doesn't suffer from it and deal with it daily, you don't understand why someone, when they give you, like when you get a compliment, why that person would be like, why are you complimenting me? Right. It's not that we don't want those. It is how our brain processes. And that's what, you know, I think that is why this is such an important topic for people to understand because they talk about, you know, anorexia, bulimia and all of those kinds of disorders. But yeah, this is one that it's more mental. Yes. But like this could lead up to one of those other disorders and it should be talked about. And it is one of the leading causes of an eating disorder is BDD. Absolutely. BDD will make you literally get into your own head and be like, I am the baddest person ever. And no matter what anybody tells you, no matter what the number tells you on the waistline of pants or the letter tells you on the size of the clothes, it doesn't matter. You could be literally a size negative zero and still think you are the biggest person in the world with BDD. And it will cause you to keep going. Clothing companies need to do better, too, because if you think about and I feel like this is more so for women, if you think about women's clothes, pants, I have two pairs of pants, same exact size, same exact brand, literally exactly the same, but completely different. Yeah. And it's like, how? You know, you want people to go out and buy your stuff and everything like that. But you guys aren't consistent with your sizing from one company to the next. So then we go in to buy something that we think is going to fit because, oh, this is my size. But then I end up having to size up three or four sizes in one brand. And this is another part of what causes people to look at themselves and be like, well, what's wrong with me if I can't fit into these pants, even though that's my size? Yeah. And I have to buy up. Yeah. It's always amazing when you have to buy down. Right. But when you have to buy up. Yeah. It's like, what? That roller coaster starts all over again. So what are your triggers and what do you do? So like you said, the compliments, you know, and I always, again, feel bad when my husband compliments me because I love the compliments, but I struggle with it because it immediately makes me want to look at myself and be like, OK, now, which issue am I going to find this time? Another one of my triggers is honestly my weight loss, because I was coping when I weighed more. But now with that weight loss, I feel like I'm picking out more flaws. I mean, I'm there's a lot of triggers and I'm not going to get in all of them. And I know we've had some of them anyway. My coping mechanisms, though, some of them are a little weird. Oh, you know what? Another one of my triggers are taking photos. Yes. Taking pictures, because I will literally look at a photo and be like, no, no, no. Hate myself. Hate the way my face looks there. What is my eyebrow doing? The dumbest stuff, but taking pictures and especially with seeing people online that over edit everything or, you know, the plastic surgery, the lip fillers, all that that stuff's not real. But that's what we're so used to seeing. You see all this stuff in the media of all these beautiful people, but it's not real. No. And it's the thing that I I know that a lot of people say that, but I wish there were more people like me on TV and stuff like that. Now, here's what I mean by that. I am. Like I said, I'm a bigger girl. I look like I'm pregnant all the time. Right. OK. I have skinnier arms. I mean, I do stuff in my arms and stuff and my legs are a little thicker, but they're not bad. Right. Right. But I literally look like I'm always pregnant. Right. I'm not asking for somebody that is pregnant to be on TV, but I would see a commercial. You want to see somebody in those clothes that looks like you. You don't want to see somebody in an outfit that's a size zero because that's not how you're going to look in it. I want somebody. I want a company, a clothing company to do me a favor and you don't know me from Adam, but do me a favor. Stop picking models. Mm hmm. Shout out to Rihanna and Lizzo for like their campaigns that they do that they're using plus size with actual plus size women like not, you know, go pluck them off of the street. I'd be like, you know what? You look like an average person that would be wearing my clothes, which I like to come in and take pictures. Most people are average looking and and the world wants everybody to be these beautiful people. And if you're not some beautiful, perfect person, you get completely looked over for everything. Exactly. Like to me, I and people are going to kind of find this funny. I am on this weight loss journey, and one of the things that motivates me a lot with this weight loss journey is I've been watching shows about weight loss. Yeah. So. So like my six hundred pound life. Mm hmm. Love that show. I don't love it because I don't love the show because there shouldn't be people out there like that. But there are. There are. And I want to see and get the motivation from them. Right. But I want to be able to look at it and be like, you know what, if they can put in that hard work, so can I. Right. I watch those shows. I feel the exact same size. I know I'm not. But you feel that way. But I feel like a brain being like, hey, or when I see like one of the girls that are on the show that they can't get out of bed, they're they're completely immobile. And