episode 7 season 3-is love a choice

The podcast discusses the thin line between love and hate and the importance of trust and vulnerability in relationships. Intimacy is not just about sex, but about opening up and sharing deep parts of oneself. Commitment is crucial and should be discussed and understood by both partners. The podcast also questions the need for a marriage ceremony to validate commitment. It emphasizes the importance of understanding each other's perspectives on commitment and being on the same page. I think you got me kind of tied into the song, so I'm like, I don't know. It's such a happy little boy. I don't know how I became just fairy dust, but hey, welcome back to word of mouth podcast with native Shelby. We are, this is part two about is love a choice or is it a something that just happens? Yes. Um, and before we left part one, we talked about, um, the phrase I've heard this phrase growing up. Shelby says she heard it before. Um, it says there's a thin line between love and hate, and I want to kind of jump in there because when we're talking about love being a choice, why is there a thin line between love and hate? When love is a choice, it shouldn't be a thin line. Because the people that you love have seen your soft underbelly and know the most about you and you have exposed yourself to the deepest nth degree to those people. And so when they screw you over or when feelings drop out, that quickly becomes a very touchy situation. Um, so thank you for tuning into word of mouth because you just answered the whole question. My goodness. That's it. I didn't hear my stomach growl. He said underbelly. Oh, my God. That was so good. So when you do expose, when you do release that vulnerability, you trust somebody with all of your stuff. They can hurt you the most. You know, there's there's like a meme or something that says all the people who ever hurt me the most were the ones that I, I don't remember how it's phrased, but it's like strangers don't bother me. Strangers haven't hurt me. It's the ones the closest to me. Well, of course it is, you dumb butt, because you're trusting them with things that you wouldn't have trusted strangers with. Yeah, I agree. So they're going to cut you the deepest. They're going to hurt you the hardest. And sometimes they'll pick up the glass shards after breaking you and cut you with them. She was talking from a place where she knows what she's talking about. Man, it got real. You know, and that's the worst thing when someone uses your stuff against you that you trusted with that stuff and to uphold that stuff as your private stuff. And OK, that goes back to the intimacy word. That's what intimacy is. Intimacy is the sharing of all that deep crap. I agree. I agree. The sex thing. Yeah, it's a different kind of intimacy, but it's sex, OK? That doesn't necessarily qualify as intimacy. Intimacy is your soft underbelly being exposed and all of the things that you're willing to divulge to one person that you would never want the world to know. And as a couple, you're supposed to back each other and you're supposed to keep that stuff under wraps. And once you uncover them and leave them out to dry, man, that stuff hurts. There's nothing else like it. Thank you. Part two, I wanted to talk about that word in which you just spoke about the intimacy aspect because and maybe we can say this to a lot of the younger people, not to say that they don't know, but intimacy is not just sex. It may involve that eventually on down the line or whatever you can do to lead up to it. But understand, I believe that intimacy plays a major part. When you are talking about love, absolutely, I broke down the word intimacy. And to me, it says into me, you see. That's why it hurts so bad when someone betrayed that, right? Because I let you look into me, not the outer, but you know, all the grimy stuff and you're going to uncover me and leave me out to dry. Yeah, that's bad. I'm going to get, no, I'm not going to say I'm going to get you. But that hurts. Yeah, it does. And that hurts bad. And so when you say the phrase, there is a timeline, murder, well, man, yes, indeed. Because you, I heard you use this word, you trusted, you gave them access. You gave them pieces of you that no one else has. You gave them keys. And if those pieces walk away with that person, then you're not a whole person anymore. You just preached in here. You're a puzzle. I'm not just preaching. I'm just trying not to preach. But when they walk away, like you're watching the pieces of you walk away when they walk away. Yes. I got to chill out. When you've got voids. That's why intimacy, I believe, should be established of, in my words, it should be an understanding. If I open up to you, and I let you in to this space, if you cross me, you done. You are the lowest of the low. I don't want to give a threat. But that's the part that makes people afraid. Yeah. And also commitment needs to be talked about. And both people have to be on that same page. And I'm not talking marriage. I'm not talking you go through the ceremony. I'm just saying the commitment thing has to be discussed like that. This is the two of us. This is what we're doing. We don't know where it's going to end up. But this is what we're doing. We are committed to each other. We ain't letting anybody else in, you know, whatever you want the parameters to be. But you both have to agree that you're at the same same place. And that's what you're pursuing is that commitment. And where it leads, you don't know. Can you say that you've done that before? Because when you say that, I think I at least explained and kind of put in place some commitment rules. I think I did. And I was like, man, let's not cross because I was hurt before. And yeah, that's what usually teaches you. Because