EP 1: Impostor Syndrome Trap is annoying...

The speaker introduces the concept of imposter syndrome, which is feeling like a fraud or that one's skills are not enough. They discuss the negative impact it can have on self-confidence and how it affects various aspects of life, such as work and relationships. The speaker shares personal experiences and offers steps to overcome imposter syndrome, emphasizing the importance of self-confidence. They also mention that imposter syndrome is wired into our brains for survival, but it hinders healthy self-esteem. The speaker suggests naming the inner critic and arguing back to become one's own inner coach. They conclude by encouraging self-confidence without arrogance. What is going on everybody? What is going on? My name is Charles, and I am the host of this podcast Welcome back to the podcast. I hope you're having a great day, and I hope you made somebody big today Get your daily workout in and took care of your mind, right? We don't want to be fat We don't want to be crazy. We want to be in shape and we want to be happy, right? If you haven't done any of these things I would urge you to pause this podcast and go do at least two of those things After you get a 30-minute workout if you're able to and you know Come back to enjoy this episode with the rest of us or listen to this episode while you're taking care of yourself But I want to talk to you guys. I want to talk to you guys about something interesting today. I can't speak today, man But I want to speak to you guys about something very interesting today. It's called the Imposter syndrome trap Now it sounds crazy, but it's not crazy. It just you just crazy if you have it or been through it What in the world is the imposter syndrome trap? All right, let's go the imposter syndrome trap is that feeling like you're a fraud or feeling like you know You're not as good as the next man That feeling where you feel like the skill set you possess is not enough to get you by right now in the long run, right? Insecurity basically the feeling of just waiting to be found out and that everyone else has their act together Everyone else has their job together. Everybody has their dream job and you you're just faking it You're just making it day by day You know You're always over you always looking over your shoulder to see if anyone is going to figure you out I've had that feeling a lot. We all know that feeling as well We all have dealt with this feeling and it's a crappy feeling right? It's a crappy feeling. We have to admit to ourselves It's a fucked up feeling Just before recording this I almost deleted everything right? I was thinking to myself and you know, seriously I was literally thinking to myself who the fuck am I to be creating a podcast, right? I was staring at the screen and the voice in my head, you know, no one started telling me, you know No one wants to listen to this podcast Thinking who do I think I am putting a podcast, you know, it's a shitty feeling. It's a really shitty feeling It's a feeling that lingers on for a while and it takes real work within yourself to get rid of it. The good news is Like I said earlier even though I had that feeling the good news is I Still hit that record button. Anyway, right? I still conquered that feeling and I'm able to do what I wanted to do today Because that's what today's episode is all about and I want you, you know I want to help you get over that feeling I want you to start implementing a process or implementing a mindset that will help you to Remove yourself or remove part of yourself out of that feeling or remove that feeling out of you right out of your mind and Before I begin if you guys never had this feeling you must be lucky, you know, but that's all I must say right you must be lucky because that feeling is really crappy and I Don't wish it on anybody. It really takes a toll on you on your self-confidence Right, but let's get ready to dive in and go over this horrible feeling together and go over What has worked for me in the past and now right? I like I said, I haven't completely gone over it But it happens less and less nowadays and I wanted to share with you guys some steps I've been taking to help myself, right? Doing these steps have been extremely beneficial to for me. I've become, you know more confident and I'm smiling more and having deeper conversations because you you know, you understand yourself more Therefore you able to understand people more right during the thing that people around you better your relationship get better You communication still get better. You know, you're more confident in the work that you do right as a man Whatever work you are doing you should put your 100% into it. I don't care if it's shitty work I don't care if it's great work But as a man every work that you do is you put your all into it now Here's the thing. I realized I think guys have it extra tough. I can't speak for the ladies, right? I'm not no lady, right? You know, we have to excel and specialize in very particular fields in order to make it in life, right We don't we can't choose to just be whatever we want, right? We have to make choose a field where we as a man can become very successful to take care of our own to take of our people to think of our family and Even with that even when we do everything right in that field even when we go when we follow the rules You know, we excel in those fields. There is still some doubts that linger in the back of our mind Right. Why is that? You know in an article? Written by very well-minded.com. It seems that people with imposter syndrome are often highly accomplished Impressive individuals on the outside. There's no apparent reason for them to feel like an imposter But they still do guys they still do This is what makes it such a challenging psychological phenomenon that needs to be unpacked It's not something that you can just Keep in the back of your mind and hope that it eventually goes away. This is something that needs to be unpacked, right? This is something that needs to be let go of or something that needs to be worked on, right? If this is you raise your hand scream or you know, just yell at the car Just yell at the radio or well, you