I'm sitting there watching it on my bed with a bag of Twizzlers sitting next to me. Yeah. Because it's a low fat snack. Don't get on me. These Twizzlers are amazing. But I can sit there with my bag of Twizzlers and watch the show. And I'm thinking to myself, wait a minute, I'm doing the same shit. But the thing is, you can't compare yourself to others. And I know that's easier said than done. I absolutely know that's easier said than done, because here's the thing. You might lose enough weight to be the same size as me, but you might not look like me. So you're going to compare yourself to me even though we don't have the same body type. You know what? Does that make sense? Oh, yeah. We can't keep comparing ourselves to each other because not everybody is going to look exactly the same. And I think it doesn't matter what size you are. Every person is beautiful the way that they look. You look beautiful. You look beautiful. I'm literally looking at you right now in the eyes telling you, you look gorgeous no matter what size you are. But the thing is, is you also need to be comfortable in your own skin. So if you don't feel comfortable being a size 16 or whatever, then OK, do something about it. But don't compare yourself to others because it's even if you get to that size, you might not look the same. And I think, you know, obviously we're a show and we're talking about our weight loss and stuff like that. And we're not telling everybody, go out and lose weight. You have to be tiny. No, we're saying you're not healthy. We're exactly we are on a weight loss journey because it's not that we want to look a certain way, but we were so unhealthy and we want to set good examples for our children because we want them to see healthy habits, not mom and dad eating a bunch of junk food or drinking a bunch of soda or not wanting to get up and do anything. No, we want to be good role models for those kids. So whatever it takes for us to be in a healthier state is what we're going to do. We're not that's what we're not. That's why we're not saying lose weight to look a certain way. We're saying if you don't feel comfortable, lose weight to be a healthy person. And I've got I got close to almost I was getting up there in numbers weight wise. I was getting close to 300 like when it really was all said and done and it was making me feel just absolutely horrid. Not only about my appearance, but myself. And so I started on this weight loss journey and one of the biggest things I said was I'm not doing surgery because number one, I did this to myself. I can undo this to myself. But it's going to take more effort to undo than putting into doing it. It's easier to just do the wrong thing than it always is to do the right. And that's my problem is I'm finding that motivation. So again, back to the store, I went to the store and I found I go to the gym at our apartment complex for one piece of equipment only ever. That's it. That's all I go for. Just that one. And it just happened, which I tell you, to be honest, this is this shit never happens to me. Never. I'm that person. When you buy something on Amazon, it'll say it'll be there. It takes two days later to get there. And Cheryl's the proof of that. I am that person. Yeah. But I go into this thrift store. I have to go to the bathroom so bad. I'm sitting there and I'm waiting. There's somebody in there. I just happen to look over and there's a treadmill that's literally 10 feet away from me. And I'm like, that's the one piece of equipment I go to the gym for. I'm like, well, hey. And I look. It says 25 bucks. I'm like, there's no way it's an order track, so it's a really good brand. And I'm like, there's no way. No way. My luck is not. No. No. And then the look on her face when she came over and told me that's like, I'm still standing. I spent most of that time standing there looking at bathing suits. I'm still at the bathing suit rack. And she comes walking back over. Guess what? I just found. I'm like, what? And she's like, there's a treadmill. And I'm like, oh, my God. And I love 25 bucks. I loved her excitement over that. And it was just so great because you're the look on your face and the happiness that you had from finding that. And it's like, those are the little things that help. I cracked up because I even called my husband. I took pictures of it. I sent him pictures. I was like, I found this treadmill for 25 bucks. I buy it. It's going to be a bitch to get upstairs, but we're going to do it. And I bought it. And to be honest with you, it's helped me a little bit. Reason why I say a little bit. It's there. I know it's there. I can use it. I know it's a stepping stool to my weight loss. You have to get that motivation to use it. And you have to you have to keep yourself accountable for using it. Now, one of my big things is when I go to the gym and why I don't like going to the gym is other people will see me working out and then my self-consciousness comes into play. Right. Am I doing this right? I look stupid. Is this right? And I'm like, wait, are they going to judge me if I don't struggle at the gym with like the weight equipment and stuff like that and those kinds of machines now I can get on an elliptical treadmill. But the ones that it's like, OK, I have to look at the instructions on how to use it. And then I'm like looking around like people watching me. Guess what? Again, they're not freaking looking at you. They're busy with their own workout, doing