when you go in it into it without knowledge, then you just go into it without knowledge. And that's why we're trying to help people have full knowledge because we've been there done that. Right. And so when you have that little bit of knowledge, you kind of you explain things a little bit different. You're like, OK, hey, I've been here before. So let's talk about this. So let's put this in place so we can both have an understanding. This is the part that puzzles me when anger, frustration, aggravation, whatever it is, when that stuff is implemented, it's like the commitment kind of goes out the window. It shouldn't. But yes, I understand that. It shouldn't. Because people don't know. They don't understand that. That's the basis. Like you. Yeah. Commitment means commitment. A good, bad or indifferent. It's commitment. Now, if you like I said, if you're pursuing a relationship and you're newly pursuing a relationship and you say, OK, we're going to commit to each other, we don't know where this is going to go. I agree, because you don't always know where it's going to go. But you've made a commitment that you're going to pursue the best for that relationship. Whatever that whatever you two decide is the best for that relationship and you agree on that's what you're committing to. And then you see where it goes. And you know, you and I have kind of talked about this before. The marriage ceremony is a ceremony. The commitment can be there regardless of the ceremony. In my opinion, this is my personal opinion, and you don't have to like it or agree with it. Come on. But that's just a ceremony. God knows that you're committed to this person, whether or not you go through the ceremony. That's just a man made thing. As far as I'm concerned now, I'm not saying just go willy nilly doing whatever you want with your happy parts and commit to whoever you want, saying I'm committed, I'm committed so I can get away with doing whatever. That's not that's not no. God knows that what you're doing, too. Yes. He knows where your heart's coming from. So if you're doing that, you ain't fooling anybody. Well, you're not fooling the one that matters the most. Right. Right. Right. Right. But I don't believe that you need the ceremony. To be committed. Yeah. I agree with that. That is so true. It's kind of hard to say that to people that have been given a lot of religious beliefs on the actual ceremony, if I can say it from this perspective, from a person that officiated a lot of the ceremonies, I say before a group of witnesses, right, by the power that is invested in me from this state in front of these witnesses, I mean, God knew that you all were committed long before you even talked to the person that's right there now. Yeah. Yeah. So. I think the commitment, I think, should be really understood going in so that it won't be hard coming out. Yeah. And you both have to, like, people have different perspectives on what commitment even means. So you've got to make sure that you're speaking what your vision of commitment is and they're speaking what their vision of commitment is so that you don't have a mix-up in your signals. Yeah. Just to give you an example, then, thank you for saying it in that perspective. I thought commitment was one thing and my ex-spouse thought something different. And I remember making a statement to her, and ladies, don't get mad at me, but I did make this statement. I said, hey, I feel like you're more committed to your job than you are to me because your job. There's a lot of people. Yeah. Your job, you will go in rain, snow, sleet, dead of night, man, hurricane hidden. You will give them eight hours and I'm begging for one and you're fighting hard against me. And that hurts. That stings, man. But I felt like the commitment was off. Not to say that you're not to do that for your jobs. I mean, man, by all means, do what you need to do for your job, however, establish a understanding of your commitment and their commitment. So at least you could be on the same page. I hear what you're saying. And what they view as commitment and what they're willing to give into that commitment. What does that mean to them? Yeah. And what does that mean to you? Man, that's so good. What does that mean? Don't say, well, I'm just committed Monday through Thursday. You can also be committed to an institution and that's not a commitment. Oh. There's different kinds of commitments. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. And that's why you got to be careful before you make the choice, at least understand the commitment. Right. Because as you said, and that's a good one, I'm committed to the institution of what we're about to do. Woo. I ain't committed to you. Screw you. But I want the benefits of you. Uh-oh. Oh, dang. That was a big old bomb right there. And men, men, please. The benefits. Dang, that is sad. We got to be honest, men, because I'm talking to y'all when I said that. We want the benefits of that thing. But you don't want to pay the price. I got, yes, women fall in that category, too. Get it twisted. I know that there's women that want the benefits, too. However, men, because we show it more, we got to be honest and say, no, I'm committed deeper than that. And that goes into intimacy and longevity and covenant. That's a good word right there. Covenant. Okay, so we've talked about commitment. Covenant is when God is in the situation and in the relationship, and so that puts it at a different level. Yes, it does. So you can be committed, but when you bring God into it and all that, then that's a covenant relationship, and that's the same as a marriage. But you don't have to have the ceremony. Right. Right. We're going to have a ceremony with some type of lunch for you later. I know. My stomach is really – it's