know, no judgment. Just let me know if this is you, right? Ever thought you know of things like I just got lucky or I don't deserve this success Have you ever thought of that when something happens to you, you know, or you know, you think to yourself Don't realize any minute. I have no idea what I'm doing That happens to me at work all the time when I figure something out everybody's just like oh, how did you do that? How did you know that I'm just like, uh, probably just did it by luck, but I know it's not by luck It's not I know it's from experience and I know it's muscle memory or you know It's something that I've experienced before or maybe it is luck Even if it is luck, I give myself the opportunity to be lucky right, but I don't see it like that at the moment Right. How about you know, how about this feeling like I better not screw this up. Everything will fall apart You know, you know that that happens to me all the time That my friend is imposter syndrome, you know doing its best to ruin your day on the same website Verywellminded.com it states Not only can imposter syndrome affect you your internal feelings about your work or self-worth But it can actually affect the way you approach projects Relationships or any other areas in which you are feeling insecure Now fellas, I want to ask you a question. Have you ever seen a pretty girl at a Walmart or at Target? And you want to go up to her and speak to her but you're thinking in the back of your mind she wouldn't talk to me Who the fuck am I to talk to her? She looks way too beautiful. She's rich. She's way too pretty to talk to me Right instead of trying right you didn't even try But you went there first you went through the you the for the first thing that you thought of what she want What is making that girl's pretty nice that girl You know, she may be single but you didn't know that because your ass was too You know, it's too insecure to even step to her and say hi And then she said she could say hi back and that's fine But if she don't say hi back turn around and go up here going with your day, man You're not gonna die. But the fact that you didn't even take a step to do it tells you something, right? It turns out, you know, this imposter feeling it's wired into us our brains evolve for survival So they're hyper focused on danger not self-esteem Boosts, right? It doesn't our brains are focused on, you know, what's around us that's gonna cause a danger not, you know How can I get this person to be more confident right that negativity bias we notice right What we do wrong way more than what we do, right? It's useful for not being eaten by a tiger or something, right or a lion But it's not so useful for a healthy self-confidence, right? this is where I like to imagine my inner critic as like, you know a Grumpy old man a grumpy old troll living under a bridge in my head Anytime I try, you know, every time I try something he pops up and he goes, you know You're gonna fall and we're gonna laugh, you know, and I hate that man I hate that man I wish I could punch him in the face, but I can't because I'm gonna punch myself in the face, right? You know, it helps to name that voice if you have that voice it helps to name that voice To see it as a set as a separate form or the separate as separate from you from who you really are But I don't want to dive deeper into that because I feel like some people really already Do that and some of that can drive people crazy. I mean, I mean, I'm not no psychologist or anything, but If you have had, you know troubles of like that in the past, I wouldn't recommend it that I wouldn't recommend that But if you think you're pretty tough-minded Well, if you're tough-minded, would you be would you have imposter syndrome trap or is it only for weak minded people? That's a great question. I should probably look up after this You know, then like any good internet troll, you know, you can start argue back if you name that voice start arguing back It's about becoming your own inner coach, right? Don't let that inner voice win Do not let that inner voice win. You have to be the one that wins I'm not saying you start believing like you're flawless God or something. You think you're the best motherfucker on the planet, but You can be self-confident, right? But, you know instead of This is instead of saying to yourself. This is awful. I'll never get it You learn to reframe it to this is harder than I thought What can I try differently? Isn't that much better than this is awful. I'll never get it You can learn to reframe it to this is harder than I thought What can I try? What kind of other skills that do I possess that will allow me to fly? That will allow me to To get past this challenge, right? Right in small shifts right in small chunks But trust me they add up because you start speaking positivity into yourself instead of living the negative Instead of letting the negativity linger around with no response. Does that make sense? Whenever you get those negative thoughts whenever you get those negative feelings, I want you to step up to yourself I want you to look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself. What other skills do I possess that can Make me get past the challenge, right? what can I do to be able to step to that girl and Make sure I speak confidently make sure my voice doesn't break, right? The next time if you need to store, what can you do next time? Can you dress better if you dress better? You will most likely be more confident Right Did you shower? Right hygiene is very important Right. Do we have a nice cologne on? If you do those types of things you become more self-confident and you see that that inner voice is no longer there Or it's really not there a lot of the times right because you're speaking positivity into yourself and you're putting out Positivity into the world by how you dress by how you smell behind by how your face looks, right? Don't go around looking angry all the time. You know, sometimes if you're just in an aisle just say hi to somebody Right, if you see if you see something you should you like say I like your shoes, but or if you see a girl You see you say hi to her. You don't gotta flirt with her. Just say