4 Step Model Role Play

Tim Hagen and Chris Hokum from Progress Coaching demonstrate the awareness conversation and the four-step model. The objective is to build awareness and establish a coaching cadence. The conversation should focus on building awareness, not convincing someone they have problems. The six words to use are we, share, opportunity, perspective, observation, and and (not but). Chris plays the role of an employee who wants to become a future leader. They discuss areas where Chris exhibits great teamwork and areas for improvement, such as communication skills. They also discuss the impact of feedback on motivating and inspiring teammates. They plan to have weekly conversations to work on feedback and leadership skills. In the next conversation, they review examples of positive feedback and candid feedback given by Chris. Hi, everybody. It's Tim Hagen from Progress Coaching, and I am here with one of our certified coaches, Chris Hokum. And what we're going to do today is demonstrate the awareness conversation and how the four-step model works. So just to narrate for everybody, the awareness conversation, the objective is to build awareness, to really establish a cadence of coaching. It is not designed to convince someone that they have problems. And you want to be very careful that you don't try to get into, for lack of a better description, to convince someone that they're wrong. And that's an easy mistake leaders can make. Now, remember, the six words we want to use are we, share, opportunity, perspective, observation, and then the word and, not the word but. Now, Chris is going to play the role of an employee who hasn't been overly positive or influential as a teammate, yet he has shared in a prior conversation that he wants to become a future leader. So as I demonstrate the awareness conversation, just hear it for context. When we stop, we will conclude with a learning project. And so when we conclude with a learning project, then we will pick up the next conversation, starting that off with the learning project. So you can see how the four steps work. So the first of the four steps are learning project, discussion, activity, learning project. You ready to go, Chris? I am, Tim. Awesome. Hey, Chris, how are you doing today? Pretty good, Tim. How about you? Good, good. I know that we've had a lot of great discussions about your future with the company and some of the things that you want to do and you had shared with me you want to become a future leader. Is that still on your radar? Well, yeah. I mean, I love working for this company and I think I could contribute a lot and do it over a long period of time, so absolutely. Awesome. And so one of the things when we lead up to becoming a future leader, we, you know, I think about some of the things that we have to do as teammates. What are a couple areas where you feel like you really exhibit great teamwork, really influential teamwork with your teammates in terms of inspiring, motivating, and supporting? What are maybe an area or two where you could, you know, raise your game in those areas? That's a good question. You know, I think where I excel is in getting people together, you know, kind of galvanizing them and bringing them together to work on a project and to keep them motivated. I kind of do that from the sidelines because I'm not really a manager yet, but I really enjoy that, getting people fired up and getting them focused on the right direction. I enjoy that. I guess an area that I could probably improve on would be, I guess, communication skills, Tim. In what area of communication? I think just feedback skills, how I deliver my feedback. And, yeah, that's an area I think I could definitely improve upon. Yeah, and it's interesting because I've observed a couple times when your intentions of firing up the group are so admirable, and quite frankly, let's be candid, it's needed because we have a lot of projects on our plate. How do you think at times maybe, which I really love your transparency, how the feedback might undermine that energetic approach of inspiring, galvanizing, motivating? How do you think that might undermine some things that you might be trying to do? Well, I mean, if it's positive feedback, it's good. I mean, everybody likes that. But when it's trying to get somebody to correct a behavior or to do something differently, maybe I'm just too straightforward and I need to look for maybe a different approach because sometimes I get some pushback or kind of start a look in people's eyes when I deliver that type of feedback. So, you know, if there's a better way that I can do it, I'm all ears. But, yeah, I think I could use some help in that area. What do you think is the word or two that your teammates would use to describe when you're giving some of that candid feedback? Probably maybe intense. Is the intensity from the notion or the objective of completing the project and making sure the project is successful? Yeah, for the most part. We're getting us back on track too if we, you know, have kind of gone off in a wrong direction or, you know, just getting us back focused on the particular project that we're working on. Okay, so how often or do you create a conscientious effort to round the positive feedback or do you do that from an ad hoc perspective? So when you think about that positive feedback, you're right, when we give positive feedback it's typically well received. Do you give a lot of conscientious thought to that or do you even track the cadence of doing that versus constructive? You know, not really. Yeah, most people don't. Yeah, that's a good point. Okay, well, why don't we do this? Because one of the things I love is your goal of becoming a leader. What if we got together every single week and we chatted about these things? And I love your transparency around, you know, focusing on delivering feedback when it's tougher, getting things more back on track as you stated, and we got together maybe once a week for about, I don't know, eight