on point today. I'm sorry if you can hear it. So taking it to that next step of covenant, that means I think when you say covenant with a person, you've already established love. Oh, yeah. I would sure hope so. That's hands down. Right. Ain't no other thing around that. When I say I'm in covenant with you, yeah, that's beyond. I feel like when Jesus made the covenant with us, he said, I'm dying for them. Yeah, for you. I'm giving my whole life. That is not easily broken. No. There's a scripture in Ecclesiastics that talks about a threefold cord. Right. And I think that because we are not as honest up front, we're ready to take those steps to try to hurry up to get to something. But we have to understand that when that threefold cord is entwined together, it's not easily broken. But explain what that threefold is because people, I don't think, get that. Okay. So the threefold cord, it involves you. You're the first person. You have to examine yourself and understand that I'm a part of this cord that's going to be entwined together. And then it's the person that you decide to be with, that person that you said, hey, I'm going to commit, I'm going to love, and I'm going to be with, and this is it. And then the major other component is God. When you add God to you and that person, that's covenant. Right. But that's what the threefold cord is. Yes. I just didn't want people to be like, well, what does that even mean? Right, right. And it's in the Book of Ecclesiastics. But the reason why I feel like that's more important to add God, even when you say, hey, I'm making a choice to love you, we do know that God is love. I hope. So when I say I love you, I've got to be adding God to that because God is love. Yeah. Unless we're saying I lust you. Oh. Or maybe I strong like you. And maybe we need to be more honest to say that. And that's across the board. I think, you know, it's it's kind of I think maybe we all when we're all in a beginning of a relationship or whatever, and that L word comes up, like, I think we all kind of struggle to be the, you know, am I going to be the person? And then the thing is, are they going to say it back? And then it is. Do they really mean it? Are they just saying it because they don't want to not say it back? Yeah. Yeah. Do they really mean it? So you're worried about one and then you're kind of frustrated about the other one because you said it first. Yeah. And now you're thinking, do they really mean it? But see with me, it's like I have to I have to be my authentic self. And if I feel that way, I won't tell you. Got it. Yeah. Because if I feel any sort of way, I won't tell you. So thank you for saying that. So when you say when you venture out into that love, even if they don't love you back, you're OK with that? Well, it's going to sting, but I have to be who I am and I have to be honest with myself and to myself. Oh, you're about the only person I salute you. Man, that's really good. I love you and knowing that I might not get it back. I don't feel some kind of way. I'm like, and do you at least like me? Can we, you know, talk about this a little more? That's wow. You're strong. You're strong. I just don't know how to be any other way. I mean, I got to if I feel it, I'm going to tell you. That is authenticity right there. Like for real. I love you. Looking at you like what? What do you think? Oh, my God. Tell me you didn't just say what I think. I'm ready for the word right now. Oh, wow. OK, so commitment. When I commit or when you commit, there's extra steps that need to be taken. All right. Yeah. OK. And once we establish those things, love is implemented because that's the choice now. The choice, love. Yes. The choice, love. The choice of love. Uh-huh. And so we're now on this ship together. We out there now. We in the deep waters. What happens when you wake up one day and you say, I messed up? I made a mistake. Because you chose to commit or because you did something else? Or not. Whoa. Yeah, not that something else or because you chose to commit. Like you really you didn't really want to commit, but you know that they had already committed. So you like. Oh, then you got to be honest. You got to yank that Band-Aid off. I hope y'all hear this. Don't play with people's feelings. That's not OK. This is some real good stuff. There are people that have lived lives 30, 40, 50 years with that Band-Aid. Right. Covering up. Knowing that they did not want to get into it, but because they said it. And that leads to infidelity and all kinds of stuff. Because if you're not in love or you're not getting it from that one place, you're going to go find it somewhere else. Well, it's counterfeit. It's fake. It's horrible to the other person. Like, it's a bunch of terrible things. I think it's just important to be honest. Take your time. Absolutely. And be honest. Understand that crossing the line nowadays, it's serious. People get angry. I don't know if you ever had a stalker, but I've had a stalker. I've actually had people to say, hey, I'll kill you. Oh, wow. Because I love you. What? Man, I can tell you some stories. Thank God I made it. But I didn't know that their extent of love was to death. And I wasn't married to them. I just said, I love you to death. What the hell have you been hooking up with? Look, fellas. You better be more choosy about who you're hanging out with. Brothers, hear me. Don't be saying you're going to do something. And you get out there and you do all that other stuff with them, and then you're not real about it, and they feelings are there. And this is something, man, that, man, I need you to understand. Even if you step over into the area of sex, for women, man, that's a deep area for them because they are receivers. Yes, and their emotions are involved. I don't think, well, there