their own thing. And there. But in my head, every single pair of eyes that is in that gym is on me. Yep. And every single one of them. It's crazy. So I have the treadmill and like yesterday. I could not get that motivation. Right. I could not do it. I didn't want to do it. It just wasn't there. And some days it's not going to be. But the other day I got on it. I did. Now, what I love about the treadmill is you can stop it and it doesn't erase your time until you turn off the treadmill. That's good. So you add on to the day. So if you stop and you can only do it for like, say, 15 minutes, then you can stop. You did it for 15 minutes. You go back to it. You do another 30 minutes, then you do another 15, whatever the case was, it's three miles. Right. Three miles for me. That is huge. I don't do that stuff. And like people are like, she walked three miles like, who cares? I walked three miles. Right. And for someone that doesn't normally do that kind of stuff, that is a did you know Disney World fun fact that on average, you know how many miles you walk at Disney World? A lot. Well, yeah. I know. I actually don't know. Coincidentally enough, I did a research on this. If you're going to the park and you are just walking the park and you don't sit around, you don't go to concessions, you don't wait in lines, ride rides, whatever. You walk an average of 10 to 12 miles. And I did three. Right. And I'm proud of myself. Yeah. Like to build up to that Disney World kind of thing. And I know that once you get there, you're going to get that hype of being there. Yeah. You'll be excited. But still, like your state, the point is, is that you're taking those steps to literally get to a point where you can be comfortable doing that. And also that's a coping mechanism because that is your way of dealing with how you know, with your body dysmorphia. So not only is it a motivator, but it's a coping mechanism. Absolutely. And, you know, coping mechanisms, they're weird because you don't, it doesn't, there's no one right answer for a coping mechanism. For me, one of them is I started taking a beginner ballet class. I have zero, zero dance experience in anything like that. I never took any sort of dance as a kid, but I decided one day that the Y that we go to is offering the classes. And I was like, I'm going to do it. Now, do I look like a fucking idiot while I'm dancing? Yes, because I have realized I am so uncoordinated and I'm so stiff that I feel like I look silly. And again, here we go with the body dysmorphia. When I'm in that class, I'm looking around going, oh my God, is everybody looking at me and the fact that I'm fumbling over this step or something like that? No, because they're focusing on themselves. And they're saying, oh my God, are they looking at me thinking I'm messing up? Right. And it's, but taking that class has put me out of a comfort zone and it's forcing me is that all of a sudden I'm going, oh my God, are they looking at me? No, they're not. So focus on what you're doing. And that's what I needed. Another coping mechanism I've used is a silly one. And I am guilty of not being accountable for doing it is I was doing TikTok, you know, the TikToks where you see the outfit of the day and stuff like that. I was doing that because I was not only trying to motivate myself to get dressed every day. I was trying to cope with how I looked every day. But I was also trying to be a motivator for other people to get dressed every day or be like, put on something that may not make you feel super comfortable and super confident. But the thing is, is you put it on and you might end up feeling comfortable and confident. But I stopped doing TikToks. I wish you would start doing them again. I know. I got in my head. I did. I got in my head because I'm like, nobody's going to like these. Nobody's watching them. They're stupid. These outfits look stupid because I'm not the type of person that dresses in these super gorgeous, beautiful, fancy outfits. Most of the time, if you see me out and about, I am in a pair, in a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, a graphic t-shirt or something of that sort, and most likely a pair of Converse sneakers. That is how I dress. Not everybody has to dress like everybody else. Be comfortable with you, be comfortable with who you are. And that's what I was trying to do with these videos. But I ended up letting myself get in my head and I stopped using that as a coping mechanism. So I have an idea. Okay. We're going to challenge ourselves and our listeners. All right. Okay. So we put our podcast out every Monday. Yep. So from Monday, starting from when this episode airs, all the way to the next Monday, I want a picture a day, meaning you got to get up, you got to put the amount of effort into it. And if it takes you only five minutes to do your makeup, it usually takes 30 to 45 hours. It doesn't matter. And putting the effort in doesn't mean you have to take an hour. Yep. If you want to take five minutes. I did my makeup in ten minutes. It doesn't have to be these long, crazy things. Effort is effort. Yep. So you're going to put in, you're going to either put on your makeup, you're going to do your hair, you know, whatever you want to do with that, you can do it. If you don't want to put on makeup, you don't have to put on makeup. Right. But you got to get dressed. Okay. So you got to figure it out for yourself. Put what day of the week it is, so we know which one it is. And