hi to her, right? Just just say hi and then move on Right if you sometimes just say hey you're pretty and then she'll say thank you and then you move on Don't ask for her number. Don't don't do anything else. Just start doing those little steps and Then you'll see a big change in your life, right? now let's go over the types of Imposter syndrome. I wanted to bring this out to you guys So you could guys know which one you are or if you if you know, if you don't know what you are What am I saying? I'm basically trying to tell you guys, right? These are five types of imposter syndrome and figure out which one you are sorry, I don't do this podcast shit very much, but Starting with number one number one is the perfectionist this type of imposter syndrome involves believing that Unless you were absolutely perfect You could have done better You feel like an imposter because your perfectionistic traits Make you believe that you're not as good as others. I think you are So are you a perfectionist? The next one is the expert The expert feels like an imposter because they don't know everything there is to know about a particular subject or topic Or they haven't mastered every step in a process Because there is more for them to learn. They don't feel as if they've reached the rank of expert, right? That is me. That is definitely me. Next is the natural genius and this imposter syndrome trap type You may feel like a fraud simply because you don't believe that you are naturally intelligent or competent If you don't get something right the first time around or it takes you longer to master a skill you feel like an imposter Next we have the soloist It's also possible to feel like an imposter if you had to ask for help to reach a certain level or status Since you couldn't get there on your own you question your competence or abilities the one thing I want to say about this one is the soloist is it's it's a crazy perspective for me because We are humans, right? Humans are not meant to be alone. So it's very interesting It's very crazy to see that it's type of it. This is how some people feel sometimes, right? Next is the super person. That's the final one the super person. This type of imposter syndrome Involves believing that you must be the hardest worker or reach the highest levels of achievement possible And if you don't you are a fraud Jesus man Jesus From all of these which one do you believe you are? Which one of these do you believe? Resonates with you more I think Resonates with you more I can tell you personally that sometimes I feel like mine is the expert More than anything else on this list You guys can comment and let me know from those five Which one are you? And here's a fun fact it is estimated that 70 percent of people will experience at least one episode of imposter syndrome at some point in their lives I've already experienced mine. I don't know if any of the listeners right now have experienced this but I have experienced mine And if you've ever wondered whether you might have imposter syndrome, I want you to ask yourself the following questions You can pause the video to think about a video I mean podcast. I mean audio But you know, you know what? I mean be quiet If you ever wondered whether you might have the imposter syndrome ask yourself the following questions Do you agonize over? Even the smallest mistakes or flaws in your work Yes or no Do you attribute your success to luck or outside factors yes or no Are you sensitive to even constructive criticism yes or no Do you feel like you will inevitably be found as a phony that one is big that one is a big one pause That one is a big one Do you downplay your own expertise even in areas where you are generally more skilled than others That's crazy to think that you are more skilled than others but still somehow you downplay your own skills To move past these feelings you need to become comfortable confronting Some of the deeply angering beliefs you hold about yourself, right? You have to Confront that internet troll or that voice in your head, right? You can share your feelings, you know talk to other people about how you're feeling, you know, traditional beliefs tend to Fester when they are hidden and not talked about right, you know, it's Irrational beliefs, right? You know talk about it. It's all right, man It's all right. I'm telling you. I know most guys are going to be the people that listen to this podcast But it's all right to talk to somebody it's all right, I promise you it's all right It's not going to make you any less manly. It's not going to make you any less tough Just open your mouth. Tell somebody how you're feeling and just let it be there somebody you trust obviously and just leave it there You know Don't do anything else just talk about how you feel talk about what you're going through And just leave it at that if you want to talk about more and they want to go back and forth with you That's up to you, but if you just want to get it out if you just want to you know Get it out of your head. Just speak about it and just leave it at that And then eventually you learn to talk about how you're feeling, right? The next one is to focus on others, right? While this might count this might sound crazy or counterintuitive, you know, try to help others in the same situation as you if somebody is Having the same issues as you How can you? Help make them feel better What can you tell them to make them feel better? And then take that and then try to coach yourself with it, right? If you see someone who seems awkward or alone ask them a question and bring them into a group, right? Be that guy be that person right people love those types of people As you practice your skills, you will build confidence in your own abilities, right? Right The next thing I want you to do I want you to do is assess your abilities If you have long-held beliefs about your incompetence in social and performance situations Make a realistic assessment of your abilities Don't lie to yourself Don't lie to yourself. It's not gonna hurt anybody But you If you lie to yourself and that is facts and that is what i'm telling you Write down your accomplishments and what you're good at then compare these with your