to 12 minutes and we just chatted about some different ways you can deliver that feedback, some different techniques, things like that, and then also focus on the good things that you're doing that can really gear you towards getting that future leadership position. Would that be cool with you? Yeah. No, I think especially any practice I can get as well would be helpful, I think, too. Okay, cool. Why don't we do this? Next week, why don't you come in with an example? Actually, come in with two examples of where you really provided some positive feedback to your teammates, and this time really be observant of how they reacted to it, you know, verbally and non-verbally, and then maybe that one area where you felt like you had to get things back on track and kind of dissect what you did well and maybe what could have gone better, and then we'll use that as a frame of reference to chat the next time. Cool. Awesome. Thanks. You bet. Hi, everybody. So if you recall the last time we had our awareness conversation, I asked Chris to come in with a couple examples of where he gave his teammates positive feedback and maybe one where he had to give more candid or directed feedback, if you will, and what we're going to do is ascertain how that went. Now, the one thing I want to point out that I didn't point out in the awareness conversation, Chris and I have not scripted this. I really don't know what he's going to say, so if you hear me do some things, whether it be good or not so good, this is actually very natural. I really have not scripted this with Chris. So what I'll do is always start off when you have your conversation, start with that learning project because what we're focusing on is Chris's ability to give feedback, also as an apparatus for him to become a future leader. Remember, the motivator is a great emotional attachment. So here we go. Hey, Chris. Hey, Tim. How's it going? Good, good. Last week I asked you when we had that, quite frankly, great discussion about being an influential, positive teammate and using feedback as a tool to do that and also talked about your career goals. You were going to come in with two examples where you gave really good strength-based feedback and maybe one where you had to give some feedback that was a little bit more straightforward or candid in how that went. So let's start with the positive feedback. How did that go? That went fine. I was working with Maricela, and she had found a bug in one of our applications, and she was able to bring it to light before it costs a ton of money to bring in a bunch of engineers. So, yeah, I was really excited for her, and she was excited too. So it worked out really well, and the feedback that I gave was accepted and it seemed like it motivated her. So I was pretty proud of that moment. Cool. What did you notice in her facial expression when you gave the feedback? Eyes wide open, big smile, because I don't think she gets that kind of feedback very often. So I think it was almost a little bit of a surprise. Okay, cool. How about the area where you had to give kind of candid feedback? Yeah, so that one was a little more challenging. Donnie has, as you know, he's been out sick a lot lately, and we understand that. He's come back, and he's performing at a good level, but he's just not delivering on time, so we need to keep him on schedule and on track. And so I had to give him that feedback, and he was a little bit defensive about it, just the fact of what he's been through and everything else. But I just had to reiterate the fact that we have to get projects done, and it's a business that we're working in, and we're here to help. But, you know, we need to get him back on track. So when he felt defensive, what part of your approach, whether it was right or wrong, because it's not always about the approach, yet what part of the approach or what part during the conversation do you think may have triggered his defensiveness? Well, it was right from the start. So, you know, I addressed his lack of punctuality and being at work on time, let alone being there for the full day. And that's when things kind of got a little bit – went a little bit south. He kind of pulled back a little bit. I noticed his facial expressions was kind of like surprised. So, yeah, it was a tough one. Okay. So one thing, when you gave him that candid feedback, what did you do beforehand? Did you lead with strengths at all, or did you just give the feedback on its own? I just gave the feedback on its own. You know, what I'd love to do is let me teach you something called dovetailing. And one of the things that we have found is that when you give feedback, you know, build momentum in the conversation, you know, such as, Chris, here are the three things I think you do exceptionally well, and I think about how punctuality would become one of your strengths. And that might be morphing the area of feedback that needs to improve to becoming a strength versus something they're doing wrong. And I'm wondering if that might create a different reaction. Any thoughts? Yeah, I'm willing to give it a try. I like the and part with kind of a future focus. So, yeah, I think I could get used to this. So what are three things that Donnie does really well? Well, he's super creative. So he comes up with ideas that most of us don't come up with. We're a little off kilter, but he does have a very creative mind. So that would be one. I'd say also, I mean, he's pretty willing to jump in and help out when we need an extra body on a particular task that we're doing. So I'd say he's always kind of open-minded. And he's actually got a pretty good sense of humor when you get to know him. So he can kind of lighten the environment up too when we're, you know, get those projects out the door type of situations. Yeah, and what I'd like to do is I'd like to practice with you, and then next week you and I can practice together with you practicing. But what I'd love to do is let me play your role with Donnie. You get to play