are women that can just have the act, just do the act. Of course. But I think for the most part, the heart's involved. Absolutely, because you're receivers. And with us being givers, I mean, we can just keep giving. To whoever, however many times we want. But when you take that step, man, that can be detrimental. And it can hurt you in the long run. I promise you it can. So be careful. Man, I'm talking to you. Be careful. Be careful. But now, women, be careful, too, because you all carry something that men, we would never understand, and that is nurture. And favor. Of course. That's what favor is. You all are nurturers by nature. God created you all to be nurturers. So when you all give that to us, once we're in, we're in. And it's hard to get out. Okay? I just have to say something, and I don't want you to end your thought if you're not done talking about it. People need to understand that when you sleep with someone, you're connected. Which means you're connecting to everyone that person has slept with in the spiritual realm. So you are, if you're not putting a stop to whatever connected to you from that previous sexual escapade, you are just compounding. And all these spirits are attaching to you that came along as baggage with each person that you slept with. I just had to say that. So now we can move on to whatever you want to talk about. I'm chilling up right now. God Almighty. Thank you, Holy Spirit. Now, if you call it out and you end it and you cut off those things, which you absolutely can once the relationship is over or that sexual escapade is over, if you're in the right place spiritually, then, yes, you can get rid of those, and you don't have to keep carrying them. But I think most people don't even, one, understand that premise. And, number two, don't think in the spiritual realm. Oh, my God. And, therefore, don't act against those things. I'm so glad you said that. So, children, when you're messing around out there doing your thing, just remember that. Boy, this is not only informative. This is needed. Well, the church ain't going to tell you anything about that. I've never heard that in church. So good. You're carrying that to the next person and then the next person, not knowing that you're adding to that. And you're bringing all that into your relationship in the spiritual realm. You may not see it. You may not physically understand that, but you're spiritually bringing that into your relationship. You know what I've heard sometimes? For the people that have never heard that before, have you ever felt like you were just weighed down? That's what she's talking about. Right. Because you never got rid of the baggage. Right. The weight is on your shoulders. Yes. You never got rid of the baggage. And you're wondering why, man, I feel so heavy every day. And you're just jumping from jumping from jumping. Man, I just, I feel heavy. Yeah. This is what she's talking about. Yep. This is what she's explaining. And I know it's kind of deep because you're like, oh, my God, I don't want to hear that in the spirit realm. I just want to have me some good. Okay. It comes with a price. Yes, it does. It comes with a price. Outside of the other physical things that it can come with. Amen. But it definitely comes with a price in the spirit realm. It does. And I was sorry. No, you go ahead. You go ahead. Well, this is kind of well off of what you said, but to go over there. It was funny because just today I was thinking, and this is I don't know, maybe we shouldn't talk about this. But God gave us that pleasure feeling. We could just have sex to procreate. He didn't have to give us that feeling. Right. You're right. Which means that he wants us to experience that stuff. But there's parameters to it. So. I agree. Anyways, I was just, I don't know. I was just going over it in my head, talking to him a little bit about that. Amen. Because it was like, you didn't even have to do that. You didn't even have to give us those good feelings. Yeah. Because we could still just do it to have kids to procreate. It's crucial. Yeah. But no, he gave us those happy feelings. Happy feelings. Anyways, go back to what you wanted to talk about. This is so good. I'm so glad that we have a platform that we can have this kind of conversation. Because, you know, people have sat and thought about this or have no one to talk to or sat and had probably a discussion with themselves and never once had a person or someone that you can trust. Just someone that you felt comfortable enough talking with to have this conversation. So I feel like, man, to have this platform to really dig into it. And this is love still. This is still love. This is intimacy. This is commitment. This is covenant. This is things that you do when you're at that or in that place. Right. Because you are going to go into that area. If you're committed and you're. Yeah. All that stuff. Yeah. You're going to walk over into that room. Yes. Trust me. However, I don't think we've really put emphasis on talking about how that baggage can continue. I never hear it in church. No, you won't. I didn't even hear it on the block. It's like a taboo. Yes, it is. It's talked about. Yes, it is. Same with the physical pleasure I just talked about. They ain't going to tell you about that either. Pornhub will tell you about it. Hey, listen. We've got a part three. Pornhub won't tell you. It'll just show you. Yeah, it will show you. Not that I've ever been on there. I have not. But good God. Okay. We need to move on. Oh, my goodness. We don't have time. So listen. There's one more. One more part that we're going to come and do. So please tune in. Part three. Word of mouth with Nate and Shelby. Bye. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. 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