if you are smart enough to do it, because I just edited my head, then I would probably do it, but I'm not going to. Just get undressed, redress, take a picture, but do that. Don't do that. I would totally do that. I would totally do it. That's why I brought it up and said, don't do it. Don't do it. So everybody get up, get dressed, put on your clothes, take a picture, and put it on to our Facebook or our TikTok. But either way, send them on our Facebook, send them in an email, send them on a message. If you suffer from BDD. We want to see you guys getting drugs, so we want to see you guys trying to cope with it. This is just the first step. Like everybody says, you need to listen to your mama. Well, we're not your mama, but we are mamas, so you need to listen to us. Right. Get up, get your ass out of bed, put on the clothes, and here's the thing, don't change them. Right. Whatever outfit you picked out. So if you're like, I'm going to wear this white shirt with these jeans, and I'm going to wear these shoes, you put it on and you wear it, you do not change out of it, because I am absolutely guilty of doing that every time I get dressed, because if it is not how I saw it in my head, it is immediately not right, and I fucking hate it, and I need to stop doing that. And you get in your head. And you've got to get out of your head, so if you're not allowed to change, nope, take that picture, post it. And we're going to hold ourselves accountable too, because what we can do is we will take the pictures every day, and what we'll do is we will upload them in a TikTok video so that you guys can see that we have also done what we are saying and asking for everybody else to do. We're going to hold ourselves accountable too. Guess what? Your outfit does not have to be something extravagant. Don't go to a prom, you're not going to a prom, you're just getting dressed for the day. If you are comfortable in leggings and a t-shirt and a sweater, then put that on, but the point is you are getting dressed. Exactly, you're getting up, you're getting dressed, you're doing things, and on that topic, guys, sweats don't count. I'm out. Sweats don't count. You can't wear sweats. You can put on a nice pair of leggings, you can put on, hell, it could be a ratty pair of leggings. Whatever it is, just don't be in your pajamas, don't be in your sweatpants. If you're in the same thing that you slept in, you're wrong. So put on whatever you need to put on, take that picture, hell, I don't care if you change out of it right after you take the picture and go back into the sweat. You showed initiative to get up and do it. Exactly. So that's all we want. I could care less if you wear it all day. Right. So put it on, make the effort, because that is the first step of you telling your brain, okay, this is normal, we're doing this, and we're going to do it, and we're not going to pick ourselves apart. Yep. And this is normal. Yes. Like it's not, we're not going to pick ourselves apart, we're going to put it on because we had it in our heads that that was going to look, now, if you put it on and it looks absolutely atrocious. Yeah, that is an exception. That's an exception. Like it is something that's absolutely awful. I put on a pair of jeans that are still like a little too tight and I get a really bad line. So if I get that line, I can't wear that. It's uncomfortable. And that's understandable. Like that kind of stuff is understandable. But if it is an outfit that looks perfectly normal, then don't take it off. Exactly. But if it is something that you are physically uncomfortable in, because those pants might still be a little bit tight, that's still another motivator right there to get yourself moving and get going to be that healthy person you want to be. Exactly. And I think that that is a really good challenge for our listeners. I agree. Also, it'll let us know that you guys are listening. Right. And stuff like that. And we appreciate it. We do. So next week, we're going to be doing parenting. We're going to kind of go from the beginning of parenting. Right. So it's not just for parents either, because that episode is we're going to talk to you about stuff that we wish we would have known ahead of time. So this, again, this episode isn't for these, these podcasts aren't just for moms or women. These podcasts are for everyone, because everyone can get an understanding out of every topic in some way. Absolutely. And understand if you don't have one of the issues or can relate a little bit more to whoever you need to relate to. Or maybe you have a coworker that just doesn't seem something's like not right there. And maybe listening to one of the podcasts, you go, hey, that sounds just like that. Now I understand. And maybe you can approach that person a little bit more delicately than you would say your buddy that you've known for 15 years. I guess with that, we wrap up and yeah, we're going to wrap this up. We're going to get everything out for you guys as soon as we can. And then we will get the next episode going as soon as we possibly can find time in our crazy busy lives. Yeah. So we will see you guys in the next one. And we hope everybody has a good week. And we hope that we do get to see some of these pictures from you guys. Yeah, absolutely. I'm looking forward to it. I want to see all the pictures. I know. But we really hope you guys have a magical day. And we hope to see you guys on the next podcast. Yeah. We'll see you soon. Bye.