the role of Donnie, and let's see how it sounds and maybe potentially sounds different. And then next week, why don't you and I, when we have an activity together, you can practice first. And so I'd like to go first if you're cool, and then we can kind of dissect how it sounds if that's cool with you. Sure. Cool. So, Donnie, you know, one of the things that I love about working with you is you're creative, you jump in, you have a really good sense about being a great teammate, you have a great sense of humor. And I actually think about punctuality and project completion becoming, you know, some of those strengths or one of your strengths as well. Hearing that, what goes through your mind and what do you think you could do going forward to facilitate that? You know, it sounds doable, and I like how you presented it with the positives, kind of made me feel good about what I was doing, and then going into not necessarily the negative, but, you know, the opportunity. So I think framing it, like, in a more positive way rather than just going up and laying down some developmental feedback I think will be accepted much better. Yeah, because I think a lot of times when we have discussions and we get feedback, and one of the things that I owe you is to recognize those good things you do as a teammate. And I think about some of the things that when we get feedback it tends to stand on its own. And the thing I would hate for you as a teammate is for people to lose sight of that, capacity to jump in, your creativity, how much you lighten the mood when we're stressed out. And I think sometimes when we have those drawbacks, I wouldn't even call them weaknesses, they can sometimes undermine those things. So I'd love to maybe create an approach where we're both comfortable working with each other as teammates, and you can certainly reciprocate where I can do those things as well. And I think that might be a great framework as teammates to go forward where we can assist each other. Yeah, I'd like that. Awesome. And then, Chris, when you heard that conversation and I was playing your role of coaching Donnie, what went through your mind? What did you like? What would you maybe adjust based on your style? I don't know if I'd adjust anything. I just like how it was more framed in a positive manner up front and then looking for additional ways to become even better. Okay. And so I like, you know, the and versus the but. You know, you say, hey, screw up this, and that kind of just wipes out all the good feedback you just gave. So I kind of like this approach. I'm willing to try it. Yeah, why don't we do this? Why don't we come in next week again with maybe another example where you gave positive feedback, where you're really observant of their reaction, and then maybe another set of feedback that you gave a little bit more candidly, yet you started out with their strengths and inserted that word and, and see if you notice a difference, which I think you will. And then we can reverse roles, and then you can practice that approach, and then we can dissect it a little bit further if you're cool with that. Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good to me. So what everybody, I hope you heard, and Chris is a good coach, did a little bit of great coaching narration by saying, I really like that you used the word and, that you didn't say but. And that's how language really works. And so when you think about, we had an awareness conversation. I started off this conversation with a learning project. I've set expectations, but I did something that I think we all need to do as coaches, and that is lead by example. Go first when you ask people to practice. And then Chris could hear it, and when they hear it, they know what's possible. So we have to be coaching practitioners, not just coaching narrators or teaching it, yet also coaching practitioners and taking what they're dealing with, and then also practicing it. So now Chris is going to come in next week for his third conversation. It's the same learning project, but I did a little bit of a twist. He's going to use dovetailing. And then we're going to have him practice. So remember the four-step model. We start with an awareness conversation. The rest of the conversations are going to be learning project delivered. It's going to be tied to the area that the person wants to improve. In this case, Chris's ability to provide feedback that's positive, that will help him someday achieve that status of becoming a future leader. Then when you use that learning project, it builds upon itself. And then over time, what happens is really inside the coaching conversations, we're just doing two things. We're having a discussion where I ask questions, which I think I did somewhat well, and then I had an activity where I role-played with him, and then next week he's going to role-play. Chris, as one of our coaches, anything that you would add to the summation of what we just did? No, I just think that this is the key to opening up that free-flowing dialogue and collaboration that's so critical in a coaching environment. Yeah. And it really, the continuity between the sessions is what's critical, that learning project always drives the next conversation. And the learning project is tied to this area. Now, Chris has been kind enough to practice this with me, giving candid feedback thoughtfully and professionally to a teammate. It's going to take time. Remember, people go through three levels of change, effort, progress, and results. The fact that Chris is even willing to do this, notice I've been upbeat, I've been positive, I've thanked him, thanked him for doing this, and what that will allow us to do is what? Really build momentum in the conversation and, more importantly, in the relationship. Then when we start to practice and it doesn't go as well, we've earned some trust to kind of identify those things as opportunities to go forward. Thanks for your help, Chris. Appreciate it. Yeah, it's been fun. Thanks, Tim.