self-assessment Where do you want to be in life? right Where are you right now? How much work do you have to do to get to where you want to be? How much studying do you have to do? right Be real with yourself And take baby steps don't focus on things Perfectly but rather do things reasonably well and reward yourself for taking action be disciplined in your work Go 100% in your work, for example, right in a group conversation offer an opinion or share a story about yourself Don't share an embarrassing story unless you're trying to make people laugh then fine, right? But share a story about yourself, you know, even if it's not true, right? I'm lying. It has to be true You know Next I want you to do is question your thoughts As you start to assess your abilities and taking baby steps question whether your thoughts are rational Does it make sense to me that you are a fraud given everything that you know? Does does it make sense that you're a fraud that you're making six figures a year? So and you've been in this job for three years now and you know, and you're still doing great. You're still making your bonuses Does it make sense for you to tell yourself you were a fraud if you're still Accomplishing your goals that you set for yourself right Does it make you a fraud that you're still able to bring in money? To yourself to your family and take care of them. Does it make you a fraud that you're still able? You're still able to feed them right Stop comparing every time you compare yourself to others in a social situation You will find some fault with yourself that you know that feels the feeling of not being good enough or not belonging So stop comparing yourself Instead during conversations focus on listening to what the other person is saying that person you compare yourself to Be genuinely interested in learning more There's nothing wrong with learning more from another person Right stop comparing Learn right stop comparing and learn instead I want to say again on social media, but Anybody's on social media now, so i'm just gonna skip that point Because I can tell you, you know use social media moderately, you know We know that the overuse of social media may be related to you know feelings of inferiority You know if you try to portray an image on social media that doesn't match who you really are Or that is impossible to achieve it will only make your feelings of being fraud even worse Imagine trying to do a personality on youtube or tiktok But we can't maintain it Right. You cannot maintain the personality then now you're more of a fraud than you were before If you're not being your genuine self on social media, you're not being your genuine self on youtube or your podcast or your tiktok And you go and try to imitate somebody who you see has this Personality that gains attention you will not make it Because that person is probably acting like themselves, which they could usually do on the daily But you you have to put on an act And you have to put on that act almost every day in order to keep your fans happy How long until you get fed up? right You have to refuse to let a hold you back. No matter how much you're feeling like you're you're a fraud You're feeling like shit and that you don't belong don't let that stop you from pursuing your goals Talk to that little motherfucker in your head and tell them no not today Not today keep going and refuse to be stopped be disciplined in your work Be disciplined in what you want to achieve be disciplined in what you're trying to reach, right? Be disciplined It's a battle. You'll probably be fighting for a while in your life. The goal is to magically erase your inner critic But to give it less air time that is what i'm going to be honest with you. It's not to completely erase it You probably can't completely erase it You forget about it some days and then it might be bad. But the point is to give it less air time Here's what helped me right? I celebrated my victories, right? Everyone is unique and everyone has their own perspectives and accomplishments, you know things in life like that, you know Where you celebrate your own victories, right? You want to keep getting that feeling by working and achieving what you aim to achieve to celebrate those victories, right? The more you celebrate those victories the more you earn to celebrate more victories meaning the more the harder you work The the better you work and and you try to celebrate those victories, right? I want you to find someone you trust who understands imposter syndrome Even if you don't please somebody online, right you're checking when you're freaking out They remind you that you're not crazy and they got your back We need them and it's okay to ask for help join the community. You don't have to put your face You don't have to put your your name your correct name or your real name You don't have to put your your social media handle. Just join the community. Just google imposter syndrome trap community And join one of them And then slowly and slowly talk to people and when you finally make a friend within the community you can Directly talk to them, right? It's okay to ask for help. We are human and it's okay to ask for help Now I know that was overwhelming, you know, and if things are overwhelming, it's okay to get professional help, right? Good therapists are like personal trainers for your brain as I would put it, right there's zero shame, you know There's zero shame in getting help The way I see their good therapist is you know, um My my brain is a muscle And my body is a muscle And there's two different personal trainers for those two different parts And I need both of them to be able to become the best person I can be There's zero shame in wanting those extra tools Write down your thoughts every night and I want you to start with what went wrong that day And how you can fix them or what you should have done Then I want you to write down what went well that day To end the night on a positive note And remember don't ever end your day on a negative note Do not ever do that You are better than you think you are and you are you will be better I promise you that Believe in yourself be disciplined and work hard in everything that you do